“What do you think, Buffy?“ Willow looked expectantly at her best friend, frowning when she didn’t get any sign of reaction. “Um, Buffy?"
Buffy looked up, giving Willow an apologetic look. “Oh. Sorry, Will, I guess I missed that last part. You were saying?”
Willow glanced at Xander who was sitting next to her before turning back to Buffy. “You haven’t heard a word I just said, have you?” Buffy got a guilty look on her face. “Buffy, is something wrong?”
“No! No, I just…” Buffy hesitated, not sure of what to say. She had agreed to meet up with Willow and Xander for lunch at a small restaurant, but now she kind of wished she had stayed at home. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy spending time with her best friends because she did, but she wouldn’t have been able to focus on their conversation if her life depended on it, her mind seemed to constantly wander. It had been three days since Spike had rushed out of her room in the middle of the night and she hadn’t been able to get him out of her mind since.
More than once she had considered simply going over to his place, but every time she had chickened out. Instead she had told herself that she would have to run into him sooner or later anyway, but so far she’d had no such luck. She had even gone to The Bronze for the last two nights, simply to see if he would be there, but she hadn’t seen him. Buffy sighed. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t stop thinking about him; she hardly even knew him. But for some reason, her heart had decided that it didn’t matter.
Now she noticed that both Willow and Xander were staring at her, and realized that one of them must have said something to her. Once again she felt like an idiot and shook her head as if to clear it, determined not to space out again. “Did either of you say something?”
“Buffy…” Willow suddenly looked nervous. She glanced at Xander again, who nodded. Buffy frowned, but didn’t say anything. “Look, Xander and I have been talking. We…” For some reason, she didn’t look Buffy in the eyes as she went on; “We’re kinda worried about you.” Buffy opened her mouth but Willow hurried on; “I’m only saying this because… well, you’re my best friend and I really care about you. You know that, right?”
Still looking confused, Buffy nodded. “Of course.”
“Good!” Willow looked relieved. “Look, the thing is…” She hesitated. “I mean, I’m sure you have a perfectly good explanation, but…”
Unlike Willow, Xander didn't have a problem with saying what was on his mind. “Willow saw you leave The Bronze the other night, with Spike. Care to explain that?”
For a moment Buffy just stared at him, mouth open. Was that what this was all about? That was just about the last thing she had expected. Snapping out of it, she turned to Willow, a hurt look on her face. “If you had just called me, I would’ve told you…”
“That’s not the point.” Xander glared at Buffy. “The point is, you left with Spike. Spike! Willow saw you two getting into your car together. What the hell was that about?”
Buffy looked from Xander to Willow and back to Xander again. Her confusion was starting to turn into anger. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was going to give him a ride home. He’d been hurt, by this really big guy, and…”
“Oh please…” Xander snorted. “Olaf may be both big and stupid, but I’m sure Spike had it coming.”
“That’s not…” Buffy stopped, frowning. “Olaf?” Xander just looked at her, blankly. “Xander, how did you know who it was? I never said his name.”
Xander suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlight. “I, um… I didn’t…” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, a suspicious look on her face, and he sighed. “All right, I may have been there. But…” He shrugged. “You know Spike, he picks a fight with everybody who comes his way. Whatever he got, I bet it was nothing more than he deserved.”
Buffy stared at him in disbelief. “And you, what? Just left?”
“Yes, after Spike told me to! I had everything under control, I didn’t ask him to come and…” Xander stopped, realizing that he had probably said too much and looked away.
She let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, I get it. You and Olaf were arguing, and Spike just happened to show up, am I right?” Xander suddenly seemed to be very interested in something on the floor. Buffy went on; “So, what really happened was that Spike saved you, from getting your ass kicked, is that it?” She rolled her eyes when Xander didn’t answer.
