Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
After Buffy had managed to pull herself together she headed home. Although lately it hadn’t been feeling like a home. Buffy and Spike had bought it together to raise their family in. The nursery was already decorated and everything. Often Buffy would find herself going to sleep, crying on the rocking chair in the nursery.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when
As Buffy unlocked the door she found an envelope on the floor inside. One the front was written ‘Buffy, My Love’. She instantly recognized it as Spike’s handwriting. But before opening it she decided to change into her Yummy Sushi Pj’s as they always comfort her and she grabbed a box of tissues, preparing for the waterworks.
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
She slowly opened the envelope and breathed in the scent deeply as she could still smell the scent of Spike on it. It smelt like leather, Tobacco and what could be old spice.
‘Here it goes’ she said to herself.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
Dear Buffy,
Thinking back now I see how much I hurt you with my harsh words, and I know the fact I was drunk doesn’t in any way excuse what I said. The most important thing I feel you must know is that I do not blame you. It was an accident and I hold no blame on you. However I think I blamed myself for the accident and unfortunately and unforgivably took my anger out on you.
I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I know how much you’re hurting ‘cos I feel the same luv. I’m writing you this letter as my apology and goodbye. I don’t want to leave luv but I feel this is something I must do, for a while anyway.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I don’t know when ill be back but please know this and never forget this. I Love You, I love you as much as I did the first day we met and will never stop loving you. It’s selfish of me to ask you to wait for me.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
I just want to see you happy again and if that’s with another man hopefully I will be able to understand and luv don’t forget who knows what the future holds.
Your Love for always
William Pratt
Or Your Spike xoxoxo
P.S. Remember I will always find you
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
‘Oh God, is this what dying feels like? Please don’t leave me. You promised you’d be the one who would never leave me. Why does everyone always leave me? What is wrong with me?’
This was the last thing Buffy remembered thinking as everything else after that felt like a dream. A horrible dream, that wouldn’t end.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
She stayed on the couch all night. Crying thinking she couldn’t possibly have any more tears after what she had been through but she kept finding more. The worst part was she knew he was already gone. He wasn’t waiting somewhere for her to come to him. He had left there was no doubt in that. So now all Buffy had left was the memories and the small hope that one-day maybe he will return to her.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Author's Note: I know a lot of you found this story really angsty and you thought Spike was a jackass but hopefully this chapter gives you an insight into Spikes feeleings as i think he can redeem himself. Also the song used was Goodbye My Lover by the wonderful james blunt.
Im under the word limit so im just going to blab on here.
i got my buffy clock today off of ebay which im loving except for the fact i cant sleep with the ticking noise lol so thats a lil impractical. I also found the buffy xbox game yesterday and bought it... now i just got to get myself an xbox lol.
Now im just going to leave some lyrics from another James Blunt song which i LOVE
I would call you up every saturday night
And we'd both stay out 'til the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing, "Here we go again"
Simona
Wish I was sober
So I could see clearly now
The rain has gone
Simona
I guess it's over
My memory plays our tune
The same old song
I would call you up every saturday night
And we'd both stay out 'til the morning light
And we sang, "Here we go again"
And though time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing, "Here we go again"
Thats 1973 and i kind of love it more then i should lol
So i should be updating soon as i have figured the direction i am going in with this story so until next update XD
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