Chapter 12
Spike returned home later that day after his search for Buffy got him nowhere. He just hoped that she was already there. Spike got his wish when he entered his room and once again saw her sitting on his bed.
“Thank God, I was going crazy looking for you. Buffy, about what you heard today…”
She held up her hand to stop him, taking a deep breath. “Is there any way you said that just to piss Angel off?”
Spike shook his head and moved closer to her. “No, it was the truth. I just wasn’t exactly planning on blurting it out like that.”
Buffy glanced down to see his bruised knuckles. “You’re hurt.”
Spike noticed what she was referring to and shrugged. “You should see the other bloke,” he said with a smile, then got to the point. “He was telling lies about you. Besides, I did warn him. Not my fault the bugger doesn’t know how to listen.”
That brought a small smile to her face, which she quickly wiped off. “You should put some ice on it.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Would you forget about my bloody hand? We need to talk, Buffy. You can’t just avoid what happened today.”
She threw her hands up in the air. “What do you want me to say, Spike? How am I supposed to deal with something like this? You’ve been like a brother to me for the last ten years.”
He cringed at those words, never wanting her to think of him as a brother.
“Your parents practically adopted me, so excuse me for being a little freaked out. I think I’m allowed to be right now. Were you ever going to tell me?”
Spike took in a deep breath to hopefully calm himself. “I’m telling you now.”
“Only because I overheard you, it’s not like you could just deny what I heard. How long have you felt this way? How could I have never known?” she wondered.
“Well, you’re not exactly very good at that sort of thing.”
She glared at him. “Oh, that will get you lots of points. How long, Spike?”
He shut his eyes, opening them a second later to gaze into hers. “Since the beginning of sophomore year. It might have been before that, but I didn’t realize it until then.”
Her eyes widened. “So, you’re saying that I’ve basically been oblivious for about two years now?”
“I wanted to tell you, pet. I thought about it so many bloody times, but I just didn’t know how. I guess I wanted to avoid seeing the look of fear on your face, kind of like the one you’re wearing now,” he told her.
“Why would I be afraid?”
Spike stepped closer to her. “I love you, Buffy.”
She turned away from him, but he wouldn’t let her.
“No, don’t do that. This is what I meant. You can’t handle those words. I can already see you putting your wall back up to keep me out, but you don’t have to do that with me. I’ll do whatever I can to make you believe that I really do love you.”
Buffy felt the tears in her eyes as she looked back at him. “It’s hard to believe that anyone could love me, especially you. I’ve been so horrible to you, Spike.”
He smiled warmly, wiping away one of her tears with his thumb. “Yeah, but that’s just part of your charm.”
She laughed a little at that.
“We’ve both said and done things that we’re not proud of. You can be a right bitch sometimes and say cruel things, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to stop loving you. You’re too far inside my heart now, Buffy. That’s not about to ever change. You’re it for me.”
Buffy could tell how sincere he was, but was still having a hard time accepting it. “What do you want me to say?” she asked again.
Spike gave it some consideration this time. “The truth, even if it happens to be hurtful. I want you to tell me what’s in your heart. If you really don’t have any feelings for me, then I’ll never bring this up again and we can try to get on with our lives.”
She nodded. “And if I do?”
Spike felt hope in those words, but couldn’t be sure if they really meant anything. “Then we’ll see what happens; take it one day at a time. It’s up to you.”
“You’re just going to let me be the one to decide what happens?”
Spike nodded as well. “It’s your call, Buffy.”
She took a moment before answering him. “I don’t know what I want. I think I need time to think about this, Spike. It’s all a lot to take in.”
Spike ran his hands down her arms to assure her that he was all right with her choice. “It’s fine, you take all the time you need. It’s not like I’m going anywhere. Hell, I’m just relieved that you didn’t kick me in the head and throw me out of here.”
Buffy was having a hard time paying attention to his words; too busy focusing on the chills that went up her spine at his touch. She never reacted like that to Spike before, then smiled when his words finally registered with her. “This is your room, I can’t kick you out.”
Spike returned her smile. “Oh, you would find a way.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and suddenly felt nervous. “Buffy, can I tell you something that I’ve wanted to say for a long time now?”
Buffy only nodded and hoped that she wouldn’t regret it.
Spike took another deep breath, letting it out after a few seconds. “You’re so bloody gorgeous. When you get all angry at me, your eyes shine and your nose scrunches up in the most adorable way. It fucking turns me on.”
She laughed and slapped his chest playfully. “Is that why you keep pissing me off?”
He grinned. “You could say that.”
Buffy shook her head. “You’re unbelievable, but now I’m curious about something. You technically had these feelings for me while you were Faith, then. I have to say, that’s kinda creepy.” She paused when something occurred to her. “God, please don’t tell me you were thinking of me when you were with her?” The guilty look on his face was all that she needed to know. “Okay, forget I asked. I think I’ve heard enough for one night. Well, one more thing. Why were you with her?”
“I was sixteen and wanted to get laid, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Nothing I’m really proud of, though.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, my questions are done now. I’ll just talk to you tomorrow.”
Spike grabbed her arm before she could leave. “We’re okay, right?”
Buffy nodded again and was about to press a quick kiss to his cheek, but he turned and caused her to get his lips instead. She pulled away in surprise.
“I was getting sick of the bloody cheek,” he explained coyly.
Buffy had to smile. “I’ll keep that in mind. Goodnight, Spike.”
He let out a sigh once she left the room, feeling his heart swell. The conversation went a lot better than he thought it would. Spike spent a little time actually doing homework before he decided to turn in. He lay down in his bed later, once again staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t understand why, but just knew that Buffy would not be having a nightmare that night. It wasn’t long until he drifted off into a peaceful sleep, with a soft smile on his face.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay, I'm back now. A little later than usual, but I had the privilege of meeting James Marsters over the weekend. I just have to say those who said meeting him gave them inspiration were definitely not kidding. I think I might be inspired to write a lot more now. Well, I'm going to try. He really is the sweetest man, but now I'm happy to be getting back to this story. I hope you guys would still be with me, and that you enjoy this chapter. Thanks so much to everyone that reviewed the last one=)