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Author's Chapter Notes:

Reply to challenge posted at Elysian Fields.
check out the challenge details here.
author's choice by ladycat713 Sorry for the longer than normal delay in posting.
And much thanks to my wonderful beta Jill, for being so patient with me.
Now on with the angst...
And please don't forget to review.
The moment that Buffy left the room, Faith jumped up whirled to face the vampire, and smacked him upside his head.

“What the fuck is up with you man, I know she treated you like shit Spike, but even I could see there was something not right with B. What, you couldn’t cut her some slack to at least find out why she’s acting like bizarro Buffy?”

“Oi Hellcat, get off your high horse,” he shot indignantly. “You were right happy to go along with our little snuggle fest a moment ago. What’s got your knickers in a twist? S’not like she’s ever treated you like a long lost sister. Well, least ways, she never stabbed me” he muttered sullenly, rubbing his abused head.

At her pointed look he rolled his eyes. “Staking is not the same” he replied, with as much dignity as was possible, seeing that he was half-naked

“Fuck man, bitch much? Could you be more whiney?” Faith gave him a half-fond half-exasperated smile before sitting next to him again.

“I’m serious Blondie; she is not that good an actress. There is something majorly suss going on here”. She chewed on her lower lip, giving him a thoughtful glance she met his sulky gaze.

“C’mon Spike you gotta know better than anyone that B is the queen of cold, if she really knew about you being back, what was up with the spaz she just pulled? If anything, she might have punched me for poaching, maybe even dissed you for daring to move on without her permission,” she raised a sculpted brow. “But I can’t see her going all weepy just cos an ex lover and sometimes enemy look like they’re kickin it… Can you?”

Spike scowled and shook his head before meeting the slayers eyes.

“S’pose not… maybe” he offered sullenly. “Fuck luv, who knows how her head works these days?” he offered with a sigh.

Rubbing his face, frustrated and strangely weary he stared off into space.

“Thought once upon a time I knew her better than myself, you can see how well that worked out.”

His expression was distant and more than a bit pained. “There was a time when Bloody Buffy Summers was the moon to my night, and I was more sure of her than my own existence.” His jaw flexed with the effort of suppressing his emotions, as his eyes swung back to bore into Faiths. “Times change pet, an so do people” he added bitterly.

“The Buffy I thought I knew would never have let someone else die to protect the life of her lover. That Buffy would never have fallen for a git like the immortal, or blown off her calling the way she has.
The woman I loved was loyal an brave, and cared about the world, she wouldn’t stick her sister in some far off bloody school, jus’ so she could be free. So, you tell me, Pet? Cos, I’m way past knowing. Sides,” he added, “does it really matter? She’ll mos likely be gone soon, probly by tomorrow at the latest.”



Faiths heart ached with understanding and sympathy. Spike and she were more alike than she cared to admit, both of them longing for love and both of them broken.

Over the last two days, they had become closer than she ever thought it was possible for two people to be, not without becoming lovers.

When she had turned up for this fight, she had been mad at the world and herself. Aching over the recent betrayal of her own lover, she had gone into the battle with no expectations of surviving.

When she and Spike’s eyes had locked in the first rush of battle lust, she had seen her own feelings reflected back at her. He may have wanted to believe he was over the pain of loving Buffy, but he was no more over it, than Faith was over Robin’s betrayal.

Something had clicked between them then, each of them recognizing the others need in a way that bordered on the mystical.

They had fought like a well-oiled machine and when the Dragon had nearly given Faith her death wish, it was the vampire that had pulled her to safety in the nick of time.

And when Spike fell to the ground after taking an arrow in the thigh, it was Faith that had recognized the fletching, and acted accordingly. Anyone else, apart from the original Scoobies, would not have realized the potential death carried in the poison coating the tip. In addition, Faith was undoubtedly the only one willing to furnish the cure.
Slayers blood being the only known antidote.


She had dragged him into shelter behind a dumpster, and then because she didn’t want to risk the delicate tendons in her wrists, not when she needed her hands for the fight, she had forced him into Gameface and made him drink from her neck.

It had taken insults, and a fair amount of alluding to his own death wish. Not to mention the old, ‘go on then, take the cowards way out’ speech before he had given in and bitten her, but eventually he had.


