Truth be told, he’d been surprised to figure out he’d fallen in love with the girl, though now that he’d said the word, he had no doubt that was what he felt. It made no sense to the point it was almost absurd, but that didn’t make his feelings change.
Buffy certainly hadn’t been someone he’d thought he’d fall for. He’d gone out that night looking for dinner, not to have his heart stolen by some little blonde pixie.
Though now, looking back on that night, he realized she’d enchanted him even before he’d gotten her into his bed. He’d told himself as he watched her dance that his interest was purely physical, but now that he knew how she could touch his dead heart, he also knew it had always been more than that. She’d awoken something in him, made him remember what it was to yearn.
His first fifty years or so as a vampire had been the best in his memory. He’d had his sire, Drusilla, and together, they’d seen and done more than he’d even been able to dream of as a human. He’d been content to spend eternity in her arms.
Fate, however, had other plans.
Spike had watched her grow weak for years from an ailment for which he’d never been able to determine the cause. Drusilla had spent periods without any trace of lucidity, his once-strong dark princess reduced to being no more than a feeble child.
For a decade, he’d stayed by her side, loving her regardless of her mental state – until the night a mob took her away from him for good.
She’d told him not to worry, that someday sunshine would come and take care of him – right before she’d thrown herself into the mob’s waiting flames.
For years after that, Spike had through she’d meant he’d meet his end in the sun’s burnings rays. Without Drusilla, he’d almost welcomed the notion and cursed his inability to make himself walk into the sunrise.
Now, that he’d met Buffy, Spike was beginning to think that hadn’t been what Drusilla had meant by “sunshine” at all.
The small blonde woman had certainly brought light back into his existence when he’d thought any chance of it was gone forever. She made him happy, and somehow, made him fall in love in an instant when he’d thought his heart was too broken to mend.
Yet he knew, logically, this would have to end someday. Even if they managed to make this something that lasted, as Buffy had pointed out, someday she would age while he would not. If nothing else pulled them apart, death would.
Still, Buffy was young, not even thirty. He could have fifty good years with her, same as he had with Drusilla.
He knew there was an alternative, but he didn’t want to consider it. While he enjoyed what he was and certainly couldn’t find it in him to resent Drusilla for turning him, there were times that he longed for what he had lost. He didn’t want to force that on Buffy, didn’t want to push her into a life in the dark – out of the sunshine.
And even more than that, Spike knew from firsthand experience turnings didn’t always go the way you expected them to. Trying to keep Buffy forever could make him lose her for good.
Which brought him to the conclusion he shouldn’t wasting time and energy dwelling on things he had no control over. It wasn’t a perfect situation, but just having her at all felt like a blessing in the dreary stretch of loneliness his life had become. After all, if he was going to worry about anything, whether or not he’d scared her off with his unplanned declaration of love seemed a little more pressing.
While they’d had sex since he’d said it, Buffy had barely spoken, and that had Spike worried. If she was freaking out about it, Spike couldn’t say he blamed her. She was freshly-separated from her philandering husband and had only been in this relationship for a week. And, well, he was a vampire. All good reasons to balk there.
But Spike knew what he was feeling, and it wasn’t an emotion that tended to inspire rationality.
Instead, he was desperate to be near her again after only being apart for fifteen minutes – and still in the same house at that.
He got out of bed and searched around the room for a moment before he found where his jeans had ended up the night before. He put them on, then started towards the kitchen.
Spike stopped, however, in the living room, noticing the spread of books and DVD’s he’d been too preoccupied to see the night before. He picked up one of the DVD’s and raised an eyebrow.
“I…I wanted to see if I could find out about vampires after you said you were one.”
Spike looked up and saw Buffy standing in the doorway with a piece of toast in her hand. “Hate to burst your bubble, luv, but as entertaining as I’m sure The Best of Dark Shadows is, ol’ Barnabas isn’t exactly an accurate representation.”
Buffy blushed. “I sort of figured as much.” She cleared her throat and looked up slightly. “So does that mean I’m not going to take to my bed and get all weak like that Maggie chick?”
