“May misfortune follow you the rest of your life… but never catch up!” Spike yelled as he raised his shot glass of whiskey.
“May you win a lottery and spend it… `hic… all on doctors!” Xander boomed, clinking his glass with Spike’s.
Willow chimed in, “May the people who dance on your grave get cramps in their legs!” She giggled loudly, dribbling a little of the liquor down her chin.
Anya cleared her throat and yelled, “May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support!” Everyone laughed uproariously.
Even with the deafening din of the music, Xander, Spike, Anya, and Willow could be heard shouting curses and toasts to one another or towards anyone in general. They had been doing this for the past hour, slowly but surely getting snockered in the process… especially since Spike was buying enough whiskey to fund the whole of Scotland.
Willow had woken up when Spike first raised his arm to a toast, looked for her drink that he’d downed earlier, and complained long enough that he started foisting shots on her. She gagged on the first few, but with her tongue blissfully numb, she tossed back the rest like a pro. Anya followed suit, gulping anything that was put in front of her.
Buffy was utterly baffled with the group.
She questioned Spike as to where he got the money for whiskey since he was always hitting up the Scoobies for cash to fund whatever habit he chose to indulge in at that moment. He just smirked at her, pushed up his pant leg and pulled out a large roll of bills from his boot and assured her, “Got me enough dosh, pet. And no, I didn’t steal it!” He didn’t elaborate any further, despite her skeptical expression, and turned back to drinking with the group.
The redheaded witch was too trashed to really comprehend why playing drinking games with a master vampire was so not of the good, even though said vamp was neutered. Buffy just kept a close eye on their actions making sure no funny business was going on. She didn’t trust Spike, well… not that much… okay she trusted that he would get too messed up to actually cause any real harm if he tried to hurt someone. With that, she relaxed… a bit.
Xander was confusing as hell. All his grumbling and unaccounted bitterness about the vampire in their midst did not help explain why he was now treating Spike as if he was a long-lost drinking buddy. She thought Riley and Xander would get along great, if they actually ever met, but the more she thought on it, the deeper her frown became.
Riley’s a doofus, she idly thought.
The blond vamp swiveled his head towards her with a frown. Who’s Riley?
You can hear me over this loud music? She stared at Spike skeptically. And Riley is none of your business.
He shrugged and returned to his drink, watching the Scoobies interact over the rim of his glass. Probably some enormous hall-monitor type wanting to keep you after school, he suggested, baiting her.
He’s got a big paddle, too. She smirked at his fuming glare.
Leaning closer, Spike placed his right hand lightly on her knee and slowly slid his palm up her thigh. Mine’s bigger.
“Oh, please,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.
All eyes turned to her, the Scoobies unable to hear their internal dialogue.
“Ugh, I can’t win… I just… can’t… win.” She bent forward and started banging her forehead on the edge of the table, mumbling about stupid thoughts running amuck and messing up her already crappy life even more.
Spike put his hand underneath the spot where Buffy’s head hit the table and softened her next blow. “What you on about, Slayer?” he asked confused.
She blinked at the unexpected gesture and rubbed her sore forehead. “Nothing… it was nothing,” she answered absentmindedly. He eyed her closely as she gave him a false smile, then slowly turned back to gulp another shot, glancing every now and then at her.
Pouring another, the pleasantly buzzed vamp asked the waiter for another glass. Once in hand, he filled it and pushed it towards the Slayer. “Drink up, it’ll help,” he slightly slurred.
She looked at it like it was the plague. “Um, no thank you,” she said sweetly, shoving it back across the table to him.
“C’mon, it’ll relax you.” He pushed it back to her.
“I think everyone remembers when I had the fun beer-fest and went one million years B.C., right?” she asked the group, shoving the drink back to Spike once again.
“Sadly without the fuzzy bikini,” Xander mused dreamily.
Anya pinched Xander’s leg, hard. “Off topic, Xander.”
“Right. Topic now,” he quickly amended, rubbing his bruised thigh. “Probably not the best idea, giving the Buffster a drinky-poo.” He laughed as he wiggled his fingers at her, totally sloshed.
Curling his tongue behind his teeth, Spike leered at her, eyebrow raised. “Think I’d like to meet Cave Buffy, sounds right primitive.” He moved the drink back to her, keeping his hand on the glass to prevent her from pushing it back. I’ll make sure you get home safely, Slayer, he added silently.
Her eyes widened at his words even though she fumed and glared. “Fine, but I’m not responsible for what happens when I can’t remember my own name,” she warned, giving in. Grabbing the shot, she lifted it to her nose and smelled it, grimacing. “How can you guys drink this stuff?”
“Ah, can’t tastes anythingy,” Willow giggled.
Buffy looked at the state her best friend was in tried not to laugh. The redhead was completely smashed and the others were soon headed that way. She didn’t have to worry about driving since all of them lived within walking distance and it was a load off her mind.
