Once Andrew had left amidst much tears - his- and embarrassment -Spike's - the ex vampire and the Watcher settled in to a routine. After breakfast, Giles left for the Council and Helen arrived to help Spike with his physio.
At first progress was slow, Spike frustrated by the fact so little improvement was seen. Patience never being his strong point, but Helen, kept him calm when he got cross and motivated him when he wanted to give up.
For two weeks Helen spent most of the day with Spike, then when her leave ran out and she returned to work she'd come in the afternoon before her night shift started for a couple of hours to make sure he was keeping up with the schedule she'd set.
Spike missed her when she was back at work. She inspired him to get better, gave him a reason to live as he increasingly found the thought of being human scary. What role could he now play he wondered? He'd not be so useful in a fight and lets face it he wasn't the best thinker in the world so planning wouldn't be his thing either. He felt lost. The only thing that stopped him feeling that way was when Helen was with him.
Six weeks after leaving the hospital Spike woke up early, as he tended to these days, not because he had any trouble sleeping, more that he didn't want to waste a moment of daylight having had to avoid it for so long. He went in to the bathroom, showered and shaved, so much easier when you could see yourself in a mirror, and combed his hair grimacing at it's length and curls.
"Bloody poofter." he said to his reflection and pulled a face.
He went downstairs, pleased he no longer had to cling to the bannister to stop from falling. His limp was definately getting better, the muscles responding to the daily physio. Today was Helen's day off and she'd promised to spend it with him and that she had a surprise planned.
Spike was just finishing his breakfast when Giles walked in.
"Are you busy today?" asked Spike, hoping he'd be off to the Council and out of the way so he and Helen could be alone.
"No I'm taking the day off," replied Giles, "I'm going to do as little as possible I need a day at home."
Spike's face fell.
"Oh....great, you've been working hard." he said, "Yeah, bloody great, being here like a gooseberry is all." he added to himself, as he put his plate in to the dishwasher with more force than necessary.
Soon afterwards Helen arrived, knocking on the door but coming straight in.
"Hi guys." she said cheerily, "lovely morning isn't it?"
"Hello Helen, yeah it's a really nice morning." said Spike sulkily, still annoyed at Giles descision to stay in.
He missed the look that Helen and Giles shared.
"Suppose we'd better get started on the exercises then?" Spike added.
"No, we're not starting the exercises Spike, we're going out for the day." she replied.
"What?" Spike spun round to see Helen and Giles grinning at him.
"You!" he said, pointing at Giles, "You bloody well knew about this didn't you? Oh I'm just having a day at home." Spike mimicked Giles voice as he repeated his words.
"I'm sorry," laughed Giles. "I couldn't resist it. I know you hate me around when Helen's here."
"Yeah, well, I hust don't like you seeing me work out." said Spike trying to cover the fact that he wanted Helen to himself, but one look at Giles face and he knew he'd been rumbled. He shrugged. "So where are we off to then pet?"
"I'm not telling, " said Helen, "You'll just have to trust me. Get your jacket and lets get out of here."
AS Spike left the room to get his coat Giles told Helen.
"I'll be on my cell phone all day. If you need any help, a lift home if he gets too tired, anything just call and I'll be with you straightaway. I'll see you later as planned."
"Thanks Giles, that's reassuring but I've got the day planned with plenty of time for him to rest up, he's got to get back out in the world sometime, can't just hideaway in here forever."
"I know, " said Giles nodding, "But take it easy with him, he's led a pretty solitary life for the past year or so. just worried he'll be overwhelmed."
Spike came back in to the room with his jacket on, a badly fitting blue denim one that Andrew had bought for him. He hated it but the only other jacket he possessed was his leather duster and he couldn't bring himself to wear that.
"Ok I'm ready." he announced.
Helen walked over to him, took his hand in hers and turned to go.
"Just a moment." said Giles, "Here Spike, take this."
He handed Spike a long thin envelope.He took it and looked inside. Dollar bills. Quite a lot of them. He looked over to Giles raising an eyebrow in an unspoken question.
"Just take it Spike, believe me you've earned it." adding with a smile, "Besides you can't expect Helen to pay for your day out can you?"
"Er.....no, course not." said Spike, his voice thick with emotion. He coughed to try to disguise it, "Thanks."
"Come on!" Helen tugged at his hand, he looked back at Giles, nodded his head and went outside.
