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Author's Chapter Notes:
many thanks to Cordy kitten, spikesnibblet, and Jenn for their reviews. it really does make my day when i get one.
sorry for the time between updates. RL getting in the way of my writing:)
please review...i'll beg, and it only takes a minute
The ride took them back to Buffy’s place. Giles had watched them leave and knew in his heart all would be well now, but was just slightly annoyed. He had to literally face the music, which was loud and raucous. Oh well, anything for Buffy he thought, as he headed into the heaving mass of humanity in the hall. Luckily he’d brought earplugs.

Spike wouldn’t let Buffy walk into the house. He swung her up into his arms and carried her in before placing her gently onto the sofa and turning to light the fire. His hands were shaking so much he couldn’t get the match to light. He couldn’t balls it up now, not with his angel here, talking to him.

He tried to light the match again, but again his hands were still shaking so much he dropped them all out of the box. Buffy slipped from her seat and knelt down by his side. She slid her hands over his and together they managed to light a single match.

‘Right Ponce aren’t I? Can’t even light the fire.’ Spike’s hands were still shaking.

‘It’s OK, I’m not going to run,’ she whispered.

Spike looked at Buffy, straight in the eyes; he was frightened he was going to do or say the wrong thing again. ‘I need to explain,’ was all he managed to say.

‘It’s OK, we can talk or just sit and watch the fire.’

‘I need to explain,’ he repeated.

‘It’s OK.’ She answered. ‘How about a hot chocolate?’

Spike smirked. ‘Got any of those little marshmallows?’ He asked.

‘For you, anything.’ She said with a smile.

Making the hot chocolate was a mundane thing to do with her hands whilst her brain worked over-time. What were they going to say to one another? The easy camaraderie they had shared had been destroyed by her asking for too much, and his reaction to that request.

Spike stirred the drink she’d given him. The marshmallows were floating on the top. They took all his attention: it was easier to look at them and not her, his angel Buffy. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to make it right? Her reaction when he’d kissed her had been natural, unforced. But here, now, now they’d both had time to think. Spike was scared.

‘Will you please stop attacking that drink as though it was some sort of monster planning to attack you?’ Buffy asked sweetly, trying to be patient with the man in front of her. It was the sheer ridiculousness of the question that made Spike look up.

‘I’ll start,’ she said. ‘I asked for too much from you. I thought, and honestly thought, things were heading that way, to us making love, and obviously I got the signals really wrong, so I’m sorry. The one thing I didn’t want to happen, happened. You left me, and it ruined our friendship, and I find it hard to forgive myself for that.’

‘It wasn’t you,’ Spike blurted out, ‘you didn’t read the signals wrong, we were headed that way, its just, I didn’t expect that, here. I didn’t think sex would be allowed here, and I felt safe.’ He explained, concentrating on the hot chocolate again.

‘Safe, what do you mean safe? I would never have hurt you. I’m sorry but I really don’t understand.’

‘Down there, on earth, that’s all people see, a body. I go out with a girl and she calls me Lars: they don’t see me, they see the TV actor. Do you know what its like, going back to my trailer and having to ask security to remove yet another bimbo that’s got past them and wound up in my bed? Then that day I overheard my girlfriend say she was only going out with me because I had money, was famous and could introduce her to the ‘right people’. I freaked. Then you…’

‘Then I asked, oh my poor love, you must have thought I was one of them…’

‘I don’t know what to do Buffy, to make it right. I just need to make it right.’ He sobbed.

‘Well you could try kissing me, that would help. All forgiven, all sorted out, and we love each other, so come here and kiss me if you want, but only if you really want to.’ She looked at him from under her eyelashes. It was enough to make a man forget everything.

Spike didn’t need to be asked twice. He put down his drink and wrapped his arms around his golden angel. He was back where he belonged: in her arms. They sat like that for hours, kissing gently. Holding one another, watching the fire. At peace again with the world.




It seemed forever before they started talking again, comfortable with each other, the fire seeming to take all their attention. The sparks flew up the chimney, dancing in the smoke. Sipping his chocolate, Spike started.

‘I’m sorry pet: I was an idiot.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘Hey, you don’t have to agree.’

‘Well I won’t when you say something I disagree with.’ She said with a smile.

‘I have something I have to tell you, and it’s important.’

‘What is it Spike? You’re not leaving me are you? The cold hand of fear gripped Buffy’s heart.

‘What?? No, its about Anya: I’ve told you about Anya?’
‘She’s Xander’s right hand woman, yeh? Does his paperwork, keeps him in coffee, makes him finish his work on time.’

‘That’s right.’

‘Well, what about her?’

‘She’s pregnant.’ He blurted out.

‘Oh that’s wonderful news, she must be very happy.’

‘She’s very something; you see Buffy, I’m the father.’

Buffy looked up at Spike to see if he was joking. ‘Oh,’ she said calmly, quietly. ‘Oh, I see. Do you love her?’

