Buffy sat in front of the blaring TV not really watching. She flicked through the channels without actually thinking. Right about now Giles would be getting home from his job as a professor for UC Sunnydale. He’d come in and ask her how her day had gone. He’d been everything to her that her real father hadn’t.
Buffy was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear the front door open and Spike come in.
“Hey pet, whatcha watchin?”
Buffy jumped about three inches in the air, spinning around to see Spike standing behind her. “Don’t ever do that to me again!”
Spike chuckled quietly. “Sorry.” He even managed to look a little sheepish. “So… what were you watchin?”
Buffy turned back to stare at the TV. She had no idea what was on. “Uhh… I’m not sure. I wasn’t really watching it anyways. I was just thinking.”
Spike nodded. “Thinkin’ about your mum?”
“Giles actually. He’d be coming home about now. We’d sit down at the table and talk. He’d ask about my day, and then he’d tell me some story about his students. It was nice.”
“You two were close weren’t you?”
“Yeah.” Buffy hung her head trying to fight back the tears that came when she thought about her surrogate father.
“So I’m gonna cook some dinner,” Spike said. “Anything special you want?”
“No.”
When they sat down to a dinner of spaghetti an awkward silence fell over them. Spike grasped at straws trying to draw her out and get her to talk to him.
“So when do you think you’ll be heading back to school? No rush.”
Buffy shrugged. “Probably pretty soon. I can’t sit around here forever. Besides, Snyder probably already wants to expel me. I don’t need to give him any more reasons.” She poked her noodles with her fork, not really hungry.
Spike snorted. “You let me take care of that little troll.” Snyder had already called threatening that exact thing but with a few well placed threats, he shut up. “You just go back when you feel ready. And if you need anyone to talk to I’m here pet. And Cecily will be here next week.”
Buffy looked up at the mention of Cecily. She never really liked her. She seemed so stuck up. “Why did you marry Cecily?”
Spike’s eyes shot open wide. That he wasn’t expecting. “Because I loved her.”
“Oh.” Buffy’s eyes darted back down to her plate. Wait. Loved? As in did? “But you never seemed to.” Buffy dared a glance up through her lashes.
Spike cleared his throat. “Well we do. Love each other. We just don’t show it sometimes. Why do you ask?” Because we love each other. Who was he kidding. It’s because he was lusting after a certain teenager that he knew to keep his hands off.
Because you should be mine, but I can’t have you. And I have to convince myself of that. “Just wondering.” She pushed her spaghetti around a little more and then set her fork down.
God she’s beautiful. “So is there anything you need? Clothes? School stuff?”
“Nope,” Buffy said. “I’m gonna go lay down. I’m kind of tired.”
Spike nodded and she got up and went to her room. With a sigh he grabbed the dishes and set about cleaning up. Who was he kidding? Love? That’s not what him and Cecily had. Maybe once upon a time he might have been able to. But his heart belonged to a certain blond teenager that was sitting in the next room. He met Cecily six months after he met Buffy. Cecily didn’t stand a chance. Maybe if he’d met her first, then their marriage would be better. Then he wouldn’t spend his nights wishing it was Buffy in his bed instead of her. Wishing it was blond hair laid out across his pillows, tan skin against his sheets, her pert little body laid bare for his eyes only. I’m such a monster. Lusting after a sixteen year old. Watching her grow older and more beautiful. But he had to keep his hands off. She didn’t think of him like that and never would. She probably thought of him like a uncle since Rupert was like a father to her. God that makes me even that much more sick.
* * *
Buffy walked silently through the halls of Sunnydale High. Everything looked different even though she knew it was the same. Its funny how your out look on things can change so drastically in such a short time. Things that had seemed incredibly crucial before, now seemed trivial. She didn’t care that she wasn’t the most popular girl in school. There were things far more important than how high she was on the high school social ladder.
Buffy entered her English class and sat down next to her best friend Willow.
“Hey Buff you coming to the Bronze tonight?”
“Oh I don’t know Wills. I don’t know if I’m ready.” Buffy sighed. She just didn’t feel like being around people anymore.
“Well I think it will be good for you Buffy. You can’t stay cooped up forever.”
