Soon the day before Xander, Dawn and Buffy’s departure was here. Buffy and Spike had seen each other several times as Spike called in at the Council to organise his work schedule. They had been polite but carefully avoided being alone together.
It had been arranged that everyone would meet at the restaurant for the grand farewell meal.
When Spike and Helen arrived the others were already there, sitting and enjoying a pre-dinner drink. Everyone had dressed up for the occasion. Helen was wearing a brown dress with white polka dots that emphasised her figure and brought out the colour of her eyes. Spike’s idea of dressing up was to wear a shirt instead of a t-shirt over his black jeans. “I don’t do suits, love”, was his answer to Helen’s query.
Xander and Andrew looked very smart in suits with colourful ties, Giles, as usual, a bit tweedy, and Dawn looked stunning in a red cocktail dress. All signs of a gawky teenager was gone - she looked like she should be on the catwalk of some fashion show. Willow was resplendent in a long flowing purple dress, but it was Buffy Spike focussed on. She literally took his breath away, the blue silk dress clinging in all the right places.
With an effort Spike dragged his eyes away from her and tried to concentrate on the small talk. When they were shown their table Spike made sure he didn’t sit next to Buffy but since the table was round he ended up sitting almost opposite her. The table was smoked glass and showed reflections clearly. Spike studied his for a moment. After over a hundred and twenty years of not having one it still felt a little strange when he saw himself, noting as always the scar on his forehead, and the crinkled up eyelid of his left eye. It was just another reminder of how he couldn’t compete with the Immortal as the guy’s good looks were legendary.
Towards the end of the meal Buffy said she’s got something to tell everyone.
“Dawn, Giles and I have been talking a lot over these past few days and between us we’ve come to a decision. ” She looked at the faces round the table then looked at Willow as she said, “Dawn and I are going to stay over here.”
“Oh Buffy, that’s great!” exclaimed Willow as everyone started talking at once.
Helen had been watching Spike as Buffy made her announcement. He’d kept his head down, fiddling with his napkin, but when she’d said she was staying he’d lifted his eyes to look at Buffy. There was no mistaking he had major feelings for her - it was written all over his face. Then swiftly his expression changed and he reverted to looking at his napkin. Helen’s heart sank at what she’d seen.
“Why couldn’t Buffy just go back to Rome? We were fine before she came back,” Helen thought sadly.
She shifted in her seat a little. Spike, noticing the movement, turned to her and went to hold her hand that was resting on the table. She pulled her hand away and turned her attention to Andrew who was seated on her left. Spike realised she must have noticed that for a moment his heart had swelled at the thought of Buffy staying here until he remembered how hard it is seeing something you want so badly everyday but can’t have.
“Good going, Spike. The one you want doesn’t want you and the one who wants you, you just keep on hurting,” he thought to himself.
As the cacophony of voices calmed down, Giles beckoned to a waiter to get some champagne, deciding it was definitely cause for celebration.
Willow saw her chance to put something out in the open.
“So what made you decide to stay over here?” she asked, “Is it because you’ve ended your relationship with the Immortal?”
At her words Spike looked up and met Buffy’s eyes properly for the first time that evening. This time he couldn’t look away. She wasn’t with the Immortal! As he stared at Buffy he hoped to see some sign that he had a chance with her, but he found her impossible to read and after a few moments it was Buffy who broke eye contact.
“The Immortal?” queried Helen.
“Oh that’s just his nickname ‘cause he thinks he’s God’s gift,” said Willow quickly, aware she’d made a faux pas by mentioning him in front of Helen but she knew she had to take the chance.
“Well, he’s a part of the decision obviously,” said Buffy, getting around to answering Willow’s question, “but we decided that I’d be better off at the Council’s HQ since I’m the senior sla……er….field officer,” she corrected, remembering Helen’s presence.
‘Huh! As if I could forget her,’ thought Buffy. It hurt to see them together but she didn’t think Rome was the best place to be with the Immortal pissed off, and Dawn could work at the Council doing research with Willow before hopefully going to university over here.
They lingered over the champagne, chatting away. Only Spike and Helen didn’t contribute much to the conversation. When they all finally left Helen and Spike got a taxi on their own, the others sharing two more. All of them were aware that Spike and Helen had stopped talking and none fancied sharing a cab with an atmosphere like that.
