“If you want to leave me now, I won’t blame you.”
Buffy frowned as she sat up, gathering the sheet against her bare breasts. “Leave you? Why would I do that?”
“After the way I treated you last night. I…I’m sorry.”
He looked miserable, and Buffy knew she couldn’t let him stay that way for long. She crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing kisses against his back before she said, “Yeah, last night, well, took me a little by surprise, but it’s all right. You hurt me some, but uh…” Buffy cleared her throat, then said in a rush, “But apparently I like that.”
Spike turned his head to look at her. “You liked me hurting you?”
Buffy blushed and avoided his gaze. “Uh huh. God, does that make me totally twisted?”
“No. That’s good. If you got off on it, then I don’t have to beat myself up about it.”
Buffy rubbed his back. “You don’t have to beat yourself up. It’s okay.” She kissed the side of his neck. “Though I am kind of curious as to where you went last night.”
“Just out for a walk. I needed some fresh air.” His muscles tensed almost imperceptibly beneath Buffy’s touch.
“And fresh air makes you want to completely ravage me?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Spike moved away from her. “Let’s just sleep a bit more, yeah? I’m still tired.”
Buffy frowned but decided not to push things. Maybe if he got some rest, Spike would go back to normal. “Okay, I’m still a bit tired, too.” She got back under the sheets, only to feel her heart tighten when Spike laid down but didn’t pull her to him like he normally did, turning his back to her instead.
She tried to sleep, hoping she would be able to just wake up and have things back to the way they were before.
Instead, she lay awake, her body tense, until she heard Spike get up and watched him put on his jeans. “Are you going somewhere?” she asked.
“Just into the other room,” he replied tersely before walking out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.
Buffy sat up in bed, a sudden urge to cry hitting her. What was wrong with him? Had her telling him she’d been turned on by rough sex turned him off? And if that were the case, why had he been rough with her in the first place?
Deciding this was ridiculous and determined to figure out what Spike’s deal was, Buffy got off the bed. She eyed her wadded up dress for a moment before snatching up the red button-down shirt Spike had worn the night before and put that on instead.
She stormed out of the bedroom, finding the next room was a den. Spike sat on a long leather sofa, his hands folded between his knees as he stared into space. Buffy marched up to him, her hands on her hips. “What the hell is wrong with you, huh? Are you playing some sort of sick game with me? I tell you last night that every guy I’ve ever been with suddenly turned into an asshole, so you decide to follow suit? Is that it?”
He turned towards her sharply. “Buffy, I’m not trying to…”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to or not, because you are.”
Spike jumped up, his jaw twitching. “I’m trying not to hurt you, you daft bint!”
Buffy took a step back, a lump in her throat. Her first response was to cry, but she wasn’t about to give into that impulse. Instead, she yelled back, “Yeah, and being a total jackass is a really good way not to hurt me.”
“I lost control on your last night!” Spike yelled back. “Doesn’t that scare you even a little bit?”
Buffy held up her chin. “No.”
“Well, it scares the hell outta me.” Spike let out a humorless laugh as he ran a hand through his bleached hair. “Bloody hell, woman, seems like all you do is make me lose control. That first night, the reason I tossed you out, it wasn’t just because of why I said. I almost lost control then, too. I keep coming to the edge over and over again with you.”
“I told you I was fine with last night.”
Spike gave another bitter laugh. “Last night was nothing, baby. I could do things to that body…” He ran his eyes down her form and licked his lips, a predatory gleam in his eyes. “I could hurt you in ways you’ve never even dreamed of.”
“I’m not afraid,” Buffy said, though there was a tremor in her voice.
Spike moved quickly, knocking her against the wall and holding her there with his body. “You should be,” he told her, their eyes locking.
Buffy shook a little harder as her mind traveled back to the night before, when Spike had spoken of a prior girlfriend who had died. Had he killed her? He couldn’t have… “Spike…” His name was barely more than a whisper, with the taste of a plea.
