Part Five: That Same Old Pain.
“Buffy!!”
The blond slayer turned to face the approaching man with a bright smile, conscious to keep the happy appearance up.
She felt like crying tough. These days it seems like she just couldn’t stop crying. In fact; nothing had really mattered to her since the battle against the demons that the Senior Partners unleashed on Los Angeles.
The pain of knowing that Spike had been alive all that time and not told her was a constant reminder that he obviously hadn’t believed her last words to him down in the Hellmouth.
. ‘I love you:” .
. ‘No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.’
She hadn’t even known that he was back again, fighting at Angel’s side. She’d been left out of the loop (big shocker there) - ’til that phone call came, from Faith, telling about the battle that Angel was fighting against Wolfram and Hart, and that Spike was one of them fighting with him.
Buffy had hurried to Los Angeles with the rest of the available slayers in tow and joined the fight that raged in the dark streets.
She’d seen Angel go down and felt a twinge of loss and despair at the sight.
Angel…
She’d seen the dark skinned man give into his deadly wounds and die whilst still fighting a demon.
She’d seen the blue god king called Illyria rip enemies apart without any noticeable difficulty.
But she hadn’t seen Spike anywhere.
I’m too late… Always too late…
She’d kept on fighting, not aware of anything around her but her next opponent. It wasn’t ‘til she hadn’t a foe to slaughter anymore, that she stopped – and noticed the stares from her fellow slayers.
Buffy knew that she’d been a terrified sight to behold - there she stood with a blood drained scythe and steam rising from her body.
All drained in blood, hair dishevelled and with wet clothes.
But the others could stare all they wanted. It didn’t matter. What was important was to find out what happened to Spike.
Illyria, had simply said that the white haired vampire had fought well and that he killed many demons.
The god king seemed almost to admire the vampire and Buffy gritted her teeth, eager to find out what had really happened to Spike.
But she hadn’t been prepared for the words that came out of the god kings mouth;
‘The half breed’s wounds were mortal. I couldn’t help him and he was dead within moments. I feel grief for him as I do for Wesley.’
Illyria had turned piercing blue eyes to Buffy.
‘I wish to do more violence.’
Buffy had slipped to the pavement. Her heart broken.
She failed him.
Every night I save you.
Buffy tried hard to remember all the good times she and Spike spent together but just kept on coming back to the day at the hell mouth - when he’d died to save the world.
Her hand still tingled sometimes from where they had been joined by fire.
Her eyes started to tear as she remembered gripping Spike’s hand in hers, palm to palm.
What no one knew, was how close she had come to turning back, to return and die with him. But that wasn’t what he wanted for her. He wanted her to live. And this fact alone had carried her over the rooftops and on the top of the bus. That fact had out that plastered smile on her lips as she gazed out over the collapsed Hellmouth.
They couldn’t be together in life or death and it’d been his last wish that she should live.
There’s no funerals for vampires…
“Buffy?”
She turned around and faces Giles.
“Let’s go home.”
Part Six: No You Don’t.
There were so many of them... Vampires that came at her with full speed. She felt tired but she couldn't stop. Didn't want to either. She had to beat them back. Save them all.
Death is my gift…
"Buffy!"
She registered his voice and snatched when she saw the reason to his call out.
"Spike!"
She ran to him.
Spike...Oh, God... What was happening to him?
She stopped in front of him, trying desperately to make sense of it all.
"I can feel it, Buffy."
He looked so peaceful. Like he's finally found something that he'd been looking for all of his life.
What was he talking about? What was it he could feel?
"What?"
She barley got the words out.
Oh, Jesus... What was going on?
He turned his head ever so slightly and their eyes meet. His blue, blue eyes...
"My soul. It's really there."
He seemed to lost focus for a moment and his gaze fixed on something indeterminable that she couldn't see or feel.
"It kind’ a stings."
Chaos all around her. The others scream. They're trying to escape. Everything was about to collapse on them. Rocks and debris falling down around her. Vampires vaporizing into nothing. They’re all dust…
"Go on then."
His voice asking her to leave him.
No! How could she ever? Had he the slightest idea about what he was asking her to do?
She shook her head in despair.
"No! you done enough. You still can..."
Oh, God, he'd done enough.
If she had realized that this would be the outcome by giving him the amulet - she'd never given it to him. This was Angels fault. He...
"No... You beat them back. It's to me to do the clean-up."
No!
Buffy tried hard to find the words. Those who could make him come with her. To make it out of there alive.
As from a distance she could hear Faith screaming at her to hurry up. Couldn't the other slayer see what's happening to Spike? Or didn't she really care? And Spike who says;
"Got to move, luv. I guess it's safe to say that school's out for the bloody summer."
Only he got make a joke during a moment like that. Stupid vampire.
"Spike..."
"Mean it. I got to do this."
She saw that he meant it. That there wasn't anything that she could do to make him change his mind. She reached out her hand to his. Fingers linking with each other. She hold on to his hand while it caught on fire.
"I love you."
He turned his head towards her, giving her a gentle glare as he was dying.
"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."
She hold on to his eyes.
I love you, Spike.
Wanting to repeat the words, but something hold her back. Perhaps that begging look in his mysterious eyes. Telling her that he didn't want her declaration of love.
Suddenly something brought Buffy out of balance. The whole cave was shaking and trembling, about to collapse down on both of them. She looked at him helpless.
"Now go!"
She pulled her hand out of his and ran up the stairs. Leaving him to meet his destiny.
Leaving him to die...
Buffy woke with a start, frantically looking around.
Oh God… It was a dream. Just a dream.
She frowned.
Of course it was a dream, stupid. What did you think? That you were back in that cave? That place is gone. And so is he…
Buffy got up from the bad and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and it matched her mood perfectly. She found the darkness comforting – and wasn’t that hilarious?
You belong here in the darkness. With me.
“Spike…”
A lone tear trickled down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away.
As if to join her in her grief, a bird landed on the wind shell and curiously peeked at the moody slayer.
“You know what?”
Buffy sighed heavily.
“I wish that I could go back and change everything. From the beginning. So that Spike and I could have a chance…”
Buffy clasped a hand over her mouth in shock.
Oh crap!!
There was a quick flash and the slayer barley got a look at a twisted woman’s face before everything went black.
“Wish granted.”
Tbc…
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Some may not like Spike's relationship with Kara - and oh boy, you must have hated the episode 'Destiny' when Spike dragged off with Harmony. But take in consideration that some time has passed and that Spike thinks that Buffy has moved on - so why shouldn't he? And Buff's still number one in our favorite vampire's heart.