He let out a sigh. “Does it really matter?” She opened her mouth, but he went on; “We’ve been through this, pet. Not just about me anymore. Let’s just do this, yeah?” Buffy looked at him for a moment, then nodded. “Right, then. Here we go.” Taking a deep breath, Spike raised his arm again and finally rang the bell.
The door swung open almost immediately, and Gunn was standing in the doorway in front of them. “Good to see you, guys. Come on in.” He took a step back, gesturing for Buffy and Spike to enter.
As Gunn closed the door behind them, Spike found himself wondering what the hell he was doing here. When he had called Gunn earlier that day, the other man had sounded beyond relieved, insisting that Spike and Buffy would come over for dinner so they could meet his wife and his niece – Emily – in person. Spike had reluctantly accepted, but on the way over, he had started having second thoughts. He still had no idea what Gunn expected him to do.
“Buffy, Spike, I’d like you to meet my wife – Winnifred.” Gunn smiled at the young, pretty brunette who had just entered the room and waved for her to come over. “Sweetheart, this is Buffy and Spike.”
“Just call me Fred. It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Fred smiled shyly, reaching out her hand in greeting. “Why don’t you just sit down, make yourselves comfortable? Dinner’s almost ready.”
“Thank you.” Buffy paused, glancing at Spike before turning back to Fred.. “Um, do you need any help with...?” She stopped, having spotted the small, dark-haired girl standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking at her and Spike with an unreadable expression on her face. “Oh, hello.” She smiled at the girl.
The girl ignored Buffy and walked straight over to Fred, patting her arm to get her attention. “Aunt Fred, I’m hungry.”
Fred smiled at her. “We’re having dinner in about ten minutes, sweetie.”
Gunn cleared his throat. “Emily, this is Spike and Buffy; the nice people I told you about. I want you to say hello.”
Emily eyed the visitors suspiciously before mumbling a quick ‘hi’. Then she turned back to her aunt. “I’m hungry now.”
“Oh, I’m sure you can wait a few more minutes.” Fred glanced at her husband, then smiled at their guests. “I’m gonna go check on the food. Excuse me.” She quickly slipped out of the room.
Buffy gave Spike’s hand a small squeeze before following Fred into the kitchen. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Oh, that’s very sweet of you.” Fred let out a nervous laugh. “Would you mind getting the wine? It’s in the fridge.”
“Sure.” Buffy was quiet for a moment, not quite sure of what else to say. Still, she felt the need to say something. She cleared her throat. “You have a lovely home.”
“Thank you!” Fred put a large bowl of steaming pasta down on the table. Then she gave Buffy an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Buffy, I realize this must be an awkward situation for you.” Buffy opened her mouth to object, but Fred wasn’t finished; “No, really. I mean, I know it’s not fair to you and Spike, asking you to come here and...” She hesitated. “Charles is feeling really bad about it too, but...” A pause. “We just don’t know what to do.”
Spike casted a nervous look at Gunn, not sure of what to say. Luckily, Gunn seemed to notice his discomfort and turned to his niece. “Emily, why don’t you go to the bathroom and wash your hands? We’re eating any minute.” The girl obeyed without a word. Making sure Emily had left the room and wouldn’t hear him, Gunn then looked at Spike. “Look, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate...”
“Don’t.” Spike interrupted him. “Honestly, I’m still not sure why I’m here. I mean, I know you want me to talk to the girl, but I just don’t know what you want me to say.”
Gunn let out a tired sigh. “To tell the truth, I’m not sure myself.” Seeing the look on Spike’s face, he hurried on; “Look, the thing is, I love my niece more than anything. But the things she’s been through...” A pause. “She doesn’t have anyone else. She’s lost her mom, and I...” He hesitated for a moment. “I just don’t know how to help her.”
Spike raised a brow. “And how do you think I can...?”
“I don’t know.” Gunn sighed again. “I don’t even know if this is a good idea, but I’m desperate. Emily won’t talk to me or Fred about what happened. God knows we’ve tried. She’s seeing a therapist, but she won’t talk to her, either. It’s like she...” He struggled to find the right words. “Like she’s trying to pretend nothing’s happened. And it really scares me. She can’t keep it inside her forever.”
Spike opened his mouth, then closed it again. Gunn may be right, but what he didn’t seem to understand was that, as far as Emily was concerned, nothing good would come from talking to someone when she was clearly not ready to deal with it. On the other hand, the longer she would keep what happened to herself, the harder it would be for her to finally open up to someone. He had learned that the hard way.
Though he didn’t think he himself would have welcomed it, should anyone have tried to talk to him as a kid, when the wounds were still so fresh. But maybe it still had been better if someone had bothered to reach out to him back then, seeing how he had now turned into an emotional wreck who lacked the ability to deal with the painful memories still haunting him. And if no one would be able to help her, Emily was heading in the same direction.
Of course Spike wanted to help the girl. But he just didn’t see how. How could he help her deal with what happened, when he obviously wasn’t able to deal with his own past? It was Buffy who insisted on him going to a therapist, but the truth was, the mere idea still terrified him. So how could he get Emily to talk, when he clearly wasn’t ready to do so himself? He would feel like the biggest hypocrite ever.
When he opened his mouth to speak, Spike had to struggle to keep the panic out of his voice. “Look, mate, I see your point, but I don’t think I’m the right person for this. I wanna help, but...”
“Please!” Gunn interrupted him, an almost desperate look on his face. “I understand this is hard for you, I really do. Believe me, I feel horrible for even suggesting it in the first place, but...” He swallowed and looked down at his feet, like he was suddenly afraid of meeting Spike’s eyes. “Face it, man; you’ve been where she is now. I haven’t.”
“Dinner’s ready!” The two men spun around at the sound of Fred’s overly cheerful voice. Her smile faltered when she sensed the sudden tension in the room, and she looked from her husband to Spike, a concerned look on her face. “I’m clearly interrupting something, I’m sorry. Why don’t I just...?” She gestured towards the door behind her, indicating that she would head back into the kitchen.
“No, s’all right.” Spike put on a strained smile. “We’re just about done.” Avoiding Gunn’s eyes, he slipped past Fred and into the kitchen, eager to get away. He didn’t like the turn the conversation had taken one bit, and he really wished that he hadn’t come.
TBC