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LAST ORDERS

CHAPTER TWO

“Spike’s alive?” Dawn screeched hysterically, closely followed by the same question in equally shrill tones from Willow and Xander.

Giles darted his eyes from one to the other, slightly panicked by their reactions. Dawn’s he’d expected, but not the other two. He’d rather been hoping for a slightly muted ‘oh’. Still, there was no putting the vampire back in the bag now, so he swallowed hard and carried on.

“Yes. I’ve recently found out that he survived a – well, I suppose one can only describe it as an apocalypse – that was averted by Angel and his group in LA. You were all aware that Angel had allied with Wolfram and Hart, you especially Xander given your recent training?” They all nodded, Dawn warily with narrowed eyes. “Well, it would appear that I misjudged Angel badly. It seems that despite my misgivings about him being in the belly of the beast, as it were, he was actually working from within. A heated battle ensued in which all but one combatant lost their lives, or should that be more accurately, lost their existence. Spike survived.”

Dawn spluttered in an effort to get the words out of her mouth before they choked her. “But …but…what the hell was Spike doing there anyway? What about the hellmouth, the amulet? Giles, what is going on?”

Giles sighed. “I suppose I should tell you everything.”

Dawn crossed her arms and pouted, leaning back and sulking in her chair. “It might help.”

“Quite. Well, do you recall that I sent Andrew to LA to retrieve Dana, the slayer who had an unfortunate reaction to receiving her powers? Andrew found more than he’d bargained for when he arrived in LA. The information I have about it is sketchy at the moment, although I’m working on filling in the gaps, but according to Andrew, shortly after the Sunnydale hellmouth imploded, Angel took delivery of a package that contained the amulet worn by Spike. Once Angel touched it, it would appear that Spike materialised from the amulet having been contained within it somehow at the very moment that he – died, I suppose. Andrew advised that initially Spike was insubstantial, like a ghost, but a second package triggered him becoming corporeal.”

Xander wrinkled his brow as he spoke. “So, you’re saying that bleach boy’s been back for over a year? And Andrew knew, and never said a word? I’d call that a miracle, the geek can’t hold his own breath.”

Dawn muttered, “I’ll rip his throat out, I swear. He knew all this time, listened to me ranting about Buffy and he never even blushed. I’m so going to kick his ass.”

“Don’t blame Andrew, Dawn. He was following my orders, and it appears Spike’s request not to tell Buffy. Spike had things he had to work through, he told Andrew. And I…well, I may have misjudged things I admit, but I had the best of intentions. I hadn’t made my mind up what I was going to tell Buffy, when news came of Angel’s final battle and by that time I thought it best to leave it as it was.”

Willow picked up on Giles’ words and asked a question that was on everybody’s mind. “Angel’s final battle? Do you mean…is Angel gone?” She was surprised at how much that thought hurt her, having had so little contact with the vampire for such a long time. She wouldn’t have thought he meant anything to her, but apparently she was wrong because she could feel tears building in her throat.

Giles gave a slight nod. “Yes, I’m afraid so. There were rumours that somebody had survived, but I thought it mere gossip, until I received an unexpected telephone call about a month ago.”

“Oh this is just great! I’ve been dealing with Depresso!Buffy for the last year and a bit and you could have made things better a month ago? You so owe me Giles, there’s gonna have to be payback.”

“Yes, I expect there will be, Dawn. Of many kinds. The telephone call was from an acquaintance of mine who thought I’d be the best person to deal with his slight predicament. It would appear that Spike had been badly wounded in the battle – apparently there was a dragon, would you believe…but of course, that’s for later – but he had somehow managed to drag himself into a shady area to hide from the sun where he must have been almost comatose for a number of days. My friend came across what he thought was a dead body…” Giles thought on those words for a moment before continuing. “Although, I suppose that’s exactly what it was…is…but I digress…”

“Ya think?” Xander muttered sarcastically.

“Have I told you just how much I’ve missed these meetings?” Giles replied haughtily before continuing his tale. “On turning Spike over, he recognised immediately that he was a vampire and was about to stake him when Spike mumbled Buffy’s name. My friend’s curiousity was sufficiently piqued to stay his hand, the name not being common and the fact that a vampire was uttering it intriguing him, and having taken precautions he removed Spike back to his home. Needless to say, when Spike came round to find himself chained he was not altogether happy, but managed, as he always seems to do, to make himself at home and engage my friend in conversation. Spike must have been convincing because shortly after that I received the telephone call from my friend, and subsequently, from Spike.”

