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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay, So I'm completely NOT happy with this chapter. I scrapped the original, and rewrote it. 5 times. After the fifth time I looked at it, I'm like "it's not getting any better, just move on." Grrr... Anyways....

Thank you guys so much for all the wonderful reviews the past few chapters. You guys are AMAZING. This story doesn't have to much longer to go, the end is in sight. The next chapter probably won't be until Friday with the holidays and everything coming up. I am working on a couple new fics, they aren't ready for posting yet, but I'm completely excited about them. Don't worry, my attention will be on this until it's finished. Well guys Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and enjoy.
Every time I look upon your face,
I wonder what happened to us.
What happened to push us so far apart?
Out of our mouths spewed vile, hurtful things.
Straight from hell they came, it seemed.
Some one took us apart with razor blades,
Cutting us right down the center,
Spewing blood that was never red, always black.
Hurting us in the places it hurt most,
Twisting us until we turned on each other.
Diminishing what we once had inside.
Knives pushed through the heart,
Pulling out emotions better left unsaid.
Spraying our blood-like animosity,
But always reaching for each other,
Never fully letting go.
Holding on until the bitter end,
Until the breaking kills us both,
And still we'll never let it go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


“Spike!” Buffy said breathlessly. “What are you doing here?”

Spike looked down at the robe she had tied around her. “Well luv, nice to see you were expectin’ me. Gonna invite me in or not?”

Buffy stood staring at him, not quite believing that he was there. When his words finally penetrated her hazy brain, her face formed into a scowl, as she saw his eyes roving over her robe clad body. “Hey, eyes up here mister! What do you want?”

The smile slipped from Spike’s face. “Just wanted to thank you luv.”

“Fine. Your welcome. And I’m not your luv. How did you fine me?”

“Wasn’t that hard.” Spike stared at the hallway on either side of him. “Look, pet, can we take this inside, so we can talk?”

Buffy sighed. She knew him, and he wouldn’t give up until he got what he wanted. Buffy stepped back from the doorway, allowing him to enter.

“Hey pet.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows, waiting.

Spike looked at the floor sheepishly, at a loss for words. He’d waited two years to finally see her again, but now that she was in front of him, he couldn’t get his mouth to actually work. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but where did he start?

“I’m sorry Buffy.”

Buffy sighed. “Sorry for what?”

Spike looked at her incredulously. “You know for what. For not knowing.”

Buffy shrugged. “It’s not like you could’ve stopped it. Cecily would’ve ruined you. And then I didn’t have the handy little scar to get you outta trouble, did I?”

Spike smiled sadly. “How did you get that scar?”

“Sneaking outta St. Catherine’s one night. Out my window.”

Spike‘s face fell. “I really am sorry pet. I keep wondering if you’d just told me what was going on-”

“But I couldn’t,” Buffy cut in angrily. “She would have torn you apart, and put you in the deepest, darkest, hole she could find and you’d have never gotten out. You’re lucky I pulled that shit outta my ass to bail you out.”

“So it was all an act?” Spike asked hopefully, referring to her tryst with Angel.

Buffy looked at him, her face the picture of astonishment. “Of course it was an act! Do you think I’d actually let Angel touch me if I didn’t have to?”

“Why did you have to act?”

“Because your wife said I had to make it hurt,” Buffy ground out. “Or she would’ve take the pictures to the police. Haven’t we already been over this?”

“What’s got your knickers in a knot?”

“You! Barging back into my life like this. Yes I came to your rescue, your welcome. Now go.” Buffy schooled her face in the perfect mask of indifference. She couldn’t handle this again. He’d used her for sex the first time, she wouldn’t let it happen again. Sure she’d been sure that he’d loved her then, but Buffy had convinced herself that she’d imagined everything she’d ever seen in his expressive blue eyes. Buffy didn’t think she could handle it if he hurt her again.

“Why are you bein’ like this?”

