Author's Chapter Notes:
this chapter didn't want to be written. i have fought my muse and the children to bring it to you.
My thanks to Dusty, cordykitten, pyro, fyreburned, Ariadne and midnight girl for taking the trouble to review. they really help my muse.
Buffy was seeing to everyone in the hall, she looked calm and capable after the day they’d had. She didn’t seem to be at all upset at killing a man, but William could see that at times her hand shook and she had to steel herself to continue her work. Faith just seemed relieved. William watched as Willow went towards the dark haired girl with yet another brew. She made her medicines in the pottery cup kept on a separate shelf; come to think of it, Buffy had that cup of something every morning. He’d have to ask her what it was for. It was then that it struck William that it was the only pottery cup in the whole place. There were wooden cups and stone cups but that pottery cup Willow used was the only one in the hall. Another difference between his old home and his new one.

Faith gratefully took the brew from Willow. She didn’t have to ask what it was for. Willow had seen the bruises on the inside of Faith’s legs and knew what had happened. The last thing Faith needed was a child to result from the rape.

Willow watched as Buffy settled the hall down; it was obvious to her that her friend was upset. But Buffy wouldn’t let it show; she sat writing the facts of the day on birch bark and putting the tablets carefully in her own cloth bag that hung on a peg above her bed area. Then she and Connor went through the little amount of silver Bjorn and his men had on them: their clothes weren’t fit for kitchen rags. Buffy looked in disgust at the dirty cloth in her hand.

‘This is so unlike Faith,’ Buffy said, really quietly, not wanting her foster sister to overhear any gossip about her hearth and home.

‘I don’t think it was Faith. I don’t think Maggie allowed her to hold the Hall as it should be held,’ Connor replied. Buffy had to agree the children had been clean and clad in clean clothes, but underfed. ‘I think Faith has been struggling for a while.’ Connor was equally as quiet.

‘Well we can help there, we’ll send a crew back with her when she returns to her own home after the Thing,’ Buffy said in a firm voice. ‘That’s if she wants to go. It will be up to Faith, but her hall was profitable once and could be again.’

‘After the Thing: she needn’t decide just yet,’ Connor agreed in a soft voice. ‘Maggie of the Welsh has always been known as a strange woman with peculiar ways, but now she’ll be out of society completely. After all, she has protected one who had been wolf’s head.’

‘I would love to be there when she finds out what happened to her precious boy.’

‘Well you will be,’ Connor reminded her. ‘We’ll be telling everyone at the Thing.’

‘Oh shit,’ Buffy sat back, leaning on the post holding up the roof. ‘That’s all I need: Maggie Welsh screaming and shouting at me.’ Buffy rarely swore and Connor looked at her in surprise when she did.

‘I’m sure you can cope with that dog barking at you Buffy. You cope with everything else, and if she tries anything you will be under the protection of the Thing, and we can deal with her there and then in public with plenty of witnesses.’

‘So that’s you and me going, Xander, Faith will have to go - the children can stay here. Anya will have to stay: she won’t want to take little Alex on a journey just yet. William might enjoy it though; Willow will have to stay here and run the place, Anya can help. Olaf will come; if I’m going, Helga had better go with me, can’t have tongues wagging about me gallivanting around on my own. Tara had better stay, though. No reason for her to go and we don’t want any trouble; well, any more trouble than we’re going to get.’

Connor looked a little crest fallen at that.

‘You’ll just have to think of her lots, her and Willow here, by themselves,’ Buffy said with a teasing smile. Connor started to wriggle uneasily in his chair. Buffy was not playing fair at all.

‘What do you want from her Connor? Do you want her to stay here with us? I know she and Willow have gotten close, and you always saw Willow as yours. Are you looking to replace me as Lady of the hall with two women?’

‘I would love for her to stay, but I promised her that we would send her home. I want her to be happy: she’s happy with Willow and I think she could be content with me but a woman needs to be among her own kind. I think that’s where Maggie had so many problems: she never settled here.’ Connor said insightfully, then laughed. ‘I think being with Xander is rubbing off on me. I’d better round up some of the crew: we’d better go mob-handed to the Thing. I’ll take about half the warriors with us as well. And anyway it would take two to replace the work you do here, don’t think I don’t know it.’

‘Very well, I’ll take that as a compliment,’ Buffy said as she laughed and headed towards where William was settling for the night. ‘Can you close up the hall, Connor? I need an early night.’

Connor lifted his hand in acknowledgement of her request and sat watching the flames. It was going to be an interesting Thing.

Buffy slipped off her overdress and crawled in beside William. He was lovely and warm and she snuggled into his back, trying to keep her icy feet close enough to be warmed but far enough away from him not to chill him too much. William seemed very tense: the day had taken its toll on the young Saxon man, and he seemed very young at that point.

