Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok, so Zoe complained that they haven't shagged yet. Well, fine then... here you go. May it be 'shaggy' enough for you! LOL
“That was a little much, wasn’t it?” Buffy asked with an eyebrow raised in Spike’s direction.

“Bloody clumsy fool stepped on my foot!” Spike groused in return. “He’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

Buffy snickered and silently nodded. Xander was as sweet as could be, but he was clumsiness personified. And, she was kinda shocked when he offered to pay her to stay in the woods so he and Willow could have some alone time. She declined the money but assured him that she would definitely stay out of hearing range. What she didn’t count on was the subject of much discussion following her into the woods.

Spike looked at a nervous Buffy and gave a long-suffering sigh. “M’not gonna bite pet, less you want me to,” he said with a waggle of his eyebrows. He relaxed when he heard her giggle.

“It’s nothing really, just…well. I just flipped out a little and, well, I’m sorry about that…truly,” she explained quickly, her hands fidgeting. “I mean, it’s not everyday a girl like me hears that she is loved by someone,” she whispered looking directly into his eyes.

“What do you mean a girl like you? Bloody amazing you don’t have blokes lined up down the hall and around the corner,” Spike said in amazement, slowly inching towards her.

Buffy noticed his movement but stood her ground. If she was going to hold true to her promise to Xander then she needed to start somewhere. “That’s what Xander said, about the guys I mean.”

“Too right. What makes you think you’re not desirable? What bastard dented that lovely self possessed confidence your known for?” Spike ground out getting closer till he stood right in front of her.

Buffy teared up and diverted her gaze. “Angel,” she whispered.

An evil looking smirk overcame Spike’s face. “Ah, the bloody pouf Angel.”

Buffy frowned in confusion and swiped her tears away. “You know Angel?”

Spike grimaced and nodded. “He and I used to be mates back in the day. He dated this crazy bird Dru, who by the way tried getting into m’knickers, but he never knew.”

“But, how long did you know him?” Buffy eyed him warily.

“Lets find a spot to sit down, I need to tell you some things…things that I’ve done,” he said quietly, tugging on her hand.

He pulled her in the direction of the log that Xander and her had been sitting on. Once it came into view, she scrambled away from Spike and perched herself on the log, facing him. Spike approached her slowly and laid his hands gently on her thighs, watching her for any signs of disapproval. Seeing none, he gently nudged them to each side and settled himself in between her legs. She watched him like a hawk and relaxed when he stilled, moving no further.

“This okay, pet?” he questioned, lightly rubbing his knuckles up and down her thighs.

It was hard to concentrate with him doing that. She reached down to still his hands, but he caught them and held on. “Um, yeah, fine,” she answered shakily. “So, about Angel?”

“Angel,” he muttered. He brought the fingers of one hand up and placed them palm-to-palm with his left hand. He heard her swift intake of breath and smiled to himself.

“I’ve known Angel longer than you, luv,” he said absentmindedly, curling his long fingers around her shorter ones. “I also know he has a perchance for ‘little girls and boys’ as it were.”

The stroking of his fingers drew her into a sensual haze and she had to concentrate to hear what he was saying. “Little kids?” she said thickly.

Spike watched her eyes glaze over as he fondled her fingers, weaving his own in and out, doing nothing more. “How old do you think Angel is, Buffy?”

She frowned, trying to think back to what he had said to her at the time they knew each other. “Isn’t he around your age?”

Spike cupped her face and stared into her eyes. “Love, he’s much older than I am. He just looks young. Allows him to lure kids in, to teach them about so-called ‘love.”

“How do you know about this?” she whispered fervently.

Spike said nothing, letting Buffy draw her own conclusions. She searched his pain filled eyes and gasped when she realized what Angel had done to him.

“Oh god, no!” she whimpered and covered her mouth before she screamed. She shook with hatred and grief, for lost innocence, for injustice.

Mistaking her shock as hatred for him instead of grief, he recoiled from their position and started inching away. “Think I’m dirty now, do you?” he spat out.

She was startled by his abrupt withdrawal from the closeness they were sharing. “What? What on god’s earth would make you think that?” She reached for him with trembling fingers, but he stayed out of reach.

“Can’t hide your revulsion, pet!” he nearly shouted. “I’m nothing but a used heap of refuse to you, something you can’t even think to wipe your feet on! Do you have any idea what that does to me? The one person I thought would understand what I went through… what you went through!” he roared, tears coursing down his cheeks, finally breaking from the strain of unrequited love.

“I found out what he did to you, and I was so hateful I couldn’t stop myself,” he continued, pacing in front of the log. He didn’t notice that Buffy had slipped down and was slowly approaching him.

