Chapter 7
Spike barged through Buffy’s bedroom door, only to see her screaming and thrashing around in her sleep. He ran over to her and grabbed her arms first, holding them as to avoid her hitting him. He carefully sat down on the edge and started to shake her.
“Wake up, Buffy. You’re just having another bad dream. Come back to me.”
She gasped and sat up with a start, meeting his concerned eyes and bursting into tears.
Spike wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his chest, running his hands soothingly down her back. Luckily, his parents had their room on the other side of the house and with the loud fan that they tended to have on at night, they wouldn’t be likely to hear her screams. He was very grateful for that at the moment, but if things kept getting worse with her, he would have to tell them. No matter how much she might hate him for it. Spike was brought out of his thoughts at the sound of her soft voice. She was repeating something to herself and immediately knew that she wasn’t talking to him. It took all of his concentration to make out what she was saying.
“He’ll come for me,” she whispered over and over.
Spike gently pushed her away to get a good look at her face. “Who’ll come for you, love?” It didn’t look like she would answer him, but she finally spoke after a minute of silence.
“The man that killed my parents. He’s still out there somewhere. He’ll find me, I can feel it.”
That was the last thing he expected to hear. “That was ten years ago, pet. I doubt he’s still in town; you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Besides, he’s not likely to know that you’re the same child from back then. Or that you would even be able to identify him.”
Buffy glanced away from his gaze, knowing that it was finally time to confess the truth. She took a deep breath and focused back on Spike. “He wasn’t wearing a mask. I got a good look at him after he murdered my parents. It’s the same face that haunts my dreams every night. I’ll never forget that face,” she commented with a shudder.
Spike was stunned by this new information. “Why didn’t you ever say anything about that? You could have told the police, Buffy. They probably would have been able to find him sooner. You told everyone that you never saw him. How could you keep something like this a secret?”
Buffy was prepared for the questions, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. “I don’t know, okay? I was just scared. I was only six-years-old and it’s been ten years, I was just hoping everything would go away.”
“Something like this never goes away, Buffy. You’ll never be free of him if you don’t tell someone. You should talk to my parents, they could probably help.”
Buffy shook her head. “No, I can’t tell them. This is just between us, Spike. You can’t say anything. They’ll want me to see a shrink or something. I don’t need therapy.”
Spike knew that he would regret what he said next, but didn’t see any other options. He had to make her listen somehow. “Maybe seeing a therapist is the right thing for you. It might help to talk to a stranger. You just need to talk to someone, Buffy. It doesn’t matter who it is. I feel like I can’t even get through to you anymore, but maybe someone else can.”
Buffy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She flung the covers off of her body and jumped out of bed, moving away from him. “I thought you were my friend. There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m not crazy.”
Spike stood up to face her. “I never said you were, pet. Going to a therapist doesn’t mean that you’re crazy, and of course I’m your friend. I just want what’s best for you.”
“No, you just want me to do what’s best for you. I’m sorry if my nightmares are keeping you awake, but no one is forcing you to come in here. I can handle it by myself. I don’t need you or anyone else.”
Spike took a step closer to her, feeling his heart ache when she kept moving away from him. “Please, Buffy, don’t shut me out. I don’t mind coming in here to keep the nightmares away. I would do it every night if I could. You have to understand how hard this is for me. I hate seeing you in pain.” He finally reached out to pull her into his arms, but she didn’t want to be held. It felt like his heart was breaking when she pushed him away from her, only to have him lose his balance and fall back on the bed.
“You need to leave now. I can sleep on my own tonight. I’ve never needed you, Spike. You were just…convenient.” The look on his face instantly made her regret those words, but she knew there would be no taking them back now.
Spike nodded and stood up, but wasn’t about to let her have the last word. “Fine, if that’s how you want it. I should know by now that you’ll do whatever you want, anyway. Fuck anyone else that tries to help you, but don’t think for one second that I don’t care about you. You can be the biggest bitch in the world and I’ll still care about you, but I give up. You’re not the girl I used to know. If she ever decides to come back, you’ll know where to find me,” with that said, he turned and left the room.
Buffy sat down on her bed once he was gone, tears streaming down her face. She grabbed the picture frame that was on her nightstand, gazing down at the photo of her parents. The only one she had of them. Buffy lightly traced their faces with her finger, her tears falling down onto the glass. She could hardly remember them anymore, but clutched the frame to her chest as she lay back down. Buffy stared up at the ceiling, wondering if they were watching her from above. “I’m sorry, Mommy and Daddy. I’m sorry that I was a terrible daughter. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you.” She was crying harder with the last words, turning on her side and pouring her sorrows out into her pillow. It wouldn’t be the first time that she cried herself to sleep. One more thought entered her mind as she finally drifted off to slumber. I’m sorry, William.
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