She watched his eyes soften before he let go of her arms, moving back just enough to smooth his hands gently over her instead, raining kisses interspersed with her name and apologies over her face. She wrapped her arms around him in response, any fear she’d felt disappearing. Instead, she held him to her, told him it was all right. Buffy didn’t want to believe it was anything but all right…
Spike picked her up and carried her over to the couch, where he gently laid her out. He unbuttoned the shirt she’d put on carefully, his fingers shaking as he undid each button before pushing the material from her shoulders and letting it fall to the ground.
He ghosted his hands over her skin, worshipped her with feather-soft kisses. He was holding himself back, proving to himself he could do this without losing control.
Buffy’s hands strayed to his hair, his fingers threading through the unruly platinum curls. “It’s okay, baby,” she told him, wanting to hold on to how he seemed to not want to hurt her more than his insistence that he could. Even if it might be the right thing to do, how could she give this up now? In less than a week, she’d already grown addicted to him, already craved his touch like she’d craved nothing else in her life.
She needed what only he could make her feel…
“Can’t hurt you,” Spike muttered, his lips against the corner of her mouth.
“You won’t,” Buffy told him, her hands moving down to caress the right muscles of his back. “You won’t hurt me.”
“I just want to love you,” Spike whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. “So gorgeous, so perfect. Golden goddess…”
“Not a goddess. Just a girl,” Buffy replied, her hands still smoothing over the skin of his back.
“My goddess,” Spike insisted, moving to place an almost chaste kiss against her neck. “Wanna worship you.”
“You don’t…oh!” Buffy exclaimed as he suddenly moved between her legs, hefting her legs over his shoulders and favoring her pussy with a long lick. If this was what he meant by worshipping, then she was all for deification. “Spike…yes…just like that.”
Spike continued to work her with his mouth, alternating between filling her with his tongue and lapping at her clit. Buffy gasped and moaned, her fingers grabbing at the leather beneath her.
It was good, but it wasn’t enough. Not now, not when she needed all of him. She tugged on his hair until he looked up, his blue eyes meeting hers. “Spike, I…I need…oh…I need you inside.”
He surged up her body without hesitation, freeing himself from his jeans as her feet came up to push the denim the rest of the way down his legs until he kicked it off.
Unhindered now, Spike pushed inside of her, only to stop abruptly when Buffy cried out, both of them realizing at the same time that she was still tender from his rough treatment of her the night before.
Spike sighed, hanging his head as he tried to pull out. Buffy, however, had other plans. She locked her ankles at the small of his back and said in a growl to rival his, “Don’t you dare.”
He looked at her in surprise. “Luv, you’re too sore…”
“I’ll tell you when I’m too sore. Right now, I want you too much to care.”
“You say that now, but…”
“I swear to god, Spike, if you don’t start moving right now, I’m going to be the one to hurt you.”
Spike looked surprised for a moment before he grinned. “You know, you’re hot when you’re bossy.”
“Uh huh. Move.”
He started moving without any further protest, though he was careful to make sure any sounds he elicited from her were ones of pleasure.
“That’s good,” Buffy assured him, her words trailing into a moan. “Feels so good, Spike.”
“I’m not hurting you?”
“No.” Buffy shook her head before smiling at him. “I love this with you.”
“I always want to make it good for you,” Spike murmured as he leaned in to kiss her temple.
Buffy reached up, held him in place. “You do. Every time.”
He sighed softly against her, trembling though he kept the rhythm of his hips steady. Buffy rationalized his earlier behavior, unwilling to believe the man moving so carefully could ever be dangerous. Something must’ve happened in the past, something to make him worry, but that didn’t make him capable of hurting her now. Maybe he’d just had women who didn’t like his tendency to get a bit rough where sex was concerned.
But Buffy did. Sex with Spike was raw, all wanting and passion. She’d never had that before, never experienced anything that made her feel alive the way she did when Spike was inside her. She knew it was fast becoming an addiction – perhaps even a dangerous one – but she wasn’t willing to give it up.
