The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Spike familiarised himself with the local area. He still jogged twice a day, pushing himself hard to keep as fit as possible, and ignoring his limp since he was resigned to it being permanent. He looked to be in good shape and was starting to feel more relaxed, coming to terms with being human.
They’d decided not to tell the others until Spike started work in another eight weeks time. This had proven quite tricky since Willow, although she didn’t live in the Council apartments, was there everyday. So Spike got into the habit of dropping in to see Giles and Andrew twice per week in the evening after she’d gone home. He always walked there, enjoying the long summer days, knowing he’d still be home before dark.
After one such visit Spike let himself out of the front door and headed off to the left to make his way home. He was lost in his thoughts as finally tomorrow was the day Helen was due to arrive.
Behind him a taxi pulled up at the kerb and a pretty blonde woman got out. She paid the driver and as she waited for him to get her bag out of the trunk she looked down the road. For a moment her heart missed a beat as she noticed a man walking away from her. But she shook her head and scolded herself for being so stupid. The man walking away had a slight limp and sandy brown hair.
“God, after all this time you’d think I’d stop being like this,” she said to herself, taking her bag and walking to the Council’s front door, “I mean it’s daylight! What was I thinking?”
She wondered if she’d ever stop seeing him where he couldn’t be. Would she always be ruled by the hope that Spike was still alive? Countless times since she’d left him in the Hellmouth, sacrificing himself to save the world, she would catch a glimpse of a slim man from the corner of her eye. She would have to look again, hoping it was he. Every time she was disappointed. Today was the first time she’d done it in daylight though. There’d just been something familiar about him but then she took in the limp and the very fact it was daylight, which told her that once again her eyes were playing tricks on her.
With a sigh she rang the doorbell. She hoped Giles was in - she really should have phoned first.
“Buffy!” exclaimed Giles as he opened the door, “What on earth are you doing here?” He glanced anxiously up the road as he stepped back to let her in.
Once they were settled in the lounge, drinks in hand, Giles asked her,
“Is everything alright, Buffy? It’s not Dawn, is it?
“Oh no, nothing like that. Do you remember Antonella?” she replied, talking of one of the slayers under her care in Rome, “Well, her grandmother has been taken ill and she wanted to come to London to be with her. I didn’t want her travelling alone as she was upset so I thought I’d hop on the plane with her and see you guys for a couple of days. I know I should have called first or emailed but then I opted for surprise. It is okay, isn’t it?”
“Of course it is. Andrew’s away in Devon at the moment but I know Willow will be delighted to see you, as am I.”
They chatted away until the early hours catching up on all the news. Well not quite all the news….
ooooooooooo
Spike was up early, excited at the prospect of Helen’s arrival. He was feeling a bit nervous, too. He hoped she liked it here. He looked round the apartment. Nothing was out of place so he nodded, satisfied that he’d got it looking as nice as possible. Outside a car horn hooted. He glanced out of the window - the cab he’d ordered had arrived. So far Giles hadn’t managed to get him a driver’s licence as he’d not wanted to use the Council’s contacts in case Willow spotted it. Spike’s date of birth was also a bit of an issue if they tried to get it through normal channels. As he rushed outside to set off to the airport he heard the phone starting to ring as he shut the front door but he just left it for the answer phone to pick up.
Giles groaned with frustration as he heard the message start on Spike’s machine. He’d hoped to catch him before he left to collect Helen.
“Spike, it’s me. Just want you to know Buffy is here so don’t come round. She’ll be gone by Thursday so I’ll see you both then.”
“Who don’t you want coming round while I’m here?” asked Buffy, walking into the room.
“What?” Giles started guiltily at her voice, “Oh, just a couple of Watchers who were going to come. I don’t want to be tied up with work when you’re here.”
Mercifully at this point, Willow arrived and the two girls were soon giggling together and planning what to do.
ooooooooooooo
Spike paced up and down near arrivals. He’d gotten there way too early but now finally the signs were indicating that the flight had landed and that the baggage was in the hall for collection. Any minute now she’d come through the doors.
He saw her before she saw him. She was pulling along her suitcase, carrying her coat. Her eyes scanned the crowd opposite to where Spike stood. Before he could call her name she turned and saw him. She ran towards him, almost knocking a man over in her haste, the suitcase bashing his leg. The man started to shout something after her but stopped when he saw her get scooped up into the arms of a handsome man, who swung her round, hugging her tight and kissing her passionately. His harsh words turned into a wry smile. No wonder she rushed past him if that’s the reception she knew she’d get!