“What couldn’t you stop, Spike?” she asked quietly.

“I mean it was one thing to…to…to violate me, but it was another to dare touch such beauty as yours,” he reasoned to no one, never hearing Buffy’s question.

“What couldn’t you stop Spike?” she asked louder, laying a hand on his shoulder.

He spun around and stared at her, a lovely, frightening mess. His curls had come lose from the hands he had repeatedly drawn through his hair. Tears still coursed down his sculpted cheeks and his eyes were red rimmed. He breathed heavily and finally crumpled at her feet, clutching her middle. He laid his head against her abdomen and whimpered, begging for her forgiveness.

“Sorry, so sorry. I didn’t mean to…I swear!” he mumbled over and over.

She looked down at the platinum head and started to stroke his hair. “It’s ok, William, tell me,” she gently pleaded.

The ‘William’ broke him. “I killed him. It was an accident, though, I swear. Magistrate’s put it down to vehicular manslaughter and gave me two years probation with time served. That’s why I haven’t been back for two years, Buffy. I had to stay to serve the time.”

Buffy tightened her hand in his hair. It explained everything. Spike not showing up for two years for their group vacations, Xander being evasive about his cousin’s whereabouts, the physical and emotional changes in Spike. She looked down at him again and sighed heavily. “I believe you, Spike.”

Spike stilled against her. He hesitantly looked up into her eyes. Her eyes, her lonely sad eyes. Did he put that sadness there? He extricated himself from her grasp and stood to face her. “I’m just sorry he touched you and I wasn’t there to stop him,” he sobbed.

Buffy laid her cool palm against his hot cheek, rubbing away the tears that still fell. “He didn’t touch me that much before I figured out what he was thinking about. Gave him a, ahem, crotchful of touching. Mostly with my foot,” she smiled softly.

“He…he didn’t...” Spike heaved, clutching his chest.

“No, cause funny thing…I just somehow knew that he wasn’t the one for me,” she smiled a little more. She now knew that this wonderful man would do anything for her, love her like never before, make her smile all the days left to her.

Spike was in a haze and tried to respond as he watched Buffy lean up and press a soft kiss to his trembling lips. “I love you,” she breathed against his lips.

He moaned and deepened the kiss, burying his hands in her soft hair. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmured against her temple.

She laid her forehead against his, looking deeply into his astoundingly blue eyes. “No, Spike, I don’t deserve you. If I had any clue about your feelings for me, we could have avoided this self imposed silence and hurt. Cause I think I’ve felt the same for just as long as you. But fear of being rejected by the one you love is such a powerful deterrent. Promise me you’ll always tell me what’s on your mind and what you’re feeling, yeah?”

He nuzzled her cheek with his sculpted one. “You sure about that? I could say quite a few things right about now,” he said huskily.

She laughed as he tickled her neck with his breath. “Like what,” she murmured as she closed her eyes and fell into the sensations he was creating in her.

“Like, let me stay with you, always. Let me be the reason you smile, just once. Let me be a craving in your soul, like you are in mine. Let me be an ache in your chest that you can’t remedy because I am the only cure. Let me be the drug that you are addicted to,” he whispered across her skin, punctuating every thought with a languorous kiss to some part of her face.

By the time he had finished, Buffy was panting heavily and clutching him for support. “Already done, all of them,” she whimpered.

He groaned and backed her up against the log, grinding his hips into hers, tongues dueling for supremacy. “Such a sweet torment,” he sighed against her lips, licking and nipping them till they were plump and red.

“I’ve been called many things but never a torment,” she said as she smiled coyly up at him.

He raised one eyebrow and leered at her. “Then the men are either blind or daft idiots,” he reassured her.

Daring to be brave, Buffy trailed her fingers underneath his shirt and across his belly. His grip on her tightened as she circled his navel with one finger, his muscles clenching beneath her touch.
“God Buffy! Much more of that and I won’t be able to stop touching you,” Spike said, his voice little more than a groan of need.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” she whispered.

Spike gulped audibly. “Your playing with fire… one that has burned too long and bright,” he warned.

“Then burn me, mark me as yours,” she demanded in a voice that was low and husky.

It was almost impossible to quiet the squeak of surprise when he grasped her by the arms and pushed her harder against the log, his warmth seeping into her veins. Spike growled softly and kissed her, hard and fierce, his hunger for her clearly evident. He rocked his hard length against her core and she wrapped her arms around his neck, returning his kiss with equal hunger.

