”My dad left again last night. I’m surprised he stayed as long as he did. He spends more time with his secretary than with my mother.” Buffy took another bite of her sandwich, glancing at Spike. So far she had been talking almost non stop, and he had hardly said a word. Still, she felt more comfortable with him than with her friends, at least after this morning. She couldn’t help but wonder if he thought she was talking too much, and blushed a little. But he didn’t seem to be bothered by her ramblings.
It was weird, though, Buffy knew that most people in town avoided Spike, but when she was alone with him like this, she couldn’t understand why. He was nice and polite, and for some reason seemed to be almost shy around her, something she found both amusing and sweet. She wanted to get to know him better, hell, she wanted to know everything about him, but wasn’t going to make the same mistake as the other night and ask anything he might find too personal, at least not yet. She knew she was falling for Spike, big time, but wasn’t sure of what to do about it. Still, she suspected that if she wanted things to go any further, she would have to be the one to take the next step.
“I heard about what happened the other night.” Spike looked confused so she hurried to explain. “The fight. The way you saved Xander.”
Spike raised a brow. “He said that?”
“Well… More like let it slip out.” Buffy rolled her eyes, still upset about Xander’s behavior. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Shrugging, Spike took a sip of his coffee. “Wasn’t like that. Just happened to pass by.” He suddenly seemed to be very interested in something at the bottom of his cup. “Didn’t really care about your friend, just wanted a fight. Really, m’not a hero, pet.”
Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Well, you did save me the first time we met.”
Spike looked up. “That was different. Would never let anything happen to you if I could stop it.” Then he realized what he just said and looked away. “I mean…”
Noticing his discomfort, Buffy decided to take pity on him and change the subject. “So, what have you been up to the last couple of days?”
He was relieved that she was kind enough to let his comment slip. “Not much.” Then he almost rolled his eyes at that, realizing that he had to sound like the most boring person ever. But what was he suppose to tell her? That he had spent most of the time in a fog, caused by the amount of alcohol he had been consuming? Not bloody likely! That would scare her away for sure. Then he frowned. Wasn’t that what he wanted? For Buffy to stay away from him? At least that’s what he was constantly telling himself, but a part of him wasn’t so sure anymore. The more time he got to spend with her, the more he found that he really enjoyed being in her company. And that both confused him and scared him.
Now he caught her looking at him, but the moment their eyes met, Buffy quickly looked away, blushing. He couldn’t help but smile a little, finding her behavior adorable. “What about you?”
She looked up, surprised. “What?” Then she realized what he meant and blushed again. “Oh.” She missed the amused look on his face. “I’ve been working. Got a part time job at Double Meat Palace. You know were that is?”
Spike nodded. “Never been there, though. Looks kinda…” He shrugged, not wanting to say what he really thought about the place. After all, she had to work there.
“It’s not as bad as it looks on the outside.” Buffy paused, frowning. “Well, actually it’s even worse. But it’s a job. What do you do?” Too late she remembered the silent rule about personal questions, but to her relief, he didn’t seem to mind. Then she realized that it might have something to do with the fact that she had asked something about his life here in Sunnydale, and not about his past.
He shrugged. “Take whatever job I can get. Been working at the gas station down town for the last couple of weeks.”
“Really? That sounds…” Buffy couldn’t help but give him a teasing smile. “…even worse than my job.”
Spike chuckled. “Probably. Pays the bills, though.”
“I guess.” Buffy got a longing expression on her face. “I’d kill to get my own place.” Then she seemed to be thinking about something. “Second thought, my parents are never home anyway. Got the house to myself most of the time.”
“Yeah?” Spike remembered her saying something about her parents being away when he had spent the night at her place. Or half the night, anyway. “You okay with that?”
Buffy looked down at her hands. “When they’re both home, they’re always fighting.” She paused. “I’m pretty sure my dad’s sleeping with his secretary. Think my mom knows as well, at least she’s suspecting it. And yet she stays with him. Sometimes I wish she would just…” She stopped, putting on a strained smile. “I’m sorry, you don’t wanna hear about that.”
Spike didn’t know what to say, he wasn’t used to people talking to him about things like that. Hell, he wasn’t used to people talking to him at all. But just like the other day, he didn’t like to see Buffy upset. Since he was probably the last person in the world who would be able to give some kind of advice regarding family issues, he decided to change the subject. “You, um, wanna go for a walk?”
She looked up, a grateful look on her face. “Sure.” Spike ignored her objections and paid for both of them and they left the restaurant together. They started walking and for a couple of minutes, neither of them said anything. Finally Buffy broke the silence. “I’ve had a really good time. Maybe…” Then she hesitated, suddenly feeling shy. She really wanted to see Spike again, but was afraid to ask him directly. Things had gone so well today, she didn’t want to say or do something that would make things weird between them again. But she feared that if she didn’t ask, nothing would ever happen. As he gave her a questioning look, she stopped walking and took a deep breath. “Maybe we could do it again some time?”
“Um…” Spike stopped as well. He looked both surprised and a little startled. “You wanna go out for lunch again?”
“Sure, we could do that.” Buffy kept her eyes on the ground, too embarrassed to look at him. “Or we could…” She swallowed. “It doesn’t have to be lunch. We could… maybe go to a movie or something. Like a…” Now her voice was barely more than a whisper. “Like a… date?” When he didn’t say anything, she finally looked up. “Spike?” He opened his mouth, then closed it again, obviously at a loss for words, and she looked away again. “Never mind. Excuse me while I’ll go and put a paper bag over my head.” She started walking again, desperately fighting the urge to run away, crying. God, could she be more of an idiot? Of course he didn’t want to see her again, what had she been thinking?
“Buffy, wait…” She stopped, but refused to look at him. He took a couple of steps towards her, then stopped again, swallowing. “I’m sorry, it’s just…” He hesitated and she realized that he was just as nervous as she was, maybe even more. “I don’t date.”
“Why not?” She finally dared to look at him but now it was his turn to look away. He just shrugged, and for a moment Buffy felt like crying. Or possibly scream in frustration.
“I…” A million thoughts rushed through Spike’s mind and he felt like his head was spinning. The truth was, he wanted to see Buffy again. For the first time in his life, he actually enjoyed spending time with someone; the moments spent with Buffy made him feel happier and more alive than he could remember ever feeling before. He knew it wouldn’t last, of course. The moment she would find out the truth about him and his past, that he would never be able to give her what she needed, she would leave him. But maybe he would at least get to feel like a real man for a little while, to feel what it would be like to be happy, even if it was just for a short period of time.
With his mind made up, he finally went on; “If you really want... Think I might be able to make an exception.” Did he actually just say that? His eyes widened when he realized that there was no turning back now, but for some reason he didn’t care. The hopeful smile on Buffy’s face was enough to make the last of his doubts go away. He knew that it was just a matter of time before he would end up alone and miserable again, but right now he was determined to enjoy it while it lasted. “You wanna go out with me tonight?”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm amazed at how many reviews I got for the last chapter, thank you all so much! I'll respond to all of them as soon as I can. :)