Shrugging her shoulders and bracing herself, she raised her glass. “Here goes nothing.” Knocking back the shot, she immediately gagged as it burned all the way down her throat to warm her stomach. “Bleahh! God that’s horrible!”
“Just the first few, Slayer… here, drink another,” Spike assured her and poured another round for everyone. “More toasts!” he yelled.
More?
Lots more.
Pointing his drink to Anya, he suggested, “Demon girl starts this time.”
The ex-demon lifted her eyes to the right to think of something. “Oh, I know!” She held out her shot glass to the others. “May your daughter’s beauty be admired by everyone in the circus!” Resounding laughter ensued and they guzzled their drinks.
“My turn! My turn!” Xander bellowed. “For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, a cheer. For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer!” A mighty chorus of ‘yeah’ and ‘here here’ sounded from the table.
By this time, Buffy had three shots of whiskey and understood that numb feeling that Willow had described. Sniggering a little, she found she couldn’t stop as she slapped the tabletop and fanned herself, laughing so hard she was turning red. Spike poured another round.
“Red?” the vamp prompted as he pointed the bottle towards Willow.
Bleary-eyed, she snickered and raised her glass. “May your nose hairs grow so long they strain your soup!” she laughed as she swallowed her shot. The group groaned with a few ‘eww’s’ here and there.
“Hmm, let’s see now,” Spike said, concentrating. “Ah, champagne to our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends!” Everyone laughed as they turned to Buffy for her contribution.
Panicking because she couldn’t really find anything witty to say, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind, jumbled and drunk as she was. “May I live long enough to dust you!”
A dead silence gripped the group as all eyes turned to Spike, his disappointment apparent to everyone at the table. Lowering his gaze, he knew the game was finished when the group slipped out of their chairs, wobbling as they tried in vain to stand still.
Buffy panicked and tried to back track, rather awkwardly. “I’m… I’m… sorry, I just don’t know how to play the game!”
A few coughs, some cleared throats, and a few sideway glances told her that she had effectively broken the good mood that everyone had been partaking of, regardless if it was because of the vampire she had just toasted to being a future big bile of dust.
Willow frowned at Buffy then turned to Spike, grabbing his hands. “Hey, c’mon, this song is great!” She tugged him towards the dance floor as a particular heavy trance song started to play.
Xander and Anya were barely coordinated enough to follow them, leaving a distraught Slayer sitting alone at the table, watching her friends leave with Spike.
“It's nice to see you brought your boogie shoes tonight, Will,” Xander commented as he pulled Anya along.
“Yeah… I-I know I've been sort of a party-poop lately, so I said to myself… Self! It's time to shake and shimmy it off,” she laughed, smiling at Spike as he reluctantly followed.
He didn’t think this was such a good idea, everyone being drunk off their arses and all, as Xander could barely stand and Willow was hanging on his arm more than pulling or dragging him. He turned back to look at the Slayer and his heart tightened. She was pouring herself another drink, looking very small as she sat there and he could smell the tears misting her lashes even from this distance.
“Red, what about the Slayer?” the blond asked, halting her pulling movements.
She looked over at Buffy and grimaced, looking downcast. “It's me, isn't it?”
Puzzled, he looked between Willow and Buffy. “What’re you on about?”
“Well, you came with Buffy but then things became awkward and you settled for me. I-I just happened to drag you out here to dance and I think you came with me because of some misguided sense of pity and I must not even be remotely attractive if I can’t entice a guy of the undead variety-”
Spike place a firm finger over her flapping lips. Her nervous shuffle and deflating self-confidence spoke volumes. Right, then… time to cheer her up. “Piffle!” he said as he raised her chin so she could see his face.
She wrung her hands anxiously. “I mean, I know you can’t bite anyone and I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, oh, you're like a sister to me, or, oh, you're such a good friend,” she intoned sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
“Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat, if I didn’t have this shit scrambling my brains every time I even thought about it.”
Her eyebrows raised in shock. “Really?”
Spike shuffled his feet and mumbled, “Thought about it.”
“When?” She’d never seen anything to indicate Spike might think of her as anything more than a Scooby-shaped pain-in-the-tuchis… and that was pushing it.
He waggled his eyebrows and somewhat leered at her. “Remember last year, you had on that... fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?”
“Seriously? I never would have guessed. You played the blood lust kinda cool,” she said, doubting his words.
“Mmm, well I hate being obvious. All fang-y and grrr! Takes the mystery out, you know?” He demonstrated with clawed hands the way he would have reached for her throat, if not for a minor shock that stopped him short. He grimaced and shook his head, smiling slightly.
“If you could...” Willow said softly, noticing the pain that swept across his face.
“Yeah, Red, if I could.” He nodded and then grinned fully.
She smiled shyly and tried to give him back a little of what he gave her… self-confidence. “You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.”
He snorted in disbelief. “Don't patronize me.”