In the backseat of the taxi Helen sat as close to the window as possible, again shrugging off Spike’s contact.
“Fine!” thought Spike, “I bloody well don’t need this.” And he sat on the other side gazing out of the window.
The cab driver had seen it all before.
“Uh oh!” he thought, “This’ll end in tears, no doubt.” He dropped them off at their door.
Spike unlocked the door and stepped to the side to let Helen walk in first. She marched past him, hurling her bag on the sofa as she got into the lounge room.
Spike looked at this woman who’d helped him so much and hated the hurt he’d caused her again. He knew he’d have to end it, whether he ever got with Buffy or not. He couldn’t offer Helen half of what she deserved, and couldn’t let her waste her life on him when his heart was elsewhere.
“Helen…..” he started.
“Don’t, Spike,” she interrupted, “Just don’t say a word.” She went into the bedroom, slamming the door with finality.
“Christ, what a bloody mess,” thought Spike as he took off his jacket and boots and looked at the sofa.
“It appears me and you will be spending the night together,” he said as he sat on it. He eventually lay down and went to sleep.
Oooooooooo
He was up at the crack of dawn the next day and decided to go straight out for his run. He knew that he was doing it to avoid the inevitable confrontation with Helen, but he went anyway. He’d never avoided a fight as a vampire but he just couldn’t handle the emotional side of things as a human.
He ran hard and further than usual, arriving home an hour and a half later. As he opened the door he almost fell over a suitcase in the hall.
“Helen!” he called as he went into the lounge.
She appeared from the bedroom carrying a coat. They looked at each other without speaking for what seemed like an age.
“Helen…..”
“Spike……”
They both started to speak at the same time. Spike inclined his head indicating that she go first.
“I’m going back to LA, Spike,” she stated calmly, “I’ve done a lot of thinking and this is what I’ve decided to do.”
“But Helen I…..” he stopped. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t beg her to stay but perversely didn’t want her to leave either.
“Look, Spike, I’m going and that won’t change. If we truly are meant to be tighter we will be. I really feel we need some space to decide what we want. I love you, Spike,” her voice catching a little, “but I can’t be here with you when you’re still obsessed with Buffy.”
Spike opened his mouth to protest but she stopped him with a look. After all it’s not like she was wrong.
“You’ve got serious issues, major issues and not just with Buffy. Goddamnit, Spike, you’ve never shared anything from your past with me. I know I said I could deal but I can’t. It just makes me think I don’t really know you at all. You know where I’ll be if you decide I’m what you want, and you’re ready to share.”
A horn honked outside. Helen glanced out of the window and went to the hall, picking up her case.
“What? You’re leaving now? But…,”said Spike.
“Yes,” she cut him off, “I’m going now. I managed to get a seat on the first flight to LA.”
“Helen, I never meant, I mean……..”
“I know, Spike,” she said, looking at him as tears started to fall, “ You never gave me any promises - it’s my fault.”
“No. It’s mine. I’ve never been any good at relationships. I’m so so sorry, Helen.”
He went to her and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. He hugged her tightly, then the taxi honked its horn again.
“I’ve got to go,” said Helen. She stretched up and kissed his cheek, “Goodbye, Spike.” With that she picked up her case, went out of the door and climbed into the cab.
Spike stood there numb, watching her leave. When the taxi was out of sight he slammed the door with all his might and strode into the kitchen, picking up his coffee mug from earlier and hurling it against the wall where it smashed into a dozen pieces.
“Bollocks!” he shouted. “Why do I always end up hurting those around me?”
He looked at the time.
“Christ, I’m going to be late!” and he went off to grab a quick shower and change. Today was his first official day at work.
Ooooooooooooo
He walked into the training room in the Watcher’s Council. It was a huge room, basically all of the basement space of the building. It was equipped like no other gymnasium on earth. In addition to the usual weights and treadmills there were rows upon rows of weapons ranging from simple wooden stakes to shining lethally sharp swords and axes.
