The following two nights were calm, at least as far as Buffy was aware. She fell asleep in Spike’s arms, slept peacefully through the night and woke up in the same gentle, yet strong embrace the next morning. And Spike didn’t mention any more bad dreams, which Buffy took as a sign that he was finally starting to beat his inner demons. But the third night, she once again woke up alone.
Buffy put her hand on Spike’s side of the bed, frowning when she realized it was cold. She sat up and looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was almost three-thirty in the morning. Forcing herself to stay calm, she hurriedly jumped out of bed and left the room. The living room was completely dark, so she reached out for the light switch on the wall and turned the light on. Glancing around the room, she immediately noticed that Spike was nowhere to be seen, so she continued into the kitchen, after stopping briefly to check the bathroom.
The kitchen was just as dark and empty as the rest of the apartment, and now Buffy was starting to panic. Where was Spike? Why would he just take off in the middle of the night without a word? He had to know that she would get worried if she woke up and couldn’t find him. “He probably just stepped out for some fresh air; he’ll be back any minute,” she mumbled to herself. But for some reason, something about that just didn’t seem right. For one thing, surely Spike wouldn’t go out for a walk at this hour, especially not with Ethan still out there somewhere.
Quickly, she tried to recall the events earlier that day, wondering if she had somehow missed something, some reason why Spike would just leave like that. But she came up with nothing. The horrifying thought that Ethan might had returned without her noticing flashed through her mind, but she quickly dismissed it. If he had rang the doorbell, or even just knocked, she would have woken up. And there was no way Spike would open the door and let that monster in, especially not at this hour. But the question remained; where the hell was Spike?
Buffy picked up a glass from the dish stand and poured herself some water, drinking slowly as she tried to calm down. But she only got more worried by the minute. Things had been going so well lately, so none of this made any sense. The relationship between her and Spike was even more perfect than she would have dared to hope for a week ago. She felt like they could now talk about just anything, and they had come to trust each other completely. And every day, they seemed to grow a little bit closer. Things just couldn’t get better than this.
But was that really true? Buffy bit her lip, thoughtfully. Hadn’t Spike seemed a little more distracted than usual lately? The thing was, she had gotten used to his sudden mood swings by now, even though they didn’t come as often anymore. She had also learned that sometimes, pushing him would only get the opposite effect. So she had accepted the fact that sometimes, she would just have to wait until Spike would come to her and tell her what was bothering him. Because sooner or later, he usually did.
Except for this time, that was. Buffy walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, feeling a lump forming in her throat. Spike hadn’t exactly been pushing her away lately, she wouldn’t go that far, but now when she thought about it, she realized that he had started to put some distance between them again, whether he was aware of it or not. What if something was really bothering him, and she had just ignored the signs, not even realizing that something might be seriously wrong? Suddenly she felt like the worst girlfriend in the world.
The cellphone! Buffy jumped up from the chair, silently cursing herself for not thinking about that sooner. She ran into the living room where she had left her jacket, and pulled up the small cellphone from her pocket. Her heart was beating fast in her chest as she quickly dialed Spike’s number and waited for him to pick up. Then she froze in her tracks when she heard the shrill sound of Spike’s phone ringing in the bedroom. He hadn’t even brought the damn thing with him. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she threw her own phone away from her, not caring if it would break.
Now she was convinced that something had happened. But what could she do? Go out and look for him? Except she had no idea where to even begin. Call the police? Right! Like they could do anything, anyway. They would never start looking for a missing person until at least 24 hours had passed. She rolled her eyes, wondering who the hell had come up with that stupid rule in the first place. Anything could happen in the meantime.
Maybe she was overreacting? Spike was an adult; he was allowed to leave the apartment without telling her exactly where he was going. Right? But it just wasn’t like him. For a moment, she didn’t know what to think. Then she started to get angry. How could Spike do this to her? He was selfish, no question about it. He probably didn’t even care that she was sitting here, worrying about him. The moment he would come back, she would so kick his ass for scaring her like this!
But what if he hadn’t gone anywhere by his own will? What if Ethan…? No! That was just not possible. Spike was just fine, he had to be. But what if he wasn’t? What if he…? Buffy was so lost in her thoughts about what horrifying things could have happened to him, she screamed bloody murder and nearly jumped through the roof when the door suddenly opened and Spike walked in. He stopped when he saw Buffy and gave her a confused look. “Buffy? What are you doing up?”
“What am I…?” Buffy stared at him for a moment, eyes narrowing. Was he serious? “Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been worried sick!” She realized that she was yelling, but she was too upset to care.
For a moment, he looked almost ashamed. Then his somewhat guilty expression changed into one of insignificance. “I’m fine. You should go back to bed.”
“What?” Buffy blinked in confusion. “Spike, what’s the matter with you? I just told you I’ve been worried about you, don’t you care?!” A choked sob escaped her throat. “I woke up and you were just gone! I thought something had happened to you. You didn’t even bring your cellphone!” She started sobbing, quietly, from both relief and frustration.
Spike looked at her for a moment, then lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry, luv. I didn’t mean…” He hesitated, then walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. “Buffy, don’t cry. I’m a stupid git, all right? Didn’t think you’d even notice I was gone.” He pulled back a little so he could look at her. “Don’t be mad at me. I’m so sorry, pet. I love you.” He paused. “You really mad at me?”
He slurred a bit when he said the last part, something Buffy didn’t fail to notice. She leaned a little closer, sniffing his breath. “Have you been drinking?”
“What?” Spike looked genuinely surprised. “No! How can you say…?” He stopped, frowning. “Wait. Maybe just a little. But I’m not drunk or anything. Really. I’m just…” He swallowed. “Buffy…”
“No!” She pulled away from him and took a step back. “I’ve been scared to death, and you’ve been out drinking?!”
“Wasn’t like that.” Spike let out a sigh. “Look, I can explain…”
“Don’t bother.” Buffy glared at him. “I’m tired. I’m going back to bed.” Before he could object, she started towards the bedroom. Then she stopped. “Second thought, I think I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
“Buffy, wait. Please.” Spike hurried after her and grabbed her arm. “Just listen to me. I don’t blame you for hating me, but…”
“I don’t hate you.” Buffy angrily wiped away her tears. “But I feel like you’re pushing me away again. Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Spike sighed again. “Look, just come back to bed with me. Please? I can’t sleep without you.” He gave her a pleading look.
Buffy hesitated, then shook her head. “I don’t think…”
“Fine.” He interrupted her, a miserable look on his face. “I understand.” He turned around and walked into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I plan on try updating this story a little more often as soon as I've finished High School Outcasts, which hopefully will be pretty soon. I can't wait to just have one fic to focus on. But knowing me, I'll probably just start a new one instead. *sigh* Oh well, here's the next chap on this story, hope you'll enjoy! And thank you all so much for the reviews! Oh, and Healing has been nominated again, this time for Best Fantasy Angst at Spuffy Awards round 15. And I've been nominated for Fantasy Excellent Author! :D
Chapter End Notes:
What? You didn't think the angst was over, did you? *evil grin*