The music that had been inoffensive before seemed insipid and not at all suited to her current mood. She'd bitten her lip and her palms bore deep half moons where she'd dug her fingernails in to keep from snapping at poor Jake to speed up. They were also the visible signs of her struggle to keep her composure. She felt all of these panicky feelings welling up deep inside her and desperately she kept her finger in the dam, holding the flood away by a fingertip. She knew it had to burst soon.
She still didn't know the whole story, but she now knew that what she thought she'd seen wasn't necessarily what had happened. She desperately needed to find Spike and listen to what he'd been trying to tell her. 'Damn Drusilla for being so cryptic, hell, just damn Drusilla period.' She thought furiously. All she knew was that she was hours away from Spike and she needed to get home NOW.
By the time they reached her house it was 1am in the morning. She said her thanks and goodbye to Jake and tried to appear normal. He was such a nice guy, she felt awful that he wasn't the guy for her. She didn't do the polite thing and invite him in for coffee, because she didn't want to waste another minute.
As soon as he had gone, she grabbed her car keys and ran out of the house. She forced herself to drive as safely as she could to Spike's apartment. Getting pulled over would only cause further delay.
Thank goodness she hadn't returned his keys. She let herself in the door of the building and raced up the stairs in her four inch heels. But when she got to his door, she paused uncertainly. Would he be asleep? Should she go home and wait until morning to talk to him? She felt the confidence leaching out of her. She still didn't know what the situation was, maybe he would be angry if she woke him. Maybe he was so upset at her he wouldn't want to explain now.
She straightened. No, after all, he'd still hurt her recently even though she'd hurt him first, it now seemed. They had to get this out in the open, once and for all. She had her hand raised to knock when she heard his unmistakably loud laughter.
She had no shame. She put her ear to the door. "Oh baby," she heard him say loudly and then something unintelligible followed. A peal of feminine laughter joined his.
She put her hand to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears as she backed away from his door. 'Oh God, oh God, oh God…' She ran.
Spike dropped the controller and stretched his fingers. The fifty dollars had gone back and forth several times. She was pretty good after all.
"Ha!" Melanie said. "Gotcha good that time! You're 4 games down now, you're going down!"
Spike laughed. "Oh baby, you ain't seen nothing yet!" She laughed as he grabbed the controller with renewed purpose.
When Dawn got home at a quarter to two, she saw Buffy's light on. She rapped at the door and opened it to find her sister, still fully dressed with her shoes on, curled in a fetal position on the bed, tearstained and surrounded by a mountain of tissues.
"Oh my God, are you ok? Did he hurt you? What happened?" Dawn rushed to Buffy.
"Spike," Buffy sniffled. "It's Spike."
"What's Spike? Spike's hurt? What's going on?" Dawn asked frantically.
"Oh Dawn, I think I might've ruined everything." The details of the evening poured out in a rush. "…and then I heard…I heard…he's got that girl there again." She hiccupped and started crying again.
"No, he doesn’t, he can't have her there. What are you talking about?" Dawn said, frustrated. "And Buffy, if you'd have just let him explain sooner, none of this would be happening now."
"I know," she sobbed. "I know it, I don't know what happened, now I probably never will but I think I messed up and now it's all over and he's got someone else and…"
"Ok. Buffy. Stay." Dawn commanded. "Don't move. Stay right there. I'll be back."
"Noooo. Dawn you can't. He's got her there, it'll be horrible, and it’ll be embarrassing. I can't-" Buffy choked out.
"Buffy, I said stay there." Dawn grabbed her purse and Buffy's keys and dashed out of the house.
Dawn stormed up the stairs of Spike's apartment building like an avenging fury. She didn't hesitate as she shoved the key in the lock and threw the door open.
Spike and Melanie looked up in surprise from the couch. "Dawn, what's the matter?"
Dawn addressed herself to Melanie. "Hi, I'm Dawn. I'm sorry, but you need to go now."
"Dawn, what's going on?" Spike demanded. Then he paled. "Is it Buffy? Is something wrong with Buffy? Is she ok? What happened? I swear if that git hurt her I'll hunt him down and-"
"Yes, it's Buffy. She needs you. You're an idiot. I'll explain in the car. We're going to do what I should've done a month ago."
Melanie gathered her things quickly and waved to Spike who didn't notice at all.
"Dawn, you need to tell me what's going on. RIGHT NOW." Spike's jaw clenched. "Is Buffy ok?"
"No. She needs you. So get downstairs and get in the car." Dawn followed Melanie down the stairs and didn't look back to see if he was following her. He was.
"Well, we're not headed to the hospital; we're going to your house, so Buffy must be ok. What the bloody hell is going on, Bit. Why'd you come barging into my apartment at two thirty in the morning and practically abduct me?"
