”I’m sorry Xander was such a jerk before.” Buffy and Spike had gone to bed a while ago, but so far, neither of them were sleeping.
Spike frowned, then remembered. “Whelp fancies you, doesn’t he?”
“Um…” Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Willow seems to think so.”
“What do you think?” Spike did his best to sound casual, telling himself that he couldn’t care less about who Buffy might be interested in.
“I don’t care.” He let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding as she went on; “Xander’s my friend and that’s all he’ll ever be.”
“Right.” He paused. “What about the poof?”
“Who?” She sounded confused.
Spike hesitated. “Um, last week. The guy who…” He stopped, suddenly regretting having brought it up.
“Angel.” Buffy swallowed, and he felt like the biggest git in the world.
“I’m sorry, pet, I shouldn’t have…”
She went on like she hadn’t heard him. “We went to high school together. I had this huge crush on him for years, but he never even looked at me.” She shrugged. “Then I dropped out and I thought I’d never see him again. For months, I was crushed.” She let out a bitter laugh. “Pretty stupid, huh?”
He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he decided to change the subject. “You dropped out?”
“Well…” She sighed. “No, not exactly. I mean, I did finish high school and all. But I didn’t go to college. And to my parents, that’s just as bad as dropping out. They were not thrilled, if you know what I mean.” She looked at him, though it was dark so he couldn’t really see her, but for some reason he knew she was looking at him. “I thought I was stupid.”
He sat up a little. “Shouldn’t feel like that, s’your life, not theirs.”
“No.” Buffy sat up as well. “I meant, I thought I was too stupid to go to college. I’d never make the classes and everybody would see how stupid I am.”
Spike stared at her in disbelief. “That’s ridiculous! You’re not stupid.”
Buffy snorted. “You don’t know me well enough to say that.” She went on before he could object. “You know my friend, Willow?” He nodded, then realized that she probably couldn’t see it anyway. “She’s smart. I mean really, really smart. And Xander… He’s…” She hesitated. “He’s Xander. No one expected him to go to college. But my parents thought… Well, let’s just say they were really disappointed in me.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.” Spike had to roll his eyes at himself. How lame did that come out? He wanted to say something to make her feel better, but couldn’t think of a thing. Then he wondered, again, what it was about Buffy that made him care so much. He shrugged. “I didn’t go to college either.”
If Buffy was surprised at the fact that he had, for the first time, mentioned something about his past, she didn’t let it show. She seemed to be thinking about something. “You didn’t go to school here, did you? I mean, I realize you’re probably a couple of years older, but…” She let out a nervous giggle. “How old are you?”
“Twenty.”
“Oh. I’m eighteen.” Buffy became silent, then hurried to add; “Almost nineteen. My birthday’s in a few weeks.” She didn’t know why she had just told him that. Was she trying to convince him that there really wasn’t that much of an age difference between them? Why should he care about that? And why should she? It wasn’t like she had a crush on him or anything. She went on; “What I was going to say was, I think I would’ve remembered you if we’d gone to school together.”
Spike snorted. “Doubt it, luv. Was a bloody ponce back then.” She opened her mouth to say something, but he ignored her as he went on. “You’re right though, didn’t go to school here.”
“You’re from England, right?”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “What gave me away?”
Buffy smiled a little. “Well, you got that sexy accent for one thing…” She stopped, abruptly, resisting the urge to bang her head against the wall. She did not just say that! As her face turned bright red, she wished the floor would open up and swallow her. Clearing her throat, she desperately tried to save at least some of her dignity by changing the subject; “So, you’re from England. Where in England?”
He was quiet for a moment. “London.”
“Oh.” She was relieved that he was going to let her stupid comment pass. “How come you moved here?” He didn’t answer, so she went on; “Did you come here alone? Are your parents back in London?” Buffy frowned when he still didn’t say anything. “Spike?”
“Let’s just go to sleep, yeah?” He rolled over so he faced away from her and closed his eyes, praying that she would let it go. He didn’t want to be rude to her, but this was a conversation they were not going to have, ever. For a moment, he had actually enjoyed talking to her. Now he wished he had never come. But just for a brief moment, he had managed to forget how screwed up he was, thinking that he could actually have a real conversation with Buffy like a normal person. Right. Like that could ever happen.
Buffy was surprised, to say the least, by his sudden mood swing. They had been talking for almost an hour about her and her life, and everything had been just fine. But the minute she had started asking him about his life, he had closed up like a clam. A part of her told her to let it go. Yet, another part became more intrigued by the minute; she wanted to know everything about him. She realized that she was playing with fire, but she couldn’t help herself. Everyone in town knew who Spike was, although nobody really knew him. He was known for being a troublemaker, hell, he’d even said so himself; he was a bad man. But for some reason, she didn’t think it was that simple.
If Spike was such a bad person, he would never have saved her from getting raped by Angel. He would have just walked away, or worse; finished what Angel had started. If he really was as bad as he said he was, then how come she felt so safe with him? She let out a sigh, deciding that trying to figure him out would only give her a headache at this point, she should let it go for now and just try to get some sleep. Spike was a mystery, all right. A mystery she intended to solve.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I so should be writing on A Second Chance instead of this one for a change but... well muse wouldn't let me. So here's the next chap of this instead, hope you'll like it! And thanks for the many reviews I got on last chap! :)