Stepping through the front door felt strange. He hadn't been through it since he arrived that night from the hospital. He paused fractionally, took a deep breath and went down the steps with Helen.
ooooooo
They walked slowly, as Spike's left leg although improving still caused him to limp quite noticeably. Helen knew it still gave him a lot of pain, he refused to acknowledge it to her, but she could see every now and then that he clenched his jaw tight when a bolt of pain hit him.
"So where are you taking me? You're not going to keep me in the dark all day are you pet?"
"We're nearly at our first stop." said Helen looking up at Spike with a smile.
A few yards further on and she stopped him.
"Here we are."
She'd brought him to a standstill outside of a shop, he looked at the sign and laughed.
"Oh, so you hate the hair too?"
"No, I love it I think it's cute but I know you don't like it and........."
"Cute? Cute?" interrupted Spike, "That's it. Let me in there. It's gotta go. Cute! Christ!" he pushed the door open and went inside, Helen followed chuckling.
He sat in the chair, Helen having to bite her lip to stop from laughing out loud at his expression when a very camp man with pink streaks in his hair came over to attend to Spike.
"What can I do for you sir?" trilled the hairdresser, "Cover those roots for you?"
"No, just cut it off. All of it." said Spike.
"Oh but it's such lovely hair, why don't........"
"Off. Short as possible and quick as you can mate, got other things I have to do."
The hairdresser sighed dramatically, ruffled his hand through Spike's hair a couple of times then reached for his scissors.
"Don't you dare bloody laugh." Spike said to Helen who was having trouble keeping a straight face.
He tried to glare at her through the mirror but just ended up grinning himself.
As the hairdresser cut his hair Spike looked at his reflection, he'd filled out a bit from his first sight of himself six weeks ago. His complexion no longer deathly pale but lightly tanned. the scar was still very obvious it always would be. He touched it with his fingers. In the mirror he could see Helen watching him.
"Doesn't mar my handsome good looks too much?" he joked smiling at her.
"I think it's sexy."
Spike nearly fell out of the chair. It wasn't Helen who'd replied but the hairdresser. Helen was doubled up silently laughing, tears steaming down her face.
"There you go sir, all finished." said the hairdresser.
Spike quickly took in his new look. Hair cut about half inch long all over, sandy brown, no hint of bleach blond left.
"Thanks." said Spike getting up from his seat as quickly as possible and went to pay. He daren't catch Helen's eye, knowing she was still trying not to laugh out loud. He paid and they rushed out into the street both collapsing in fits of giggles when they were out of sight.
"Sorry Spike." gasped Helen, "When I made the appointment he wasn't there."
"I bet you would've still booked it even if he had been there, you sod." he laughed, "Come on where now?" he rubbed a hand over his newly shorn hair. "I hope this looks less cute? That's not a word a fella likes to hear you know."
"No, you don't look cute anymore, you look adorable!"
Helen shrieked as Spike made a grab for her and ran a few steps.
"Hey that's not fair! You're too quick." for a second his smile faded as he recalled how quick and agile he'd been, if he'd still been a vampire he would have mended good as new. Then he looked at Helen and his smile returned, maybe some things made up for others and lunged after her laughing.
She let him catch her and as he swung her round to face him, their eyes met, they looked at each other, tentatively Spike lowered his head towards Helen, she responded by standing on her tiptoe. Then their lips met and he kissed her gently. Spike pulled back a little, when he saw she wanted it as much as he did he kissed her again, this time harder, longer, with more passion. She melted in to his arms and kissed back just as ardently.
"Ahem!"
The sound making them stop kissing and look round. A fat middle aged woman was stood in front of them, looking very disapproving.
"Do you mind?"
They suddenly realised they were stood right in front of a store's entrance and the woman wanted to go in. The pair blushed, muttered an apology and walked out of the way.
They walked hand in hand until Helen once more stopped outside of a store.
"Here we are, phase two, of the big day out."
"What have you got planned now? I dread to think."
"Relax." said Helen, "See, it's just clothes, I figured now you're well enough to go out and about you might want some clothes that actually fit." Giving his jacket a tug.
"You're not wrong there love. I'm not sure what Andrew was thinking when he bought me this stuff, and I can hardly fasten these jeans anymore."
He was now back at more like his normal weight not the skeletal frame he had when he left hospital, he wasn't as toned, perhaps never would be, but it was certainly an improvement.
An hour or so later and a couple of hundred dollars lighter the pair emerged, Spike tranformed by a well fitting pair of black jeans, old habits die hard, a dark blue shirt and a short black leather jacket. The clothes he'd arrived in consigned to the trash. He's insisted on keeping his boots but had conceded a little by buying some shoes and a pair of light coloured trousers and several tee shirts and long sleeved shirts in various colours.
