“Buffy…” Spike swallowed, suddenly at a loss for words. Deep down he already knew that if there was only one person in this cruel world that he would be able to trust, it would be Buffy. But he had no idea what she expected from him. He had already told her that he could never be good enough for her, that he could never give her what she deserved. But for some reason, she just didn’t seem to care. Instead she kept insisting that he was wrong, that he was good enough. And it confused the hell out of him. For as long as he could remember, he had constantly been told how bad and worthless he was. And it hadn’t taken too long before he was convinced it was true.
And here was this kind and beautiful woman, asking him to trust her. No one had ever done that before. Spike realized that she seemed to truly care about him, but what she obviously didn’t understand was that it didn’t matter whether he trusted her or not. He knew she wanted to know about his past, and as soon as she would find out the painful and humiliating truth, she would look at him differently; either with pity, or disgust. And he honestly couldn’t say which would be worst.
“Spike?” He looked up, but didn’t want to meet her eyes. “What are you so afraid of?”
He snorted, although it came out more like a sob. “I’m not afraid! I just…” He stopped.
“Okay.” She sat back down on the couch. “Let’s just…” She hesitated. “All right. I’ll ask you some questions, you’ll just answer yes or no. Can you do that?” Spike raised a brow, giving her a suspicious look. Finally he nodded. Buffy let out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good. It’s pretty obvious that there’s something you don’t wanna tell me. And you think that if you would tell me, it would change the way I feel about you. Am I right?”
Spike was quiet for a moment, then looked away. “Yes.”
Buffy nodded in understanding. “Do you…” She stopped, giving him a pleading look. “Sit down?” He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. It was obvious how nervous he was; the fear in his eyes impossible to miss, and for a moment Buffy actually considered letting the whole thing go and simply change the subject. But she realized that by doing so, she would do neither one of them any favors. The problems would still be there, they wouldn’t just go away.
She gave him a small smile, not surprised when he didn’t return it. Buffy took a deep breath. “Did something bad happen to you back in London? Is that why you left and came here?” He didn’t respond, just kept his eyes on the floor. “Spike?”
Spike sighed. “Yes.” He could see that Buffy was about to say something more, but he beat her to it. “Buffy, please, I don’t wanna talk about this.”
Buffy opened her mouth to object, but then, although she seriously doubted she was doing the right thing, decided against it. She nodded. “Okay. I won’t bring it up again.” He just stared at her in disbelief, and she went on; “I can’t force you to talk to me. I just hope that some day you’ll be able to trust me enough to tell me. And just so you know…” She reached for his hand, surprised when he allowed her to take it. “Whether you believe it or not, nothing would ever change the way I feel about you.”
He swallowed, afraid that if he would open his mouth, he would start blubbering like a bloody nancy-boy. Struggling to get his emotions under control, he nearly jumped when he felt a warm hand on his cheek. He gave her a startled look, but resisted the urge to pull away from her touch. The truth was, he didn’t want to pull away. Suddenly he got the strange, not to mention disturbing feeling that if she would ever stop touching him, he would die. He had never felt anything like that before, and it scared him half to death. He wanted to ask her what she was doing to him, but for some reason he found himself unable to speak.
“Spike…” She gently ran her fingers down his cheek, looking him deep in the eyes. “You feel it too, don’t you?” He looked into her eyes, like hypnotized, nodding shakily. Buffy let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. “Then nothing else matters,” she whispered, softly. She slowly leaned closer, her eyes never leaving his.
Spike’s eyes widened, and suddenly he couldn’t tell if he was the one who had moved closer to Buffy, or if it was the other way around. Maybe they had both moved towards each other. All he was aware of was her lips, so close to his that he could almost taste her. Then he could feel the softness of her golden hair between his fingers, and realized that somehow, his arms had come to rest around her neck. She was still touching his face, so gently that it almost made him weep. “Buffy…” It came out almost like a whimper as he desperately leaned into her touch.
When their lips finally met, Buffy felt like she had somehow died and ended up in heaven. It wasn’t like she hadn’t kissed guys before, but this was different. It was more than just the feeling of their lips making contact, she felt like her entire body was vibrating, almost like that time when she was six years old and had accidentally come in contact with an electrical fence. Only this time she felt like she never wanted to let go.
Spike had never experienced anything like that before, and when he finally felt Buffy’s soft lips against his, he felt like he was dreaming. But it was far from those nightmares he would find himself trapped in as soon as he closed his eyes. For a moment he was half convinced that he actually was dreaming, because something this sweet and wonderful would never happen to him and any time now he would wake up alone and miserable, just as it should be. But when he felt Buffy finally pull back slightly, gasping for air, only to hungrily catch his lips again in the next moment, he couldn’t help but think that maybe it was real after all.
“Buffy…” Spike breathed heavily into her mouth, tightening his grip around her. He had never allowed anyone to touch him like this before, in fact, the mere thought of being this close to someone, anyone, had always sickened him. But for some reason, he didn’t just enjoy Buffy’s touch, he wanted it, needed it, craved it. He needed her to keep touching him, he felt like if she would stop, he would go insane. It was a completely new feeling, which was scary in a way, but somehow he had ceased to care about anything but the girl in his arms, the feeling of her lips against his, her delicate fingers on his face. For the first time in his life, he felt whole. Complete. He knew it wouldn’t last, it couldn’t, but the truth was that if he would die this very moment, he would die happy.
TBC
[Reviews - 1696]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 6482 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
I had almost finished writing chapter 22 the other day, but then I realized I hated it so I deleted it and started over from the beginning. This is how the new chapter turned out. I hope you'll like it!