‘Are you all right, William? It was scary out there for a few minutes, wasn’t it?’ Hoping that was what was wrong with him. Buffy had never believed that love was for her, she was all about duty and responsibility but this curly haired stranger had worked his way straight into her heart. Opening parts up that she had believed had been locked forever. Trust Freya to throw this at her now. Well she would trust the Gods, and hope that Loki wasn’t in the mix. Things would work out for everyone: she had to believe it.

‘I suppose so,’ he replied tersely. Today had been too much for him. He had far too many questions and desperately needed answers.

‘William?’

‘What am I to you, pet? What is this?’ He turned and pointed to the bed between them. ‘Just some fun for the winter?’

‘No, I would never use you like that, William. Where has this come from? Have I done something to upset you?’

‘No. Yes. No, it’s just… you didn’t let us defend you, you didn’t let me protect you at all, you killed that man without a thought: what are you?’

‘I am what I have always been, William: Lady of a Northern Hall. I have to protect and hold this place. I know your instinct is to protect, but so is mine. I’m a Lady Holder and a Mother, and it wasn’t without a thought.’

‘A mother? You never told me that; where’s your child?’

‘He died, as some do, Soon after his father, in fact. It’s not something I think about very often. It hurts too much. He got sick one winter and he just didn’t get well again. Willow did everything she could think of but nothing helped him. His breathing got worse and worse and the fever wouldn’t break.’ Buffy hid her head in William’s shoulder. It melted his heart to hear her quiet sobs.

‘And today? I could see you were upset afterwards pet, but you didn’t let anyone in.’

‘Who could I let in but you? And you’re not of our people, your women are subservient in the extreme. Faith has seen the ice giants fight in her own home, Willow carries the weight of keeping us healthy, Anya has Alex to think about, Connor has to cope with the thought of keeping us all safe and the children, they were so scared. Their father had ruled with fear. Who could I turn to? Who is there for me? I was selfish, I took something for ME, I saw you and felt something for the first time since my Leif died. I felt an attraction: you made me feel whole again. So I took advantage of it, totally, but today you were another member of my household in danger from a mad wolf.’

‘You see me as a member of your household? Well that’s good then.’ He said smiling at her.

‘Yes, I suppose it is. I do forget that you are a guest sometimes: often, really. I love having you here William, and if you were of my people I think I would have Connor approach your family to see if you ...’

‘If I what, love?’

‘Nothing.’ She looked away from him in embarrassment. William could see the red creeping up her face.

‘If I what, pet? Come on, you started this conversation.’

‘Would want to make this permanent.’ She whispered.

‘Would you accept that sort of offer from me?’

‘I could be tempted,’ Buffy laughed as her face went red.

‘I think I could be tempted as well, provided the dowry was good enough of course,’ he added with a grin.

‘Oh you!’ She hit him on the shoulder, gently and then gratefully accepted the place back in his arms.

Buffy looked up at the roof of her hall and thought about Faith again.

‘There was no laughter in that hall, and for our people that is highly unusual. And that shot: Bjorn wasn’t expecting it from me. He was waiting for Connor or one of the others to attack, then they would have all shot at you. I couldn’t risk you, and I couldn’t risk Connor. You are both so precious to me.’

‘Ah pet,’ he leant over her and kissed her gently on the lips.

‘You are no winter fling, William. No man has shared my bed or my thoughts since Angel died, and he only ever shared my bed, never my thoughts. If I could, I would ask you to stay, but honour demands you return to your own people.’ She sounded sleepy and was quietening as William rubbed her lower back.

‘What’s the drink Willow gave Faith and you take every morning, pet? No secrets after today please, just tell me the truth.’

Buffy pulled herself up onto her knees and looked at William in the firelight, her eyes guarded as though what she was about to tell him was something dreadful.

‘It’s a potion that Willow makes that reduces the chances of being blessed with a child. Faith had been attacked and wanted no child from that, and William, can you honestly tell me that if I carried your child you would leave me here and go home alone? And if you stayed, you would have no rank in the hall other than the one I gave you. You were born noble, we all can see that; it would destroy you in the end, it would any man. And I couldn’t face that. I didn’t want you to have to choose between staying and leaving, either way your honour would have been wounded.’

William felt his heart sink a little that she didn’t want his child, but he understood her reasoning. He knew that he would never have been able to choose between going and staying in those circumstances, either way would have hurt him so badly, again she had been wiser than him. He opened his arms and wrapped them around her, drawing her into his side, there they fell asleep wrapped together; no one could tell where one ended and the other began.





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