”Hi.” Buffy looked nervous. “I…” She hesitated. “I’ve been waiting for you downtown. When you didn’t show up…” She shrugged and looked down at her feet, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
“Yeah…” Spike swallowed, not wanting to meet her eyes. “Sorry ‘bout that. I, um…” He had no idea what to tell her.
Buffy finally looked up. “I’m sorry, if this is a bad time…” She glanced at Drusilla, who had walked up behind Spike. “I didn’t realize you had… company?” She gave him a questioning look, obviously wondering who the older woman was.
Spike opened his mouth, but Drusilla beat him to it. “Such a pretty girl. Her hair has the color of sunshine.” She turned to Buffy. “Some people would say that sunshine has no color. But we both know that’s not true, don’t we?”
“Um… right.” Buffy looked confused. She casted an uncertain look at Spike. “Maybe I should…”
“The day will turn into night and sunshine will be no more.” Drusilla smiled a little, then looked at Spike. “She won’t stay, William. No matter what you’ll do, she will always crave for more. You will never be enough.”
“Excuse me?” Buffy stared at her, then glanced at Spike. She had no idea who this strange woman was, or what she was talking about, but she definitely didn’t like what she was hearing. Then she realized that whoever she was, Spike was clearly not comfortable with having her around. She had expected him to object to the dark-haired woman’s cruel words; tell her off, or at least say something. But for some reason, he seemed to be completely lost. Although he looked upset, he remained silent. Buffy turned back to Drusilla. “Who are you?”
“She’s leaving.” Spike finally spoke up, giving his mother a warning look. “And don’t come back, I mean it.”
Drusilla just laughed. “You can pretend I don’t exist, but you will always remain in the darkness, just like me. She will learn where you belong, and then she will leave. You are beneath her.” Then she turned to Buffy again. “I don’t like sunshine. It hurts my eyes, and it won’t let me see the stars.” She pouted a little, then let out a sudden giggle. “I like the stars. They never lie.” With that statement, she finally left the apartment.
Staring after her in disbelief, Buffy finally snapped out of it and looked at Spike. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, not knowing what to say. Spike kept his eyes on the floor. “I’m sorry.”
Buffy frowned. “For what?” Then she shook her head. “Spike, really, you don’t have to apologize for what…” She hesitated. “Who was that?” He was quiet for a moment, then mumbled something she couldn’t make out. “What?”
Sighing, he looked up and repeated his words; “My mother.”
“Oh.” Then her eyes widened. “Oh!” Now she was more curious than ever. Spike had never said anything about his parents before, of course, he never spoke about his past at all. But maybe now she had the opportunity to find out a bit more. However, the look on his face stopped her from asking; for some reason he looked absolutely terrified. She took a step towards him and gently put her hand on his arm, disappointed, but not surprised when he pulled back. “Spike, are you okay?”
“Sure.” He answered quickly, too quickly, and Buffy was convinced that he was lying.
She tried to get him to meet her eyes, but he stubbornly looked away. “Um… can I come in?”
He looked up then, obviously surprised. “Why? I mean, sure. Whatever.” He took a step back, and Buffy smiled a little as she stepped inside. Spike closed the door behind her, then gave her an uncertain look. “You, um, want a drink or something?”
Buffy hesitated, then shook her head. “No thanks, I’m fine.”
“Right.” He was silent for a moment. “Mind if I have one?” She shook her head again, so he quickly went into the small kitchen and walked over to the refrigerator. Opening the door, he grabbed a bottle of beer. Then his eyes landed on a half full bottle of vodka. Taking out both bottles, he first opened the beer and quickly downed half of its contents in one sweep. Then he opened the other bottle and poured a large amount of the clear liquid into the now half empty beer bottle. Finally satisfied, he closed the door and went back into the living room with the beer in his hand.
