Willow ran like the hounds of hell were chasing her, tears streaming down her cheeks. She ran straight for the room Oz used to stay in, knowing some of his things were still there after he’d left. She wanted to bury herself in his blanket, in his smell… to make her forget that he was truly gone, so she didn’t stop running until she slammed up against the door and immediately began fumbling with the knob. Opening it revealed the room to be stripped bare - all his clothes, furniture, and posters… gone. The place was empty, like her heart.
She numbly backed out and slowly trudged over to her own dorm hall, noticing nothing as she went along her way. She opened the door to the room she shared with Buffy and found it just as empty. Probably still going on about Riley to some poor vamp who can’t wait for her to stake him fast enough, she thought, sinking faster into depression. It never registered with her that she’d left her best friend alone in a cemetery, even if she was the Slayer.
Moving around the place in slow motion, she felt like she had sand bags strapped to her ankles, every step an effort that robbed her ability to stay in control of her emotions. Finally finding her pajamas, she slipped them on haphazardly and crawled beneath the covers, staring into nothingness for long moments before exhaustion took her away to the blissful oblivion that was sleep.
Long after midnight, Buffy quietly opened the door, hoping Willow was tucked away in her bed. She’d searched all over campus for her, even stopping by Oz’s old room to find Devon, telling her the not so good news. No reason was given and Devon wouldn’t disclose the location, only that Oz sent for his stuff. Had Willow already known? Was that why she was getting worse? Spying her sleeping form, she breathed a sigh of relief and crept through the room, putting on her own pajamas and slipping into bed hoping she would be able to talk to her in the morning. For now, all she wanted was sleep… and to forget about a haunted pair of blue eyes.
~*~
Sunlight tickled Buffy’s nose and she slowly opened one eye only to immediately close it as the light hit her face full force. She rolled over to see if Willow was still asleep and saw her huddled form, staring out into emptiness, tears slowly leaking down her cheek and softly plopping onto the pillow.
Buffy’s heart lurched and she shifted the covers to get up. Without saying a word, she got into bed behind Willow and draped her arm around her, pulling her in for a cuddle. Her friend was cold and unresponsive so she began rubbing her hands up and down her arms to get them warm. Buffy felt her relax slightly so she continued until Willow went limp. Then, as if a damn had burst, Willow started shaking with silent cries of pure misery.
Buffy sat up and leaned against the headboard, pulling Willow’s head into her lap to stroke her hair tenderly, watching as her best friend poured out all her sorrows. She clutched at Buffy’s pajama pant leg and ground her face into them, sobbing uncontrollably as Buffy just held on tight and said nothing. Finally, after a great long while, her cries subsided to whimpers and then finally to sniffles.
“Oz is gone,” she said in a shaky, watery voice.
“Devon said that he sent for his stuff. I guess that means he's planning on settling down somewhere else,” Buffy gently explained.
“Not here,” she mumbled.
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. “I guess so.” She continued to stroke Willow’s hair away from her tear stained, blotchy face.
“I feel like I've been split down the center and half of me is lost,” she whimpered.
“I know. It feels like that now-” Buffy started.
“No! It’ll always feel like this! I've got pain, here. Big-time legitimate pain,” Willow cut her off, becoming upset again.
“I know. It's just how it is. You have to go through the pain,” she tried to explain.
“Like you did with Angel? I’d rather be spared that little trip of self inflicted torture, thanks very much,” Willow shot back as she crawled out of bed.
Buffy froze. “That’s not fair, Willow. Look, I know you’re hurting, God knows I do, but I promise you, it will get better. It’s just gonna take time.”
Willow sat on Buffy’s bed and faced her, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry… it’s just… I just can't stand feeling this way. I want it to be over.”
“It will be, I promise,” she reiterated.
“I just wish there was something I could do to make it go away. Can't I just make it go… poof?”
Buffy’s eyes bulged. “No! Um, I mean no, that wouldn’t be a good idea, Wills.” Magic and love were un-mixy things in the Buffy world.
Willow looked at her strangely. “How were you able to go on after Angel?” She’d always been curious about that.
“I didn’t. It hasn’t been easy for a very, very long time,” she admitted. Truth be told, she didn’t think she’d ever get over him… not really.
“So what finally happened?” Willow asked as she curled her legs up under her.
“Well, it’s more of a he’s there and I’m here thingy. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder… just makes it hurt a bit less is all. When you’re not faced with the thing you want so badly everyday, it makes it easier to let go.”
“Oz isn’t here, not anymore. Maybe that’ll make it easier,” Willow said quietly, gazing out the window.
“Probably.” An idea suddenly occurred to Buffy. “Hey, wanna come with to the picnic with Riley?” She didn’t want to leave Willow alone, not like this.
She shook her head no. “I don’t want to be a third wheel and I need to do some homework anyway.”
“Okay, then how about Bronzing tonight? I think Xander and Anya will be there. Both of your best friends in one place and you can’t get any happier than that!”
Willow smiled in spite of herself. “Yeah, sure. Bronzing is always of the good.”
“Great!” Buffy squeaked. “I’ll come back for you after I check on Giles.”
Willow frowned. “Why would you need to check on Giles?”
She chewed on her lip. “I just wanna make sure that Spike hasn’t done… well, I just wanna make sure they’re both alright… okay?”
The redhead’s eyes widened. “They haven’t done anything to themselves, have they? I mean, I know what you told me last night, and I was supposed to get those ingredients for that truth spell, but… you don’t suppose… they did a murder suicide thing, do you?” she asked in a hushed tone.
Buffy snorted in laughter. “For a murder suicide, one of them would need to be capable of doing harm to the other. For now, though… Giles seems oddly attached to him. And Spike? Well, he… to perfectly blunt, he seems more pathetic than usual. It’s way weird.”
