Spike sat huddled in his usual corner, his blank features belying the activity in his mind. Try as he might he couldn't stop the frenetic images whizzing through his head. Good, bad, happy, sad, they were all there. He felt lost, adrift from reality but dimly aware of it.
He knew it was getting near to the time they injected him, knew the level of drugs was subsiding and he didn't want them to subside. It was safe here in this dark room, safe with the chemicals stopping the worst of the pain the images caused. He just wanted it to end. To succumb to the oblivion the drugs gave. He'd been through so much. Enough was enough.
He groaned and buried his face in his hands, he didn't move as he heard the door open, was just thankful he'd get some peace for an hour of two before being pounded again by his past.
"Spike? My God, it is you!" Giles' voice incredulous as he looked at the pathetic figure before him.
Spike groaned again, thinking "Another voice from the past coming to haunt me, wonder if he's come to kill me himself this time instead of getting someone else to do it? Thank God, it'll finally be over."
He looked up as he heard footsteps approaching, holding his arm out, ready for the comforting sting of the needle. He saw Giles standing there, a hand on Andrew's shoulder to prevent him from rushing forward.
Spike shook his head rapidly from side to side,a manic cackle escaping from his lips.
"Oh great, not enough to see things in my mind, now my eyes are in on the action too."
He curled up, eyes tightly closed, rocking gently from side to side.
Dr Jake arrived at that moment and seeing the scene before him, the patient obviously distressed, the concern etched on the two men and decided quickly that any further discussions take place away from Spike.
He offered his hand out to Giles.
"Hello, I'm Jake Hannigan, Spike's doctor. Is that really his name by the way?"
Giles nodded.
"It's a nickname really but we all call him that." he replied, taking the offered hand
"I think we'd be better off talking at the nurses' station. I can fill you in on the details and perhaps you can enlighten us a bit about Spike too.
They left the room, the door snapping shut behind them.
"I understand that you're Spike's father?" said Jake.
"Yes." replied Giles. "Giles, Rupert Giles, this is my other son Andrew." he added remembering Andrew's outburst at the bar and glaring at him to keep quiet for once."
"So how did Spike come to be here?" asked Giles, "We've been trying to trace him for quite a while, we're not that close and he has....er...a tendency to roam about, never staying in the same place too long. We normally get the odd card or call but for three months, nothing. An old girlfriend of his said he'd been heading out to LA last she'd heard, so we thought we'd come to try to find out." he launched in to the cover story he and Andrew had mapped out quickly whilst waiting to be allowed up to the ward.
Dr Jake explained about the night he was brought in, how his heart had taken so long to start beating that they'd thought they were going to lose him.
Andrew and Giles looked at each other as the doctor mentioned Spike's heart. How could it be?
The doctor continued until they finally had the whole story. No one spoke, Giles was trying to think up a plausible reason for Spike's phobia of the sun but gave up.
Jake looked at the two men, they seemed totally flummoxed by what he'd told them. He supposed it must come as a shock to see a family member reduced to the wreck that was Spike.
"Has he shown any signs of mental illness in the past?" he asked, "as we're not sure whether it's due to the injury or not."
Andrew started to say something, Giles shot him a look, knowing he was remembering how Spike had spent three weeks in the Sunnydale High School basement bowing under the pressure of the guilt he had suffered after having his soul restored. Something not helped by The First's constant appearances to him in various guises. But Giles knew if they were going to get him out of here as soon as possible, they had to keep things simple.
"No, nothing like this, he's always been a bit...odd...but nothing like this. I think the sooner he's back with his family the better don't you? All these ramblings you've told us about must be from the injury muddling up his thoughts. What do I need to do to get him released?"
A discussion ensued with the doctor wanting Spike to remain where he was but with his family visiting to see if they could draw him back in to the real world. Giles adamant about his discharge.
ooooooo
Helen walked in to the ward, she could hear voices from the nurses' station. Jake and two other men talking intensely watched by Adam and Nick. she was surprised to see the two nurses, she hadn't realised they were puliing a double shift, but not seeing the other nurses there , figured they must be. She hurried past not wanting to interrupt. she made her way to Spike's room. In the two weeks he'd been awake Helen knew his medication times to the minute, knowing that if he'd just had a dose that her visit would be short, that he'd be unresponsive. according to her watch his latest meds were given forty five minutes ago, but she still had to look in on him, couldn't leave him alone.
