Chapter 8
Buffy didn’t know what to think when Spike started to kiss her. She was confused and it wasn’t long before she found herself returning the kiss, with just as much passion. It was after what felt like forever that she finally came back to her senses.
“Wait, we have to stop,” she said once her voice decided to work.
Spike was breathing heavily when he pulled away, shock written on his features about what he just did. He never planned to kiss her, but found that it was hard to stay in control around Buffy. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”
She agreed. “Where did it come from?”
He wanted to tell her that he always dreamt about kissing her, that he was in love with her from the first moment he saw her, but none of that would come out. “I don’t know. I think I just got a little too caught up in the act.”
It was her turn to feel ashamed. “I’m sorry, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea.”
Spike shook his head. “No, it was bloody brilliant. If it finally gets that bint out of my life, then it was all worth it. I just wouldn’t want things to be awkward between us.”
“I don’t want that, either. We’ll just forget that it happened, everyone is allowed to make mistakes.”
Spike nodded, even though he couldn’t forget what just took place. Kissing her was the best feeling that he had in a long time. He would never forget it.
* * * * *
Buffy didn’t get any sleep later that night, too busy thinking about the kiss they shared. She didn’t know why it was so hard to get out of her head. It wasn’t like she had never kissed a man before, but they never felt like that. Buffy felt so much love and passion from one kiss with William than she ever felt with Riley. It was that thought which worried her and kept her up all night. She found it hard to be around William now and not want a repeat performance, but knew what she had to do. It was time to go home.
* * * * *
She felt worried when William never showed up the next day. Buffy was starting to wonder if he was avoiding her, but she didn’t want to leave without telling him goodbye. A knock sounded at her door, then opened to reveal Joyce. She was concerned about the look of distress on the older woman’s face.
“I just got a phone call from Spike. Anne passed away in her sleep last night.”
Buffy gasped and brought her hand to her mouth, removing it after a moment. “Where is he?”
“He’s still over at the house; she was taken away this morning. He’s been dealing with all of the preparations for her, the poor boy is devastated. I don’t remember ever hearing him sound so lost. I think he could really use a friend right now.”
Buffy nodded and felt tears sting her eyes, but tried to hold them in. She would do whatever she could for him, going home would have to wait.
* * * * *
The front door of his house was open, so Buffy let herself in. It was too quiet for her liking, she half expected Anne to be there to greet her. She slowly made her way to William’s room, taking in the sight of him sitting on the edge of his bed. Joyce was right, he looked absolutely devastated. She figured no words were needed just yet and moved over to the bed, sitting down next to him. Buffy reached out and placed her hand over his, giving it a tight squeeze.
Spike squeezed her hand back, but just having her there was making it harder for him not to let the tears out. He buried his face in his hands and let the sobs take over his body.
Buffy guided his head to her shoulder, soothingly running her fingers through his hair. He was like that for a few seconds before she finally decided to speak. “I’m so sorry, Will. I wish I could tell you that everything would be okay.”
He shook his head, pulling away to look up at her. “I knew it was coming, but I just don’t know what to do without her. It’s been just the two of us for so long. I’m not ready for her not to be here.”
“Your mother was a great woman. I just wish there was more I could do for you, but I’m not good with words.”
Spike wiped his eyes. “You’re doing fine, Buffy. It means everything that you’re here. Mum loved you like her own daughter, she told me as much.”
Buffy was finding it hard to stop her tears now. She moved closer and planted a kiss on his cheek, then his forehead.
Spike shut his eyes and leaned into her touch. He opened them again and stared right at her. Nothing else mattered in that moment. He saw her going for his cheek again, but turned his head and caused her to get his mouth instead.
Buffy gasped in surprise, but returned the kiss.
Spike slipped his tongue into her mouth, pulling away when breathing became an issue. “I need you, Buffy,” he whispered.
She kissed him again, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and lifting it off of his body.
Spike helped her remove her clothing as well, wanting nothing between them.
Buffy lay down on his bed, pulling him down on top of her.
His jeans joined the pile of clothes on the floor as he positioned himself above her. Spike brushed the hair out of her face and slowly slid into her, finally feeling at home.
Buffy wrapped her arms around him, trailing her fingers down his back. She tried to keep up with his thrusts, giving him exactly what he needed. All of her doubts and fears were put on hold for this one moment.
Spike buried his face in her neck, crying out once he reached release. He knew they were rushing and that protection wasn’t even used, but none of that seemed to matter. All he could see was her. He had a feeling that regrets would come once she realized what happened between them, but right now, everything was perfect. Spike knew that she was only with him because he was grieving, but that would have to be enough. It was more than he ever expected to get from her.
Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, pressing another kiss to his forehead. She knew that nothing would be the same again.