“You’ve spoken to him? Oh, Buffy’s going to be so mad at you! I’d start running now.” Dawn couldn’t sort out her emotions. Spike was back. She was ecstatic. Spike was back. She was so pissed off with him, and with Giles. Spike was back. She missed him so much. Much of her snark was bluster, but she was a little upset that she’d been kept out of the loop when she’d spent so many hours of each day trying to make things right for Buffy when Giles had the remedy right there.

“Yes, I’ve spoken to him. I have to say, he seemed quite changed to me. Still recognisably Spike, but – and I hesitate to say this – more mature. The experience in the hellmouth and the circumstances of his return appear to have made quite an impression on him, never mind the work he did with Angel in fighting The Dark Thorn and Wolfram and Hart. From what my friend told me, and my own observations, Spike particularly mourns the loss of Angel which I find quite surprising given their uneasy relationship.”

Dawn snorted. “You’ve never understood Spike, have you? Or Angel for that matter. You know a lot about how to kill vampires, but not how they live. It’s the blood, Giles, remember? It’s always about the blood. They were family. Of course he mourns.” Dawn swallowed down a tear. Her heart ached for Spike even more.

“I’m kinda sad that Angel’s gone,” Xander said, surprising everybody including himself. “I just thought he’d always be here so I could make fun of his hair and tell him he’d never have Buffy. Wait…no…that’s what Spike did. Dammit, I’m becoming a clone. That vampire has thrall, I tell you. Well, I’m not being the bug-eating minion for him, that’s a promise. And anyway – where is he?”

“Yeah, Giles. Where is the one thing my sister’s been missing so much she’s been dying little by little every day?”

“Do stop the overly dramatic language, Dawn. It doesn’t become you, and if you’ll let me continue... He’s at my house in Bath.”

Dawn jumped to her feet. “Well, let’s go! What are you waiting for? Xander, will you drive….come on!”

Xander and Willow stood up, unsure what to do when Giles remained seated. They edged away slowly, but it was clear that Giles wasn’t budging.

“Giles? Come on…” Dawn implored.

“Sit down, please. I realise you want to go rushing off, but trust me when I say that would be the worst thing you could do. I told you – Spike’s changed. He needs to do things his way, and so far he’s not suggested a desire to see Buffy, or to talk to her.”

Dawn gasped and plonked herself down again at the table. This wasn’t going at all well; to hear that Spike was back then to be told he didn’t want to see Buffy was just too much. He always wanted to see Buffy. And if he didn’t – well, she just didn’t know how she would deal with it, and Buffy…she couldn’t even think about that.

Xander voiced her thoughts as he and Willow returned to the table. “Wow. The world really must have ended; Spike not wanting to see Buffy? Never thought I’d see the day. Are you sure it’s Spike, Giles?”

Giles nodded, wondering whether to tell them that he hadn’t been entirely forthcoming with the vampire about what Buffy felt for him, and the effects of his absence. He decided against it, just yet. “Yes, it’s Spike, and don’t worry – he is still as obsessed about Buffy as he always was, it’s just that he needs to know that she feels something for him. What did he say – and I apologise for the phrasing – he didn’t want to be …ahem…pussy whipped any longer.” Giles blushed up a storm and it grew deeper as Dawn giggled and Willow hid her smile behind her hand. “Thank you very much for not making me feel at all awkward, it’s much appreciated”, Giles huffed sarcastically.

Dawn leaned forward and looked earnestly at Giles. “I can’t believe he won’t want to see Buffy, no matter what. Can we just go and see him? Please?”

Giles tried hard to resist the teenager’s doe-like eyes, but succumbed shamefully in the face of her earnest gaze. Truthfully, he didn’t know what else to do, slowly dragging back the chair and standing. “Very well. It will take about two hours to reach Bath so I suggest we leave immediately. And Xander – I’ll drive, thank you. I’d rather like to reach the house in one piece.”

Xander shrugged and swept his arm before him, letting Giles lead the way to the Range Rover outside, remembering to call shotgun just as Dawn opened her mouth to do the same.

+ + + +

The house was dark when Buffy returned home, and she supposed Dawn would be in bed. The bar had been extra busy tonight, and it was gone 3.00 am when she finally made it back, having encountered a vampire couple who tried to make her the filling in their sandwich. She fixed herself a quick snack and headed to bed, flicking on the radio to listen to cheesy nighttime love songs. Her maudlin mood of yesterday had continued and she’d received very little in tips tonight, her sourpuss face not really pushing the punters’ buttons. Not that she cared.

Eventually she drifted off to sleep, clutching the fragment of black cloth that was her companion through the dark hours of the night in place of what she really wanted to hold. The dreams came unbidden and she thrashed about in her sleep as she relived battles she’d fought at Spike’s side, remembered shared berserker grins, revelled in the slaughter of demons and celebrated their continued existence in a tangle of warrior-hard limbs and bite-marked flesh.