Spike brushed his thumb over the hard aching tip of her breast and Buffy ceased to think. Spike struggled to unhook her bra, his hands were so unsteady and without practice. His only consolation was that Buffy was as desperate as he was, so she didn’t notice. Finally he was able to unhook the offending garment and he pulled up her shirt to toss it away.

He stared at her bared breasts and looked his fill. Her breasts were not large, but they were high and firm, topped with a large nipple colored in rich pink. His mouth watered and he lowered his head towards the inviting bud. He laved the nipple to a peak, gently at first and then with increasing force. Buffy panted and curled her fingers into his hair, holding him to her chest while he suckled.

“God you taste like ambrosia,” he breathed around her nipple.

She chuckled to herself. “I’ll take your word for it.”

She inched her hands up under his shirt until he tore it away from his body and flung it over to join her shirt in a pile on the ground. She uttered a deep intake of breath and her eyes glazed over. He was perfect, like a sculpted David statue…cool, hard planes covered his trunk. His six-pack abs quivered slightly when she touched them and she smiled. She leaned forward and kissed his flat nipple watching it peak slightly. She heard his heaving breathing and reached up to tweak the nipple to a higher peak. He growled and pushed her back against the log, the bark scraping her now bared back.

“Let me cover the log,” he whispered in frustration as he bent down to gather the discarded clothes. He laid them on the log and he then settled her more securely in his embrace. His hands then started to flutter down her stomach to the apex of her thighs. “Damn jeans,” he muttered unbuttoning the restrictive material.

Buffy giggled at his impatience. “Let me help you,” she said as she shimmed the jeans off her hips and tossed them to the side with a flick of her foot. His breath caught painfully in his throat as he looked over the slim shapeliness of her body. Her skin was still slightly pink from the sunburn, but other wise it had started to turn into a golden hue all over. Her long slender and faintly muscular legs begged to be wrapped around him and he practically drooled. He caught the wicked gleam in her eyes as she hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her panties and tugged down. She then flung the sodden cotton in his face and he breathed deeply of her scent.

His hungry gaze settled on the neat triangle of golden brown curls at the juncture of her beautiful thighs and he groaned. There lay heaven and he shook with the need to bury himself in her warmth. He nearly spilled himself when she traced the outline of his erection through his jeans with her nimble fingers. “I want to see,” she pleaded.

He removed his jeans, not having bothered to put on any underwear as he had stormed from the tent. He sprung free into her waiting grasp and she made a large ‘O’ with her mouth at the size of him. He felt so hard yet the skin was silken smooth. She tentatively stroked him and was a little startled as he cursed and pulled away from her.

“I’ll be finishing this dance before you start to enjoy it if you keep doing that, love,” Spike said between clenched teeth, removing her hand from his aching length.

He saw confusion and a little fear as he pulled away but then it was replaced by that glazed look as he stroked his fingers over her stomach and slid it between her legs. Buffy felt his long fingers stroking her so intimately and it had her thrashing and bucking up into his hand.

“God Buffy, you’re so wet for me,” he said in a horse and unsteady voice.

“Only for you, but are you only going to talk about it or are you going to do something about it?” she challenged in a thick voice.

He growled fiercely and poised himself at her entrance. “Wrap your legs around me love,” he instructed Buffy, and she wrapped one leg and then the other around his trim waist.

“A gentle ride at first,” he panted.

“Now where would be the fun in that?” she muttered and used her legs to force their bodies together, impaling herself upon his hard length. She echoed his startled gasp and for a brief moment the pain of losing her virginity stilled her passions. She shifted slightly and her passions returned with a rush.

Spike started to move and she clung to him, quickly adjusting to meet his thrusts. She clawed her way down his back and clutched his tight and firm buttocks to push him deeper into her. A tension started to build within her and she trembled, afraid of its strength.

“Spike,” Buffy cried against his shoulder. “Please.”

“Don’t fight it, love, give in… come with me,” he pleaded in desperation.

Buffy began to shatter as waves of delight and pleasure flowed over her, his thrusts growing harder and deeper. He roared her name as he spilled himself into her warm depths. They clung to each other, panting and fervently kissing each other as if the other one would disappear.

“Love you, god, how I love you,” he whispered against her temple.

“Stay, always stay with me…love you so much,” she whimpered.

“Always, never leave.”

She snuggled deep into his arms and sighed in contentment. She placed a small kiss on his chest above his heart and smiled as she heard him sigh.

“Buffy, can I ask you something, love?” Spike said hesitantly, mindful they were still joined and loving every minute of it.

“Of course,” she murmured sleepily.

“Be my wife,” he whispered.

She smiled against his chest and said just as softly, “Yes.”

And lo, there was much rejoicing.

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