[Reviews - 99]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 2205 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:
this is dark, dark dark. there is child abuse and people's reactions to it.
please review it means so much to my muse and fingers.
‘How about a game of truth, we’ve been seeing each other for months and I don’t know anything about you.’ William suggested as they sat watching the fire. William’s arms were around Buffy’s shoulders and her head rested on his.

‘OK but no forfeits. I am not wandering around up here drunk, it’ll give the place a bad name.’ Buffy joked.

‘We’ll start with an easy one. Favourite colour?’ Asked William.

‘Blue, the colour of the sea and sky, or a rich deep burgundy, depending on how I feel. You?’ Buffy blushed, blue was also the colour of his eyes, eyes you could get lost in.

‘Green, the colour of mother earth, and black of course.’ Spike grinned. Yeh, green like your eyes, he thought to himself.

‘Black is not a colour,’ argued Buffy. ‘Dogs or cats?’

‘Cats, dogs seem to always be after your attention, cats always seem in charge somehow, you dogs or cats?’

‘Both, but what I really like are horses, the freedom to ride anywhere, with that much power. Horses are so big and yet so gentle.’

‘Favourite lesson in school?’ She added.

‘English and drama, liked music too, you?’

‘I liked English and gym, I was good at gym, even did cheerleading for a while.’

‘I would have paid good money to see you in one of those little outfits,’ Spike smirked.

Buffy ignored his comment good-naturedly. ‘Music,’ she continued. ‘What are your favourites and why?’

‘That’s hard, ‘cause I like all sorts, anything from Holtz to Ramones and everything in between. Mozart was a rebel in his day, I love Blues and early jazz as well,’ William answered honestly. ‘You?’

‘Eclectic as well, everything from classical, Peer Gynt, to middle of the road, I love Hendrix, well I get to see him play up here regularly.’

‘You do! I’d love to see him. I really liked the way he made his guitar sing, cry almost.’

‘We’ll arrange it if we can, when’s your birthday?’ Buffy asked with a grin.

‘August 20th. Harder ones now,’ William said, ‘who was the first boy you really kissed?’

‘Oh you!!!’ Buffy punched him on the arm. Spike pretended that she’d really hurt him and toppled over backwards, holding his arm in pretence of agony.

‘Spike, behave.’

‘Still have to answer, pet.’

‘Parker Abrahams kissed me in ninth grade, he did it for a bet, your turn.’

‘I’ve never kissed a boy.’ He answered with a grin, ‘but the first girl was Melissa Sanderson, when I was 13. How about Captain Forehead?’

‘He’s never got past second base, I can’t.’ Buffy gave herself a shake and looked pensive, her eyes troubled and clouded.

‘How old were you when you lost your virginity, cause I was fourteen and it was a threesome?’ William tried to think of something outrageous that would annoy Elizabeth even and put the fire back in her eyes. He loved it when they flashed at him. Instead she looked broken and whispered, ‘eight.’

William looked horrified. ‘You mean 18, love?’

‘I wish I did. I was 8, mom had a boyfriend who I hated, nothing I did was right, I wasn’t clever enough or pretty enough, anything went wrong he made it seem like it was always my fault. Well, mom was working at the gallery she owned and he was keeping an eye on me for her, when I was in the back yard swimming.’ Her voice broke and she started crying. Spike put his arms around her and hugged her in close. It was all he could think of to do.

‘You don’t have to say any more luv, no-one here is going to make you do a thing.’

‘I want to tell you. The more often I tell it the more I seem to heal.’ Buffy explained.

Spike lit up a cigarette. Buffy frowned at him. ‘I hope you don’t smoke down there. Those things give you cancer.’

‘Yes I do and stop nagging woman, and get on with your bleeding story.’

Buffy smiled despite of herself. Her Spike always seemed to know what to say. Where had that come from? Her Spike?

‘Well,’ she continued, ‘I didn’t know he was even there, thought Mrs Richards next door was watching me, and he raped me. Mom came home to find me crying, and Ted told her I wouldn’t do as I was told. She just shouted at me, told me I was wicked for disobeying Ted, wouldn’t listen to a word I said, wouldn’t let it go, I had to do what Ted told me. Mom told me that ever day, good girls did as they were told. He kept doing it. Raped me, made me suck him off, buggered me, everything you can think of. I got into more and more trouble at school, become sullen and disruptive. Mom got angrier and angrier at her ‘uncontrollable child’. All the normal symptoms of an abused child. No one took any notice.’

