Drusilla cocked her head to the side, watching Spike’s reaction to her words. A small smile was playing on her lips. “We should not be having this discussion in the doorway.” She waited for him to step aside, looking pleased when he did so without a word, and finally entered the apartment. Once inside, she looked around briefly before walking over to the couch and sat down.
Spike, who had remained in the doorway, let out a defeated sigh and closed the door behind him. Then he turned to face his mother. “Why are you telling me this? And why did you have to come here? Why can’t you just leave me the hell alone?”
“You never wanted to hear the truth, did you?” Drusilla got up from the couch and walked over to him. “The truth is, you have been a naughty boy. This is where you’ve been hiding for the last two years? Do you know where I have been all this time?” She tried to put her hand on his cheek, but he shrugged away. Smiling sadly, she absently ran her fingers through her long, dark hair. “I’ve been in hell.”
“Yeah? Join the bloody club!” Spike glared at her. “Do you expect me to feel sorry for you, is that it? I don’t think so! Hardly my fault you were too bloody week to walk away from that bastard years ago.”
Her eyes darkened. “It was not weakness. Ethan loved me. I used to be his entire world.” She got a thoughtful look on her face. “And he was mine. I would’ve given my life for him. In a way, I did.”
“Of course.” Spike swallowed. He wanted to yell at her; demand some kind of explanation, forcing her to realize what her passive actions over the years had done to him. But instead he just stood there, suddenly at a loss for words. He would gladly throw himself into a fight with guys twice his size without a moment’s hesitation, but somehow he found himself unable to confront this woman about his past. And it made him furious. “It’s all about you, isn’t it? Just like it’s always been. Why would you care about what your husband was doing in the next room as long as he came back to fuck you when he was done?”
“Enough!” Drusilla slapped him on the face, something she had never done before. Then she let out a whimper. “Why are you forcing me to do this?” She took a step back and seemed to be looking at something only she could see. Giggling quietly, she walked over to the window and looked outside. “It never gets dark here. It’s wrong. I miss the stars. I miss how they speak to me…” She looked at him over her shoulder. “They do, you know. Sometimes.” Then she giggled again and turned her attention back to what was outside the window.
Spike stared at her. Her behavior was getting more disturbing by the minute, and he suspected that all the years of living with Ethan had finally driven his mother mad. He took a deep breath. “What did you do to him?”
At first, she didn’t answer. Then she slowly turned around to face him. “I took his light away, of course. He took mine, so I had to take his. It was the only way.” She cocked her head again and looked at him. “You understand, don’t you? I couldn’t let him get away with what he had done to me. It wasn’t right.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “Wasn’t right? Unlike what he was doing to me for all those years? Was that bloody right?!”
Drusilla waved her hand in dismissal. “Don’t you see? He hated it, but you gave him no choice.” She paused. “My child was innocent. And now she is no more. For that he had to pay.”
“I don’t want to do this, but you don’t give me any choice.” Ethan slammed his fist into William’s face. “You have misbehaved, and I want you to apologize.”
William swallowed, feeling the blood trickling down from his split lip. “I’m sorry.”
Ethan hit him again. “Sorry for what? I want to hear you say it.”
He glanced at his mother who was standing in the doorway, knowing she wouldn’t help him. “I’m sorry for being bad again. I’ll try to be good, I promise.” The problem was, he never knew what he was doing wrong.
Ethan shook his head. “Trying is not good enough. I have to teach you a lesson.” He paused, obviously enjoying the panicked look on William’s face. “Now, I want you to get down on your knees…”
Spike closed his eyes, forcing the painful memories to the back of his mind. For a moment he felt sick, like he was going to throw up. He wondered if his mother was telling the truth; that Ethan was really dead. A part of him really hoped so. At the same time he hated her for telling him this, knowing that if it was true, then it meant that his mother had been willing to kill her husband for the loss of her unborn child, but she had never even raised her voice at the man for everything he had put him through over the years. “You should leave. Now.” Spike walked over to the door. “And I don’t want you to come back. I have a life now, and you’re not a part of it.”
“A life?” Drusilla laughed, like he had just made a joke. “Is that so? May I ask if there’s a girl involved?”
Spike glared at her. “What if there was? What’s it to you?”
“Oh, William…” Drusilla gave him a sad smile. “Just don’t fool yourself into thinking that she could ever love you.”
He hated the fact that she was able to make him feel so insecure with only a few words. “What the bloody hell are you on about?”
She sighed. “I’m not trying to be cruel, my sweet William. But you have to admit…” The smile was back on her face. “Why would anyone love you?” Before he could say anything - and he had no idea what - she went on; “I’m leaving now, I have to find as place to stay. But William?” He looked at her. “I will come back.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Don’t bother.” He jerked the door open and gestured for her to get out. “And don’t let the door hit you on…” Then he stopped, finding himself looking at a familiar face and stared at the blond girl who had just raised her fist to knock on the door. “Buffy?”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I've been struggling with writers block for a while now, and for some reason I still feel like whatever I manage to write simply sucks. Hopefully I'll get over it.