Not liking the way the conversation was turning, Willow spoke up. “Come on, guys, let’s not fight about this.” She looked at Xander. “You see, it was all just a misunderstanding. Buffy gave Spike a ride home since he had been hurt, that was very nice of her. And Buffy, Xander was just…”
“Actually…” Buffy interrupted her. She was beyond upset with Xander, he had gone too far and she wanted him to know that he had no right telling her what to do. “I didn’t give him a ride home. We went back to my place and he spent the night there.” She glared at Xander, a stubborn look on her face, and wasn’t disappointed by his reaction. He stared at her, his mouth opening and closing like a fish on land, and she gave him a sweet smile. “Are you okay, Xander? You don’t look too good.”
“I…” Xander stopped, for a moment at a loss for words. Then he exploded. “He what?! Are you crazy?! He could’ve… raped you for all I know! What the hell were you thinking?!”
“Xander!” Willow slapped him hard on the arm, then glanced at Buffy.
“What?! And, ow!” Xander glared at Willow, rubbing his arm. “Willow, I just care about Buffy, all right? I don’t want her to get hurt by…”
Buffy jumped up from the chair, a furious look on her face. “You wanna know what happened the last time I was at The Bronze with Faith, Xander? I went outside with Angel and he tried to rape me.”
Xander just stared at her, then closed his eyes. “God. Buffy, I had no idea…”
Ignoring him, Buffy went on; “He would’ve succeeded too, if Spike hadn’t showed up. He saved me.”
Swallowing hard, Xander lowered his eyes. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. But…” He hesitated. “Look, about Spike, I understand you’re being grateful and all, I do. But seriously, Buffy, you don’t owe him anything. You don’t have to keep hanging out with him just because…”
“Oh my God!” Buffy threw her hands up in frustration. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t hang out with Spike because I feel like I have to. I happen to like being with him. If you would just give him a chance…”
Xander got up. “I’m sorry, Buffy, but I can’t stay here and listen to this. I’m out of here.”
“Xander…” Willow gave him a pleading look. “Don’t go, we have to talk about this!”
“Let him go.” Buffy sat back down and quickly swallowed down the last of her soda, desperately trying to keep the tears from falling. She didn’t understand what was happening, Xander had been one of her best friends for years and now she suddenly felt like she didn’t know him at all. She kept her eyes on the table, not looking up when Xander, after a moment’s hesitation, left the restaurant. Taking a couple of deep breaths, she struggled to get her emotions under control, not wanting Willow to see how upset she was.
“Buffy, are you okay? I’m sorry about that.” Willow gave her friend a look of concern.
Putting on a forced smile, Buffy finally looked up. “I’m fine, really.” She paused. “Willow, please tell me you don’t agree with Xander. He’s wrong, okay? Spike’s not a bad guy.”
“Buffy…” Willow hesitated. “You’re not… I mean, this thing with Spike…” She let out a nervous laugh. “You’re not in love with him or anything, are you?”
“What? No!” Buffy pouted a little. “But would it be so bad if I was?”
Willow was quiet for a moment. When she spoke again, she didn’t look directly at Buffy. “Buffy, you and Xander are my best friends in the whole world. I love you both, and I’ve never taken one’s side over the other before. But…”
“But you do now.” Buffy nodded in understanding, not able to hide the hurt note in her voice.
Willow sighed. “Buffy, I’m sorry. But I think Xander may have a point. Spike is…” She swallowed, nervously. “There must be a reason why he doesn’t have any friends. People are afraid of him. He’s always drinking and fighting and…” Then she shrugged. “People are talking, you know.”
Buffy gave Willow a stubborn look. “So what? They don’t know him.”
“Neither do you.” Willow was desperately trying to get Buffy to see things her way. “Buffy, you know I just want what’s best for you. I think…”
Buffy got up. “You've made your point. I’ll think about what you have said. Now if you’ll excuse me…” She grabbed her purse, hoping she would make it out of the restaurant before she would start to cry. “I’ll see you around.” She turned around and fled before Willow got the chance to object.
TBC
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