A group of eight girls were doing warm up stretches accompanied by Buffy, who had her back to him. He couldn’t help but notice how good her butt looked in her lycra leggings. He paused, not quite sure what to do. When he’d been given the job of training the new slayers he’s assumed he’d be on his own, in charge. Now that Buffy was staying it was logical that she’d be the one; after all, she still had the powers he’d lost. He’d been a vampire last time he’d helped train, using his superior senses to test the girls, but what could he do now? A lame human?
“Bloody charity, that’s what it is,” he thought furiously, but he honestly didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t working for the Council. He had no real skills to fall back on other than fighting techniques, the ability to hot wire a car and ……well, that was about it. Over a century of just stealing whatever you wanted didn’t look good on a resume.
He started to turn to leave, thinking he’d better offer to help in the research department. At least he’d be able to chat to the now not so Little Bit and Red, using the nicknames he had for Dawn and Willow.
“You’re late,” said Buffy, all businesslike and not a little bossy.
“Oh…….I ….er…….” stammered Spike, taken aback.
“No excuses, just get your ass over here so we can get started.”
He flushed slightly and started to walk over to the girls, his limp more pronounced due to the hammering he’d given it earlier. He caught a couple of the girls looking at him in distain, which pissed him off, but he could see their point. He’d been bawled out for being late and was now limping over, not exactly a great first impression.
“Girls,” said Buffy, “I want you to meet someone who, if you’ve done all the required reading, you will most definitely have heard of.”
Spike was pleased to see that that had gotten their attention.
“This is Spike, William the Bloody that was.”
A gasp went through the girls. A couple near the front actually took a step back.
Spike’s ego was nicely massaged by their reaction. He’d missed the old ‘oh my God don’t let him bite me’ looks he used to get. A little infamy was no bad thing in his eyes.
“So who’s going to tell us who Spike is?”
A tall dark haired girl at the back put her hand up. Buffy nodded for her to speak.
“He’s er…”
Spike smiled at the girl encouragingly, which actually had the opposite effect.
“He’s …er…….Well…..”
“Oh, for God’s sake, spit it out,” snapped Buffy.
“He’s er……. one of the most notorious and vicious vampires ever known. Sired by Drusilla in 1880 and killer of two slayers, one in 1900 in China and one in New York in 1977. According to the diaries he also now has a soul, like Angel…….”
“I’m nothing like bloody Angel,” said Spike, unable to control himself.
“But it said he’d died in the Sunnydale Hellmouth averting The First’s apocalypse,” the girl continued.
Buffy shot him a harsh look. Spike kicked himself for having said anything. It was hardly a way to endear himself to her - moaning about her ex-lover, especially now he was dead.
“Very good. Just one little problem with the diaries you’ve been reading - they’re a little out of date. As you can see he most definitely isn’t dead and another thing is that he’s no longer a vampire.”
The girls looked astonished.
“He’s human just like us,” continued Buffy.
“Well, actually I’m more human than you are since a slayer’s strength is actually formed from a little bit of demon,” Spike corrected.
“Thank you, Spike,” snapped Buffy, “Anyway, the gist of it is that although he’s now human and on our side…..”
“I was on your side when I was a vampire,” interrupted Spike.
“He has obviously decades of experience about exactly what being a vampire is, what drives it, where it’s likely to be living and so on.” Buffy ignored his comment. “He has excellent knowledge of fighting skills so I want you to give him your full attention whenever he’s instructing you. Any questions?”
A hand went up.
“How come you’re human?”
Spike answered this one.
“To cut a long story short it was a reward for helping avert an apocalypse - an ancient prophecy that actually came true. If it had taken a little more time to come through my vampire healing skills would’ve had this leg perfect but unfortunately it kicked in soon after I was injured so the limp stayed.” Rightly guessing mentioning the limp himself would stop the girls from pretending not to notice it.
“I’m still pretty quick so don’t think you can take advantage, well not in that way anyway,” he said with a grin that got all the girls giggling.
“Settle down!” shouted Buffy, thinking how typical of Spike it was to disrupt things. Some things never changed.
When they stopped for lunch Spike didn’t go with the others into the large kitchen, instead he went out to the garden at the back of the building. He was sitting there lost in his thoughts when Willow appeared.
“I noticed you didn’t get anything to eat,” she said as she handed him a sandwich and cold drink.
“Thanks, Red, but not really hungry,” he said, taking them and putting them on the bench next to him.