He favored her with an amused smile. “It doesn’t really work that way, pet.”
Buffy took a bite of her toast, chewed, and swallowed while she built up the courage to ask her next question. “So how does it work? Making someone a vampire, I mean.”
Spike cleared his throat, not sure this was really territory he wanted to enter with her. However, the mess in her living room made it pretty clear that she had a genuine interest in finding out about what he was, and he knew he probably owed it to her to answer her questions as best he could.
“In order for a person to become a vampire, a vampire has to drink their blood to the point where death is inevitable, then feed the person their blood,” Spike explained.
“So biting me like you have been…”
“Won’t turn you.”
“Good.”
An awkward silence filled the living room as Buffy munched on her toast, both of them unsure of what to saw now. Finally, she swallowed the last bite and asked, “Will it do anything to me at all? What about me biting you? ‘Cause I’ve done that, too.”
Despite the seriousness of the moment, Spike trembled at the memory of her teeth in his flesh. He’d never really thought a bite from a human could be so arousing, but somehow just the fact that it was Buffy made the act all that more arousing. “That’s not going to do anything to you either, kitten. You’d have to be near death and take more of my blood than you can from just a human bite for it to do anything to you.”
“Okay.” Buffy surveyed the living room, her cheeks growing red again. “I guess this does look kind of silly to you.”
Spike sat down on the couch and held his arm out towards her. “Come here, luv.” She did as he asked, and Spike pulled her against his chest and held her. “It’s not silly, sweetheart. You’re facing something you’re not familiar with, so of course you’re going to have questions.” He stroked her hair, shivering from the way she seemed to be molding against his side. “And it wasn’t like I was overly forthcoming yesterday morning.”
“You did kind of freak out,” Buffy said, though she didn’t move away from him.
“I’m sorry for that, sweetheart. If it’s any consolation, what had me so upset was the idea of hurting you. I thought…I thought it would be better if I drove you away so I’d know I couldn’t hurt you. Turns out I’m just not that self-sacrificing.”
“You don’t need to be. I’m a big girl, Spike. I can make my own decisions.”
Spike started to argue that he wasn’t sure she really could here since she clearly didn’t fully understand what she was signing up for, but he held his tongue. It was selfish of him, he knew, to want to keep Buffy for himself instead of letting her live her life with someone in the light, but he didn’t care. She was what he wanted, and he wasn’t about to go all noble now.
“Yeah, luv. I know you can.”
“I have been kind of wondering about one thing, though,” Buffy admitted. “About when you feed.”
Spike went still, even stopping his usual reflexive breathing. His feeding habits were the one thing he really didn’t want to discuss with her. He doubted she really knew how much of a predator he was and he didn’t want her to. He was certain if she did, she wouldn’t be nearly so comfortable in his arms. “What is it?” he asked, trying to keep his tone cool.
“Do you, well…” She cleared her throat and looked down. “Do you usually have sex when you feed? I mean, I know that’s why you picked me up the first night, so is that always what you do? Are…are you going to be with other women?”
Spike gave a mental sign of relief. That question had an answer he was happy to give. And if Buffy was okay with the fact he’d meant her to be dinner, then clearly she hadn’t figured out just what his feeding habits entailed – which was exactly what he wanted. “No, kitten, I’m not going to be with any other woman. I have to keep feeding – otherwise I’ll start wasting away – but I can promise you I won’t take anyone else to my bed. I’m not a cheater, Buffy. I never have been. I was with Drusilla for sixty years, and I never once strayed from her bed – even though she was too weak for sex for most of the last decade. Hell, I didn’t even cheat on my last girlfriend, and she was the most irritating woman I have ever met. Her voice was like nails on a bloody chalkboard.” Spike shuddered.
Buffy looked up at him again, one eyebrow arched. “She couldn’t have been that bad.”