While Spike was in the kitchen, Buffy had made her way over to the couch and sat down. Now she looked up as he entered the room. “A bit early for that, isn’t it?” She gestured towards his beer and let out a nervous giggle. When he didn’t answer, merely shrugged, Buffy looked away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
Spike was feeling the same way. Remaining standing, he took a sip of his mixed beer and vodka, grimacing slightly. To say that he enjoyed it would have been an overstatement, but he knew the alcohol would have better effect that way. And he wanted to get extremely pissed; the sooner the better. He glanced at Buffy. “So…” He stopped, not sure of what to say. Although a part of him would always be happy to see her, he couldn’t help but wishing that she had stayed away; she couldn’t possibly have picked a worse time for paying him a visit.
“Aren’t you gonna sit down?” Buffy eyed him carefully, then let out a sigh. “If you want me to leave…” She left the rest of the sentence hanging, suddenly looking miserable.
He didn’t answer at first. After taking another sip of his strong drink, he finally spoke. “If that’s what you want.”
“No.” Buffy suddenly looked annoyed. “I asked if you wanted me to leave. Don’t turn my words against me.” He just shrugged, which only made her more upset. “If you’ll keep acting like a jerk, maybe I should leave.” Spike looked down at his feet, and Buffy immediately felt like a real bitch. Rolling her eyes, she made an attempt of lighting up the mood; “Forget it, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
He watched her warily for a moment, then hesitantly took a step closer. “Buffy…”
“Spike…” She started at the same time, then gave him a shy smile. “Sorry. Go ahead.”
“No, you…” He stopped with a sigh. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.” Buffy paused, then patted the couch next to her. “Please, sit down, you’re making me nervous.”
Spike raised a brow, then slowly walked over to the couch and sat down, making sure to leave some distance between them. “Happy?”
“Yeah.” She gave him a thoughtful look. “You don’t really want me to leave, do you? Cause if you do…” Her voice trailed off.
He was silent for a moment. “No.” Then he sighed again. “Look, I…” He hesitated, then drank some more from the bottle. “I don’t want you to leave. But maybe you should.”
“Why?” Buffy inhaled, shakily. “Spike, we’ve been through this. I thought we agreed to take things one day at the time and see what happens. Why are you pushing me away again?”
“Because it’s better that way!” He glared at her. “You’ll leave anyway. My mum’s right; I’ll never be good enough for you.”
Buffy snorted. “Okay, that’s just ridiculous!” Then her eyes widened. “You really believe that’s true, don’t you? That you’re beneath me? God, Spike…!” She reached out her hand towards him, but he jumped up from the couch.
“Don’t touch me!” Spike suddenly slammed the almost empty beer bottle down on the coffee table, so hard that it broke into pieces. “I told you before and I bloody meant it, m’bad!” He glared at her again, daring her to object.
Buffy slowly got up as well, this time not the least bit frightened by his outburst. “Who told you that?”
He just stared at her, startled. “What?”
She approached him slowly. “Who made you think you’re bad? Your mother?” He started backing away, but she followed. “Spike? Talk to me.” Soon he had backed up against the wall, shaking his head fiercely. Buffy stopped a few feet away. “Spike, listen to me. Whoever told you that was wrong, or lying. You’re not bad.”
Spike continued staring at her, then let out a bitter laugh. “You don’t bloody know me!” He gave her a warning look, then repeated his words; “I’m bad.” She opened her mouth to object, but he wouldn’t give her the chance. “Just leave, will ya. Get out.”
“No!” Buffy furiously stomped her foot down on the floor, the childish act causing Spike to frown. She went on; “Keep telling yourself that I’m some selfish bitch who can’t handle the truth if that makes it easier. But I’m not leaving!” She paused. “I mean it, Spike. I’m not going anywhere.” He cocked his head, obviously surprised, but didn’t say anything. Praying that she was finally getting through to him, Buffy slowly reached out her hand towards him again. “Do you remember the first time we met, outside The Bronze?”
He looked confused, but nodded.
“You asked me to trust you.” Buffy looked him right in the eyes. “I was terrified but the minute I looked into your eyes, I knew I could trust you.” She took a deep breath before finishing; “Now I ask you to trust me.”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm still struggling with this story but this chapter was a bit easier to write for some reason. I guess all your lovely reviews made my muse happy. Thank you! I hope you'll like this chapter as well.