As usual, she peeped through the window as her hand reached for the door's handle. she couldn't immediately see him, as he wasn't in his usual back corner. Then he came in to view pacing from left to right near the front of the room. Turning when he reached the wall and pacing back. His stride marred by the limp that was so bad he lurched as he moved. She could see he was talking to himself but his eyes looked clearer than she'd seen since he'd first woke up, before going on the meds. She opened the door. He spun around.
"It's not Hell." he said as soon as she stepped into the room, "Can't be Hell if ole Rupe's here. That bugger's so good, couldn't be Hell."
"Spike, are you ok? Has something happened?" asked Helen.
He moved towards her putting his hands on her arms.
"He's here. Come to get me out I'd wager. Better get me out. Ole Rupe helping Spike?" his words faded away, face clouding, "Never has before.........and he's gone.....what if he doesn't come back?" his eyes pleading as he looked in to Helen's, "He's here, then he's gone but no drugs come. Old Spike's coming back."
He was talking fast and quietly, almost to himself but still gripping Helen.
"Christ!" exclaimed Adam, "We've not given him his meds. They're nearly an hour late."
The injection forgotten with the arrival of Giles and Andrew. Nick and Adam had told the other two nurses on duty they'd fill in for an hour or so, wanting to see what happened with Spike. The on duty nurses happy to take a break.
He dashed from the room followed by the others. He saw the door was open and looked at his watch, realising Helen's shift had just finished. As he got to the door he saw Spike had hold of Helen and arm in each hand, face close to hers.
"Let go of her." he said quietly but firmly.
"It's ok Adam. I'm fine. We're just talking." Helen reassured her colleague.
Spike looked at Adam and released his grip on Helen taking a step backwards. Adam held the syringe of medication, that just moments ago he'd craved so badly, now he wanted just as badly to avoid. He now had hope, hope that things might be ok after all and he didn't want to lose that feeling to the clouds created in his mind by the drugs. He wanted to cling on to it, he needed to cling on to it. He took another step backwards as Adam took one towards him.
"Come on Spike," said Adam, "You know they make you feel better." taking another step towards him.
Again Spike retreated, shaking his head.
"No, not today, not now." he said, looking at Helen, eyes appealing for help.
"Adam, just wait a minute, what's going on? How come his meds are so late anyway?" she said, as much to distract Adam from his task as for the answers, "he was talking of someone, Rupe. Who's that?"
"Me." came a voice behind her, she turned to see a tall bespectacled man, dressed in a tweed suit, standing in the doorway.
"I don't think he needs those drugs just yet." he said to Adam who had started to slowly walk towrds Spike again.
Adam was just about to retort.
"It's ok Adam, he's being released soon and we don't want him knocked out. I've written a prescription for some pills instead so he can have some now and continue when he's released."
Adam shrugged and walked out of the room.
Rupert had his first proper look at Spike, shocked at what he saw. Spike had always been lean, but fit and muscled, swaggering about in his long leather jacket, bleached hair glowing in the moonlight. This Spike bore no resemblance to that man. Baggy hospital scubs covering his body which was thin to the point of emaciation, leaning against the wall, unsteady on his legs. Cheeks hollow, shoulders sagging, a thick scar which ran down his forehead to his eyelid was pink and raised up against the pale grey of his complexion. Hair once well groomed now hung in curls half blond, half sandy brown. His whole demeanour was one of defeat, something the Spike of old would never have countenanced.
"Spike." he said gently, "You remember me don't you?"
Spike nodded, started to say something then stopped, swallowed and started again.
"Rupert, can you help me? I'm in trouble, can you help me please?" he said in a small voice.
Rupert's heart sank further. The old Spike would never have asked for his help, especially with the history between them.
"Yes Spike. I'm here to help you."
At these words Spike, who'd been leaning with his back against the wall, sighed and started to slide down the wall, legs giving way. Rupert moved to help him but Helen was there in an instant, holding Spike's arm, supporting him so he sat gently on the floor rather than falling.
"Who are you?" demanded Helen, knowing she was being rude but not caring.
"I'm his father, Rupert Giles." he answered, "You must be Helen, the doctor told me how you've been visiting him. I'm grateful for it."
At this point, Andrew, who'd amazingly been silent throughout, could contain himself no longer, he pushed his way in to the room and flung his arms around Spike as he sat on the floor and hugged him.
"You're alive! You're alive! I can't believe it!"
For a second, Giles saw Spike give a look that was pure 'old' Spike, showing his distain for such displays but it swiftly passed and he just looked bewildered.
"Andrew." said Giles sharply, causing him to look up and let go of Spike. He stood up and backed away from him by a couple of feet.
"Come on," said Helen, "You can't stay here, lets get you on the bed."
