“That was really fun!” Buffy smiled. “I’ve never been on a motorcycle before.” She looked around the small restaurant and had to admit it was quite impressive. When Spike had showed up at her doorstep to pick her up for their date, he had just told her they were going out for dinner, but not where, so she’d had no idea what to expect. But this place looked really nice. She took a sip of her diet coke. “Should’ve known you had one, though. It suits you. The bike, I mean.” It really did. She only wished it would’ve taken them longer to get to the restaurant, she wouldn’t mind sitting behind Spike with her arms wrapped around his waist all night.
Spike shrugged, looking almost embarrassed. “Used to have a car, but I left it back in London.” For a moment Buffy thought that he was going to say something more about it, but he didn’t. Instead he changed the subject. “How’s your food?”
“It’s great!” Buffy shoved some more pasta into her mouth. “I can’t believe I’ve never been here. I didn’t even know this place existed.”
Spike was relieved. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told Buffy that he didn’t date, and he hadn’t been sure of what she’d want to do. But he figured that dinner and a movie would be all right for a first date, and luckily she seemed to agree. And so far, things hadn’t been awkward at all. For a brief moment on his way over to Buffy’s house he had suddenly panicked, wondering what the hell he was doing, and had almost turned around. However, the part of him that really wanted to see Buffy again had won, and he’d kept going. And when Buffy finally opened the door, looking more beautiful than ever, he couldn’t help but think that he had made the right decision after all.
He had to admit, so far he was actually having a good time. He just wasn’t sure if that was really a good thing. The more time he spent with Buffy, the more intrigued he got, and he suspected that she might be feeling the same way. And that scared him, for reasons he didn’t quite understand. This was all so new to him; for as long as he could remember he had kept to himself and been perfectly happy with it. Or maybe happy was an overstatement but it wasn’t like he’d had much choice. Then Buffy had entered his life and suddenly everything had turned upside-down. More than once he had tried to scare her away without success. And now he wasn’t even sure he wanted to anymore.
The nagging feeling in the back of his mind bothered him, though. He knew this was all too good to be true. Sure, Buffy seemed to be enjoying his company for now, although he couldn’t really figure out why. He knew that some girls got turned on by the whole ‘bad boy’ routine, but he wouldn’t take Buffy for one of them. She was way too innocent. Now he glanced at her, only to look away when their eyes met over the table and she smiled at him. She was something, all right, she deserved nothing but the best. Only too bad that could never be him. He would never be good enough for her.
Spike also knew that if they kept spending time together, sooner or later Buffy would want to know about his past. He had been vague about it so far and she had let it be. But the closer they got, the more she would insist. He suspected that it was only a matter of time before she would ask something again. And he feared that when she finally did, he would give in, he would tell her everything she wanted to know. Because he had already realized that he wasn’t able to deny her anything. It was either telling her the truth, or lie. And either way she would end up leaving him. It just wasn’t fair. No matter what he did, he would always have to suffer for his past.
Now he realized that Buffy was talking, and forced himself to snap out of his depressing thoughts and pay attention. “Sorry, luv, didn’t catch that last part.”
Buffy smiled a little. “I just said that this place is really nice and the food is wonderful.” She took a small bite of her chicken. “In fact, this might be the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.”
He chuckled. “Is that so?”
She nodded. “Absolutely.” Then she paused. “I’m really glad we came here.”
“Yeah, me too.” He was quiet for a moment, not sure of what to say. “So, um, working tomorrow?”
“No, it’s my day off.” Buffy rolled her eyes, adding; “Thank God!”
“That bad, eh?” Spike raised a brow. “If you hate it so much, why don’t you just quit? I’m sure you could find something better.”
“It’s not like I haven’t been looking.” Buffy pushed away her empty plate and finished the last of her soda. “But I can’t quit until I’ve found something else, or my parents would never let me hear the end of it. To them, quitting a job without having something better to move on to is a failure.”
“Right.” Spike had already decided that he didn’t like her parents that much. “What do you wanna do?”
Buffy shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just keep working and try to look happy, I suppose.” They both sat in silence for a couple of minutes, then Buffy spoke again; “My parents are really not that bad. They just want what’s best for me, I guess. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much, you know?”
“Not really.” Spike ignored her curious look and decided to change the topics. “It’s getting late. If we don’t wanna miss the movie, we better go.”
“Yeah…” Buffy hesitated. “Look, do we really have to go to the movies?”
Spike tried not to let his disappointment show. “Of course not. I can just give you a ride home.” So, Buffy didn’t want to spend more time with him after all. He should have known. It was probably for the best, anyway. Forcing a smile, he reached for his wallet. “You wanna get our coats?”
“Sure, but…” Buffy gave him a confused look. “Spike, I…”
“It’s all right, I don’t mind.” He slumped back on the chair, desperately trying to act casual. “I know you probably have better things to do, anyway.”
“What?” Buffy’s eyes widened when she realized what he must be thinking. “Spike, no, I didn’t mean it like that.” She swallowed. “I just…” Suddenly she felt really embarrassed. “I’m having a great time and I don’t want the night to end. I just thought maybe we could, you know… do something else.” Then she realized what her words might be implying, and blushed. “Oh God, I didn’t mean… I can’t believe I said that! It came out wrong, I…”
Spike interrupted her ramblings. “What exactly did you mean, pet?” With burning cheeks, Buffy stubbornly kept her eyes on the table, refusing to look at him. She mumbled something he couldn’t make out. “What was that?”
She finally looked up. “I just thought maybe we could go back to my place and watch a movie there, instead.” Before he could say anything, she hurried on; “Only if you want to! Which you probably won’t. Forget I said something, it was a bad idea. Why don’t we just…”
“Buffy…” She immediately became quiet, watching him both expectantly and a little warily. And he had no idea what to say. He knew he should tell her it was a bad idea. Sure, watching a movie at Buffy’s house sounded innocent enough, but it would just be a matter of time before it would lead to talking and God knew what else. And that would be bad. At the same time, he didn’t want the night to end so soon, either. He supposed he could just insist they would go to the movies after all. Then he looked at Buffy. She looked like she was ready to cry, and he realized that she was waiting for him to reject her.
He never would have guessed it, but suddenly he realized that Buffy was just as scared and nervous as he was. He just couldn’t figure her out; one minute she was forward, the next she was shy. Like she knew what she wanted, just not how to handle it. He could relate to that, because he was feeling the same thing. He wanted to be with her, but didn’t know if he dared to take the risk. Then again, he didn’t exactly have anything more to lose. Except for Buffy, but he didn’t really have her in the first place. Taking a deep breath, he reached over the table and placed his hand over hers. “You have any popcorn at your place?”
TBC
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