Spike snorted. “Trust me, she was. Biggest mistake of my unlife. She was a fledgling, a new vampire, and her sire had pulled a turn-and-run. Poor lil’ chit was so lost, completely clueless on what she was doing. Kept bumping her head when she tried to feed and whatnot. So I offered to take her in, show her the ropes, and the next thing I knew, my sheets are pink, there’s bloody unicorns all over my house, and she’s clinging to me like a glittery boa constrictor. I should’ve known with a name like Harmony she’d drive me up the sodding wall.”
Buffy looked at him sharply. “Wait – Harmony, unicorns – was this Harmony Kendall?”
“Yeah,” Spike replied. “You know her?”
“I did. We went to high school together. And I stand corrected. She is the most annoying person ever.” Buffy wrinkled her nose. “You actually dated her?”
“Total lapse in judgment.”
“How drunk were you?”
“Terribly.”
Buffy shook her head, though she had a small smile on her lips. “I can’t believe you and Harmony… Small world.”
“Yeah. Really.”
“And she’s actually a vampire now. I can’t imagine how she’s surviving without her tanning booth and mirrors.”
“By whining about it constantly.”
“God, I hated her so much in high school,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “She was such a total bitch to me and my friend Willow. We committed the heinous crime of not caring what she thought.”
“Can’t say that I blame you. She didn’t think much.”
“No, she really didn’t. So do you usually go for the kind of woman who has a larger bra size than I.Q.?”
Spike looked at Buffy, fear gripping him for a moment as he worried this was going to have a detrimental effect on Buffy’s opinion of him. But then he saw the smirk playing on her lips and realized she was teasing him. “You think you’re cute, don’t you.”
“I’m adorable,” Buffy replied.
“Oh yeah? Where’d you hear that?”
Buffy waved her hand dismissively. “From some vampire.”
Spike laughed, relieved that neither his revelation about dating her former classmate nor his slipped declaration of love seemed to be running her off. “Well, I guess if this vampire says so, then I better agree with him.”
“You better,” Buffy agreed with a nod. “I hear he can get all cranky.”
Suddenly, Spike grabbed Buffy and pulled her into his lap, eliciting a surprised squeak, followed by a laugh before she leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose. It made him break out into a wide grin, and before he could stop it, his mouth was moving. “God, I love you.”
Immediately, he was mentally kicking himself. Just because she hadn’t run from him after he’d said it once didn’t mean she’d be all right with him saying it repeatedly when their relationship was so new. “I’m sorry, pet. It just…slipped out.”
Buffy put her hand against his cheek. “It’s all right, Spike. I’m not ready to say it back yet, but I don’t mind you saying it. I…I like the way you say it. It sounds…well, sincere.”
“It is. You stole my heart at first sight, Buffy.”
“I like that,” Buffy admitted. She dropped her hand from his cheek and trailed a finger down his bare chest. “I’m starting to get why people think vampires are all romantic.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Spike cupped the back of her head and brought her into a kiss, moaning at the taste of her. Suddenly, she pulled away, but before Spike could protest, he watched her bite down hard on her own lip, bringing a drop of blood to the surface.
“Oh, Buffy,” Spike growled before bringing her lips back to his, the taste of her blood in the kiss making his touch harsh, passionate. Buffy ground herself against the bulge in his jeans, his fingers tangled in his hair, already mussed from sex and sleep.
In one fluid movement, Spike had her on her back on the couch, his body over hers. She wrapped her legs around his back, urging him on as his hands coasted up her sides, finding the bare peaks of her breast. She pushed her upper body into his hands as she squirmed beneath him, desperate for more contact.
The sudden knock at the door took Buffy by surprise, and she yelped as Spike broke away from her. “Ignore them until they go away,” Buffy whispered, making Spike smile and descend on her lips again.
But when the unwelcome visitor followed his increasingly-louder knocks by shouting from the other side of the door, Buffy knew she wasn’t getting rid of him that easily.
“I know you’re in there, Buffy! I’m going to keep knocking until you answer the door.”
The look on Buffy’s face told Spike all he needed to know about who it was intruding on them.
Riley Finn.
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