”Okay. Bye, Mom. Talk to you later.” Buffy hang up the phone and let out a sigh of relief. That was one phone call. She still had three more to make. But that would just have to wait. She glanced at Spike, still sleeping peacefully, and quietly slipped back into bed. It was still early in the morning, and they wouldn’t have to leave the hotel room until noon. She could sleep some more if she wanted to. But for some reason, she just knew that was not going to happen.
Instead, her mind was racing. What was going to happen now? Just because Spike had agreed to get therapy didn’t mean that everything would go smoothly from now on. She liked to think that they had hit rock bottom, and now, things could only get better, but even if that was the case, they still had a long way to go. At least they were together. But she had a nagging feeling that the next couple of weeks would be intense, to say the least.
“Hey.” Having been lost in her thoughts and therefore missed when Spike started to stir next to her, Buffy nearly jumped when he suddenly spoke. He gave her a somewhat uncertain look before slipping his arms around her and pulling her close. “You okay, luv?”
“Yeah.” Buffy immediately snuggled closer to him. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” He reached for the blanket and pulled it over them with a shudder. “Fuck, it’s freezing in here.”
“I know.” Buffy pouted. “Think my feet are turning into a couple of popsicles.” Spike chuckled a little. She sighed. “And I’m starving. How about we’ll get some breakfast and then get out of here?”
He was quiet for a moment, then nodded. “Fine by me. Just gonna hit the shower.” Reluctantly releasing her, he pulled away from her and sat up.
“Spike?” He stopped and gave her a questioning look. “I talked to my mom before. She has to get out of town again, said something about an auction. She won’t be back until tomorrow night. We can stay at the house until then.”
“All right.” Spike quickly got up, but she didn’t miss how his eyes suddenly darkened. “Gonna have to get back to the apartment first, though. Need to get some things.” He hesitated. “You don’t have to come if you don’t...”
“Of course I’ll come.” She interrupted him before he could finish. “Look, while you’re in the shower, I just have to make a couple of phone calls, then we’re out of here. We can stop for breakfast on the way back to your place.”
“Yeah, sure.” He looked relieved. “Who you gonna call?” Then he frowned. “God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?”
“Doubt it.” Buffy shook her head in agreement. “Well, first I need to call Xander. Don’t think I actually thanked him for what he did yesterday.” Spike nodded in understanding. “I bet he’s already talked to Willow, but I should call her anyway.”
“What are you gonna tell them?” He glanced at her, a little cautiously.
“I don’t know.” Buffy shrugged. “Just wanna let them know we’re okay. I’m not gonna get into any details. Don’t worry about it.” He nodded, but remained silent. “And, um... I was thinking...” Suddenly she didn’t know how to go on.
“What?” Spike got a suspicious look on his face.
Buffy looked away, suddenly not wanting to meet his eyes. “Before we left the police station yesterday, Officer Gunn gave me his card. He said to call him if either of us had any questions.” She paused. “I thought I’d give him a call, ask him if he knows about any good therapists.” She held her breath, waiting for his reaction.
Spike sighed, clearly annoyed. “What’s the rush? I mean, seriously, Buffy, can’t it wait? I know I said I’d do it, but...” Then he stopped, rolling his eyes. “Never mind. Make the bloody call. Do whatever you want.” He grabbed his shirt and headed towards the bathroom.
“Wait a minute!” Buffy jumped up from the bed. “Don’t just walk away from me like that! I thought you were okay with this.”
“Well, I’m not.” Spike turned around, crossing his arms over his chest. “I agreed, sure, but that’s hardly the same thing as being okay with it.” Buffy opened her mouth, but he went on; “In fact, I specifically remember telling you that I don’t wanna do it. I will, though, since I think you’re right. But you could at least have given me a couple of days to get used to the idea. It’s not just your decision.”
Realizing that he was right, Buffy lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “Forget I said anything.”
Sighing again, Spike dropped his shirt on the floor and walked back to the bed, sitting down after a moment’s hesitation. “No, I’m sorry. I’m trying here, Buffy. I just feel like things are moving too fast. Don’t know if I’m ready.” He gave her a pleading look, silently begging her to understand.
She slowly made her way over to him, sitting down as well and gently taking his hand in hers. For some reason, she almost expected him to pull away, and was relieved when he didn’t. “I understand how you feel, sweetie, I really do. But tell me something. Honestly, do you think you’ll ever be truly ready?” He looked at her for a moment, then looked away. “That’s what I thought.” Buffy sighed. “I’m not saying we have to do it today, or even this week. But...”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Spike grimaced. “Might as well get it over with, I see your point.” He didn’t want to admit to Buffy how much the idea of seeing a therapist actually scared him. Of course, he had a feeling that she already had her suspicions, but that was not the point. A part of him was relieved beyond words that Buffy had offered to go with him, but that also meant that he would be forced to face everything he had tried so hard to push to the back of his mind. And the mere thought terrified him.
And more importantly, he seriously doubted that talking to someone else would really make a difference. He didn’t need some shrink, telling him how screwed up he was. However, Buffy seemed to be convinced that therapy was the key to everything, like talking about what happened would make all the painful memories magically disappear. To tell the truth, he had agreed to the whole thing more for her sake than for his own. He knew that Buffy just wanted to help him, and for that he loved her even more, if that was possible.
But maybe he was beyond help. Somehow he had managed to survive all the years of pain, fear and abuse, and now, the idea of not having to spend the rest of his life in constant fear was overwhelming. He didn’t know how to deal with it, but he did know that he would never feel comfortable discussing his life with a stranger. Unfortunately, Buffy didn’t seem to see that. She kept insisting that everything would be fine, that he just needed to talk about it, let it all out once and for all. Maybe she was right. Maybe that was what he needed. But what he wanted was a whole different matter.
He would do it, though. Because Buffy believed in him, and he didn’t want to disappoint her. He wanted to be able to start living again, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Buffy. So, if she really believed that therapy was the right way to go, who was he to object? But that didn’t mean that he had to like it. At least he wouldn’t have to go through it alone. Still, he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had been in Hell for as long as he could remember. Would it ever be really over?
TBC
[Reviews - 1696]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 3224 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you so much to all of you who left me a review for the last chapter, means the world to me. *hugs*