Though there had been nothing romantic about it, God it had hurt…a lot. The moment she had let him sink his fangs into her throat she had felt a connection to him like she’d never had with anyone else. Since then they had hardly left each other’s side, preferring to stick close to each other, if only to stave off the outside world.


No she and Spike weren’t lovers… at least not yet. Nevertheless, they both recognized the potential was there. So far, neither of them had acted on it, it hadn’t even been hinted at, though Faith was sure that Willow and most of the others assumed that they had already done the deed.

And it wasn’t like she would have said no, she wasn’t blind, Spike was a hottie and she just knew from looking at him that he knew his way around a bedroom.
She was also strangely sure that if she did sleep with him it would probably be for keeps.
And that scared the crap out of her.

They already had more of a bond than she’d shared with anyone in her life, if they took the next step she knew that both of their hearts wouldn’t be far behind.

She and Spike, at heart, wanted the same thing, someone that would love them and fight by their side. They both secretly craved someone that could love as deeply as they themselves loved.


She had taken a chance with Robin, given into his request that she stick around so he could show her that not all men were alike. And just when she had started to believe, just as she thought he might be the one. She’d come back early from slaying and caught him in bed with another slayer.


Spike though, with him she knew she didn’t need to worry. Yeah he had the whole slayer obsession thing going on, apparently just like Robin, but unlike Robin, she reflected bitchily, Spike was not a cheating bastard, and he had already proved that, in his past relationships. Hell, the last girl he’d loved, he’d died for.

She wasn’t being conceited in thinking that if she and Spike did kick it, it wouldn’t be long until he was solely hers. Unlike Buffy, she wouldn’t have any trouble admitting what she felt, or that he was hers; she already felt fiercely protective of him.

After the last two days crying on each other’s shoulder, she really didn’t understand how Buffy had not fallen for him. She hadn’t even slept with him yet, and already she was half way there.

Studying his tired features, and the wearied acceptance in his eyes, she came to the conclusion that this man would be very easy to love, and if he loved her back she would feel like the luckiest girl in the world.


Her thoughts had taken only moments, and admittedly, she’d gotten a little side tracked, but something he’d said earlier was niggling at her. Something he’d said about Buffy letting someone die to protect a lover?

“Spike” she ventured, pulling him back from his own pain filled thoughts.
“Before when you said that thing about Buffy letting someone die to protect someone else, what did you mean?”

She watched his eyes darken with pain, and for a moment she wished she could take the question back.


He met her eyes, not sure if he could put into words the last and greatest of Buffy’s betrayals. He had never shared his suspicions with anyone, to do so would be admitting that the last of his illusions were gone. Moreover, it would mean giving up his last much faded hope.

The slayer before him, she had opened up to him in a way that no one in his life ever had. The closest he’d come in the past, was those last few nights on the Hellmouth with Buffy.
But then, if he was right in what he was thinking, those nights had been nothing more than a lie. Just like her last words to him in the Hellmouth.

When he looked into Faith’s eyes he saw so much potential, he saw a future where he was loved like he’d always dreamed he’d be. He saw a woman that could match him in every way, off the field of battle, and on. He saw someone who would accept everything he had to offer, and never take it for granted. In her eyes, he had recognized a kindred spirit.

When she’d forced him to drink to save his life she had opened herself to him in ways that not even she realized. He had seen her heart, and it had awed and frightened him, mostly, because it was like looking in a mirror.

They, both of them, had their demons, and both of them fought every day to control them.

He had seen her past as he drank her blood, and it had broken his poets’ heart that she had endured so much human cruelty, when all she had ever wanted was love.

With her gift, part of Faith had become his and always would be, but until he was able to banish the last of what he felt for the other slayer, Spike knew that he could not let himself take what he realized Faith would be more than willing to give.

He knew what it was like to be second best, and he would never do that to someone he cared about, he’d rather be alone.


Looking back up at her patient face he made a decision. If he voiced this, his last true fear, then maybe the words themselves would give him the strength to be able to see Buffy… without his traitorous heart yearning to be laid at her feet.

If he finally accepted it as true, then surely it would kill that last stubborn bit of love that was still in his heart. Then he could finally move on.





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