When they got back to the apartment Spike led her by the hand to the front door, carrying her suitcase in the other. He paused and looked at her nervously before he opened it.
“Well, sweetheart, here we are - home sweet home. I hope you like it. I mean, it’s not very big or anything.”
Helen looked at Spike, guessing at his nerves, as always worried he wasn’t good enough for her. She dispelled his fears by leaning up and kissing him.
“I don’t care how big it is,” she said, “I’m more concerned with how big something else might be?”
She grinned up at him, his face a picture when he realised what she meant.
“Why, you saucy devil!” he exclaimed as he opened the door. “I think we’d better start the tour in here.”
With that he swept her off her feet into his arms and carried her through to the bedroom. He flung her down on the bed laughing. For the next few hours they were lost to the world, making up for lost time……
ooooooooooooo
After spending the day with Willow and Giles, Buffy was now sitting in a pub with Willow, Giles having declined to join them, knowing the girls would like time to themselves. It’d been months since they’d last met although they did call each other regularly.
Willow told Buffy the details of her split with Kennedy. That there was nobody else involved, they’d just drifted further and further apart. Kennedy throwing herself into the training of the now many slayers with a passion Willow couldn’t share. Willow did not regret for a moment her decision to move to London.
“What about you, Buff? Are you doing okay?” she asked, knowing that Buffy’s split from the Immortal had been anything but easy.
“Oh Will, I don’t know what to say,” replied Buffy, close to tears, “I just know I’ve lost the one really true love in my life forever. I know I should be over it by now but I don’t think I ever will be.”
Willow looked at her friend in dismay. Poor Buffy, she never did have things easy in the love stakes.
“Do you want him back?” she asked gently.
“More than anything, but it can never be,” said Buffy, tears now overflowing and falling down her cheeks.
“But surely the Immortal will take you back? I mean he didn’t want to let you go in the first place.”
All the team had been relieved when they’d split. Although charming when he wanted to be the Immortal had a past darker and dirtier than anyone they’d ever known. Willow had hoped her friend would find happiness with someone else.
“The Immortal?…….What? ……..God no!” exclaimed Buffy, “I never want to see him again.”
“But I thought you said….” started Willow.
“Spike! I’m in love with Spike and I let him burn in the Hellmouth!” With this Buffy put her head in her hands and wept.
Willow was taken aback. She didn’t know what to say to comfort her friend. She knew Buffy and Spike had become close once he’d gotten his soul back but she never suspected this.
“I keep seeing him. Thinking I see him everywhere I go. I even thought I’d seen him yesterday when I arrived at Giles and that was in broad daylight. Will, I think I’m going mad.”
“I don’t know what to say,” said Willow honestly.
“There’s nothing you can say. Sorry for dumping this on you but for some reason it’s getting harder, not easier, to accept that he’s gone. I told him I loved him in the Hellmouth when he started to glow from the amulet. I asked him to leave with me but he wouldn’t. He told me ‘no you don’t but thanks for saying it’. He didn’t believe me, Willow. I let him die and he thought I didn’t love him; that I’d just said what he wanted to hear. She sobbed harder still, “But I did mean it, I really did!”
“Listen, Buffy,” Willow said sharply to get her friend’s attention, “There’s nothing you could have done. Spike knew he was doing the right thing in closing the Hellmouth. Once Spike made up his mind you couldn’t change it. He died a hero saving the world. He’d never want you to be sad like this. You’ve got to try to get over it, Buffy. Like Tara we can’t bring him back.”
“I know Will, I know, but it’s so hard. He never knew I loved him.”
Willow moved her seat around so she could hug her friend. Poor Buffy, she thought, at least when Tara died I knew she knew I loved her.
Buffy sniffed a few times, wiping her eyes on the tissue Willow offered, and tried to pull herself together.
“God, I’m sorry Will. Just what you need - a nice relaxing evening out with me bawling.”
“Don’t worry about it. What are friends for? I’m just glad it wasn’t the Immortal you were talking about. With that I couldn’t deal.”
Buffy looked at Willow.
“He wasn’t that bad,” she said.
Willow raised her eyebrows at her.
“Okay, he was that bad.” she said with a small smile.
“Come on,” said Willow, “let’s go home.”
