Spike hands shook as he climbed the stairs and he found himself second guessing Giles’ “sound advice.” It was one thing to enact the change in theory, it was another to present it to the one person in the world whose opinion he actually valued. The trip down the hall to her doorway seemed far too short for his anxious mind and before long he was standing at her door, and a small smile graced his features as he realized that despite his transformation nothing had really changed.
I’m always standing at her door.
“Spike?”
Spike sighed and ran a hand through his hair before straightening his clothes and opening the door. It seemed an eternity before he reached the small form lying on the bed before him, and an eternity more before he could meet her eyes. But the expression he found there appeared to more than justify the long journey.
Buffy’s eyes were wide with awe as she patted the bed beside her, Spike gradually eased down and was stunned when the slayer lifted a shaking hand to softly touch his curls.
“Why?”
The word came out so softly it was almost a whisper but it fell like an echoing blast on Spike’s anxious ears.
“Giles though-“
“Shhh…”
Buffy placed a finger to his lips and Spike was once more stunned into silence as the same hand that had so softly touched his curls moved down to cup his cheek in a feathery caress.
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Buffy could not believe the difference in the man before her. It was as if she had gone to sleep and woken to find an entirely new person. And she found herself hosting an irresistible urge to touch him.
He’s yours, he’s always been yours. You chose him, of all the lives that century you whispered to the seer to choose this one, now take what you chose.
Buffy knew the voice was not her own but listening to it felt so integrally right that she could not help silencing him so that she could raise a finger to those lovely lips. As soon as she touched his skin something seemed to click back into place and for the first time since waking this morning she felt complete. More than complete, she felt-
“Invincible.”
“W-what?”
Spike’s hesitant question interrupted the haze that seemed to have encompassed her and Buffy found herself once more gaining control of her senses. She had time to briefly wonder what why he looked so confused before the demon within her finally gained control and Buffy was assaulted by a barrage of images.
She saw a young boy before his father’s grave, his blue eyes wet with tears as he screamed at the injustice of the world, and remembered thinking that this was the one she had been waiting for ….She remembered watching him grow into a young man, so sad, so passionate … She once more felt the presence of a dark-haired seer, and re-lived the months of whispering sweet nothings into her ear in order to guide her to a single alley …. And at last she recalled the rewarding of her efforts through a wondrous birth into a strange and exciting new world….
“Oh my God…"
You see? He is ours. We waited so long….
Tears ran down Buffy’s face as she realized that William had been doomed from the moment he had entered that graveyard. She now knew him better than anyone alive or dead ever could, she knew him because she had been a part of him and she had seen him in every guise imaginable.
William in his suit and tie, a hulking Angelus behind him…William dressed up in workman’s clothes, looking at his non-existent reflection in the metal of a mine shaft… Spike dressed up for a night on the town, attempting to see himself in a diner mirror …. A punkish Spike gazing at an empty reflecting glass on the subway …. Spike in front of Drusilla’s dressing mirror in Sunnydale….
For decades, everytime Spike had looked in a mirror he had seen nothing, but the demon had seen him….
“Oh, oh Spike…”
Spike’s new look had brought on memory after memory and now Buffy finally understood. The presence inside he was not just a power, it was a personality, and it had decided it was not letting its William go. And for reasons she was not willing to acknowledge she was intensely glad of it…
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Spike watched as Buffy’s eyes lost focus and startled when he saw tears begin to fall down her face.
“Oh, oh Spike…”
Spike quickly drew the sobbing girl into his arms and Buffy let him hold her a while before breaking away and wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
“You know, luv, if I had known that all I needed to get this much attention was a haircut I would have done it a long time ago.”
Buffy laughed and once more looked up into the same set of blue eyes that she had seen crying in a graveyard over a century before.
He’s been through so much… *we’ve* been through so much. Maybe it’s time we actually did this together.
The presence seemed to quiet in affirmation of this thought, and Buffy instinctively grasped Spike’s hand in her own. As soon as Buffy’s hand connected with his a familiar presence flowed through Spike and for a brief moment he felt his veins surge with power before Buffy pulled away and the connection was broken once again.
“Did you-?”
His voice was uncertain, and Buffy sighed before kneeling next to the bed and cupping his face in her hands.
“Spike, I think I finally understand what’s going on. And I’m not going to lie to you, it’s scary. But I think we can get through it.”
She briefly touched his lips to her own before standing up once more and holding out her hand to the man before her.
“Trust me?”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Please let me know what you think about this chatper, I thought long and hard before deciding where I wanted this to go and I'm still not all together certain if it is going to come together like I wish it too. Any comments/advice/guiding encouragement and/or displeasure would be highly appreciated!.
Thanks to all who read and reviewed! :)
Thanks to all who read and reviewed! :)