As they left the store Helen looked up at Spike and kicked herself. She recognised that look from their physio sessions, it was the look he had when he wouldn't give up despite the fatigue and pain, determined to see it through. His eyes were narrowed slightly and there was a sheen of sweat on his brow.
"I don't know about you but I could do with a coffee," she said brightly, "Look we can get one over there."
She pointed to a little place almost opposite them with tables outside. Spike nodded his agreement, trying to hide his relief and they made their way to the tables. Spike lowered himself in to his chair carefully, grimacing. He stretched his leg out in front of him and gave it a rub.
"Are you ok?" asked Helen with concern.
"Fine. Now what do you fancy?" he replied, reluctant, as always to admit weakness or the fact he was hurting to her, he reached out to hold her hand.
They ordered coffees and sat there chatting easily, well, Helen chatted and Spike listened.
"Come on your turn. You know everything about me but you never tell me any of your stories." said Helen
"Not much to tell, pet." replied Spike, thinking "What can I tell her? Over a hundred and twenty years and barely a memory fit to tell, even after I got my soul back. Can't really tell her I was a vampire (oh yes they are real, love), and at one time I hand my hands hacked off by a deranged slayer but the shamen at an evil law firm magicked them back on again good as new. No, not much to tell."
"How can that be? You know all about my family and friends and apart from Giles and Andrew, I don't know anything about yours." insisted Helen, regretting the words as soon as she'd said them.
A closed look came across his face. He let go of her hand.
"My friends are all dead, Helen, I'm sorry if I can't regale merry tales for you, but I just can't. It's........" he stood to leave.
"Don't please, I'm sorry." said Helen catching his hand to stop him. "It's just I like you so much I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, good or bad, it won't change my feelings."
"I'm not so sure about that." thought Spike, sitting back down again and looking at Helen.
"It's ok, it's just I've lived in the past for so long I need to be able to see a future, not be haunted by ghosts of my past any more. I can't tell you I'll ever be able to talk about it with you, I do want you in my future, but is that enough? I know you deserve to know it all but I can't."
His face was so full of pain as he spoke that Helen had to choke back tears.
"I can settle for you wanting me in your future, yes that's enough for me Spike." she leaned over and kissed him.
"Right, phase three." she announced, standing up.
She saw from Spike's expression that he was tired and that his leg still hurt so she quickly added, "Don't worry this is the easiest one. We just need to find a cab, you wait here, won't be long." she turned and walked away from the table to see if she could catch one that was passing.
Spike sat there, watching her. He realised he really did mean what he'd said, she wasn't just part of his future, she was his future. After a few minutes a cab hooted from the kerb to get his attention, Helen already inside. He got up, collected his bags and walked to it. Once inside the cab sped off and they got out at the beach.
Helen looked at her watch.
"We're a bit late, he must already be here." she said looking up and down.
Spike started to ask who, when he spotted Giles walking towards them carrying a hamper and beach bag.
"Thought I was in the wrong place when you weren't here on time." he said, "Having a good day?"
"Yeah, but what are you doing here? You two been plotting again?" he put his head on one side and looked at Helen with a smile.
"Phase three, lunch is served." she said indicating the hamper she'd taken from Giles. "Now give him your bags to take home and we can go eat."
"She's really got this thought through hasn't she?" Spike said to Giles as Helen started to walk down to the sand.
"You should see the orders she gave me. I was so scared of turning up late that I've been here for twenty minutes. She's amazing."
"She certainly is." agreed Spike and handed over the bags of clothes and went to join her, struggling a bit in the loose sand.
By the time he'd got to her she'd already laid a couple of towels out to sit on and was unpacking food from the hamper.
"Since we've had a busy morning, I thought chilling out on the beach for the afternoon would be nice."
He sat down, pulled her towards him and kissed her.
"This is the best day of my life." he murmured in her ear.
After a while they remembered their lunch.
oooooo
Much later, they packed up all the crockery and towels and left their shoes, hoping it would all still be there when they got back and went for a stroll along the edge of the ocean, walking on the firm wet sand near to the waves to be easier for Spike.
Helen looked at Spike as they walked along and knew she'd fallen in love with him, she'd been a little in love with him since she'd first felt his heart beat, though she'd tried to deny it as being foolish. Now she'd spent this time with him she was certain.
Spike caught Helen looking at him and stopped.
"What?" he said, tilting his head in that way of his that always made her heart melt.
