“If you don’t want me to scald my private parts, you’ll take the coffee,” Xander said in exasperation to Buffy.
After the little scene in the tent, Xander had grabbed a cup of steaming coffee and headed in the direction Buffy had gone, while Willow talked with Spike. He was surprised he had any of the liquid left in the cup after tripping several times in the underbrush. Once he found her, sitting on a fallen log with legs curled up into her body in a protective gesture, he thrust what was left of the hot liquid in her face commanding that she take the cup. The first time she ignored him. The second time, he wasn’t so polite.
“Damn it Buffy, get your head out of the clouds and take the fucking cup!” Xander grimaced at the tone of his own voice.
She cringed and took the mug, wrapping her cold hands around it to warm them. “I should never have come on this trip,” Buffy whispered.
“Why? Because of Spike? I thought you were made of sterner stuff, Summers,” Xander asked as he climbed on the log and sat behind her. He sat with his back against hers in an old gesture that they had developed over the years when talking about difficult subjects.
“Maybe I’m not, you haven’t really looked,” she offered lamely.
“Buffy, just cause I’m with Willow doesn’t make me dead, you know,” Xander admonished. “Hell, if I wasn’t with Willow I’d be borrowing a line from Spike and trying to ‘shag your brains out.’ You’re a damn attractive lady and I’m surprised you don’t have guys lined up out the door.”
Buffy snorted in disbelief. “Why is it suddenly I’m attracting the attention of men I had never even thought about in that way? Did I grow a third boob or something?”
Xander chuckled and relaxed when he felt Buffy laugh a little too. “Now that’s something that even Willow couldn’t hold up to,” he pointed out and she laughed a little more.
“In all seriousness though, I think Spike has had it bad for you for a long time…long before I even accepted you were gonna break a couple hearts,” he offered. He felt her pull into herself further as if to escape the truth of the matter.
“How come I never saw it then?” she asked. After all these years of being with the group, this was the first time Spike had let anything slip that he had feelings for her. If he was so all consumed with longing, or lust, or anything, wouldn’t it have shown before this?
“Spike has always kept a reign on his emotions, even as a kid. Guess it’s a by-product of being the kid of a British professor,” Xander explained as he began tossing pieces of broken bark into the clearing. “At get togethers, Uncle Giles would say things like ‘Make sure you properly thank your host and cause them no undo stress in caring for your needs.’”
“You’re kidding? Could a child really understand any of that?”
“Apparently Spike did. The guy was an adult, even as a kid. I’ve never seen his control slip much…except when his parent’s got divorced and around you sometimes,” Xander confirmed.
“Around me? Again, why did I never see it?” Buffy asked.
“You never watched him the way he watches you. Once you were introduced to the group, he followed your every movement. I teased him about it a couple times, told him he was acting like a stalker and that if he was jonesing for you so bad that he should say something. He got this look in his eye the one time and said ‘Mate, sod off. When I want her to know, she’ll know.’ Apparently he wants you to know now,” Xander clarified.
“Ah, yeah, I know now,” she sighed.
“Is that a bad thing, Buffy?” Xander asked as he turned a little towards her. “He’s a great guy who’s had a rigid life. Had to, it kept his heart safe, I feel. Well, at least that is his reasoning, I imagine. It would have been mine too, come to think of it.”
“Mmm, maybe. He told me about the pictures, even showed them to me. They’re actually quite tasteful and, if I didn’t know it was me, very beautiful,” she said in a wistful tone.
“You do know he sees you that way, don’t you? And you’re avoiding my question. Is it so bad to like Spike, even just a little? I mean I know he can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, but it’s a defense mechanism that he’s had for a long time.”
“That’s the problem, Xander. I don’t think it would ever be just ‘like’ with Spike. I feel…no, I know it would be an all-consuming passion with him. There are no half ways with Spike; it’s all or nothing. I’m afraid of losing myself in that, cause I could love the man so very easily with no thought to myself,” she said, reveling to Xander more than she would ever admit.
Xander grinned to himself, glad she couldn’t see his reaction, for she would surely wipe away the smile he had from his face. She had it bad for Spike too, if her confession was any indication. Now, how to go about getting two stubbornly self protected fragile egos together? Xander threw another piece of bark into the clearing and pondered on how to do this.
“Promise me something, Buffy,” Xander began.
“I’ll try,” she conceded.
“Give him a chance. The man has rarely looked at another woman since he’s known you, that should say something. He loves you, that much is certain. Let him show you, prove to you, that he can be trusted with your heart. Think you can do that?” Xander asked peeking around her shoulder at her solemn face.
“I hate you, you know?” Buffy grumbled.
Xander smiled and knew she would do as he asked. “Yeah, but it’s a love hate thing, right? Love me when I’m wrong, hate me when I’m right.”
“No,” she corrected. “I love to hate you!”
They laughed as he pulled her off the log and into a tight hug. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “Everything will be ok, I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Xander Harris. I still haven’t forgiven you for what you did to Mr. Gordo,” she said as she walked into the clearing and back towards the camp.