“Because I can’t handle this!”

“Handle what?”

“This!” Buffy said gesturing between the two of them. “I can’t handle it again. I can’t do this.”

“Do what? Buffy, what are you talking about.”

“I waited and waited, but you never came. You left me there, and stayed with your whore. And now you what? Wanna start fucking again, now that I got you off?”

Buffy turned around and grabbed some clothes from the closet, stomping towards the bathroom. “I have to get ready for work. I’m sure you can find your way out.” With that Buffy slammed the door behind her.

Spike stood there, his mouth slightly open as looked at the closed bathroom door. What the hell had just happened? He’d spent the last two years, barring the past couple weeks, thinking that she’d cheated on him because he wasn’t good enough to satisfy her needs. He could still feel the sting of that rejection close to his heart. He’d loved her then, and he still loved her now. Determination filled Spike.

He wasn’t letting her get away again. No matter what she said.

Spike sat down on what appeared to be Buffy’s side of the room. Spike briefly wondered who the bird was that Buffy shared her dorm with, but quickly dismissed the thought. Spike sat on her bed for close to hour before Buffy finally came out of the bathroom.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” Buffy asked. She’d spent the entire time, thinking she’d come out to an empty room that she was astounded he was still here. Buffy stomped her foot petulantly. “You’re suppose to be gone.”

Spike smirked at her. “You’re not gettin’ out of this so easy pet. I’m not leavin.” Spike looked her up and down, noticing the low cut black shirt and short black skirt. “What the hell are you wearin?”

“My work clothes.” Buffy said. She rummaged around looking for where she’d thrown her purse.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere in that.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, still searching for her purse. Where the hell is it? “I totally don’t have time for this.”

Buffy spotted the strap hanging out from the edge of the closet. “Ah-hah!” She ran over and grabbed it. Buffy looked at the time. “Shit!”

Buffy ran to the door, Spike hot on her heels. Buffy locked the door behind her and briskly walked through the corridors. “Spike, I have to get to work. We’ll have to do this at another time.”

Spike didn’t answer simply followed her out to the student parking lot to a modest economy car. “This your car luv?”

“Yup,” she said, getting into the car.

Buffy sighed when the passenger door opened and Spike climbed in. Buffy closed her eyes, wishing he would just go away. She couldn’t deal with this right now.

“Spike, please, just go away.”

Spike shook his head. “Not going anywhere. Not this time.”

Buffy just started the car, and started driving.

Spike stayed silent the whole drive, noting the course for later drives. When Buffy pulled up to the popular night club ‘Image’ Spike turned and looked at her. “You work ‘ere?”

Buffy nodded, not saying anything. She got out of the car, walking up to the entrance. The bouncer smiled at her warmly, and let her through.

“Hey Buffy,” the tall blonde said.

“Hey Riley, it looks crazy in there tonight.” Buffy strolled through the ropes.

Spike walked right behind her, but Riley held an arm in his way. “Hey mate, I’m with Buffy.” Spike looked to see if Buffy would back him up but she was already inside.

“Sorry, but you’ll have to wait in line.”

Spike glared at the hulking Iowa boy, and pulled a $50 bill out of his pocket, waving the Grant in his face. “This take care of it, mate?”

Riley grabbed the money, and let his arm down. “This way sir.”

Spike ambled in, immediately searching the darkly lit club for Buffy, but coming up short. Spike sighed and found himself a table alone. He immediately found a waitress, clad in the same uniform as Buffy. “Hey sweet, can I ask where Buffy is?”

The dark haired girl smiled at the hottie. “Yeah that’s her section over there. She’s swamped tonight, but I can tell her you’re looking for her.”

Spike shook his head. “No that’s fine pet, I’ll wait ‘til she’s got ‘er a break.” Spike ordered a beer and sat back. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Buffy sighed as she sat in one of the empty tables. It was nearly 4 in the morning, and the manager had finally ushered the last people out. Buffy groaned as she stood up on her aching feet to help clean up. Buffy started wiping down tables when Amy came up to her.