‘God, no.’

Buffy looked at him sharply. ‘You can’t lie here, William, it won’t work.’

‘Yes I suppose, then I do, but not in that way: she’s like Lorne, or Xander, or I don’t know, that stupid dolphin I swim with every month. It’s not love love, the kind that burns and makes you forget to breath. It’s familial love, not romantic. How stupid is English, we have a hundred words for types of rock and only one for how we feel about ice cream or the woman we want to spend the rest of our lives with!’

‘I will put up with most things William Atherton, but I will not have you disrespecting ice cream, especially in the one place it has NO calories!’

Spike started laughing at her statement, of all the things she was upset with him about, it was his disrespect of ice cream that had her eyes flashing at him.

Buffy looked at him. ‘I do understand. I may not be happy about it, and a part of me wishes it were me, being honoured with the privilege of carrying your child. But whatever happens down there, even if we marry someone else, we still have here. The marriage vows say ‘til death do us part, and here is where we go when we die. So here we are parted by death. Will you marry her?’

‘No, she doesn’t want me to, she just keeps demanding more and more from me financially.’

‘How’s that making you feel? What’s your heart say about that?’ The counsellor Buffy had reappeared.

‘Used: I know it sounds really stupid, because she and I often went out together, you know where I needed someone on my arm. There is no-one in my life to share things with, and she was a friend.’

‘But?’

‘But I wonder if she didn’t do it deliberately.’

‘Why would she, not anyone else but Anya, why would she do that?’

‘I don’t think she would, but there are always women throwing themselves at Spike Atherton, and William still can’t believe he’s even got a date. What do you think, pet?’

Buffy smiled at the use of the nickname, she’d missed all those little endearments.

‘I think if Anya had wanted to get pregnant by you she could have seduced you into taking the long road with her, she knows you well enough. I think that this really was an accident and she can’t face an abortion.’

‘And all the requests for money?’

‘Fear, pure and simple, just fear. She’s unmarried, unboyfriended, and pregnant with a friend’s child. If you make things awkward for her she could easily lose the job she loves. Can you really see Xander taking her side over yours?’

Spike shook his head. ‘Of course not,’ Buffy continued. ‘Anya, from what you told me, is a very straightforward person. She’s fixated on good sex and money, and she prefers to earn her own. Didn’t you say she was always coming up with ideas to make Xander more profit?’

Again Spike nodded.

‘Well then,’ said Buffy, ‘if she was only after your money she could sit back, put her feet up and let you pay for everything; instead she is trying to work, and only wants help from the richer parent with the added expenses. I think that’s only fair, and so do you or you would have kicked up a hell of a stink by now.’

Spike looked at Buffy, really looked at her. ‘You’re right, of course.’

‘Of course I’m right, it is my job,’ she said with a grin. ‘Sooner you realise that, Buster, the happier we will be.’

Spike grinned back at her. Although the romance had vanished in the serious conversation he felt comfortable, at home, as though he and Buffy could talk about anything, and God he wanted that, he needed that. He sipped at his hot chocolate again, his tongue catching one of the marshmallows and chasing it around the mug. Buffy started giggling, which turned into a full blown laugh.

‘What?’

‘You!’

‘What me?’ he asked with a cheeky grin.

‘You, chasing marshmallows, you do realise you’re going to have to grow up now you’re a dad?’

‘Never going to happen pet, never going to happen. What do you think I should do about Anya anyway? How can I help her feel safe?’

‘Firstly I think she needs reassurance that whatever happens you are still friends, that you still love her as a friend, and you’ll stick by her.’

‘She wants the baby to live with her of course,’ Spike said, ‘so there will have to be security.’

‘So, how about you ask Xander to design some sort of multi-unit mansion? She can have her own place, and you could have yours, but the staff, nanny, whatever, can live in the grounds. Keypad entry, you’d both be safe and junior would have Mom and Dad close by. You could have combined facilities: swimming pool, gym, whatever, but your own front door as well. It would make security easier, wouldn’t it?’

‘You, lady, are a genius.’

‘And to think you’ve only just noticed. I thought you were intelligent, Mr. Atherton.’

They finished their drinks and looked at one another. ‘I had better go,’ Spike said.

‘Would you stay here with me?’ Asked Buffy quietly. Spike looked around the room.

‘That good old torture device the comfy chair,’ he grinned.

‘No, not there, I meant in the bed, just hold me would you? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

‘It would be my honour, pet, my honour.’

Buffy went to stand up but William Atherton swept her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Lowering her gently onto the bed, he lit a candle and then pulled the blanket over them both. Buffy curled into his side as though it were the most secure and natural place to be and fell asleep with her head cradled on his shoulder. Spike could smell her fragrance. Vanilla and musk, with that special added ingredient of Buffy. When he awoke in his own bed he could still smell her on him and he felt at peace for the first time in months.





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