Spike nodded and struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on Helen. Once on the bed he lay down. Rupert turned to leave the room.
"Don't. Don't leave me here." pleaded Spike.
"It's alright, I'm not. I just have to go for a moment to sort things out." replied Giles.
"I'll stay with him." said Helen, taking one of Spike's hands in hers. A gesture not unnoticed by Giles.
"That's very kind of you Helen, thank you. Andrew come with me, there's a lot for us to do." he said not trusting Andrew to keep quiet in front of Helen.
They walked out of the room with Jake to make the necessary arrangements.
Helen sat on the bed holding Spike's hand, her feelings were mixed. Glad someone had finally come to claim Spike but sorry that she'd not see him again. he was still looking at the door.
"Well looks like you and I will soon be saying goodbye." said Helen, voice quivering slightly.
Spike turned to look at her.
"No, not goodbye." he said, looking deep in to her eyes, "I......" he faltered, "You......kind. Always here....Helped not to be alone."
He dropped his gaze, looking at the hand she was still holding. he put his other hand over the top and squeezed.
Helen couldn't speak, tears glistening in her eyes. Stupid, she thought, stupid to feel this way about a patient, especially one with the problems he had. But she couldn't help it. From the moment she'd felt his heart give it's first beat in the ER she'd felt somehow connected with him. Now he was leaving she'd never get to know him properly.
Giles walked back into the room, Spike sat up on the bed looking at him expectantly.
"Right Spike, we can't get everything finalised tonight so you'll have to stay here another night. But don't worry, we will come back for you."
Spike looked over Giles' shoulder as Jake appeared in the doorway.
"No more drugs." said Spike in the strongest voice he'd managed since awakening from the coma.
"Calm down Spike," said Dr Jake, "You can't just stop them altogether. I need you to take some pills. They're not as strong but you'll need to take them for a week or two to wean you off the drugs gradually, it'll be better for you."
"Feel better now." replied Spike, "They'll make things worse again, need to make sense of things, not get muddled again."
Another glimpse of the 'old' Spike's stubbornness. Helen who was still sat on the bed holding his hand said,
"The doctor is right Spike, you do need to come off gradually, you may be glad of their help when you leave here, you know, smooth things over."
"Ok." he agreed after a pause
Dr Jake gave him a couple of pills and a glass of water, Spike took them without further objection.
"We've got to go now Spike, " said Giles, "We'll see you tomorrow."
He turned and left, Andrew followed in his wake. Spike just nodded and resignedly lay back down on the bed, Helen still by his side. she'd recognised what one of the pills was, a sleeping pill, so she decided to stay with him until he fell asleep.
ooooooo
Giles, Andrew and Jake walked from the ward to the doctor's office where they once again discussed the terms of Spike's release. Jake tried again to persuade them to leave him where he was, at laest until he was off all medication just in case he got violent again, he told Giles about Spike hitting the nurse.
"And this is why he ends up in a locked room filled with drugs?" Giles was furious, "Good God, he'd just woken from a coma, had suffered major head trauma and because he was confused and scared you effectively jail him and pump him full of drugs so you have an easier time looking after him!"
"It wasn't like that at all." was Jake's angry response, "You weren't there. It is my duty to protect my staff, and it was to give him chance to settle down."
"Oh he's settled down alright I'm sure." shouted Giles, "He looks bloody half dead."
"Hey guys,this isn't doing any good," Andrew interrupted, "can we please just concentrate on what we have to do to get Spike out?"
The two men looked at Andrew. They nodded their agreements, Jake gestured for Giles to sit down in the chair opposite his desk, as he sat in his. The atmosphere relaxed a little, Andrew perched on the edge of the desk.
"Firstly," began Jake, "I know it sounds callous but there is the matter of the medical bill, has he got insurance?"
Andrew smirked at the thought of a vampire having medical insurance. Giles was careful not to catch his eye as he knew he'd laugh, as he told the doctor that no he hadn't but that funds would be wired from London the next day.
That solved, the doctor wanted to know where they were going to take Spike as, in his opinion, he certainly wasn't fit for a flight to London and the seedy hotel next door wasn't exactly ideal.
"We're going to rent a house here in LA for a few months," said Giles, "so he can recuperate with no pressure and if we have any problems you aren't far away." he added the last part to appease the doctor, having no intention of bringing Spike back here under any circumstance.
"There is one other thing." said Jake, "Before he hit the nurse he was talking in his sleep that he'd tried to rape someone, Buffy, I think he'd said. do you know what that could mean? You've told me he's a bit of a drifter, I'm worried he moves on for a reson?"