“Mind if I join you?” Willow asked, sitting down before he could reply.
“Uh….I guess not,” said Spike ironically.
“Are you okay? Just thought you might be enjoying your first day’s work a bit more than you seem to be doing. You’ve gone all avoidy on us.”
“Look, Will, you know I’m not one for sharing but I’m okay, or I will be okay. First day’s proper work in over a century is bit of a shock to the system,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.
Willow thought about taking a sneaky peep at his thoughts but stopped herself. She didn’t really need to, anyway. The close proximity of Buffy all morning was affecting him. Least he knew now she was single.
Little did she know that his thoughts, although filled with Buffy, weren’t of hoping to be together but of sadness that he was sure she would rather he wasn’t there. All morning she’d barely met his eye and if she had spoken to him at all she’d been very snappish.
At the same time Spike was moping in the garden, Buffy had retreated to Giles’ sitting room to escape the incessant chatter of the girls. It didn’t help that most of it was about Spike.
“Ooh! He’s so sexy!”
“That accent’s really cool!”
“When he guided me on how to throw someone to the floor I thought I’d faint!”
She couldn’t stand it. To be so near someone she loved but who was with someone else was just torture. She knew now how Spike must have felt half the time he’d been in love with her. God! I don’t think staying in London was such a good idea. Buffy looked at her watch.
“Huh! Great. Time to go back to the training room, just what I need - more girls eyeing him up. No wonder he’d been oblivious to me.”
When Buffy arrived at the room Spike was already there, obviously not wanting to be told off again for being late. He was leaning against a piece of apparatus. The girls sat on gym mats, hanging on his every word as he was telling him of how he killed the slayer during the Boxer Rebellion in 1900.
“Is that really an appropriate story?” asked Buffy harshly.
“You once thought it would help you to know how I killed the slayers so I reckoned this lot would benefit, too,” he replied, calmly looking into her eyes for the first time that day.
Buffy quickly looked away, remembering how horrid she’d been to him that day.
“You’re beneath me, Spike. It’ll never be you.”
She glanced back at him and could tell he was thinking the same thing. He had a hurt expression on his face until he realised she’d seen it and he quickly turned back to the girls to continue his tale.
At the end of the day Spike changed into his running gear, figuring that incorporating his runs into getting to and from work made sense. Now that the nights were drawing in it meant he didn’t need to be out in the dark for his second run, something he’d avoided since that night in LA when he was attacked by the vampire.
As he walked out of the changing room he literally bumped into Buffy as she walked past.
“Oh, sorry,” he said, grabbing her to prevent her from falling. Touching her sent a frisson through his body like an electric shock. He let go of her as soon as she was steady on her feet.
“’S okay,” said Buffy.
She looked at him standing before her. She took in his healthy tan and toned body, then her eyes were drawn to his left leg. It bore the scars of the operations it had undergone whilst he was in the coma. She could see where the muscle had been irreparably damaged on his thigh. Instinctively she reached out to touch it.
Spike stepped back out of her reach.
“Yeah, I know. Not a pretty sight,” he said curtly, turning and walking away. “See you tomorrow,” he called over his shoulder as he stepped out onto the street.
“Christ! Why did I have to wear shorts today, not my jogging pants? Another bleeding thing to put her off, as if she needs any more!”
Buffy stood where he’d left her.
“Helen’s a very lucky girl. I’ve got to move on.”
Spike didn’t do his usual leisurely hours running. He went straight to the apartment as if the hounds of hell were on his heels, almost knocking people out of his way. He fumbled the key into the lock and strode inside, left leg searing with pain. He stalked round the empty flat unable to settle.
“Buffy, Buffy always bleeding Buffy!” he cried. He lashed out with his left foot, balancing on his right, and kicked at the TV. The screen shattered, some of the glass cutting his ankle.
“Bollocks!”
He abruptly sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands, his temper giving way to depression.
“Get a grip, Spike,” he said, “This can’t bloody well go on or I’ll be back on the psyche ward for good. It’s driving me mental!”
tbc
[Reviews - 70]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 2277 times
- Text Size +
banner by dawnofme
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
banner by dawnofmeAuthor's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Carol my beta who is working her way thro my old fics having come on board at the start of Universal Vampire! She's an angel!