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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thx for all the wonderful feedback!

This chapter may be a bit angsty - so be warned.
xoxo
Part Twenty four: 147 Days...



Day One she cried and couldn’t stop crying – not even when her friends arrived to the mansion. Not even when Angel had gathered her in his arms and carried her home. Not even when Joyce had greeted them at the door with her loving arms.

When her mother had helped her into the shower and turned on the hot water to wash away the filth and the blood, her tears had become uncontrollable sobs, racking through her tired body ‘til she’d slid down the wall and sunk to the floor – sitting there while the water cleansed her outside. But her inside couldn’t be cleansed. It was broken and she had no idea if it would ever be fixed again.

Day two followed much the same pattern; her unable to stop crying.

Her mom and Willow tried their best to comfort her during the long hours as the day stretched by, but in the end they stood powerless to soothe the heartbroken slayer. They could only witness how her body trembled in grief and how she bit at her lips until they bleed.

She was lost to them at the time…

Buffy felt a gaping hole in her chest were her heart should be and the only one who could fill it was gone.

Spike was dead.

Again.


Day three she was forced out of bed by a concerned Joyce and reluctantly placed in front of the dinner table. She could only eat a few bites of the tuna sandwich and take a few sips of the chocolate (with marshmallows) before she doubled over and threw up.

She returned to her bed shortly after that incident – convinced that nothing could make her leave it again.

She would so be proven wrong on that.


Day eight dawned with a visit from Giles. Her watcher was worried about his slayer and had come to see to it that she would survive. In her eyes he seemed weary and old. It was then she guiltily remembered that he also had lost someone he loved.

He’d lost Jenny…

And it was that fact that was the sole reason to why she let herself be convinced to leave the room to which she’d sought refuge.

It was a start.


Day ten she received a call from Angel. Although she had found it in herself to forgive him for the events that had taken place when his soul was gone, she found it hard to listen to his familiar voice. He seemed eager to convince himself of her forgiveness. Maybe he felt a little bit guilty of trying to end the world and almost succeeding. And having Spike killed…

She returned to her grieving after that call.


On the fifteenth day Giles showed up and gave her a speech that rocked her world. Completely.

The watcher fumed and accused her of ignoring her duty. He blatantly told her that the world needed her and that if Spike had been alive he’d been ashamed over what the slayer had been reduced to. (As if Giles knew anything of Spike…) and he told her that it was time for her to stop grieving for someone who wouldn’t return.

Wouldn’t return…

How long has it been?

Hundred and forty-seven days yesterday. Uh... hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?

And a tiny flicker of hope lit a spark inside the slayers chest.


Day forty Buffy smiled for the first time in ages.

It was Xander’s close up meeting with a tree that caused that. The young man had been following a gorgeous, if not a slutty dressed, girl with his eyes and totally missed the huge oak standing in his way. He now sported an interesting looking black eye. And even tough he was slightly ashamed of how he got it, he couldn’t be happier to see his friend back in the game again.


On the sixtieth day Buffy made a surprise visit to Oz and told him that he was a fool if he’d ever let something and someone get in the way between him and Willow. And she also come with subtle threats that if he ever hurt the witch he’d know the wrath of a slayer up close and personal.

Willow’s and Oz’s relationship seemed to blossom after that.


Day seventy one Buffy had to destroy the Nigarian Death Mask her mother had purchased – again. The task meant the gathering of the scoobies and also to a closer understanding between the slayer and Joyce.

Buffy began feeling lighter at heart – especially with the hope of Spike’s return.


Day ninety introduced Faith to their lives – again. But this time around Buffy made sure to welcome the other slayer with open arms and also into her home. Now she knew why the dark slayer had acted like she did all those years ago. She only needed to feel appreciated and accepted. That time Buffy hadn’t let it happen, maybe because she was jealous – and selfish.

She simply found a new friend – and a sister.

On the ninety-third day Angel declared that he was moving to Los Angeles in intent of opening up a investigation agency.

Buffy found it difficult to feel anything but relief. She assumed that she just couldn’t forget the part he’d played in her lover’s destruction. Soul or not.

Maybe she still blamed him for bringing the amulet to Sunnydale in the first place…

So, Angel left the town and no one grieved his departure.


When the hundredth day came and went, Buffy started to feel anxious and went to check out the mansion more often. It was about this time when Angel had returned – if her memory served her right. But there were no signs of Spike. Yet, she didn’t want to give up hope and started to believe that it was some kind of cosmic prank that the powers played with her. Maybe he’d return on the hundred and forty-seventh day – just like she had that time.

So she continued counting the days…


Day hundred and twenty-five brought its own little surprise in the form of a date between her watcher and Joyce. And it kind’a creped Buffy – and Faith, out. By now Faith was a vital member of the family as well amongst the scoobies, and Buffy couldn’t have been happier – except she was still waiting for the return of Spike.

And it seemed as Xander had abandoned all hope on Cordelia and actually was turning his full attention towards Faith.

Buffy failed to see the attraction.

When day hundred and thirty made a mark in the calendar Joyce announced that she and Giles was officially seeing each other, Buffy held her tongue and wished them all the luck. She loved her mother deeply and she had actually said that Giles was more than a father to her than her real one.

Funny how things could work themselves out…


On the hundred and forty-sixth day Buffy kissed her mother and Faith goodbye, packed a bag and headed towards the mansion – fully intent on staying the night and spending every second there ‘til Spike was returned to her.

She could be stubborn that way.


Then, finally, the hundred and forty-seventh day arrived and she sat amongst the rubble, not letting her eyes trail of the floor. Awaiting the return of her loved one. She didn’t move when a rat scurried across the floor. She didn’t flinch when a cat jumped down from a shell and landed next to her before it ran out through a hole in the outer wall. She didn’t even blink when a dog barked nearby.

She could just as well have been a stature, cut form coldest marble.

Time… Hours passed by but nothing happened. Nothing changed.

The slayer hadn’t moved an inch when evening had came. She just sat at the same spot and stared ahead, untouched by the cold that penetrated the walls.

The night passed by without anything changing.

And the hope in Buffy’s chest flickered and threatened to die.

But she kept waiting.


When Buffy woke up she didn’t remember falling asleep. All she knew was that it was day hundred and forty-eight and Spike hadn’t returned to her.

He was really gone.

She waited through the entire day but as evening set and heralded the night, she slowly rose to her feet, clutching something in her hand.

She stood still for a moment, before she opened her fist and let the item in it fall to the floor. Without looking at it, she stepped over the rubble and left the dark mansion – all hope gone.

And abandoned on the floor amongst the rubble and dust, lay a ring. Formed as a skull.

You just made me the happiest man alive…

Except he wasn’t…




Tbc…





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