Spike stepped into Buffy’s room to find her sitting on the bed with her head bent between her legs and her face covered in her hands. His plan to force her into seeing reason dissipated as soon as he walked past her doorstep, and he found himself slowly walking up to sit beside her on the bed.
“Buffy…”
The blonde finally looks up and Spike is stunned to see that her eyes are glistening with unshed tears.
“Oh Spike…how can you possibly agree to do this? Don’t you get it? You do this…you die.”
Spike was too busy being shocked by the fact that Buffy cared enough to ask about his welfare to properly answer her. It wasn’t until she took his face in her hands that he remained in the present long enough to remember his purpose for coming in the first place.
“Spike? Are you with me?”
/She touches me for the first time in months and expects me to focus?/
“Uh, yeah. Yeah I am. Buffy, it’s not that I don’t appreciate your concern, because believe me luv, I do. It’s that this world is more important than you and I. And besides, I’m not altogether uncertain that the world wouldn’t be a better place without me in it.”
“Spike. Don’t say that. Yeah, your past isn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean you deserve to die. Your one of us now. Whether the scoobies like it or not.”
“And here I thought I was just useless.”
Buffy let’s her hands drop from Spike’s face and looks down at the bed in shame.
“Spike…I-“
“Don’t. You were right, I needed to get back in the game. Don’t apologize for doing what you had to… and don’t keep me from doing what I have to.”
Buffy just continues to glare at him, her eyes cold and defiant
“Why don’t you just think about it luv. But please, try to see the reason in it. I’m not worth ending the world over, we both know that. And I don’t want to risk you to another demon. Yeah, dying is not my favorite past time but if it means that you and the lil’ bit will be safe I’m willing to do it.”
Without saying another word Spike turns and exits the bedroom, leaving behind a very conflicted and confused slayer.
Spike made it all the way to the basement before his face fell and the sorrow once again began to consume him. His only consoling thought as he lay down on his narrow cot was that it would soon all be over. He had flown across the world and obtained his soul only to have it all end in just a few months. The man inside him screamed at the injustice of the situation but the demon rejoiced at the upcoming end to its suffering.
He rolled over and focused on the door above him, wondering how long it would take Buffy to realize that his death would be but a small ripple in the long run. She may be having a crisis of conscience now but she would come around. And at least he would go out a hero, his death meaning much more than his life ever did.
Buffy continued to gaze at the spot where Spike had sat and desperately tried to think of a way out of being forced to choose him as her donor. It really wasn’t fair.
/What is it with me and having to kill my boyfriends in order to save the world? Or…rather my ex-boyfriend, er, sex-buddy…./
The young slayer’s musings were suddenly interrupted by the sound of someone knocking at her door.
“Yes?”
“Buffy?”
Expecting to see her watcher, Buffy was shocked to find Dawn standing in the doorway.
“Dawn? What are you doing here?”
“Um, I just came to say that I kinda get why you don’t want to kill Spike. I mean, he’s a total jerk… and I totally hate him, but he still doesn’t deserve everything Giles says he does. “
Buffy smiles and gazes fondly at her little sister, glad to have at least one person support her decision.
“Thank you Dawnie for understanding.”
“Hey, it’s cool.”
And on that note Dawn was suddenly gone.
/Well, at least one person disapproves of murdering Spike./
Buffy sighs in frustration and lays down on her pillow, her eyes focused despondently on the ceiling.
“What am I gonna do?”
/Save him and let everyone else die? God, why can’t anything ever be simple?/
Buffy’s thoughts were diverted by the feel of something warm against her hand, followed by a soft green glow.
“What the-?”
She quickly shifts the covers to reveal that the amulet is now partially illuminating the room, its chain giving off a slight warmth. Curious, Buffy picks up the necklace and suddenly feels a strong pulse emanating from its center.
“Weird…”
Just as he had finally drifted off into some form of sleep Spike found himself waking up to a basement illuminated by a soft green glow. A few seconds later he began unconsciously walking towards the staircase
“What in the Bloody Hell is going on?”
Unable to resist, he soon found himself opening the door out of the basement and heading through the living room. It wasn’t until he reached the top of the stairs that he realized his ultimate destination…
Buffy continued to stare at the amulet pulsing her hands, desperately trying to determine what it meant.
“Buffy?”
Looking up at the vampire standing in her doorway Buffy found herself flushed in a wave of heat. Every molecule in her body was suddenly screaming in desire for the man before her and her eyes widened in comprehension as the old watcher’s words echoed through her mind.
/ Find your donor. The amulet will take care of the rest…Guess that finally explains just how this little piece of mojo is supposed to work….Oh no…/
Before Buffy could open her mouth to tell Spike to leave she found him sitting next to her on the bed, his lips were only mere inches from her own and his voice strained with suppressed desire,
“Buffy… what’s happening to us?”
“I think…that the watchers… have taken this decision out of my hands. Oh God, Spike, I’m so sorry but I don’t think I can stop it.”
“Don’t try. At least I’ll die a happy man.”
Buffy wanted to protest, to smack that self deprecating smirk off his face, but soon forgot exactly what she was protesting as Spike’s lips met hers in a bruising kiss.
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