Chapter 3

“Mommy, why aren’t you getting up? It’s too early to be sleeping.” Buffy continued to nudge her mother’s body, but couldn’t wake her. She felt a warm wetness on her fingers and looked down at her hands to see the blood that coated them. She moved away from the body, only to notice a pool of blood form around her mother’s head.

“You weren’t supposed to be here. I was very careful about that.”

Buffy gazed into the cold eyes of the man that murdered her parents. He wasn’t wearing a mask, so she could see him very clearly.

The man raised his gun, with shaky fingers and pointed the weapon in her direction. “I won’t make the same mistake again,” he spat, then pulled the trigger.


Buffy woke with a start, glancing around at her surroundings. She sighed in relief and lay back down, staring up at the ceiling. It would be hard to get back to sleep after that.


* * * * *


Spike nearly jumped out of his skin when Buffy appeared in the kitchen. He wished she wouldn’t sneak up on him sometimes, but recognized the expression on her face. It was one she wore almost every night.

“Another nightmare?”

All she could do was nod.

He nodded as well. “Hot chocolate?”

That got a tiny smile out of her. “With those little marshmallows?”

Spike returned her smile. “It wouldn’t be the same without them. I couldn’t sleep myself, figured I would have a late night snack.”

Buffy sat down and watched Spike fix them two cups of hot chocolate; it was like a tradition with them.

He placed her cup in front of her once he was finished, then sat down beside her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head and looked away from his intense stare, blowing into her cup and taking a long sip of the hot liquid.

Spike didn’t pry after that. He had a feeling about what plagued her dreams, anyway.

Buffy was willing to talk about anything else, so she immediately changed the subject. “Faith wants to get back together with you.”

Spike made the mistake of taking a gulp of the hot chocolate when she said that, which caused him to spit it out onto the table. He coughed and wiped his mouth, staring at her in shock. “You didn’t tell her I wanted that, did you? It would be a cold day in Hell before I ever consider getting back together with that bitch. Besides, what we had isn’t exactly what I would call dating.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I know, all you had was lots of sex. Trust me, I’ve heard about it enough to last me a lifetime.”

Spike blushed; he really wished Faith wouldn’t tell her about that. He knew that neither one of them was a virgin, but it felt weird to talk to Buffy about his sexual experience. Just as it would for him to hear about hers. “It wasn’t that much.”

Buffy scoffed. “Yeah, sure it wasn’t. I thought most teenage guys were only after sex, anyway. If that was all your relationship was, then why would you want to get out of it?”

“Believe it or not, but I want more than that in a relationship. Faith was a nice enough bird when we first met, but then she started to be a bit too much for me to handle. The biggest mistake I ever made was introducing the two of you.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows. “Why exactly was that a mistake?”

It was Spike’s turn to roll his eyes. “I see how you get whenever you’re around her. You act like a completely different person, with your dark make up and slutty outfits. That’s not you, Buffy.”

“And you think you have me all figured out? How do you know that’s not the real me? Maybe Faith just brought my real personality out.”

Spike shook his head. “I don’t believe that. I’ve known you for ten years, Buffy. I think I would know how you really are. You put on an act for her, but you really don’t have to. There’s nothing wrong with being yourself.”

Buffy got up to rinse her cup out in the sink, then turned around to glare at him. “You’re really one to talk, William. What about the way you act? You used to be this bookish nerd, and now you’re all about the leather and being a bad ass? That’s not the real you, either. You’re just pretending to be cool, so the jocks won’t pick on you anymore.”

Spike felt hurt by her words, but wasn’t about to let her know that. “I may have changed a bit on the outside, but I’m still the same on the inside. You’ve changed more than you think, pet. I know Faith isn’t all to blame for that. You’ve gone through something traumatic, something no one your age should ever have to experience. I know you still have nightmares about what happened. I just wish you would talk to me about it, let me help you.”

She held her hand up to stop him. “I’m not having this conversation with you, okay? I don’t need you to shrink me, Spike. How many times do I have to say that I’m fine before you start believing me? I don’t need therapy, and I don’t need your help. I’m not a little kid anymore, people grow up and they change. It’s the way of the world. I happen to like the person I am now and if you can’t accept me, then that’s really not my problem.”

Spike sighed as he watched her walk away. No matter how long he knew Buffy, he didn’t think he would ever understand her.


* * * * *


He was still finding it hard to sleep later that night, knowing that he would pay for that when it was time to get up for school. Buffy’s room was right across from his and he wanted to stay awake long enough to see if she would need him. Spike figured there was no way she would ask for his help, but he could at least hope. The nightmares were starting to get worse and he just wanted to be there for her, anyway that he could. She would spend nights tossing and turning, sometimes she would cry out loud enough for him to hear, but not enough to disturb his parents. They never knew how bad it was for her, and he wasn’t about to tell them. Spike didn’t think she would ever forgive him if he did that. Another hour went by and still nothing from Buffy, so he assumed it was going to be a quiet night. Spike finally let himself relax and soon drifted off to slumber.





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