* * * * *

It hadn’t gone particularly well at the start. Dawn’s cheeks were raw where her angry tears had run, her throat dry with shouting and her arms aching with the effort she’d had to make not to cling to Spike like a silly child. He had looked different, Giles was right. And he was definitely acting differently. Despite Xander suggesting that Giles should maybe ring ahead and warn Spike that they would be arriving, Giles had declined, explaining that he truly didn’t know how Spike would react and couldn’t even swear that the vampire would still be there if he had forewarning.

Consequently, Spike had been truly shocked at the arrival of Dawn, Willow and Xander, and had exchanged heated words with the Watcher. It took a great many heart-stopping minutes before Spike would even sit down and look at them, his entire demeanour indicating that he was ready to flee given the opportunity. Even Dawn’s tearful and garbled ‘so glad you’re back’ speech didn’t raise anything more than a clenched jaw and a lot of unnecessary inhalation, but she’d taken it as a positive sign that he hadn’t turned away from her.

After a flurry of nervous greetings, lots of “I’m well—and you?” from Willow in answer to Spike’s silence, the group sat tensely, Spike not having spoken a word to any of them except Giles, and that only to rant. That was when Dawn had lost her temper in a tantrum of monster proportions and started laying into Spike for letting them all think he was dead when he quite plainly wasn’t. It did the trick, Spike muttering sullenly that he’d been dead for over a century so what was it to her. But by this time Dawn was unstoppable.

“Selfish! That’s what it is – and you won’t even speak to us? And why Giles? Why didn’t you call me – do you hate me that much? And Buffy – don’t you care how she feels? Did you even think about her? You say you love her – prove it! Because from where I’m standing you don’t feel anything for anyone. I thought you were my friend, but I must have been wrong.”

Dawn was panting hard with the exertion of all her bottled up emotions spilling out without passing through the censor of good sense in her head. She didn’t mean much of what she said, but there was a grain of truth, nonetheless.

Spike, for his part, clenched his jaw tighter, obviously struggling to keep his anger in check – and succeeded, because when he answered, it was quietly and calmly. Definitely a different Spike.

“Dawn – I know you’re angry. And you won’t believe me, but seeing you here – it’s bloody wonderful, pet.” He gave a slight, nervous grin before continuing. “But things have happened to me, so many things. I’m not what I was, don’t want to be what I was again. I’ve changed, I’ve had a whole different life since …the hellmouth. I’ve been a hero, been trusted, had friends. Lost every buggering one of ‘em, but I had ‘em. They liked me for me, most of the time at least, and it felt good. Wasn’t like you lot, toleratin’ me just ‘cause I was useful occasionally. They cared for me.”

Xander and Willow half-heartedly shook their heads, but they blushed, knowing that Spike spoke the truth. Even Dawn avoided his eyes, remembering how dismissive and rude she’d been to him in that last year in Sunnydale. She envied the friends that Spike had made, knowing what it was like to be included in that special smile he saved for those he cared about.

Spike sat up straighter, his voice growing stronger as he got into his stride. “Even made it up with Peaches at the final hurdle, and if I could’ve moved quicker, he’d be sitting here with the Spanish Inquisition and I’d be blowing in the wind. Bloke was a champion to the end you know, despite what I've said about him. Fighting his own personal demons as well as the ones plain to everybody else. Bloody hero, deserved more.” He stared into space a little, his eyes suspiciously damp, nostrils flaring.

Xander, of course, couldn’t resist a tiny dig at Spike, more out of habit than anything else, his mouth flapping open and spilling words before he could stop them. “Deserved Buffy, maybe?”

Dawn inhaled sharply, her eyes boring into Spike and readying herself to jump between the vampire and Xander when the inevitable attack came.

It didn’t.

“Yeah, maybe,” Spike said softly. Dawn started to cry. She’d been right; he didn’t love Buffy any more and it was all too late and what would she do now? Buffy would just die, and she couldn’t lose her sister too.

It took Dawn a while to notice the cool arms that encircled her, the gentle whispers and soft strokes to her hair. Eventually she was composed enough to look up into ice blue eyes filled with compassion – and that set her off sobbing again, until she’d simply no more tears to fall.

“Shush, Niblet – what’s all the drama for? Know I’m a bloody mess, but there’s no need to go on.”

Dawn swallowed, her throat raw, her voice scratchy and breaking when she spoke. “Don’t you…love Buffy any more?”