And now, she needed more. She didn’t want Spike to be afraid to give her the things she’d come to crave. She scraped her fingernails down his back, leaving a trail of scratch marks down to his ass, where she grabbed him, forcing him in deeper, harder.
Spike grunted. “Buffy…”
“It’s good like this,” Buffy told him. “I need all of you…don’t hold back.”
He shook his head against her. “I have to hold back.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I’ll be okay,” Buffy insisted. “I don’t think you’ll hurt me.”
Spike met her eyes, something dark passing through his. “And I know I can.” He pulled out of her, wincing as he did. “I can’t do this.”
Buffy sat up, a chill rushing over her. “Do what? Us?” she asked in a small voice.
“Yes. Maybe. God, I don’t even sodding know anymore.” He turned and grabbed Buffy by the shoulders. “What are you? What have you done to me?”
“What? I haven’t done anything!”
Spike stood up, shook his head as he laughed almost hysterically. “Oh, you’ve done something. I wouldn’t be bloody feeling this way if you hadn’t! Not like this. What are you? Some sort of witch? A gypsy?”
“What? Spike, have you completely lost your mind? You think I’ve put some sort of spell on you? That’s insane!”
“No. It’s the only thing that makes any bloody sense! Why I’d ever think I can do this, go on dates and pretend I’m only a man.” He hit his palm against his chest. “Why it feels like this beats when it doesn’t. When it can’t.”
“Spike, I don’t understand a word you’re saying. Please, tell me what’s going on. Why are you saying things like this? Why do you keep thinking you’re going to hurt me? Talk to me, please.”
He looked out her for a moment, his head cocked to the side as if he were thinking, trying to make a decision. Finally, his shoulders slumped. “You already hit the nail on the head last night, luv.”
Buffy blinked, confused. “Huh?”
With a sigh, Spike reached for his discarded jeans and pulled them back on. For several moments, he was silent, then he said quietly, “What you asked last night. The answer is yes.”
“What did I ask last night?” She brought her knees to her chin, feeling too exposed. She didn’t like this, didn’t want it to be happening. Things had been going so well, and now he was freaking out on her?
It didn’t make any sense. And it broke her heart…
“You asked if I was a vampire.”
For a moment, all Buffy could do was stare, her brain not able to comprehend what he was saying. “I asked if you’re a vampire, and the answer is…yes?”
“Yes. I’m a vampire. I’ve been feeding off you when we have sex, and it’s getting harder and harder to control myself. So yeah, Buffy, I’m dangerous.”
“You’re making this up,” Buffy said with a nervous laugh. “Vampires aren’t real.”
“I’ve been one since 1880, Buffy. Trust me, they’re real.”
“Spike, just tell me what’s really going on, please. If you want to end things, you can just say so.”
“I am telling you what’s really going on! This isn’t about wanting to end things. I don’t want to end anything. You make me feel…” He trailed off, shook his head. “I’m a vampire.”
“I don’t believe you.”
For a moment, Spike only stared at her. Then Buffy watched as his face changed right in front of her. His brow became heavier, ridged; his eyes changed from blue to a demonic amber. “Believe me now?” he asked coolly, razor-sharp teeth glinting inside his mouth.
Buffy felt frozen, unable to do anything but stare. This couldn’t be real. It had to be some sort of weird, overly-vivid dream.
“Well, aren’t you going to say anything? Or possibly run for your life.”
“I…Spike?”
He moved with inhuman speed, snatching her off the couch and shaking her like a ragdoll. “You should run, little girl. I could snap your neck in a second. Drink your blood until there’s nothing left.” He dropped her, let her fall to the ground.
Buffy looked up; Spike turned away. He couldn’t take what he saw in her eyes…
She ran back into the bedroom, dressing quickly before she rushed from the building.
Spike slumped to the floor, his features fading back to human once again.
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