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Author's Chapter Notes:
many thanks for the reviews.
the next update may take a little time, as i had an unexpected visit to hospital coutesy of an oak beam and concussion yesterday. home now but finding typing hard work.

there is mention of spike/ other in this chapter, but needed for the story and this is as graphic as it gets.
don't throw anything at me please, well not anything heavy as i'm pretty fragile at the moment.
Buffy worked hard at her new job in the school. The principal was a toad of a man that gave little thought to the students’ pastoral care and few tears were shed when Mr. Snyder got bitten by a snake and died. Though Buffy had to laugh when one of the students sent a get-well card to the snake.

The new Principal was a much younger man, African American who excelled at everything he did. Robin Wood was the sort you could have taken home to mother, definitely. Buffy and he had a couple of dates, but as always she froze if it got any further than holding hands.

She knew she needed to go back to the garden. A 23-year-old should be able to kiss a guy goodnight without freaking out.

‘Back to the garden,’ she mumbled, well aware that she had been lax in her duties.

Buffy awoke to the smell of new-mown hay and flowers. Jenny, her new assignment, was waiting for her. Buffy smiled up at the woman.

‘Giles slipped on this one.’ Buffy grinned up at the smiling woman when she saw her.

‘What ever do you mean?’

‘I remember you from before you left; you’re one of the watchers aren’t you?’

‘I… I… I…’

‘It’s OK, I won’t tell if you won’t, he’s a sweetie trying to help.’


‘Well what do you expect? He hates seeing you suffer. And you weren’t supposed to carry the weight of your last life this time, always blaming yourself for others’ follies. It’s silly and the counsellor in you should know that.’


‘The counsellor does, unfortunately it’s the frightened immature child that goes running.’ Buffy said with a sad smile.

Jenny looked at Buffy. When you were away from her it was easy to think of her as some sort of superhero. No-one was as compassionate or loving. She would give her very life for a stranger, but the other Buffy, the quiet gentle woman in front of her, was so fragile.

‘Very well young Elizabeth, what would you like to do?’

‘Ride. I haven’t ridden for so long.’

‘Well I’m sure we can arrange that. Would you like me to sort it?’

‘Yes please.’

‘Then sort it I shall.’ Jenny smiled to herself; what ever else Liam Angelus was, he was a superb horseman. Time to start playing games with Master Atherton.

Spike Atherton appeared in the garden in the pub. Angel was waiting for him, ale in hand.

‘Thought you’d prefer to be talking to me and not that colleen,’ he said as he passed Spike a beer.

‘Thanks. God, I screwed up.’

‘That ye did, and with a pretty young lady and all.’

‘You know?’

‘I know a lot, but why don’t you do the talking instead of the listening?’

‘I find it difficult to trust someone by the name of Angel. Had problems with a guy by that name before.’

‘It’s an old family name, and I don’t intend changing it for you,’ came back the reply. ‘Now, let’s talk.’

Spike looked at the other man. He seemed determined to be of help but Spike wanted to be looking at green eyes, not brown.

‘I really hurt her, you know.’

‘Yes I do, and it was so unnecessary.’

‘I can’t believe I was so stupid. Is she alright?’

‘That is a dumbass question, isn’t it?’

‘Well, as alright as she can be?’

‘She’ll get over it. Buffy is strong, a lot stronger than any of us realise, but you aren’t really popular around here amongst the staff. I suggest you work really hard to show them you can be trusted with anything, let alone our Lady Buffy.’

‘Lady Buffy, good name for her, she always comes across as a lady doesn’t she?’

‘That she does, and she was one once, Lady Elizabeth, and known for her beauty and gentleness, but don’t make the mistake young man of thinking gentleness is weakness, that one has a heart and spine of steel.’

‘I hadn’t noticed, I just hurt her and ran.’

‘Well you’ll have to get over it. Now I suggest you finish that beer and head over to the hospital. I’m told that some of the new arrivals know your face, and you’re some kind of actor.’

‘I’m on TV…’

‘One of the new inventions: never seen it, but I understand it’s popular. Now come and do your duty and say hello.’

Spike followed the Irishman out of the pub and over to the hospital. Children were playing on the lawns and a couple of people were sitting out in wheelchairs enjoying the sun.

He could hear Buffy and so could Angel from the look on his face.
Her laughter always was contagious.

‘You love her,’ accused Spike.

‘Aye, that I do, but I wasted it, let the demon of jealousy burn in my heart and now we’re just friends; so no getting angry at me, boy.’

Spike flushed. It had been a long time since someone had called him boy.
Angel led them down a corridor and into a light and airy room.