"Nothing, just looking." she replied, reaching up, kissing his nose then running away a few steps before stopping. "Come on, you're not chicken are you?" she goaded.
So far he'd done well with his exercises but she knew he was very selfconscious of his limp. tending to walk as slowly as possible, not just to prevent the pain, but also because his limp showed less when he did so.
As they were walking through the store and he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he went by, she's seen the look of disgust at himself. She wanted him to realise that limp or no, he was attractive and capable of playing around. He hadn't attempted to run yet and since the next stage of his exercise plan included some steady jogging she thought she'd try to get him to do it today, now he was rested, whilst he was having fun. Hopefully he'd not realise he was getting pushed that bit harder again.
She splashed him, bending down and scooping up a double handful of water, accurately hitting it's target.
"You little minx!" Spike said.
He went to grab her, but this time she didn't let him catch her like she had earlier, she stepped out of reach, going backwards so she could see him. she splashed him again, laughing, then turned and jogged slowly away.
A hand grabbed her shoulder.
"Gotcha!" shouted Spike.
Last one to our shoes pays the cab fare home." she laughed and turned away once more.
Spike's hand found hers and they jogged gently along the beach, Spike concentrating hard, willing his lame leg to work properly. to keep up with her. By the time they'd reached their belongings just a couple of hundred yards away, Spike was panting hard. When they stopped he put his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath.
"Don't tell me. Phase four." he gasped.
He laughed at her astonishment.
"I know you too well Nurse Helen, " he joked, "You always try to sneak in the new exercises without me noticing. You are a hard task master."
"And you, occasionally, are a model patient." she replied smiling. "Let's go home now, it's been a long day."
"A good day." said Spike. "When 's phase five?"
She looked at him quizzically, "Phase five?"
He gave her a frankly lustful look and raised his eyebrows. She blushed, gave his arm a playful thump, and picked up the hamper. Spike smiled to himself. Phase five wasn't so far away after all!"
oooooooo
Another month passed and the change in Spike was dramatic. He still limped, he always would, but it wasn't too bad now except when he got tired. The rest of his body was now toned and he looked fit. Every morning and evening he went for a steady jog for an hour or so, determined to keep pushing to get in the best physical shape possible. He was no longer really aware of the limp he'd accepted that it was part of him, like the scar on his forehead. He knew he drew a few strange loks as he jogged past people, I mean a jogger with a limp what was that about? The scar often drew looks too but he found he didn't care. Helen loved him as he was and that was good enough for him.
The pair had been inseparable since his first day away from the house. They went out together as often as they could around Helen's work shifts, going out for meals or sometimes just walking on the beach holding hands.
Phase five hadn't been reached yet, Spike knew she wanted it, but he was scared of taking that extra step too soon, aware that his past relationships had all been distinctly odd, Drusilla, his first lover, an insane vampire, Harmony, another vamp as vacuous as Drusilla was mad. Then there wsa Buffy.....the destructive physical relationship followed by the tenderness they'd shared just before the apocalypse, the tantilising thought of what might have been. Try as he might he still thought of Buffy.
Spike pushed himself a bit harder as if running faster could make the thoughts go away. his feelings for Helen were real. Buffy was just a fantasy that could never be.
He arrived at the house exhausted he walked the last ten minutes or so, knowing that it helped his leg rather than just run and stop. He saw Helen's car in the driveway and he was smiling as he went in to the house.
"This is a nice surprise," he said kissing her, "I wasn't expecting you 'til later."
"I swapped with Anna, she wanted to come in an hour late, so i covered for her and got off an hour early." she replied.
"Where's Giles?"
"He said to say he'd be gone 'til late, something to do with work."
"Is that right?" said Spike, "So we've got the place to ourselves then?" he kissed her again, "I'll just go up and get a shower, won't be long."
She watched him leave the room and go upstairs.
Spike showered quickly, wrapped a towel round his waist and went in to his bedroom to get dressed. The first thing he saw was a neat pile of clothes on the chair, the second, which brought him to a standstill, was the sight of Helen laying under the covers of his bed.
"Think it's time for Phase Five don't you?" she smiled at him and pulled the corner of the quilf down, inviting him in.
How could he resist? He was after all only human!
Later, as they lay in each others arms, Spike felt he had finally been able to lay the ghost of his past, Helen filling the void left by Buffy.
tbc
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banner by dawnofmeAuthor's Chapter Notes:
Just want to warn you all that if the thought of Spike and Helen really offends miss this one out and wait for next one!! But bear with me all will be well!