She snuggled into the safety of her friend’s arms. Nothing could get her in her home in the Garden, and nothing could get her when she was with Spike. She knew that in her soul.

‘I escaped by coming up here, thought it was all a dream at first. My safe place. I’d shut my eyes and be by the lake with Ellepant, I’d swim and climb trees or just lay on the grass and watch the clouds. All the things a child is supposed to do. Then I met Giles. I was terrified. I thought that all men were the same. I ran screaming from him; poor Giles, he wondered what he’d done wrong. Ellepant came and got me. Put me up high on his back and let me see that I was safe, let me know I was safe. For months Giles would just be there as we rode past. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me, just gave that elephant mints, he’d do anything for a peppermint. Then Ellepant slowly taught me that there were men you could trust here, couldn’t trust any down there.

‘Giles would then sit on a bench and start to read aloud from the book he had with him, Arabian Nights, he did a Scheherazade on me, kept leaving it at the good bit so I’d have to come back. Eventually I actually spoke to him, must have been after a year or so. Then he’d buy me ice cream. I’d do almost anything for ice cream, didn’t get much in the way of treats at home. Every night I’d come here, whether I was being used or not. Ted didn’t like to fuck me too often… loosened the goods, he said. But he’d make me do things to him nearly every night. Giles kept my mind safe. Nothing could protect my body.

‘My father was a violent drunk, my stepdad a paedophile. Giles kept giving me sanctuary. Every time it happened I hid up here. I spent a lot of time in The Garden during those years. What happened only happened to my body, not my soul. When I was about 13 I started getting my periods, I was terrified I’d get pregnant. I still didn’t say anything.’ The tears were beginning to build up in her eyes again. Spike wiped them away with his thumb. ‘It’s OK. I’ve got you. You’re safe,’ he whispered. ‘Was there no-one you could talk to?’

‘Not my Mom, not anyone, we had no family, and I thought it was normal. I really believed that’s what people did to kids, I couldn’t understand how others dealt with it, I thought it I was weak and stupid because I didn’t like it.’

Buffy was crying, the tears choking her, her head buried in his shoulder
‘Sorry, it’s getting heavy going; maybe you should go, you’ve been cried on enough.’

‘Not going anywhere while you need me pet, I’ll always be here for you.’
Spike felt nauseated, but he couldn’t let Buffy see his reaction. The thought that anyone could go through what she had and come out near sane was amazing. She was an amazing woman.

‘How did it stop?’

‘We’d been doing sex education at school, just the basics, and I realised what the games I’d been made to play really were. The teacher said that we should never be forced to do anything we didn’t like, that it was wrong; so I went and talked to her, Miss Calender, she was brilliant, she got social services in real quick, they called in my mom, I had to see a doctor, that was pretty awful, felt like it was happening all over again.’

Buffy reached for her drink and took a sip. ‘The nice thing about chocolate here is no calories. Eat as much as you want and not put on an ounce.’ She tried to break the despair that had settled over them both, a sad smile on her face.

Spike smiled back and gave her a little space to breathe. He fought the urge to wrap her in his arms for good, keep her safe forever.

‘Well you’re not completely fucked up so you must have got some help.’

‘I did eventually. I saw a counsellor for years, felt like damaged goods, Mom didn’t want to believe it, said I was making it all up, and ‘had I tried not being abused?’ All this going on around us and she asked if I tried not being abused!! I mean of all the stupid questions. And I was so angry. I don’t think I ever forgave her that comment. Not in my heart. It hurt too damn much.’

Buffy looked at the stars through the window. They shone brightly as though lighting the way for her soul. She didn’t want to talk but something was making her spill all those dark secrets. Giles, it had to be, a bit of the Guides’ mojo, helping her in his way again. She turned back to Spike and continued.

