Buffy took a couple of steps closer and when she spoke, the relief in her voice was obvious. “Oh, you’re awake. I knocked, but…”
“What the bloody hell are you doing here?!”
She stopped, taken aback by his anger. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…” Then she took a shuddering breath. “I thought I heard something…”
Spike glared at her, the coldness in his eyes startling her. “No, that’s not... You’re in my room! You don’t get to be here.”
Buffy swallowed, both confused and shocked by Spike’s sudden change in behavior; she had witnessed some of his violent reactions before but this was the first time it was directed at her. “I…”
“Get out.”
She had to bite her lip to keep the tears from falling. “Spike, I’m sorry… I heard something and I freaked out, maybe it was just a nightmare…”
“Yeah?” He interrupted her, not giving her a chance to finish the sentence. “Nightmare, huh? Tell you what. When you’ve had the same fucking nightmare for the last ten years, let me know, and I’ll be happy to finish this conversation. Until then, get the hell out of my room!”
Too stunned to even move, Buffy remained where she was. “What are you…?”
In a sudden fit of rage, Spike grabbed the closest object he could find, which happened to be an empty beer bottle standing on the night stand, and with violent force made it crash into the wall, not too far away from where she was standing. “Sod off, you stupid bint!” He ignored her startled gasp as she started to back away. “Get. The. Fuck. OUT!” Buffy turned around abruptly and rushed out of the room.
The first thought that came to Buffy’s mind was leaving and get as far away from Spike’s apartment as possible. But when she reached the front door, she stopped. It was the middle of the night, and the mere thought of walking home alone in the darkness terrified her. She glanced back at the door to Spike’s bedroom. Unable to understand what had just happened, she let out a choked sob. His unexpected outburst had really scared her, no question about it. She didn’t think he would actually hurt her. He could easily have thrown the bottle directly at her, but he hadn’t. Still, for the first time that night, all those rumors about him suddenly didn’t seem so hard to believe in anymore.
Maybe she should’ve just turned around and gone back to the couch, strange noises or not, after she’d knocked on the door and he hadn’t answered. But a part of her knew that even though she had imposed on his personal space, Spike’s violent reaction hadn’t been normal. She had noticed the small bottle of pills on the night stand and wondered if he could possibly be using some kind of drugs. That would surely explain his weird behavior. But for some reason, she didn’t think that was the case. She let out a sigh. It really didn’t matter. She should just try to get some sleep, praying that the morning would come soon so she could go home. Intending to do just that, she went back to the couch, all thoughts of Angel forgotten.
Staring blankly at the spot where Buffy had been, Spike felt himself starting to calm down. The realization of what he had just done was starting to hit him, and he closed his eyes for a brief moment, refusing to let the tears fall. Realizing that someone was inside his room had caused him to panic and for a moment he had been back in his old room, unable to do anything but just lay back and wait for the pain. Then he had realized where he was, and the fear and humiliation had made him snap. But he shouldn’t have lashed out at Buffy, she had done nothing wrong.
She had probably already left, he thought, surely he had managed to scare her away. Some rescuer he was, saving her from a rapist, only to yell at her and scare her half to death. He realized that he would probably never see her again, or if he would see her around some time, she would most likely run the other way, screaming. For some reason, that made him feel sad. He rolled his eyes at himself. Why should he care about what some pretty bird thought of him? Whoa! Pretty?! Since when did he think about girls that way?
He had never allowed himself to fall for someone, not because nobody wanted him, but because he knew what would happen. Sooner or later, the girl would expect them to sleep together, and the mere thought of having sex sickened him. He had heard people saying that with the right person, sex could be wonderful. But he seriously doubted that. To him, the word ‘sex’ meant nothing but pain, threats and disgust. It was okay, though. He had always known that he was destined to go through life alone and unloved. And he didn’t care. He didn’t need anyone. You couldn’t miss what you’d never had.
But yet, for some reason he couldn’t get the thought of Buffy out of his mind. He wondered where she was now, hoping she was okay. Sighing, he lay back down on the bed. He glanced at the pills, considering taking some more so he would be able to go back to sleep, but decided against it. In a few hours, it would be morning. And he really didn’t want any more nightmares tonight. He opened the top drawer in the night stand and pulled out a small CD player. Putting on the headphones, he turned the music on and raised the volume to the max.
A couple of hours later, the sun was up and Spike left his room. He immediately noticed the empty couch. Buffy was gone.
TBC