“Oh I’m not sure Wills. . .”
“Look. Resolve face.” Willow pointed to the determined look on her face. “You need to get out. And Bronzing it is just the thing you need.”
“All right,” Buffy relented. “But I can’t promise to have fun.”
Later that night Buffy walked into the Bronze dressed to kill in a shirt black mini skirt, red halter top and strappy black sandals. She figured she should at least try. Spike had nearly fallen all over himself trying to get her out the door to socialize again. He thought it would be good for her. Get back on the proverbial horse and all that. She was about to go sit with Willow and Xander when Angel, her crush since 8th grade, cut in front of her.
“God, rude much?” Buffy asked scowling at him.
“Hey Buffy,” he said.
“Yeah?” Buffy tapped her foot impatiently.
“Umm… do you want to dance?”
Buffy’s eyebrows practically shot off her face. That she was not expecting. “Umm… okay.”
When they got out to the dance floor he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. He was so big and hulking. What did she ever see in him. When the dance stopped she untangled herself from him and spared a glance over at Willow who gave her the thumbs up.
“Do you want a drink?” Angel asked.
God did she ever.
* * *
Spike sat in his office trying his hardest to work on the case that was going to trial here in the next couple of weeks, but he kept thinking about Buffy out there probably with some other bloke. He nearly fell over himself when he saw what she was dressed in. He practically shoved her out the door and ran to go wank off. God he was acting like a bloody teenager.
Spike was just giving up for the night when he heard the knock on the door. He rushed over and flung it open. Standing there was some big hulking teenager with an armful of Buffy.
“What the fuck happened?” Spike yelled.
“She’s a little drunk,” Angel said. He stepped in and set her down on her own two feet.
“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing drinking?” Spike yelled at her.
“Uhh… I’m just gonna go.” Angel stepped through the door and closed it behind him, completely forgotten before he even left.
“I can drink if I want to,” Buffy said swaying slightly on her feet.
“No you bloody well cannot. You’re sixteen!”
“Oh well. Don’t care.” Buffy took a few unsteady steps toward her room but had to stop and grab a hold of the couch.
“Look at you! You’re sloshed!”
“I said I. Don’t. Care.”
Spike sighed. “This isn’t the way to handle things Buffy.”
“Well its my way of handling things.”
“You can’t do this to yourself. Its not healthy.”
Buffy spun around angrily, nearly losing her balance. “I said I don’t care. I want it all to go away. Don’t you understand that? I just want to forget everything. Forget that when I come home they’re not going to be here waiting for me. They’re gone. And its not fair!” Sobs tore out of her mouth and wracked her body. Spike ran over and gathered her up in his arms. He slowly pulled them down to the floor and held her there until her sobs slowly tapered off.
Buffy wiped at her eyes and looked up at him, embarrassed. “You must think I’m a total wreck.”
Spike snorted. “You wouldn’t be the first person to try and drown their sorrow in alcohol luv.” Spike got up and helped her to her feet. “C’mon lets get you cleaned up. He took her to the bathroom and instructed her to clean her face and brush her teeth. He went to her room and grabbed some of her pajamas and handed them to her. When she was finished he helped her back to her room.
“Night pet,” Spike said after helping her under the covers.
“Spike?”
“Yeah pet?”
“Stay with me tonight?” Buffy looked at him innocently.
Oh god. “Oh I don’t know Buffy.”
Buffy’s face fell. “Right. Sorry. Shouldn’t have asked. Night.” Buffy turned on her side, face away from him.
Spike sighed. He was so going to hell for this. He climbed in bed and pulled her up against him. “Just for tonight.” He inhaled the scent of her hair. Strawberries and vanilla. Bloody best scent in the world. Buffy nodded against him and snuggled closer. If he was going to hell he might as well have fun getting there. He listened to Buffy’s breathing until her breaths were the slow deliberate kind of sleep. He knew he should get up now that she was asleep. But he just couldn’t make himself do it. So he slowly slipped into the best sleep he’d had in a long time, Buffy’s warm body spooned against him.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay so I was gonna post this last night, but I couldn't figure out the ending. I'm a little nervous about this chapter so let me know what you think. pretty please?