Fortunately Xander had told Giles of the attempted rape that had prompted Spike to seek out his soul, but he was still taken aback by the doctor's statement. Thinking on his feet.
"Buffy's his sister, she was attacked a couple of years ago, the culprit never found, Spike took it very hard. I always thought he was trying to track the attacker down, that's why he kept moving."
"At this rate we'll all be bloody related." he thought to himself, but the doctor seemed to have bought it.
Giles stood up and offered his hand to Jake.
"We'll be back for him tomorrow night, it'll take us all day to find a house and so on. Have you anything of his here?"
"His clothes were ruined except for a leather coat and his boots, we've still got those and so will have them ready tomorrow.
"Thank you, we'll get him some clothes to change in to. Good night."
With that Giles and Andrew left the hospital and went back to the hotel to plan for the next day.
oooooo
Spike wsa starting to doze off. He looked up at Helen and reached out with his left hand to wipe a tear that was falling down her cheek.
"Don't cry Helen, please." he said softly, fightlng the effects of the drugs, "Don't be sad."
"I'm not sad." she lied, "I'd better be going home now."
She had to go, knowing she wouldn't be able to stem her tears. She leant down and for the first time kissed his cheek.
"Goodnight Spike." she murmured and quickly left avoiding meeting his eyes.
Spike watched her go, fingers caressing the cheek she'd kissed and drifted off in to a deep, and for the first time since awakening from the coma, totally dreamless sleep.
oooooo
Helen didn't go home, she learned from Nick that Mr Giles was checked in to the hotel next door with his other son. What a strange coincidence she thought. but there wsa something strange about the whole situation.
She walked in to the lobby of the hotel and asked at the front desk if she could place a call to Mr Rupert Giles. The receptionist indicated a telephone at the end of the desk and told her to dial 353. The phone was answered almost before it could ring.
"Hello, is that Mr Giles?" asked Helen.
"It is." said Giles.
"Oh, um, my name's Helen Green, I'm a nurse at St David's......."
"Oh yes Helen, I remember you. What can I do for you?" he replied.
"I wonder if I could possibly talk with you about Spike? I'm in the lobby now if it's convenient?"
"Of course, come up to the room if you don't mind, it's a bit more private. Andrew is here too, we're just talking things through about tomorrow."
He told her he room number and put the phone down.
"I wonder what she wants?" he mused.
A few moments later in response to a sharp rap on the door, he let Helen in.
"Would you like a drink?" asked Andrew as Giles offered her the only chair in the room and sat on the bed opposite her.
"Thank you but no." said Helen, now that she was here she didn't know where to start.
"I understand that you've been sitting with Spike a lot when you're off duty. It's been very kind of you to do that." said Giles, filling a rather awkward silence.
"Oh God," thought Helen, "He thinks I want money!"
"Yes but that's not why I'm here. I want to offer my services for the next couple of weeks. Free of charge." she blurted, "You see I've got some vacation time due and you'll need some help with the meds......"
"We couldn't possibly ask you to do that." interrupted Giles.
"You're not asking, I'm offering." said Helen firmly, her resolve strengthening, "It's just I feel I've a special interest in him. I was with him in the ER when he'd just been brought in, I'd just arrived after the call went out for those of us off duty. I usually work on the ICU and that's where he was during those months of coma. I'd like a chance to help him recover. I can get an exercise program from the physio and help him do it. Help him get fit." Helen stopped, realising she was babbling.
Andrew and Giles looked at each other. It was true she'd be a great help to them but how could they possibly explain his past and what he is or was?
"Ok Helen, it's a deal but on one condition. You're to come the day after tomorrow, to give us a chance to get settled in. Here's my cell phone number, give me a ring say five pm and I'll let you have the address."
He gave her the number and Helen left, this time she did go home.
"Right Andrew," said Giles, "Tomorrow I'll go and sort out the bank transfer for Spike's bill and hit the agencies about a rental house. We need it to be pretty secluded. I hope we can get something organised, I don't want him spending a moment longer in there than he has to."
"He's so thin. He looks so ill." said Andrew, "I thought vampires couldn't get ill?"
"I don't understand what's going on either Andrew but first we'll get him with us, then we can work out what is wrong with him and sort it out."
"What about the others? Buffy especially, are we going to tell them?"
"Not for the time being, " Giles replied, "I think he needs peace and quiet and he certainly won't get that if everyone knows he's alive."
Andrew went back to his room, his heart was racing, Spike would get better, he had to.
tbc
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