As Spike walked back into his room, his thoughts were on Buffy, where they usually were. He was a fool to walk away and he knew it. But how do you tell the girl you love that you helped your sister die.
//////////////////////////////////////////
“Dru, do you know what you're asking me to do?” Spike asked. His voice cracked with the tears that were threatening to fall. “I can't do it!”
“My sweet boy. Of course you can. This isn't the life for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking at these four walls. I'm never going to get out of here. I want to be free. I want to be one of the stars.”
“But you are. You're my star.”
“But you already have your sunshine, you can't have the stars as well.”
“I can't do it. I wouldn't even know where to start!”
“You can do anything you set your mind to.”
“It's murder.”
“No one will know”
“I'll know!”
“But I'll be free. Please my Spike. I need this. They give me my medication at 8 and 8. I can save the morning one's and take them in the evening. All you'd have to do is get me something else. Maybe some paracetamol. It'll be just like going to sleep.”
“We're in a America Dru. They don't have paracetamol.”
“Well you know what I mean. Just get me something. Otherwise I'll find a more painful way of doing it. It wouldn't be the first time either!”
“That's not fair! How can you ask me to do this? You're my sister for fuck's sake!”
“Spike, I'm sick. I know it and you know it. I'm never going to get better. Why can't you just let me go? I need to go. My time is up.”
“Dru.........”
“Please do this for me.”
“You can get help.”
“I've had help!”
“We can get you more”
“Help me”
“What?”
“I'm asking you for help.”
“I don't-”
“Please, there is no one else to do this. I need you to help me”
Spike had left soon after. Drusilla had disappeared inside her head. Her moments of sane behaviour were now few and far between and he knew it wouldn't be long before he lost her to her illness.
He had never been able to refuse her anything. But how was he supposed to do this for her?
///////////////////////////////////////////
Spike had gone back to see her 2 days later, knowing that his father had gone in the day before. When he arrived Dru looked up at him with a serene smile.
“Well?”
“I've got 'em. I can't believe you wanna do this.”
“I don't have a life any more. I want to be apart of the sky. I want to be a dream, and float from place to person. I WANT this.”
“I love you”
“And I love you darling brother”
With that, Spike kissed her cheek and fled the room. He ran to his car and sped off down the highway. After 10 minutes, it was hard to see the road with the tears in his eyes so he pulled over.
Once out of the car his tears began to fall in earnest.
//////////////////////////////////////////////
Spike never went back to visit Drusilla. He waited for the call to come. Days turned into weeks before finally it came. And then the heartache.
Spike poured his grief into his music. Pages and pages were written in dedication to his sister, but only one of those song's ever took flight.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
Spike wiped the tears from his eyes. Buffy had played a large part in helping him through his grief. She had been his rock. The one that kept him standing. But then the guilt had hit. And it began to eat away at him bit by bit until finally he couldn't take no more. He didn't want her to leave him if he told her, so he did the easiest thing, he ran.
//////////////////////////////////////////////
He was gonna leave her a note. He knew it was cowardly but he knew he wouldn't be able to say goodbye. But then she came round. And he just said the first things that came to his mind and then left.
He had gone straight to Sunnydale International and got a flight to New York, where he knew Angel was. And it was on the plane that he'd met Cordelia.
Spike tried to drown his sorrows on the plane. But the flight attendant would only give him 3 of the miniature bottles. So he bribed the girl next to him to get him some more.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
Cordelia had been on a modelling job in LA and then went to Sunnydale to visit her father. She was on her way back to NY to see her agent. When she saw the guy she was sitting next to, she knew it'd be an interesting flight.
What she didn't expect was for him to get so drunk, that when the plane landed he couldn't even stand up. She had heard the attendant trying to explain to him that he'd get drunk quicker whilst in the air, but he hadn't believed her. When he'd asked her to get him some more, he had looked so torn up that Cordelia couldn't refuse. They had talked for a while before it became clear to Cordelia that he was to drunk to have a proper conversation. Which then brought her to her predicament. What was she supposed to do with him?
So she'd taken him to her hotel and called her boyfriend. When he arrived he hadn't been able to believe his eyes.
“Cordelia, do you wanna play a game?”
“What sort of game?”
“Oh, you'll see”
What he had done was meant to be a joke. They had put Spike to bed in Cordelia's room. She and her boyfriend then had a few drinks. And when he left she forgot all about Spike and got into bed.
When Spike had woken the next morning, he'd found his arms wrapped around a body and he was naked. Something didn't add up though. He knew he was in New York and that Buffy wasn't here. When he opened his eyes he saw a mass of brunette hair.
He had jumped up so fast, he got tangled in the sheets. He never said anything, just gathered his clothes and then left.
He went straight to Angel after, to ask for a place to stay. Angel agreed and showed Spike to the guest room.
Spike never left his room in the daylight hours. But once evening came, he was out the door. He would then stumble back in just before sunrise.
Angel knew he had to snap him out of this, so he offered to try and get him a music contract. When Angel had come back and said it was a yes, Spike had been so happy. He was finally getting his break. He told Angel that he was going to call Buffy and ask her to come out to New York. He wanted her there with him, more than anything.
But then he'd got a call from Cordelia. She was pregnant.
He had gone to see her the following evening. She said she couldn't raise the baby by herself, so she was going to have an abortion. Spike couldn't agree with that, it was his kid too, so he stepped up to his responsibilities. Said he'd be there for her and the baby. Told her she wouldn't be alone. He then asked her to marry him. Cordelia had looked at him like he'd gone insane. And he felt that way too, but he explained that he wanted the baby to be a Giles. So she agreed.
He couldn't believe that he was gonna be a father. The only thing was, he'd always imagined that he'd have these things with Buffy. They had talked about their future so many times, that he could see it. See the kids they'd have, the house they'd live in, even the bloody dog they'd get. And now it was happening for him. Just not with Buffy.
Cordelia was a nice enough woman, she just wasn't for him. But this seemed like the right thing to do.
It was then he'd made the phone call to Buffy. He couldn't believe he was gonna be a father and he had to tell someone. It wasn't until he heard her voice that he realized he was making a mistake. But he needed Buffy to tell him. Maybe ask to see him. But she didn't. And then he told her about Cordelia. And she hung up.
He couldn't blame her.
The worst of it was, when he got back to Angel's the doubts set in. It was obvious they slept together, but things just didn't add up.
He went to see Angel the next day. He had walked straight into his office and got the shock of his life. There was his supposed fiancé banging Angel on the desk.
Angel had smirked when he saw Spike standing in the doorway. He didn't bother to ask questions. He just walked away.
Spike got back to Angel's and packed up his stuff. He planned to be gone before Angel got back, but that didn't work out.
“Come on Spike, it was a joke!”
“Am I laughing?”
“Relax boy! So you're not gonna be a daddy just yet, what's the big deal?”
“Is she even pregnant?”
“Yes”
“Yours?”
“Yeah”
“Congratulations. Right then, thats all my gear. Bye”
“Wait, where you going?”
“Away”
“But your contract?”
“Shove it!”
And with that he walked away.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to everyone who reviewed!! It really means a lot to me that you'd take time out to do so!!! So thanks again. Also special thanks to Kat who helped me a lot with this chapter. Thanks luv!! P.S. Please review!! xx