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banner by dawnofme


Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I keep saying it but please review if you read! Keeps me updating quickly!! :)
Spike lay on his bed in a large room at the back of the house looking through the open curtains, dawn wasn't far away. He could still sense it, after over a century of dreading it, and lets face it, fearing it, it was a feeling he guessed would be hard to lose.

He hadn't slept much, too much to think about. But when he had he wasn't bombarded with the past anymore, instead he had dreams of the future, of being fit again, being out in the sunshine and of Buffy.

He got up out of the bed and limped to the window, leaning on the sill and looking out out as the sky began to brighten. Then his nerve failed and he pulled the curtains closed and got back into bed.

He woke up a couple of hours later and looked to the window. Again he got out of bed, went over to the right hand side of the window and tweaked the curtain back with his left hand so a shaft of light could get through in to the room. He instinctively pulled back, old habits die hard, heart pounding. The pounding of his heart reassured him that he had really changed, so he gritted his teeth, lifted his chin and slowly put his right hand in to the beam of light, opening and closing his fingers. No pain. No smoke.

"Bugger me." he said quietly as he pulled the curtains fully open. Eyes screwed up against the bright, he could feel it's warmth caressing his body, not causing it to combust.

"Morning!" called Andrew, looking in from the doorway, causing Spike to jump and turn around. "Ready for breakfast?"

"I am." Spike replied, realising he was ravenous.

He followed Andrew downstairs, refusing his help but leaning heavily on the handrail and descending slowly.

Over a hearty breakfast of pancakes and syrup, they talked about their plans for the day. It was agreed that Andrew would go to the nearest internet cafe to do some research on what could turn a vampire human, as much to Giles' horror Andrew and Willow had managed to persuade him to allow his library of reference books to be scanned in to the Watchers Council's computer system. A task that would have taken years but for a little magic from Willow.

"Shanshu!" said Spike suddenly.

"Bless you." said Andrew.

"What?....No, I didn't sneeze. It's what must have happened to me. The Shanshu Prophecy, it must have been genuine."

"Shanshu?" mused Giles, "I don't think I know of it. What is it?"

"It was in one of the books at Wolfram & Hart. It said that a vampire with a soul who played a pivotal role in an apocalypse, would be rewarded by being returned to human form. Old Angel had always figured it was his then I turned up with me shiny new soul and suddenly it wasn't clear which ensouled vamp it referred to. Figured it was a load of bollocks after me and Angel fought for the Cup of Perpetual Torment that was supposed to be a predestined pointer to who the prophecy was about. I won." Spike couldn't resist bragging, "But it was fake. Just another case of the Senior Partners pulling our chains."

"Andrew check up in our files, see if we have anything on this Shanshu Prophecy, make sure there's no loop holes." said Giles.

"Ok." said Andrew, "I'll go now and see you later."

"Did he tell everyone I survived the Hellmouth?" asked Spike watching Andrew leave, "I'd told him not to tell."

"No, just me. The others still don't know, thought it best that way until we're certain what's happened to you."

"Buffy.........?"

"Still in Rome, she and Dawn love it out there, why didn't you want Andrew telling all the gang?"

Spike would never forget the words Buffy had said as the amulet had released it's power in the Hellmouth.

"I love you."

He didn't beleive her, thought she'd just said them because she knew he'd die.

"Figured couldn't really top going out in a blaze of glory. I mean, what would I have said? Bit of an anticlimax I reckon."

Giles could tell from his face that Spike was still in love with Buffy, but despite everything he hoped Buffy and Spike would remain apart. No good could surely come of it.

"For now I think it's best you keep as low a profile as you can, at least until you regain your strength." Giles replied, still dismayed at how weakened the ex vampire was. Apart from Buffy he'd been the strongest fighter they'd had. Now a breath of fresh air could blow him over.

"No worries." said Spike looking out to the garden, "I think I might have a little stroll outside, care to join me?" said Spike still not totally convinced it was safe.

"Of course," Giles replied accurately reading the misgivings Spike had.