Oooooooooooooo
Spike got up at his usual early time, leaving Helen asleep in bed. He smiled and kissed her cheek as he left the room. They’d spent the best part of yesterday in the bedroom making love hungrily, surfacing only to have a meal Spike prepared, eating it by candlelight. He knew Helen had been exhausted last night by the time they fell asleep in each other’s arms, so he thought he’d call in on Giles when out for his morning run. He spotted the message light flashing on the answer phone and remembered the call he’d missed as he left to collect Helen. Since only Helen, Giles and Andrew knew the number he thought he’d better listen to it now.
“Spike, it’s me. I just want you to know Buffy is here……….” the rest of Giles’ message went unheard.
Buffy! Here! He stood rooted to the spot, then realised he was holding his breath. He breathed out and pressed play again and this time heard all of the message.
“…..don’t come round…….”
He deleted the message and looked back towards the bedroom, grateful that Helen was asleep. No way could she have noticed the way the message had affected him.
“Oh God, Helen, I’m sorry but Buffy…..” he started to say to himself, “No, don’t be stupid, she with the Immortal. She’s forgotten about me and a human with a dodgy leg would never hold her attention for long anyway!”
He shook his head rapidly as if to dispel his thoughts and went outside, turning in the opposite direction to where Giles and Buffy were. He ran as hard as he could, knowing he would pay for it later but not caring. He just needed to vent his frustration that although he cared for Helen deeply, he knew he’d never love her in the way she deserved. He’d gotten his soul for Buffy and his newly beating heart seemed to belong to her too.
Helen was up when he got back, sitting there in her pyjamas. She looked beautiful, hair still messy from the bed. She’d given up everything for him.
‘Why does Buffy always have to be there?’ thought Spike, ‘I think I’m over her but one mention of her name and I know I’m not. It can’t go on.’
“Morning, Sleepyhead.” He went over and kissed the top of her head.
She smiled up at him, looking at him with such love, he felt as if he’d been unfaithful just by thinking of Buffy.
“What do you fancy for breakfast?”
Helen watched him walk over to the kitchen.
“You sit down, Spike,” she said, “I’ll fix it and you rest a while.” Noticing his limp was more pronounced, “You’ve been overdoing your running again,” she scolded.
“Yeah, well, a little bit I suppose. I just wanted to get back to you as quick as possible,” he replied, sitting down gratefully and stretching out his leg.
“Are we going to see Andrew and Giles today?” called Helen from the kitchen.
“I thought we’d go tomorrow evening. I’d just like to keep you to myself a bit longer,” he replied, “Andrew’s away until then.”
No way did Spike want to see Buffy, not when just hearing her name had such an effect. It’ll be okay, Helen’s here. ‘It’ll be fine, won’t think of Buffy. Just concentrate on Helen,’ he tried to convince himself.
ooooooooooo
The next evening Helen and Spike went to meet up with Giles and Andrew, Buffy having left that morning for Rome and Willow having gone home.
“Helen, it’s wonderful to see you again,” said Giles as he let them in, “I hope you’re feeling fit. The apartment’s on the top floor.
Once upstairs they settled down in the comfortable armchairs in the lounge. Andrew, back from his trip, got everyone a drink.
“Let’s have a toast.” He declared holding up his glass. “To the future!”
“To the future.” The others repeated, chinking their glasses together.
‘Yes’, thought Spike, ‘the future not the past - that’s what I must focus on.’
“Now, Helen, how are you finding London? Do you like your flat?” asked Giles.
“Oh it’s lovely, perfect for us.” She looked at Spike as she said it, Spike once more feeling the weight of her love.
“I want to see all the sights so I can tell them back home what being over here’s like,” she continued.
She didn’t mention the argument that she’d had with her parents when she announced her intention to follow Spike to England. A man they’d never met. Hopefully they’d come round to the idea once they realised how happy she was. It had been their idea for her to take a six month leave of absence from work rather than just quit. She’d agreed to keep them happy knowing a phone call was all that was needed to end it.
They chatted easily over dinner, managing to give Helen the cover story they usually used about the Council’s work. Although since Helen was with Spike she’d surely have to be told of the army of slayers fighting vampires and demons and averting apocalypses whilst the rest of the human population was blissfully ignorant of the fact., but for now they decided to keep things simple. The Watchers Council was an aid organisation working throughout the globe. Spike’s job was going to be training the workers in self-defence as they were often sent to dangerously unstable countries. Helen accepted this and offered her nursing skills if ever they were needed.
Spike and Helen left after midnight, Spike declining Helen’s idea of a stroll home, insisting on a taxi, as ever avoiding being out in the dark.
tbc
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