“Hey Buff, there’s a really hot British guy waiting for you. He’s been here all night.”

Buffy looked at Amy, astonished. He’d been waiting all night for her? What the hell?

“Get outta here. I’ll finish up.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go get that hunk of goodness.” Amy winked at her.

Buffy sighed. “It’s not like that you know.”

“Whatever.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, and went to grab her purse from behind the bar. She turned around to see Spike waiting for her by the door.

“What the hell are you still doing here?”

“Well if you remember correctly pet, I don’t have a car. It’s back at your dorms.”

“You could’ve called a cab.” Buffy stormed out, knowing Spike would follow. When she got to her car she opened the door, and shoved her purse in. Spike climbed into the passenger seat, and reached for his cigarettes.

“Don’t even think you’re smoking that in here,” Buffy hissed angrily at him. What the hell did he think he was doing? She made it perfectly clear she couldn’t do this again. Buffy glanced over at him. Now that she wasn’t in shock at seeing him, she could tell that he’d lost weight. At least he’d finally divorced Cecily. Buffy had heard that he’d stayed with her, but Buffy didn’t expect anything different, not after the fight they’d had.

“You know, you’re not gettin’ away that easy pet,” Spike said tucking the cigarettes back into his jacket pocket.

Buffy ignored him and kept driving.

When she got to UCLA, Buffy parked and jumped out of the car.

“Shit, Buffy, wait!”

“What do you want?” Buffy said turning around.

“Just talk to me, for Christ Sakes!”

“Talk then.” Buffy folded her arms over her chest, shivering slightly in the cool night air.

“I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. I wish I could say that I wished it never happened, but I can’t do that.”

Buffy glared at him. “You left me there, alone. I didn’t have anyone. I waited for you to come, but you never did. On my eighteenth birthday, I waited thinking you’d come for me. But you never came. That’s been the only constant in my life, waiting for you. But I’m tired of waiting.” Buffy turned to go.

“I didn’t know! I didn’t figure it out ‘til it was to late. Buffy if I would have known…” Spike trailed off, tears filling his eyes.

Buffy turned her head around to look at him.

“For two bloody years I thought that I just wasn’t enough. That you didn’t want me. And this was here mocking me, but I couldn’t make myself take it off.” Spike pulled a chain out from beneath his shirt and then pulled, snapping the chain. He held it out for Buffy to see.

It was the ring she’d given him, dangling from the end.

“Please Buffy, just give me another chance.”

Buffy looked at him. He looked so heart broken. “What about Cecily and the charges? If they find out that we’re seeing each other again, they’re gonna know I lied.”

“Sod that bitch and her fuckin’ charges. I just want you Buffy. I want to make it up to you. Hell I’ll spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to you if that’s what it takes.”

Buffy looked down at the ground contemplating. He seemed sincere. Buffy let a little sliver of hope in.

“We have to take this slow.”

Spike nodded. “Slow. Okay. I can do slow.” The truth was he didn’t know if he could. Just seeing her standing in front of him made his fingers itch to grab her and kiss her senseless, then drag her back to her bed, and shag her until they both couldn’t walk straight. But he would take this however she wanted him to.

“A date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah like normal people.”

Spike nodded. “I can do that pet. Just tell me when an’ where an’ I’ll be there.”

“I’m off Wednesday.”

Spike nodded. “I can do Wednesday.” He didn’t have a job anymore anyways. Besides, something told him he’d be spending a lot more time up here in LA.

“Pick me up here. Eight o’clock?”

“Sounds good, luv.” Spike knew he had to let her lead on this. She was too scared, too wary of him.

“Good night Spike.”

“G’night luv.”

Spike smiled to himself.

Yup, things were looking up.




A.N.: Reviews are appreciated. And again, Happy Holidays! Love you guys!!





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