They walked, slowly due to Spike's limp, through the lounge and out in to the garden, the first six feet or so were in deep shade. The pair approached the edge of the shadow. Spike paused, took a deep breath and stepped in to the sunlight. After a moment he turned to Rupert grinning from ear to ear.

"God it's real. I am human again!" he stood arms outstretched.

"We'd better get you some cream to protect your skin, you're so pale you'll burn up."

They both laughed when they realised what he'd said.

"You know what I meant."

"Yeah, Rupe, I do but I think I can live with a bit of sunburn after what it's tried to do to me for years."

oooooo


Spike and Giles spent the next day quietly, Andrew continuing his research in to the prophecy. Giles told Spike of how everyone was doing after the demise of Sunnydale. That Anya had been killed in the Hellmouth and Xander in his grief had volunteered to work for the Council in Africa, a trip meant to last just a few months now stretched into over a year.

Willow had come back to London from Brazil, leaving Kennedy there. When she'd arrived, in response to Giles asking her to cover the office whilst he and Andrew came to LA, she'd announced she was back for good.

Finally he told Spike of Buffy and Dawn. Dawn now at school in Rome and Buffy on hand to help any new slayers who were bewildered by their calling.

"So th Niblet's growing up." said Spike, "Is Buffy.......? Erm......is she still with The Immortal?" not looking at Giles as he spoke knowing that a lame, human, ex souled vampire couldn't hope to compete with the likes of him.

"Yes she is." lied Giles, "I'm sorry Spike, I know how you feel about her, but she is happy."

Spike nodded slightly, eyes remaining downcast, a lump in his throat.

"Good." he said finally, "She deserves happy."

If he'd looked up at Giles then he would have been able to see from Giles' discomfort that he was lying. But he didn't look up, not wanting Giles to see the tears that were stinging his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks. He cleared his throat a couple of times.

"I think I'll walk round the garden for a bit." he said and limped out of the room, shoulders sagging.

Giles felt a pang of guilt.

"Why did I say that?" he said to himself, "Best he doesn't get his hopes up, he's not the same person as before so who knows what Buffy will think of him now." trying to convince himself it was for the best.

Out in the garden Spike slowly walked, pausing to take in the vibrant colours of the flowers. For over a one hundred years he'd lived in the night, the brightest moon still made a garden monochrome not like this riot of colour. He made his way to a bench at the far side of the garden and sat in it. He thought about Buffy and what might have been but for The First's Apocalypse. After he'd got his soul back, he'd known it was unlikely for Buffy ever to love him and want him as he did her, but it had been enough to be there for her, watching out for her, helping as much as he could. Then they'd shared that amazing night, just sleeping in each others arms but it had been the best night of his life, the closeness he'd felt, more than anything he'd ever experienced before, she admitted she felt the same way, then all Hell literally broke loose and the moment gone forever.

He'd always maintained she needed a bit of a demon in her man, so why wouldn't she be with The Immortal, that most suave of demons. He put his head in his hands admitting for the first time that he'd never be with Buffy again.

"Christ, I've only just got my heart back and already it's broken," he said to himself wryly, "This being human lark's hard. Being a vampire with a soul was a doddle compared to this. Least then I was strong, way I am now bloody Andrew would take me in a fight. I'm just sodding useless and now to make matters worse I'm wallowing in self pity! Why does it always have to be about Buffy?"

"Spike?" a soft voice enquired.

He looked up, wiping his eyes quickly with the palms of his hands as he did so. Helen was walking towards him, he hadn't seen her out of her nurses' uniform, she was wearing blue jeams and a yellow tee shirt, brown hair loose, falling to just below her shoulders, noticing for the first time how pretty she was.

"Hello,"said Spike, "Andrew said you were going to drop by. I was afraid I wasn't going to get to say thank you properly."

"That's ok." Helen replied smiling at him, "there's no need to thank me. I was happy to be there for you."

"Yeah, well, erm.......I'm sorry you had to see me like that." he stammered remembering his strange behaviour.