‘They’ve all got cancer,’ he said, pointing at the rows of patients in bed, ‘and are having a treatment for it. The nurses will help you with any questions they have.’ Angel pointed out the three women dressed in white.

‘You’ll find your guitar and that long coat you wear on your show in there. Keep ‘em happy.’ he said as he turned to leave. William watched him go and turned to the teenagers.

‘Hi,’ and Spike Atherton was on show.

It wasn’t long before he heard the sound of horses outside the window and turned to watch as Angel galloped past with Buffy following on. The sound of her laughter tore at his heart.



William was pleasantly drunk and he knew it. It was often the only way to get through these meet the press do’s.

Anya had come with him, to try and pick up extra business. That and sex were all the woman ever thought about, Spike swore. But she was the ideal date for things like this. She wasn’t in the least shy and never thought that she was anything more than a friend. Her latest boyfriend had dumped her and she needed cheering up. Spike had sprung for the new dress and all the bits that went with it, and it had cost a bloody fortune, but it was worth it, knowing that there wouldn’t be any stories sold to the tabloids about what had happened afterwards. Spike was getting fed up of them, especially knowing Buffy saw them.

The party was a great success. The second season of NEMO was in the can and they had all been signed for a third with an option on a fourth. NEMO was a world-wide hit.

The first thing that Spike noticed was that he had a hangover and the second thing, he wasn’t alone in bed. Not that that was unusual but he had some memory of who was with him normally. Spike rolled over to see Anya there.

‘Morning lover,’ she said.

NOOO!!! Was all Spike could think, but he was at heart a gentleman.

‘Morning pet,’ shit shit shit, what do I do now? He thought to himself.
‘I know last night was fun,’ continued the blonde woman, ‘but that’s all it was, fun. I don’t want a relationship with you Spike, and I want us to stay friends. I loved the orgasms but you’re not my long haul guy.’

‘Oh, uh, right pet.’ Spike answered as he went to the bathroom. Well, he thought, that’s different it is normally me giving the brush off, not getting it.

Months continued, working with Angel in the Garden, seeing Buffy from afar. It always hurt, knowing what could have been. Work on earth was constant: conventions, recording studios. And the offer for a film. A huge blockbuster based on NEMO. Like Star Trek, it was making the move to the big screen for a summer release. Spike never seemed to have a moment, so it was quite a surprise when he found himself with a break over lunch one day.

His secretary had left it open deliberately. Anya needed to talk to him with no interruptions.

Spike answered the knock on his apartment door himself to find Anya there looking, astoundingly for her, nervous.

‘We need to talk, William.’

Spike tried to think what he’d done. He’d phoned her a couple of times and they’d met up for coffee, but Anya had made it plain she didn’t want anything else; he’d sent her flowers to say thanks for the evening they’d spent together, no, he couldn’t think what he had done.

‘Hi pet, come in,’ he said to the retreating back of his best friend’s right hand woman. ‘What’s up?’ He asked her as he put the pot on for coffee.

‘No coffee for me Spike, I have tea bags, they are caffeine free, as we have an issue to discuss.’

‘What would that be love? I know you, you don’t put the squeeze on people, so come on, out with it.’

‘I’m pregnant, and it’s yours, and I’m keeping it.’

Spike sat down quickly, missed the chair and ended up in a heap on the floor.

‘What? Pardon? Huh?’
Anya looked at the heap. And started to speak v-e-r-y slowly.

‘I’-m p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t, a-n-d I-t-‘s y-o-u-r-s a-n-d I’-m k-e-e-p-i-n-g i-t,’ she repeated.

William picked himself up.

‘Yeah, right, how?’

‘Immaculate conception!! How do you think? That drunken evening after the press launch, my pills didn’t work and we didn’t use anything else. So now we have to talk about what we are going to do.’

‘I’ll marry you, that’s the right thing to do, marry you and care for you.’

William didn’t expect the reaction his statement got. Anya burst out laughing.

‘What?’ he asked.

‘Marry me? Don’t be ridiculous, we simply need to organise things. William, we will be friends and I will continue to work for Xander. I like making money, but I am certainly not stopping my life to join yours because I’m expecting a child. We will get a nanny, which you will pay for, you earn more than me, and you will help me find a new, bigger apartment, and an allowance. In fact I suggest we go to see a lawyer and get this sorted.’

‘Is that all you want from me? Money?’

‘No of course not, but children are expensive and you will have to help pay.’

‘And what do I get then? Hey? All the bad publicity of being a deadbeat dad?’

‘Don’t be silly. I would never do that. We will arrange access and sleep-overs. I suggest we get a nanny we both like and have room in both our houses for her.’