Spike raised her head so that she would see the truth in his eyes. “Nothing will ever stop me loving Buffy – or you, so you can forget about that. But just because I love her, doesn’t mean I’m gonna let myself be kicked around by her any more. Not after what I’ve had. I can’t do it any more, Dawn.” His eyes blazed, underscoring his intention.

Dawn grabbed his shirt, willing him to believe her. “But she loves you! Giles – tell him!” she beseeched.

Spike replied before Giles could. “I know you want to believe that, Dawn, but I was only ever—convenient. She told me so herself, and I’m taking anything different she said those last few nights in old Sunnyhell as battle-crazy ramblings. Isn’t that right, Rupes?”

Dawn looked at Giles in amazement. He couldn’t really have let Spike think…after all the things that had happened with Buffy, surely he hadn’t…? Of course he had. Why wouldn’t he. Stupid, stupid man.

Dawn stood and disentangled herself from Spike’s embrace, stalking over to Giles and slapping him hard across the face. “How could you? You’ve heard her crying at night, the same as I have, seen how thin she is, how unhappy. And you let Spike think she didn’t love him. Go on, deny it.” Dawn crossed her arms, kinking her hips and scowling as only she could.

Giles stuttered, five fingers standing out starkly red against his pale cheek. His eyes shifted warily between the enraged teenager standing in front of him and the vampire visible with tilted head behind her back. “Ahem….well, yes…I haven’t really…the thing is, Spike hasn’t …it’s been difficult, Dawn.” Her eyes narrowed. “But of course you’re quite right, it was wrong of me. I had all the best intentions.”

“Road to hell’s paved with ‘em, Rupert. You should know that,” Spike drawled in an effort to settle down his racing emotions. “Do carry on.” The smile on Spike’s lips hid sharp fangs and a sharp tongue, things which were ever present at the forefront of Giles’ mind as he carried on, nervously.

“It is true, Spike, that Buffy hasn’t been the same since you—ahem—died. But as there was nothing I could do about that, I can hardly be blamed for her suffering, in my opinion. You know full well why Andrew and I didn’t tell anybody that you were back and working with Angel in LA and although I heard rumours of the survival of one of Angel’s group not long after the final battle, I had no idea that it was true, and indeed, of the identity of said person. It was only when my colleague contacted me recently that it became clear that it was you. And yes, I probably should have said something then, but you were so vehement that you had changed and you wanted to do things your own way that - well, suffice to say, I’m not omnipotent, despite how I am expected to have every answer. To err is human, after all.”

Spike raised an eyebrow in reply, the only thing going through his mind the little nugget of hope planted by Dawn that Buffy truly loved him. Her words, her actions – if Dawn believed Buffy, maybe he could?

Giles shuffled his feet, nervously glancing at the group. “And just to get things straight before I'm made to be the bad guy in all this, with hindsight, it would have been better to have told Buffy that Spike was back when I found out about it from Andrew – but that wasn’t entirely my fault, now was it Spike? You were the one who wanted it to be kept secret.”

Spike scowled; the Watcher was right, but for the death of him he couldn’t think why he’d felt so strongly about it at the time. From what Dawn said, and what the Scoobies were inferring, he could have been wrapped in Buffy’s arms the whole time, with Angel drooling on the sidelines. He pursed his lips at the pain the thought of Angel caused him. Family; couldn’t live with them, couldn’t think straight without them, couldn’t make up for lost time when they were gone.

“Yeah, I’ll give you that one. Don’t know what I was thinking, but I all but scared Andrew witless until he promised me he wouldn’t tell. In fact, I’ve still got Boba Fett hostage.”

Xander sniggered, thinking gleefully of how Andrew must have snivelled when Spike grabbed his collectible. Spike smiled directly at him, and Xander felt compelled to add his own comment to Giles’ homily.

“She misses you, Spike. Hate to say it – and you know that’s no lie – but she does. What can I say? The girl’s crazy insane but for some reason a world without you in it isn’t a world she enjoys.”

As Dawn and Willow nodded vigorously to underscore Xander’s words, Spike rattled off a lame insult to Xander’s manhood to hide his delight, his mind now racing with the possibilities that such a revelation offered.

The tension in the room lessened as Spike joked, the walls that had been very apparent when they first arrived in Bath now more or less gone. The silence they shared now was almost companionable. When Spike stood and walked into the hall, the four remaining occupants of the room looked at each other in puzzlement, not daring to speak and shatter the seeming truce.

A peroxide blond head peeped round the door-jamb, familiar smirk now in place, and – Dawn was pleased to see - if not the black duster, certainly a black duster. “Oy! Gramps – get a move on, don’t wanna spend another night watching bloody Big Brother when I could be snogging the Slayer.”

tbc





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