"I've seen worse let me assure you." said Helen, "I see you're enjoying the sun?" she added with a smile.

"Um........well......obviously." God he didn't know what to say. "Come on Spike." he said to himself, "Get a grip!"

Changing the subject quickly when she saw instead of making him smile, her teasing seemed to have made him uncomfortable.

"Did Andrew and your father tell you the other reason I'm here?"

"My fa......? Oh Giles? I mean, I never call him father. No, Andrew just said you were coming today. Why?"

"I've volunteered my services as your unofficial physiotherapist." she declared, "I've got a whole list of exercises and so on from the hospital physio so I can help you get fit again. You looked like you were in good shape when you came in," she blushed slightly under his gaze, "and so hopefully we can get you back there again."

"Really? Why would you do that? I mean, I mean, it's great an' all but why? You don't even know me?" he knew it sounded ungrateful but he was astonished at what she'd said.

"I felt the first beat your heart gave in the ER and I know it sounds kooky but I've felt connected to you since then, in all my time as a nurse, I've never felt such an amazing thing as that."

Spike couldn't take his eyes from hers, vivid blue meeting warm brown, this woman had felt the first beat of his heart since he'd died over 120 years ago. The very instant he became human again she was there.

"No, that doesn't sound kooky at all." he said quietly, "You brought me back from the dead, and you were there when I woke up weren't you? I remember now. Before.......before I was taken to that room. All a bit blurry after that, but I knew you kept coming even if I didn't let you know, I always knew you were there."

He took hold of her hand and without thinking leant over and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you." he said.

Giles looking at the couple through the window of the lounge saw Spike kiss Helen's cheek. He was glad he'd agreed to Helen's scheme, not only would it do Spike good physically but also emotionally. Hopefully he'd forget Buffy and move on.

"Yes." he said to himself, "Helen might just be perfect."

Andrew arrived back from his second day of research with a lot of papers tucked in to a folder.

"I take it you did manage to find the Shanshu Prophecy then?" said Giles.

"Yes I did." replied Andrew, " I managed to find two translations of it and it's taken so long because I was cross checking everything until I was sure I'd got all the details correct."

It had taken hours of painstaking work but if it helped Spike it was well worth it in Andrew's mind.

"Shall I wait 'til Spike's here?" asked Andrew.

"No tell me now, Helen's arrived, they're out in the garden and she can't know about this." replied Giles.

"Basically," began Andrew, "the prophecy is as Spike said, the return to human form as a reward for playing a part in an apocalypse. The thing that's taken most of my time to get right is a footnote to the main prophecy itself. Since Spike sacrificed himself in the Hellmouth, then managed to reappear and yet again be in the thick of it fighting another apocalypse, he gets a bonus, if you like. In addition to being made human, his soul can never be destroyed, from now on whatever might befall Spike, his soul is safe and will never be parted from him again."

"Well done," said Giles, "You've done a good job in finding that out."

The younger man enjoyed the praise he was being given.

"I sent that email to Willow that you asked me to. I'm not sure why you wanted me to do it though?"

"Look Andrew, its for the best, Spike's fragile right now, he's been through so much that I worry how he'd cope with all the attention. Letting Willow know the fate of the others and not mentioning finding Spike will give him time to recuperate. He hasn't said he wants the others to know either. He didn't the last time did he?" said Giles.

"That's true but it seems mean letting everyone think he's gone and he isn't. He's back and he's human again."

"They've done their grieving for him Andrew, a few more months won't make any difference. Did you tell Willow of my plans to stay here? That I'm helping the local Watchers Council for a while?"

"Yes I did, but i don't think it's fair that you get to stay with Spike and I have to go home and not tell anyone." whined Andrew, "I want to stay too."

"We've been through this before," sighed Giles, "There's no reason for both of us to stay, it's not necessary for the Council's work and so would raise suspicion I need you to be in London and help Willow, she must be getting snowed under with work."

"Alright," Andrew agreed reluctantly, "I'll phone to book a flight."

tbc





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