"You, as I mentioned earlier, are an idiot. To that I could add moron, dolt, dork, dope, imbecile…really just take your pick of the one you like best - or hey - take all of 'em, I'm feeling generous. If you want you can teach me some British synonyms and we can choose from those."
"What are you talking about? Melanie? We were just playing a game…" Spike said.
"Yes, well, Buffy came to see you a little earlier tonight and she heard God knows what and now she's in a tiny, sobbing heap on her bed." Dawn said, "How could you be so stupid, really? Why'd you have her over anyway?"
Spike got defensive, "Dawn, I did absolutely nothing wrong. Buffy was out on a date with, oh right, someone who wasn't me, you were busy and Melanie and I went for pizza and then spent the rest of the time playing playstation. A) Nothing happened and B) even if it had, why would your sister care? She doesn't want me, remember? What, she doesn't want me but she doesn't want me to have anyone else either?"
Dawn abruptly pulled the car over to the side of the road. "Ok, let's get something straight here. Do you want that Melanie girl? You done with Buffy? That's all over? 'Cause if that's the case, then I'll turn around and take you home and leave you alone. But if you want Buffy, this is it. You two need to talk tonight or not talk again, because this is getting ridiculous. So decide what you want, I'll just be over here waiting." She stared grimly out the window.
Spike groaned and put his head in his hands. "Drive, Dawn."
She turned the key and pulled back into the road. She didn't have to ask where she was going.
Buffy was in the dark now. She'd turned off the too bright lights and was in the dark. She didn't think there were any more tears left. It was like the day she'd found him with Dru, but worse because while she had the same horrible, stabbing feeling in her chest, she also had the knowledge that this might've been partially her fault. 'Yeah right, might be partially your fault, Buffy. Could it possibly have been in part due to all the times you told him what scum he was and how he should stay away from you?' Buffy was not happy to have the nagging voice back again. She ignored it as best she could.
There was a soft rap on the door. "You can come in, Dawn," she said.
The door opened. "It's not Dawn, Buffy." Spike hesitated and then came over to sit on the edge of the bed. He left the door ajar a bit so some dim light poured through the crack and he could see her there huddled in a tiny Buffy ball against the headboard, arms wrapped around her knees.
He cleared his throat nervously. Then he looked more closely at her, "Pet, do you have your shoes on? Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you took them off? Here let me," he said gruffly. Moving very slowly, so that she could protest if she wanted to, he took hold of one slim ankle gently and unfastened the buckle. She stared back at him with hollow eyes and a quivering, slightly protruding lower lip. He let the first shoe drop to the ground and undid the second, sending it to join its fellow on the floor. "There that's better." She immediately tucked both feet under her and continued to stare with those big, blank glassy eyes.
"Why are you here?" The question wasn't accusatory, rather faint and somewhat resigned.
"Dawn brought me to talk to you," he replied.
At that, she turned her head away from him. "Oh, great. Dawn brought you on a pity run to talk her future mental patient sister down off the proverbial ledge, right?" She turned back and stared him directly in the eyes. "Sorry she interrupted your evening."
He ducked his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "She didn't interrupt anything important, Buffy. Melanie's just a friend. We were," he rolled his eyes, "stupid as it sounds at present, playing playstation."
"Oh right," she laughed bitterly, "because you always shout, 'Oh Baby' when playing console games with your friends."
He was momentarily amused. "How do you know I don't? I might."
"Spike."
He chuckled, "You had to have come at the absolute worst possible time if you heard something like that. We were-"
She waved a hand at him to stop, "Please, I really don't need to hear what you were doing."
His nostrils flared in irritation and he lost his temper. "For the last time, we were PLAYING A GAME you deaf, stubborn bint."
Her shoulders came back and she raised her head, fire in her eyes. While he was glad to see the hollow look replaced by something else, something told him that what had taken its place was not going to be beneficial to his wellbeing.
Sure enough, in a swift move, she shoved him off the bed and onto the floor, which move succeeded wholly due to the fact that it was entirely unexpected.
"You slept with her, Spike. Last I checked, you don't sleep with your friends. I don't sleep with Xander!" She yelled at him.
"He'd probably love it if you-" she kicked him. "OW! Changed that policy," he said. "Wait, stop." He grabbed her ankle as, enraged, she was about to kick him again. He pulled her down onto the floor with him.
"Ok, now we're going to talk. No kicking, no shoving, no hair pulling and no trying to punch me in the nose. Just talking. For a change, what do you say we give the other person the benefit of the doubt and accept what's said as fact, yeah? Just for the sake of moving the conversation along." He held her firmly against him so she couldn't break free.
She huffed in frustration and glared at him. "Fine. You're all with the talky. You tell me what happened with Dru."