Laughing, she pulled him further onto the dance floor where Xander and Anya were already working up a sweat. A niggling sensation started crawling up his spine as he and the witch stopped in the middle of the throng of people, turning once again to check on Buffy, his body rigid as he froze.
Three overly large jocks surrounded her and she was still tossing back shots like she was a pro. She was very animated in her conversations with the hulking mass of men, one of them even pointing to the almost empty bottle of whiskey and shaking his head.
“Tosser needs to mind his business,” Spike muttered, hackles raised.
Wondering why her dance partner wasn’t into the groove, Willow glanced past his shoulders to see what had captured his attention. “Oh, it’s Riley!” she said loud enough to draw said man’s notice and waved at him.
The moment Riley heard Willow’s voice, he turned to seek out the redhead amongst the crowd. The chill that had slowly been creeping up Spike’s spine finally settled in the base of his brain as he beheld the face of the boyish grunt, resounding alarm and need for survival prompting him to start backing up bit by bit into the shadows, tugging the witch along.
“C’mon Red, gotta dance, yeah?” There was a panicked tone to his voice and his grip on her hands was causing twinges to fire in his brain.
Willow furrowed her brow. “It’s just Riley… he likes Buffy,” she explained moving with him closer to the back of the club. Finally they reached the edge and started dancing, Spike pulling her close and whispering in her ear.
“That may be, but that’s a bloody Commando she’s got with her!”
Her eyes widened in dread as she looked back towards Buffy and noticed Riley heading their way. “Oh crap, oh mercy, Spike, he’s coming!” She maneuvered the vamp and herself further into the crowd and near the back door. Once they were near enough, she shoved him towards the door and whispered loudly, “Get outta here… run!”
Spike looked at her for moment, not believing what she was doing for him. He grabbed her arms, pulled her to him, and planted a scorching kiss on her parted lips.
“Thanks, Red… I owe ya.”
He didn’t stay to see the profuse blush that crawled up Willow’s neck and into her face as she watched him run out the door into the night, hoping he would find shelter. She stood there dazed and lightly touching her lips, reliving the awesomeness that was such a hot kiss. Maybe he would… if he could, she thought wistfully. A hand clamping down on her shoulder startled her out of her reverie.
“Hey, Willow, who you dancing with?” Riley looked around the crowd for the white head he was sure was with her before. Only one thing he knew had that shade of platinum on his head… Hostile Seventeen.
“Um, no one right now… wanna dance?” She was edgy and wanted to keep Riley from following Spike.
Deciding to play along because he could tell she was lying, he nodded and began moving, rather awkwardly, to the rhythm the music provided. Knowing he had more important matters to deal with, such as tracking the Sub T, he pushed his objective to the side to concentrate on ingratiating himself to Buffy’s friends, hoping they would speak highly of him enough so he could ask her on a real date.
“So… does Buffy ever talk about me? Like, has she ever said-”
Willow cut him off quickly. “Nope, sorry.”
Taken aback at her abrupt response, he faltered for a moment but composed himself. “Well… that's discouraging.” Maybe this wouldn’t be as easy as he first thought. I just need to get her on my side is all. “Still, I feel like I have a fighting chance with my new accomplice,” he smirked and tried to waggle his eyebrows.
She wasn’t falling for that scheme either, frowning and thinking he was having a seizure. “I'm not your accomplice,” she said seriously.
Either she’s been burnt by love or she’s naturally bitter, he thought unkindly of the redhead as he was once again shot down. “Um, no, no. Of course not,” he agreed hesitantly.
“I'm not,” she reiterated, eyes narrowed. She knew what kind of game he was playing. And now, knowing he was part of the Commando group, well… there was no way she would help him gain Buffy’s affections.
“You're not,” he confirmed, nodding his head.
The music had wound down and they moved off the dance floor, both ill at ease with each other, heading towards the table where Buffy was sitting with Graham and Forrest. Willow noticed her friend was still drinking and her face was a mixture of confusion and irritation with the men surrounding her. She would have to tell Buffy about Riley and his lackeys, but they were still too drunk to really comprehend why it was important at this point. So, the witch kept her mouth shut until they were by themselves. But, she could still scare Riley into leaving Buffy alone… hopefully.
Before reaching the table, Willow pulled on his arm and he turned towards her. “We're clear, right?” she intoned in a low and deadly voice, eyes flashing red.
The large man had the grace not to wet himself. “We're clear,” he whispered, watching her walk ahead to sit next to Buffy.
Just what the hell kind of friends did Buffy have, anyway?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Direct quotes from "Something Blue" and "The Initiative." ***Just so you know, I've really messed with the timeline with the dialouge...taking bits and pieces here and there to fit it where I want it. You'd recognize that in the previous chapters. As for Willow's spell...it will become increasingly apparent what she did later in the fic, so don't expect to understand all the dynamics of it right now. Again, I have played with the timeline (since this a seriously AU fic) a lot, so if you have a pet peeve about this...well...um...sorry! **Any and all facts come from the series "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader" which is full of trivial knowledge!**