‘Right, so you want it all arranged with a lawyer. This is a bit much for me to take in love, I need time to think.’
‘Well you have time, about six months according to the doctor. Now be good and fetch me some lunch, I think I can eat now.’

The garden was a welcome refuge that night. Spike managed to make it without drinking himself stupid first, to be greeted by the sight of Angel lifting Buffy down from a horse, and getting a kiss on his cheek for his trouble. She saw Spike and turned her head away for a second. Obviously screwing up her courage she managed to give him a small, half smile before heading off for her shift at the hospital.

‘How is she doing?’ It was always his first question.

‘Better, won’t let anyone close though.’

‘How come she kissed you? Been getting closer have you?’ the jealousy obvious in Spike’s voice.

‘You have got it so wrong, she’s working on forgiving me for what I did to her years ago, and riding fast and hard is her way of blowing away the cobwebs in her mind. Don’t you ride that bike of yours both up here and the one you bought down there, just ride and let the wind set you free?’

Spike nodded. He couldn’t deny the truth of what the man said to him.

‘Well it’s the same for Buffy, she needs the freedom. The lady works hard both here and down there, and she deserves her pleasures.’

‘One of them being you!!’

‘Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried,’ laughed Angel. ‘I threw away any chance of that years ago. She’s my Anne, you idiot, the woman I killed. It took over 150 years for her to forgive me, and to get to the point where she would be in my company. We are due to share another life, with her as my mother at some point, but I will never be her lover again. Only her soul mate will have that privilege.’ He explained, ‘she’s my Anne and I ruined it for us both. Believe me, you have nothing to fear from me: she sees me as a brother, nothing more. It’s just I’ve always been good with horses, so we ride safely. It’s either that mare or that damn elephant and he’s far to big to give the feeling of freedom when he runs.’

‘So you’re not trying to get in with her?’

‘No, I’m just a friend, so you can put your jealousy away, she doesn’t respond well to that emotion I can tell you. Now what on earth, or heaven, is your problem? You came up here very quickly tonight.’

‘I’ve been told I’m going to be a dad.’ Spike answered simply.

‘Well congratulations; I assume it’s good news?’

‘I’m not really sure at the moment, she doesn’t want any commitment from me, just money and the promise of time in the future.’

‘What do you want to do?’

‘I really don’t know: part of me says I should marry her, but I know that would be a mistake.’

‘A mistake how?’

‘We would drive each other to murder within a month.’

‘But you felt enough to sleep with her.’

‘That was a drunken mistake, but I’m man enough to admit it.’

‘So what are you planning on doing?’

‘Whatever it takes, I want my child in my life.’

‘So?’

‘Go along with what ever she wants.’

‘Good idea. Now I have a favour to ask. You have a lot of uh, fans up here.’

‘Yes?’

‘And we were wondering if you’d play a concert. You know a couple of the other members of the band already: John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, but they were hoping you’d join them on stage at the end for a short while, then sign a couple of autographs, have a couple of drinks…’

‘He can’t,’ a voice said from behind them, ‘he’s supposed to be here to work through his problems, not pander to his ego.’

‘Hello Nikki,’ Angel said coolly, ‘I didn’t know you were helping me out.’

‘I’ve been asked to keep an eye on this one, and pandering to his ego isn’t helping him, he has enough of that on earth.’

‘We just want him to do a concert for the young ones, he can earn his rewards with a guitar.’

‘Better for him to earn it on his hands and knees scrubbing floors, get some humility in him, the way he treats women!’

‘Uh standing right here you know,’ Spike pointed out. He really didn’t like Nikki, and this was supposed to be on the way to heaven. How could you not like someone in heaven?

Nikki looked at him slowly, up and down. ‘You, young man, only see what you want to at the moment. Things are not always about you, and things are not always what they seem.’

‘Nikki, could I have a word please?’ Angel interrupted quietly.

‘Before you two get into it, Angel I would love to help; just tell me when and where.’

‘We will arrange it, Spike.’

William left them to it, not noticing the identical smiles on their faces, and headed off towards the hospital. If he chose the right tree to sit under he could see Buffy. He was too ashamed to talk to her, but he could watch and know that she was all right.

‘He just needed a push,’ Nikki said.

‘And you always push so well,’ Angel smiled.

‘Now what are we going to do about her?’ asked Nikki.

‘Don’t worry, Giles is organising a ‘night out’ for the long stay patients.’
‘Nice one,’ Nikki grinned. ‘Oh, Angel, I thought you might like to know your 8th generation grandson had turned up. He’s going to take a lot of work, if he manages to stay with us at all.’

‘Who’s taking care of his case?’

‘He and his friend Dru are being cared for by Wyndham.’





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