“What?” Spike looked almost startled, like he had forgotten she was there, but quickly tried to cover up by giving her a small smile. “Sorry. Not really hungry.”
“But you’ve hardly…” She was about to object and point out that he had barely touched his food, but then decided against it. Instead she slumped back into the couch with a groan. “God, I’m not gonna be able to walk at all tomorrow. Why did I eat so much?” She let out a tired sigh. “I’m not moving from this couch. Do me a favor and wake me up in a week or so.” She glanced at Spike, frowning when he didn’t say anything. “Spike? What’s wrong?”
Spike gave her a confused look, then shook his head. “Nothing.” He paused. “Wanna watch a movie or something?”
“Sure, but…” Buffy hesitated. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He got up and started clearing the table. “Course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well…” Buffy tried to chose her words carefully. “There was that thing earlier, with your mother. I just thought…”
Stopping in his tracks, Spike let out a loud sigh. Right. There was that, too. Suddenly he started to feel both annoyed and tired. He realized that Buffy was just concerned, but he really wished she would just let it go. “Told you I was fine, didn’t I? Just drop it.” He regretted his words immediately when he saw the hurt look on her face. Cursing silently, he sat back down on the couch. If he wanted to act normal in front of Buffy, he was obviously doing a terrible job. “Sorry, luv. I didn’t mean…” He didn’t know how to finish, so he took her hand and gently brought it up to his lips. “Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not, I just…” Buffy sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “I just wish you’d talk to me, you know.” He nodded, but didn’t say anything more. She had to hold back a sigh. “Spike, I understand this has to be hard for you. You don’t have to pretend it’s not.”
“Oh bloody hell… I’m not pretending! I…” Spike let out a frustrated groan. “What do you want me to say? That I’m all broken up because of the tragic loss of my mother, who, by the way, was such an amazing person and my life will just never be complete again now when she’s gone?” He gave her a hard look. “Can tell you right now, not gonna happen.”
“You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.” Buffy glared at him. “Can’t you see I just care about you, you big, stupid… guy!”
Once again he felt like a real git. Of course she did. He knew he shouldn’t take his anger and frustration out on Buffy, she deserved better than that. But he just couldn’t help himself. For some reason, pushing her away seemed easier than having to deal with what was really bothering him. Only he had promised not to do that again. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
Her face softened. “Spike, I just don’t want you to hide anything from me.”
“I know. I won’t.” He didn’t look her in the eyes when he said the last part, but she didn’t seem to notice. Instead she just smiled when he ran his fingers through her long hair, and he was relieved that she seemed to accept his apology. But deep down he felt a small pang in his chest, knowing that hiding things from her was just what he was doing.
“It’s getting late.” Buffy failed to suppress a yawn, and Spike realized that he was really tired as well. Truth to be told, after everything that had happened today, he was more than just tired, he was exhausted. Which, he supposed, was a good thing, since he didn’t exactly look forward to trying to go to sleep without his pills. Now, hopefully, that wouldn’t be a problem.
He gently put a single strand of hair behind her ear and brushed his lips briefly against hers. “You’re staying, right?” Hoping he wouldn’t sound too needy, he held his breath as he waited for her to answer.
“Of course I’m staying.” Buffy gave him an assuring smile, then suddenly looked a little uncertain. “I mean, if you want me to.” Spike nodded and she looked relieved. Then she frowned when he pulled her into his arms and shifted on the couch so they could lie down. “Here? I thought…” She nodded towards the bedroom, then stopped when she remembered who had last been in that bed. Suddenly she felt like she was going to be sick. Spike seemed to read her mind, because he didn’t meet her eyes. Buffy swallowed. “Second thought, couch is just fine.” She snuggled closer to him, and it didn’t take long before they were both asleep.
Pain. Nothing else existed in the world but the sharp, piercing pain when Ethan’s hard cock slammed into him over and over again for what seemed like hours. William didn’t move, just lay there frozen on the cold, hard floor, waiting for the pain to stop. Only it never did. He didn’t scream, nor did he cry, because by then, he was beyond the point where he could do anything but clenching his teeth, keep breathing and simply trying to survive. Sometimes he was half convinced that his entire life consisted of nothing but this horrible pain, and he had to struggle to remember any other feeling.
He wondered how much pain, fear and humiliation a person could actually handle before something inside would just snap; if you would get to a point where you just knew that it couldn’t get any worse, where you just couldn’t take it anymore and would simply go insane. Maybe he’d die before it would get to that. Or maybe he was wrong; maybe it could always get worse. If that was the case, then the thought of death felt like a bittersweet bliss. Because at least then, he would get to rest.