‘Went into foster care for a while, and when I wasn’t around Ted broke up with Mom, no little girl to get his jollies from. Mom blamed me of course; Dad just didn’t want to know me, kept calling me a whore and said I must have asked for it, so I was left to rot. I kept coming up here, and tried to explain that to the counsellor they sent me to about my special place. They said it was in my head and wanted me to go into a psychiatric hospital, so of course my mom agrees. She said the abuse was in my head and I needed to get over it, it was all my imagination. I just didn’t like Ted. I went there and it was dreadful. They shot me full of drugs ‘til I didn’t know which was day or night. So up I came again and Giles found someone for me to talk to, a counsellor who really listened, she was brilliant, well she would be working up here wouldn’t she? Her name is Tara McClay, she is so kind and gentle, she really helped me sort out my mind. That’s when I decided that’s what I wanted to be, a counsellor, and help others in my position, kids and adults going through the same crap as I had. You see Tara believed me from the start. She knew what had happened.

‘They decided at the hospital that I really needed to get out and away from Mom, ‘issues,’ they said, ‘teenage rebellion’, so found me yet another foster family, but this time someone finally listened and instead of believing mom, they checked with the police, there it all was in black and white, reports, medical examinations, everything. Then Giles must have pulled some real magic because who should walk in as my new foster mom but Tara; she’d traced me and offered to take over my care. Which she did. First thing she told me was that she believed my dreams and then set about proving that she knew Giles. With her help I got myself sorted, sort of; still hurts though.’

‘What happened with your Mom and Ted?’ William could hardly speak, he felt angry at what had happened, repulsed that anyone could hurt a child, and sickened at what poor Buffy had had to live through. His stomach was turning over and over, his fists were balling themselves up, he really wanted to hit someone. Buffy looked at him and smiled, gently laying her hands over his clenched fists.

‘Mom went to counselling, blaming me of course, then Ted got arrested. Tried the same thing on another family, only this time the mom listened to what the children were saying and set up a camera in the girl’s room. It was caught on tape, him going in there and touching her, and that mother damn near killed him. He’s in jail, there were over twenty of us he’d abused over the years. Mom finally had to believe me; she had to, seems he had video of me, me begging him to go away, not to hurt me any more. And him answering that ‘good girls did as they were told’; mommy had told me that. Everything. The police officer showed her it, made her sit through the videos. He’d even made one of me trying to tell my mom and her telling me off. She had a breakdown blaming herself for not believing me, not protecting me, but she wouldn’t talk about it, always seemed angry with me, as though it was all my fault. Mom went to counselling as well, but before we could really work through everything she died. There are times when things are good, but deep down I can’t really forgive her, my mom, and I’ll never forget it, so you see I really do understand that awful mix of guilt and anger you carry with you.’

Spike couldn’t believe the things she had told him; no that was wrong, he believed her, just couldn’t picture anyone surviving what she went through. She was a hell of a woman. Strong caring, gentle, amazing.
If Spike had been on earth at that point he would have been throwing up his dinner. He felt sick to his stomach. This beautiful woman who did so much good was so damaged. If he could help he would. He swore it there and then.

He heard her voice continuing; lost in his own thoughts he’d missed the first part of what she had said.

‘…so I can’t get beyond second base, every time it comes even close I freeze then throw up. Some abused kids start giving it away, you know, if I say yes then it’s not rape, they equate sex with friendship, love, everything; others just clam up, none of us are normal.’

Buffy had a sad smile on her face. She thought his silence was disgust at her, she was used to that reaction. The world blames the woman, always has, always will, never be any different even when the woman was a girl of eight when it started.

‘Sorry, but you asked and I can’t lie here, or hide; anyway we’re supposed to be talking about you, unless you want to go. I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk to me again; it’s a bit much to take in I suppose.’

Spike shook his head. ‘Not getting rid of me pet, not in a million years. I just didn’t know what to say, or who to hire for a hit on the bastard.’

Buffy smiled through her tears.

‘You know I could wring his neck or feed him to a dog. Or even better, how about a railroad spike through the skull?’

‘Ooh Spike, that’s nasty!’

‘So’s what he did to you pet, so’s what he did to you.’ He wrapped Buffy in his arms. Buffy relaxed and snuggled deeper into his arms. There they sat just watching the sparks from the fire climb into the night sky.





You must login (register) to review.