“Do you think something really happened to Spike when he was with the Commandos?”
“Yes,” Buffy replied without hesitation. She’d never seen Spike in so much pain, even when they were fighting. The haunted look he’d given her last night when he confessed that he, the ‘Big Bad’ was scared, wouldn’t leave her alone.
“If you’d seen the look in his eyes, Willow… you’d know that something major happened to him. I mean, he can’t even think of hurting someone without going all spacey and paralyzed. And God, the blood… it’s like someone stuck a cattle prod up his nose and played scrambled eggs with his brain,” she explained in detail.
Willow gulped at the imagery. “So how’s he gonna survive if Giles set him free?”
“I gave him some money for the butcher,” Buffy murmured so low that Willow barely heard her.
“What? I didn’t quite catch that.” She leaned forward.
“I said… I gave him some money for the butcher.” Buffy hid her face, not wanting to see the look of condemnation that would surely be on Willow’s face.
There was a long pause before Buffy finally looked up to see her friend smirking.
“What?”
“Oh nothing,” Willow said nonchalantly, shaking her head in amusement.
“Oh no you don’t, missy! That’s not an oh nothing look you have. Just what are you smirking about?” Willow was going to drive her crazy.
“I just think it’s sweet the way you helped Spike.”
“I did not help Spike! I just didn’t want him sizing up Giles’ neck is all,” she corrected.
“Uh-huh.” She wasn’t convinced. Her bland conversation about Riley the night before hinted at something else when the subject suddenly shifted to Spike.
Buffy glared at her. “I did not help Spike, end of conversation.” She jumped off Willow’s bed and started gathering her toiletries for the communal shower room.
Willow watched her in silent contemplation. She knew Buffy always had a soft spot for people who couldn’t take care of themselves or were going through a rough patch. Maybe that’s what it was… with Spike. But, she also had a feeling it was something more than that, something her intuition kept niggling at the back of her mind about her friend’s behavior… and attitude about said vampire.
“I’ll catch you around seven, okay?” Buffy said as she headed out the door, not even waiting for Willow’s answer.
And she’s off again, Willow thought, looking at the closed door.
Nearly forgetting she herself needed to contact Giles, she picked up the phone to dial his number. A very sleepy Watcher answered.
“Giles, it’s me, Willow… do you still need me to pick up supplies for a truth spell?”
“Um, no… did Buffy not tell you that it wouldn’t be necessary?” he sounded confused.
“Oh, um, no… she didn’t. Why don’t you need one? Did Spike give you the low down, the skinny, the-”
“Yes, I understand and no, not quite.” He rolled his eyes even though Willow couldn’t see it. “His progress with this… affliction is slow, but improving. I honestly don’t think it would be wise to use magic on the poor chap at the moment.”
This was officially it; the day Hell froze over. Giles was feeling pity for a vampire. Wonders never ceased, at least not on the Hellmouth.
“Okay… i-if you’re sure.”
“For the time being, yes. So how are you coping, Willow? I know that you’re going through a very difficult time. I’m a bit concerned about you.”
Her voice took on a panicked quality. “Did Buffy tell you about me running off?”
“Buffy didn’t tell me anything,” he quietly intoned.
“Oh, good! Forget the running off and leaving Buffy alone in a cemetery part,” she quickly covered up.
“She wasn’t alone, Willow. I sent Spike to check up on her.”
Now she was really confused. “Why would you send a vampire to check up on the Slayer, Giles?” Wasn’t that a bit risky even though Spike was chipped?
“We came to a mutual agreement and he’s allowed a bit more freedom in exchange for helping me out now and then. Plus, he was driving me insane with his irritating restlessness. Since Buffy can handle herself quite well, I saw no harm really. She would’ve dusted him if he’d given her cause to.”
“Um, yeah. Well, it’s always slightly evil peaches and cream here on the campus front.”
“Are you sure? Spike expressed concern over your emotional status last night, he felt that you were… hanging on by a thread,” Giles quoted the vampire’s words.
Willow was shocked. Why would Spike be concerned about her? And how did he know what she was feeling at the time? “Uh, well I… I've been off. I-I even thought about doing a spell to have my will be done, hoping it would make me feel better, but Buffy said I just needed to get through the pain.”
Giles blew out a breath. “That’s good that you didn’t, Willow. I don't think it's wise for you to be doing that right now. Your energy's too unfocused.”
She took offense at that. “Well, that's not true. I said I was off, not incompetent.”
“I only meant that you're grieving, and it might be wise if you took a break from doing spells for the time being,” he said more gently, realizing she was distraught, as Spike had indicated. It would do no good to get her upset again.
“So I get punished because I'm in pain?” She sniffled, tears gathering in her eyes again.
“No, no, dear, it’s not a punishment. Its caution that comes with wisdom from past mistakes, that’s all.”
“Well, I’m just doing the best that I can, sorry if it’s not enough for you guys. Sorry for the inconvenience,” she muttered angrily as she hung up on him.
The phone began ringing again, but Willow refused to answer it. She didn’t need Giles telling her what she should or shouldn’t do - he wasn’t her father! She could do spells if she wanted. Gathering her clothes to get ready for the day, she grabbed her towel and headed for the showers… saying a little spell before she shut the door.
“Tempus vernum veritas.” Only time will tell the truth.
That was focused enough even for the goddess Hecate herself.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Just FYI, this is not a usual 'Something Blue' fic, in case you haven't noticed. Plus, I think Willow will grow up a little more quickly than she did in the series. *Direct quotes from the episode 'Something Blue.'***Any and all facts come from the series "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" which is full of trivial knowledge!**