Hearing the large man moaning, and feeling his drunken breath against his neck, William felt his stomach turn and wondered how he would be able to keep from vomiting before it was over. His face was pressed hard against the floor as Ethan kept his sweaty hand on top of his head to prevent him from moving. Of course, William never did, something his stepfather knew perfectly well. Still, the man never removed his hand until he was done.
Suddenly Ethan started breathing faster and harder, gasping almost like he was in pain, but William knew better than that. He knew it meant that it was almost over for this time, that the man was close to release and that it was now only matter of seconds before Ethan would let out a final cry of pleasure. William held his breath as the man started jerking on top of him before finally becoming completely still. Letting out a pleased grunt, Ethan pulled away, and William could feel the warm, sticky fluid flowing out of him and down between his legs.
A moment later, William heard the door to his room close quietly. Still, he didn’t dare to move until he could hear the footsteps in the hallway finally fade away. Then he rolled over so he was lying on his back and closed his eyes. Somehow, he had managed to survive this time too, he was still here. Even though Ethan was gone, the pain was still there, and he knew it would take days before he would be able to walk again without limping. Of course, Ethan wouldn’t wait that long before coming back for more.
Spike got up from the floor and looked around the room, frowning as he realized that it was all wrong. He wasn’t William anymore, hadn’t been for years. And he didn’t even live here anymore; he had finally managed to break free and leave the house in London for good. ‘Just another dream, then’, he thought, but the realization didn’t bring him much comfort. He just wanted to wake up. At least now the pain was gone, he didn’t feel anything at all. And the sudden, compact silence in the house made him wonder if he was the only one in the world left alive.
Suddenly he heard something, a strange, yet familiar sound. He cocked his head to the side, wondering where he had heard that sound before. Walking over to the door, he tried to listen, closely. His heart started beating faster when he realized that someone was sobbing, quietly, just outside his door. Slowly, he pushed the door open and peeked outside.
Buffy was sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the far wall and her face buried in her hands. She raised her head slowly, and Spike couldn’t help but gasp at the sight of her pale, tear-stained face. Forgetting all about his own fear and pain, he rushed over to her and dropped to his knees next to her on the floor. Trying to take her in his arms, he stared at her in shock when she pulled away, his face a mixture of hurt and confusion. “Buffy, luv, what’s wrong?! What happened? Why won’t you let me touch you?”
She glared at him, tears still flowing. “Why do you think?! I trusted you, and you hurt me!”
Swallowing hard, Spike shook his head. “No... Buffy, I would never hurt you.”
“Are you sure?” Ethan had walked up behind them, a cold smile on his face. He knelt down next to Buffy and ran his fingers slowly down her face. She shuddered, but didn’t pull away. Instead she leaned into his touch, all the time still crying softly.
“No!” Spike reached out for Buffy in panic, desperate to get her out of Ethan’s evil claws before he could hurt her again, only to find himself grabbing at the air. Buffy had suddenly disappeared right in front of his eyes, as had Ethan. He jumped up from the floor, looking wildly around him. The hallway was empty. Once again, the house was completely silent.
“You bastard, I’ll fucking kill you! Where are you?!” He started running down the hall, stopping dead in his tracks as he once again heard Buffy sobbing, louder this time. “Buffy!” He spun around, half expecting to find her right behind him. But there was no one there, he was alone. “Buffy, stay where you are, I’m coming!” He started running again, but stopped as he realized that the surroundings had suddenly changed. The hallway was gone, and so was the house. Instead he found himself standing in the alley outside The Bronze; the place where he had first met Buffy, weeks ago.
“You’re too late.” Spike froze at the sound of Buffy’s voice, coming from behind him. He quickly turned around, and his heart nearly stopped. Buffy was standing there, her clothes torn to shreds and dark bruises covering her once flawless face. Blood was trickling down her arms and legs, leaving a small puddle by her feet. But the worst thing was the look in her eyes. They were completely empty, like she was already dead, only she was still breathing. She took a step towards him, and when she spoke again, her voice was filled with accusation. “You did this to me. You let him hurt me.”
He didn’t answer, because his mouth had become unable to form any words and coherent thoughts had long since stopped running through his mind. He didn’t scream either, because the only thing he still knew was that if he would start screaming now, he would never be able to stop.
That was when he woke up.
TBC