As Buffy’s eyes snapped open and she blinked a couple of times to get them to adjust to the darkness in the room, she knew she would have woken up the moment Spike started to stir on the bed next to her, even if he hadn’t cried out softly in his sleep. He mumbled something and she realized that he was shaking, violently. His fist clenched and unclenched a couple of times, like he was trying to hold on to something, or possibly someone, and he let out a whimper. “Buffy…” he mumbled, almost pleadingly, as if begging her to save him from the demon she knew was still haunting him in his dreams.
“Right here, baby,” she whispered, brushing her lips softly against his temple and caught his trembling hand in hers. Buffy could feel him tense up for a moment, still trapped in his nightmare, then the tremblings ceased and he became still. She slid her free arm around him, rubbing his back, soothingly. He relaxed immediately and snuggled closer to her, never waking up.
”You know the rules, boy.” Ethan had him trapped in the corner and William closed his eyes as he waited for the inevitable, knowing there was no escape. There never was. “You get to speak only when I say so,” Ethan now hissed, and William realized that he was holding his breath, silently willing the pain to come so it would be over. Not really over, of course, just for the moment. Because even if he survived this, there would always be the next day, and the day after that…
“You know I have no choice but to punish you, and yet you keep breaking the rules.” Ethan grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to his feet, only to push him, hard, into the wall. He felt a wave of dizziness come over him as he hit his head, and slid back down to the floor without making a sound. Never showing any sign of pain; William had learned that the hard way.
William looked up, briefly, only to lower his eyes again as he noticed his mother, standing quietly in the doorway with an unreadable expression on her pale face. He forced back a sob then, because he knew she hadn’t come to rescue him. She never would. She was simply here to watch.
He didn’t object, nor did he try to fight back as Ethan dropped to his knees next to him, using one strong hand to hold him down and quickly unbuttoning his pants with the other. Then William heard him pull down the zipper; a sound he had come to be all too familiar with over the years.
“Your turn, boy.” Ethan was panting now, his voice thick with arousal. “Pull down your trousers. Don’t make me do it for you.”
Forcing himself to focus on nothing but shutting off every single feeling and emotion, William obeyed, his hands still shaking. He didn’t try to block out the pain, knowing he would never be able to do that, anyway. Besides, it took just about every little ounce of energy he had left, just to try and stay sane.
“William…” His eyes snapped open as the voice spoke again, softly repeating his name. “I’m right here, William. Just hold on.”
Shaking his head in denial, he squeezed his eyes shut again. “Can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” The familiar voice had taken an almost stubborn note, and he frowned. This was not right. She never called him William. “Look at me, William. I’m right here.”
He opened his eyes, slowly, and found himself staring at the golden angel in front of him. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
Smiling a little, she cupped his cheek. “I’ll always be here.” He let out a shuddering breath as she ran her fingers through his hair. She went on; “It’s over. He can’t hurt you now.” He opened his mouth to object, but she raised her hand to stop him, looking around the small bedroom. “Spike, you don’t belong here. Why do you keep coming back to this place?”
“I don’t.” He swallowed, hard. “Never left.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Then she started to get up and he reached out for her in panic, terrified that she would leave. “Don’t go!”
“What are you so afraid of?” She was back on the floor, next to him. “I told you; I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah.” He reached for her again, needing the comfort of her touch. But she was out of his reach and he was afraid to move, fearing that – despite her words – she would suddenly just disappear. “Buffy…” he whispered, a pleading note in his voice.
“Right here, baby.” She brushed her lips against his temple, taking his hand in hers.
He let out a sigh of relief and chuckled, horrified when he realized that it came out more like a sob. “Am I going insane?” Then he went on, before she could answer; “Bloody feels like it. Are you really here?”
“You know I am.” She smiled, softly.
Suddenly they were standing in the doorway and Spike realized that he was watching a ten-year-old version of himself, huddling in the corner of the room. He flinched as the large man in front of him pulled back his fist, about to strike. Not wanting to watch but unable to look away, he reached blindly for Buffy who was standing right behind him. “He’s hurting him.”
“He’s hurting you.” Buffy sighed. “Spike, it’s not your fault. There was nothing you could do.”
“I know!” He responded quickly, not sure he really believed it but wanting to convince her. Or maybe he was trying to convince himself. “I know,” he repeated, sounding a little more confident this time. And suddenly he realized that he actually meant it. “Bastard raped me.” He glanced at Buffy.
“Yeah.” She bit her lip and Spike thought he saw tears in her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away.
“Wasn’t my fault,” he mumbled, wanting to hear the words come out of his own mouth. He liked the sound of that. It felt good.
“Never was.” Buffy had a serious expression on her face, and he nodded. She slid her arm around his waist. “Let’s go.”
Spike was about to ask her where, but then realized that it didn’t matter. He would follow her to the end of the world if she asked him to. “Right. After you.” She smiled at him and he found himself smiling back. As he followed Buffy out through the door, he cast a final look over his shoulder. Ethan was gone.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This story is nominated for Best Fantasy Angst at the Spuffy Awards round 15. If you wanna vote for it, or on any of the other amazing stories nominated, you can do it here.
I'm getting out of town for a couple of days next week, on a much needed mini-vacation. I won't be able to update any of my stories again until earliest next Thursday or Friday. Hopefully you'll have patience with me. :)
I'm getting out of town for a couple of days next week, on a much needed mini-vacation. I won't be able to update any of my stories again until earliest next Thursday or Friday. Hopefully you'll have patience with me. :)