“Damn pig, how was I to know he’d fall apart in the washer?” he muttered to himself.
“What was that?” Buffy yelled back.
“Nothing!”
************************************************************
“Spike, we need to talk,” Willow said as she patted his clenched hands.
“No offense Red, I’d rather be alone right now,” Spike said between gritted teeth.
“Well, see, that’s the problem. You’re always alone,” she said as she watched Xander take a mug of coffee with him into the woods.
Spike’s gaze followed him as well and he huffed. “Bloody lucky if she doesn’t douse him in the brew. And,” he continued, “I’m not always alone.”
Willow turned her attention back to the man who was clearly suffering in front of her. “How long have you loved her, Spike?”
Spike grimaced in pain and stared off into the woods. “Since I first saw her, Red. Since I looked into those sad, lonely eyes. Since she kissed my knee after I scraped it when bloody Xander forced me to learn how to use that god-awful skateboard. Ever since she held my hand when mum left dad. Is that a long time?” he mused.
Tears gathered in her eyes. “Oh Spike, you’re what every girl dreams of when she’s little,” Willow whispered.
He gave her a sad smile. “Not every little girl, Red.”
She nodded silently. “I think she’s afraid in all honesty. Afraid you’ll be like her dad. You won’t will you? You know, up and leave?”
Anger flitted across his face. “How could you even ask me such a thing, Willow?”
She knew she’d hit a sore spot if he called her by her given name. “I didn’t think you would…strike that, I know you wouldn’t. Just wanted to make sure is all. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister, Spike. I want what’s best for her.”
“So do I Red, so do I. Even if it isn’t me,” he said, his voice catching on his last words. “I know she deserves better than me, but I would like, just once, to be the reason she had a smile on her face.”
“Sweetie, if I have a clue…and I do you know…you’ll be putting more than one smile on her face,” she said in a hushed tone.
Spike narrowed his eyes at the woman his cousin was ga ga over. “I smell a conspiracy, Red.”
“Now, now…you’re starting to sound paranoid,” she said with a mischievous grin.
“Willow…”
“Shhh. My lovely, but sometimes dense, Xander went to find the beautiful, but terrified, Buffy. He’ll straighten things out, I’m sure,” she said with confidence. She glanced at his still clenched hands and tried to pull them apart.
“Oi, what you doin?” Spike said as she pulled his left hand into her grasp, studying the palm.
“Reading your palm, gotta problem with that?” she said in irritation. She was a burgeoning astrologer and palmist, so she practiced on everyone that she could literally get her hands on. That usually included her friends and family.
“You’ve done this before you cheeky bint, nothing new since last time,” Spike muttered and finally gave up his hand to her perusal.
“I’ve gotten better,” she murmured absentmindedly. She frowned a bit and traced one of the lines on Spike’s palm with her finger. “Your heart line is thick and deep. It means you’ll never waver in your devotion to a loved one, whether in thought or in deed. It also means you love intensely and continuously.” She looked up into his eyes, rapt with attention.
“Go on,” he gulped audibly.
She peered harder at his hand a smile slowly grew until it overcame her whole face, lighting up her eyes. “You’ll have one marriage, and see here?” She pointed to two vertical lines and one diagonal line that ran across the main deep one that he assumed was his heart line. “This indicates you’ll have two sons and one daughter.”
Spike pulled his hand out of her startled grasp. “Not nice to tease a man, Red.”
“But I wasn’t…” she started but stopped as she watched him get up and walk towards the path Xander had taken. “Stupid, stubborn man,” she said to his retreating form.
She was about to call out to him again when she heard a muffled scream, some laughter, and then she watched as Xander was unceremoniously tossed out of the woods…without Buffy.
“Rude much!” Xander yelled into the forest, dusted himself off and approached Willow, who was still sitting at the picnic bench.
“Hey beautiful,” Xander said and gave her a bone-melting kiss, then nuzzled noses together with her.
“Buffy?” she questioned as she returned his hug.
“Yup,” he nodded with a smile. He looked towards the path the other two had taken. “Spike?”
“Yup.”
“Good. Now we wait…and nudge when it’s needed, agreed?” Xander asked.
“Yup.”
“Ready for fishing?” he asked as she leaned into his embrace.
“Yup.”
“Do you say anything other than ‘yup’ anymore?” he said as he nuzzled the spot just under her ear.
“Yup,” she giggled. She then proceeded to tell him, in graphic detail, what else she could say…and do.
“How long do you think they’ll be?” Xander breathed heavily.
Willow wound her arms around his neck and sighed. “Oh I’d say at least an hour,” she murmured in his ear.
“Thank god!” he groaned as he pulled Willow with him to the tent promising her that he would make good on all that she had whispered
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Dedicated to MidnightGirl as I got a laugh at her image of 'Love Doctor' Willow. However, I think Xander may have been more of the 'Love Doctor' in this chapter.