Buffy was just about to leave the apartment, when she stopped, hesitating for a moment before turning back to Spike. He was still standing at the same spot, now looking at her with a pleading look in his eyes, silently begging for her to stay. Their eyes met, and Buffy swallowed, knowing that this time she would. Two years ago she’d ran away because she’d been too afraid to tell Spike how she really felt about him. But he’d forgiven her. What kind of hypocrite would she be if she’d blame him for doing the exact same thing?
Without thinking, she walked up to Spike and flung her arms around him. He stood unmoving with shock for a moment, before wrapping his arms around her and returning the embrace. “Buffy, I’m sorry…”
“Shh, I know. Me too.” They just stood there for, what seemed like hours, but it could only have been a couple of minutes, clinging to each other, almost desperately. Finally, Buffy pulled back a little. “I think we should talk now.” He nodded, but seemed reluctant to let her go. She liked that. In fact, her mind was screaming at her to just hold on to him forever and never move from within his arms again. But there would be time for that later, now they were going to talk.
“Should I lock the door this time, or…?” Spike gave her a teasing smile as they once again sat down on the couch, but she could see that he was only half joking.
Giving him an assuring smile, she shook her head. “No, I’m not going anywhere.”
Spike looked relieved. “Good. Okay, you wanna go first, or should I?”
“Well, I’ve explained myself already, it’s your turn now.”
Snorting, Spike gave her a disbelieving look. “You don’t expect me to let you get away with it just like that, do you? In that case, I’ll just write you a bloody letter as well.”
Buffy glared at him for a moment, then couldn’t stop herself from giggling. “Alright, alright. No more letters. God, we really need to learn to communicate, don’t we?”
Spike chuckled. “Guess so.” Then he became serious. “Buffy, what I said before about forgetting the kiss, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t regret kissing you, I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you.”
She frowned, looking at him in confusion. “The first time you saw me you hated me.”
“No! I…” Spike stopped, hesitating. “I just… violently disliked you. Okay, I see your point. But the feeling was mutual, right?”
Buffy smiled, nodding without hesitation. “Oh yeah.” They both laughed.
Spike reached out to take her hand in his, looking at her to see if she was okay with that. Seeing nothing that told him differently, he let out the breath he’d been holding and went on. “I don’t know when my feelings for you started to change, from being just friendly to… something more. I was afraid to tell you, because I didn’t think you felt the same way, and I didn’t want to lose our friendship.”
Giving him a sad little smile, Buffy squeezed his hand. “Same here. Then you started dating… her.”
Spike suddenly didn’t want to look her in the eyes. “Yeah. I thought…” He gave her an accusing look. “You said you were happy for me! How was I supposed to know…?”
Letting go of his hand, Buffy jumped up from the couch, glaring at him. “That was just my pride talking! What the hell did you think I was going to say?! You told me you loved her, you have any idea how that made me feel?”
Swallowing, Spike looked away again. “I didn’t think you’d care. I was wrong, I’m sorry.”
Trying to calm down, Buffy took a deep breath and sat back down. “So, Drusilla helped you getting over me, I take it.”
Spike shook his head. “I never got over you. I wanted to, but I never could. I wanted us to still be friends, but you…” He shrugged.
Buffy let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah. I couldn’t be around you, knowing that it was her you were in love with, not me. It just hurt too much, and I needed it to stop.” Her bottom lip was trembling, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “How could you be with someone else, if you were in love with me?”
Seeing her cry made his heart ache, and Spike felt his own tears welling up. “I…” He choked back a sob. ”I just wanted to forget how I felt about you. I thought that if I was seeing someone else…” He wiped away a tear, angrily. “I wanted to fall in love with someone else, so we could still be friends.”
Her tears were falling freely now. “That’s just… stupid!”
“I know!”
For a moment, they were just staring at each other. Then, Buffy grabbed his hand again, and he pulled her into his arms, burying his face against her neck. “I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault.”
Buffy put her arms around him, hugging him hard, and had to swallow before she was able to speak again. “No, it was my fault too. If I’d just… I love you so much, should’ve told you… I’m sorry…”
“No, I…” Spike stopped, and sighed. “Don’t wanna fight about this anymore.”
“Me neither.” Her voice sounded muffled.
Spike let out a shaky breath. “Love you, pet.” He pulled back so he could see her face. “I love you so much.”
Buffy let out something between a sniffle and a laugh. “I love you too! I don’t ever wanna be apart from you again. I know there are a lot of issues we still need to work out, but…” She was suddenly crying again, not able to stop.
He pulled her back into her arms, stroking her hair gently. “We’ll work it out, promise. It’ll be okay.” He just held her for a while, until she finally seemed to calm down. Then he pulled back again, looking her deep into the eyes, repeating his words; “It’ll be okay, Buffy.”
Buffy nodded, eagerly. “Yeah.” She closed her eyes as he cupped her cheek, and their lips finally met.
TBC