Spike had left his apartment with no intention of going very far, yet he had somehow ended up at the other side of town. He was both surprised and annoyed when he suddenly found himself to be in Buffy’s neighborhood, knowing that going there was a bad idea. The truth was, ever since he had left her house a couple of days ago, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Actually, he knew it had started before that, she had been on his mind, constantly, since he had first laid eyes on her outside The Bronze, almost two weeks ago.
He knew he should turn around and go back, yet he remained where he was, only half a block away from her house. If he would get any closer, there was a possibility she would be able to see him should she look out her window, and he didn’t want that. He had already embarrassed himself in front of Buffy enough to last a lifetime, not to mention that she was probably terrified of him by now, considering his behavior the last time. If she would see him now, here, she would probably call the cops, thinking he was stalking her. Which was, he supposed, exactly what he was doing.
The thing was, he didn’t understand what it was about Buffy that made him acting this way. Sure, she was pretty, surprisingly innocent, and had been nothing but kind to him, something he wasn’t exactly used to when it came to other people. But there was more than that, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. She brought out these feelings inside him that he didn’t understand, feelings that he shouldn’t be able to feel, for anyone. Because he was dead inside, having spent his entire life pushing people away, and didn’t know how to act differently. Hell, he didn’t want to, because he knew that letting people close would only lead to pain, and he’d had enough of that. He had accepted the thought of always being alone, a long time ago.
Yet, there was Buffy. For some reason he didn’t think she would hurt him, but that didn’t mean he could trust her. Years of experience had taught him that the only person in the world you could trust was yourself, and he had been fine by himself so far. The day he had turned eighteen, he had left the house, and his so called life, in London without looking back. He had left everything he had behind, had even gone so far as to change his name and looks, not wanting anything that reminded him of his old life. When he had first settled down in this sleepy little town called Sunnydale, it had been with a feeling of relief. Nobody knew him here, he had a chance to start over. Of course, it hadn’t been that simple.
He had thought that as soon as he had put enough distance between himself and his old life, the nightmares would stop. Instead, they had only become worse. He had started taking sleeping pills, hoping that maybe he would be able to sleep for the entire night without waking up in cold sweat every hour. That hadn’t happened so far. A part of him realized that the pills wouldn’t help and that he should just stop taking them. But he was clinging to the false hope that, eventually, things would change if he would just keep taking them. Of course, he knew deep down that it wouldn’t happen.
Now he snapped out of his thoughts, realizing that he was standing right outside Buffy’s house. He couldn’t help but wonder if she was home, for a brief moment actually considering walking up to the front door and ring the doorbell. Then he shook his head, as if to clear it, and took a step back. A voice inside his head was screaming at him to leave, and he finally decided to do as it said. He turned around, and almost bumped into Buffy.
“Spike?” Buffy looked surprised. “Did you…?” She hesitated. “Did you come here to see me?”
“What? No!” His head was spinning and he had no idea what to say. He silently cursed his stupidity, why hadn’t he just left when he had the chance?! How the bloody hell would he explain this? He missed the disappointed look on her face as he desperately searched his head for an explanation that wouldn’t make him seem completely crazy. “I, uh… was out for a walk, I just happened to pass by.”
“A walk?” Now she stared at him in disbelief. “Do you go for a stroll in this part of town often?”
Could he feel more like an idiot? Most likely not. He fought the urge to roll his eyes as he mumbled, lamely; “It happens.”
“Right.” Buffy was silent for a moment, then actually burst out laughing. Seeing his confusion, she stopped, abruptly. “Sorry, I…” She glanced at him, but he looked away. “It’s just that I’ve been spending the last couple of days running around town, looking for you. And now I run into you, here, just outside my own house.” He finally looked at her, a blank look on his face, and Buffy sighed. “You have to admit, it’s kinda funny.”
He wasn’t sure he had heard her right. “You’ve been looking for me?” She nodded. “Why?”
Buffy shrugged, suddenly looking nervous. “I don’t know. I just…” She swallowed. ”Do you… do you wanna come in?” She gestured towards the house.
His eyes widened and he shook his head, firmly. “No, I shouldn’t… That’s probably not a good idea. I should just go.” She frowned, and he hurried to add; “I’m sure you have better things to do than standing here, talking to me.”
She stared at him. “I just said I’ve been looking for you.” He had no idea what to say to that, so he remained silent. Buffy lowered her eyes. “If you really wanna go, I’m not gonna stop you.”
He eyed her, almost suspiciously, for a moment, then sighed. “Look, it’s not that I don’t…” He sounded frustrated as he went on; “I told you before, you should stay away from me.”
Buffy looked up, glaring at him. “If that’s what you want, maybe you should stop taking your daily walks outside my house!”
He became quiet, clearly ashamed. “Buffy…”
She interrupted him, her voice softening. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here.” He opened his mouth, then closed it again, and Buffy had to smile a little at his shocked expression. “Are you sure you don’t wanna come in?” Before he got the chance to answer, she went on; “You know what? I was going to meet up with my friends for lunch, but for some reason I lost my appetite. Now I’m starving. Do you wanna go somewhere and get something to eat?”
He was going to say no, he really was. But the pleading look on her face was impossible to miss, and suddenly he didn’t have the heart to turn her down. “I did skip breakfast.”
Her face lit up. “Does that mean you’ll come?”
Spike was quiet for a moment, realizing it was his last chance to back out. Then he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll come.”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A lot of the reviews I've recieved so far have been saying the same thing, in short terms: Xander = Ass. And it makes me extremely happy! *lol* In the show, I hated the fact that Buffy's friends turned their backs on her when she needed them the most, after constantly saving their lives for seven years. Xander and Willow were supposed to be her best friends and they betrayed her. In this story, that's how I've intended to make them come out, and I'm so happy I'm succeeding. So feel free to keep hating them! :) Enough with the rambling, I'll let you get on with the reading and I hope you'll like this chapter. Thank you!