Buffy blinked a couple of times, before looking around the room, trying to remember what happened. Her head was throbbing, and her mouth felt like something had crawled in there and died. She realized that she was lying on the couch in the living room, but she couldn’t remember getting there. In fact, the last thing she remembered was… ‘OH MY GOD!’ She jumped up from the couch in panic, immediately regretting the sudden movement. But not even the headache was able to block out the flashbacks, now starting to come back to her.
‘Please, God, tell me Spike didn’t come over and I threw up on him!’
Maybe it had just been a dream. Maybe she did fall asleep here on the couch, and just dreamed that Spike was here. Maybe…
“Feeling better, pet?”
‘Or maybe not.’ She slowly turned her head around, and noticed Spike sitting in the arm chair next to the couch. Closing her eyes, Buffy groaned. “Just do me a favour and kill me.”
Spike chuckled a little. “That bad, eh?” Then he suddenly seemed to remember something, and cleared his throat. “Um… you might wanna take a shower or something, I’ll just…” He started to get up.
Buffy struggled to sit up on the couch. “Wait! Don’t go!”
“Not going anywhere. Just thought I’d fix you something to eat, make you feel better. Go get yourself cleaned up, then we'll talk, yeah?”
She swallowed, nodding. “Okay.” Half expecting him to be gone when she came back, she got up and headed towards the bathroom.
Twenty minutes later, after showering and putting on some new clothes, Buffy felt a little better. She found Spike in the kitchen, making coffee. A plate with sandwiches was standing on the table. He looked up when Buffy entered the kitchen. “Looking better.”
She gave him a small smile. “Feeling better.”
He nodded. “Good. Sit down, coffee’s almost done. Or maybe you’d want some juice instead?” He looked uncertain for a moment, and she hurriedly shook her head.
“Coffee’s fine. Thanks.” She sat down, watching him as he joined her at the table. “You’re here.”
He gave her a funny look. “That I am. Though, I wasn’t sure if…” He was interrupted by the phone ringing, and rolled his eyes. “That’s probably Willow. She came rushing in here earlier when you were sleeping, yelling something about you were dying. I told her that you were just drunk. Mind telling me what that was about?”
Buffy groaned, getting up again and reached for the phone. “She called me earlier. I might have said something that worried her. I better talk to her.”
Spike got up and made himself busy pouring up coffee, while Buffy spoke to Willow on the phone. A couple of minutes later she hung up. Sitting down again, she rested her head on the table. “I’m so stupid! And my head hurts. Hangovers sucks!” She pouted. Then she reached for a sandwich and took a bite. “Mmm. This is good.”
Handing her a cup of coffee, Spike once again sat down next to her. He looked at her for a moment, before speaking. “Buffy, I owe you an apology. I acted like an ass when you stopped by earlier, I’m sorry.”
Buffy stared at him in bewilderment. “You’re apologizing to me? Are you kidding me? I thought you hated me!”
Spike shook his head. “No, I…” Suddenly realization hit him. “Is that why you got drunk? Because of me?” Looking down at her sandwich, not wanting to look him in the eyes, Buffy mumbled something. “What’s that?”
She sighed and looked up again. “Yes. I know, not one of my best ideas. Never again, I tell you. Alcohol and Buffy definitely don’t mix.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she went on. “At first I was really angry at you. You hurt me when you didn’t want to talk to me before. Then I realized how much I’ve probably hurt you, and got angry at myself. Hence the drinking. I wasn’t going to drink so much, but I was really upset, and suddenly the bottle was empty. I won’t do it again.”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Buffy gave him a pleading look. “Can you ever forgive me? For everything?”
Looking away, Spike sighed. “Buffy, it’s not that simple…”
She interrupted him, a desperate note in her voice. “Do you even want to forgive me?”
He looked at her then. “Yes.”
“Will you try?”
“Buffy…” He hesitated. “About that letter, is it true?”
Buffy glared at him, suddenly feeling angry. “What kind of question is that? Do you think I’d just make something like that up?! You have any idea how hard it was to write that letter and give it to you?”
Having the decency to look ashamed, Spike put his hand on top of hers. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. I just…” He stopped, obviously not sure of what to say.
Looking down at his hand, covering hers, Buffy blinked away some tears. “I wish we could just…” She swallowed. “I wish the last two years never happened.”
Spike nodded. “Me too. But that’s not…”
“I know.” Buffy looked up again, and their eyes met. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. But so much has happened, I don’t know if…” Spike sighed again. “Look, you’re not the only one who’ve made mistakes. I…” Suddenly he didn’t know how to go on. Should he tell Buffy the truth; that he felt the same way about her? How would she react? There were so many things they needed to talk about, but was this the right time?
He quickly made up his mind, he’d tell her everything, but not right now. He gave her hand a small squeeze. “Maybe we both need to try forgiving each other.”
Buffy’s eyes were full of hope when she looked at him. “Really? After everything, you think that’s possible?”
Was it? Could they ever get past everything that had happened, and start over? Spike wasn’t sure. Was he willing to give it a chance? Not like he had anything more to lose. And he had missed her like crazy. He took a deep breath, and looked her straight in the eyes. “I wanna try.”
TBC