As Spike laid down next to her on the bed, Buffy didn’t miss the way his hands were trembling. She wanted to tell him to relax, tell him that all of this was new and scary for her as well, but she remained quiet. She was still half convinced that simply by opening her mouth, she would manage to break the spell and ruin everything. In a way, she felt like she was just about to cross a mine field; one rash move, and everything would be over. She had never been more nervous in her life. Nor as excited.
Oblivious to her inner struggles, Spike ran his fingers slowly over her stomach for a moment, until he reached the edge of her shirt. He gave her a questioning look. “Can I...?”
She just nodded, shifting slightly on the bed to give him better access. After a brief moment’s hesitation, he pulled the shirt over her head. Watching her for a moment – with such intensity that it made her blush – he then gave her a shaky smile. “Beautiful,” he murmured.
Trying her best not to melt into a big puddle of goo, Buffy swallowed hard. Longing for him to touch her, she reached for the hook of her bra, intending to take it off, but he put his hand on hers to stop her. “Let me,” he whispered, his arms slipping around her. Waiting patiently while he struggled with the hook, she rewarded him with a sweet smile when he was finally able to take it off and let it drop to the floor.
She could see how badly he wanted to touch her, but he was obviously still a little uncertain how to take things further. Wondering briefly if such a bold act would make him uncomfortable, she quickly dismissed that thought and took his hand, gently placing it on top of her breast. His eyes widened for a moment, then a shy smile spread on his face and he started moving his hand, slowly stroking her smooth skin. She let out a soft moan, her hands fumbling with his black t-shirt.
Realizing what she was trying to do, he let go of her for a moment, allowing her to slip the t-shirt over his head. He couldn’t quite hide the smug look on his face as he noticed the way her eyes ran over his upper body, and she all but licked her lips. “See something you like, pet?”
“Mm-hm.” She let her fingers softly trace over his chest, mimicking his word to her; “Beautiful.”
Lowering his eyes for a moment, he then wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. “Buffy...” he mumbled.
“Shh...” She interrupted him. “Spike, I love you.”
He pulled back in surprise, his eyes meeting hers. “Love you, too.”
“I know.” Buffy smiled a little. “Sweetie, you trust me, right?” He just nodded. “Then would you do something for me without asking why?” Eying her a little suspiciously, he nodded again. Her smile widened. “All right. On your back.”
Spike opened his mouth, then closed it again, clearly deciding to do as she asked and not ask any questions. Instead he just shrugged and leaned back against the pillows, which alone told her how much he had really come to trust her. Blinking back tears, she took a deep breath, hoping her voice wouldn’t break. “Close your eyes.” He raised a brow, but obeyed.
Hesitating a little, Buffy took a moment to just watch him, knowing she hadn’t been exaggerating. Maybe, if given some time, she would be able to come up with an even better word to describe him than ‘beautiful’, but right now, it would have to do. She felt almost dizzy, not quite believing they had actually come this far. But here they were, and she was willing to do anything to make him not regret his decision about trusting her. It was time to show Spike that love could be so much more than just sweet words and kissing.
Although she wouldn’t mind just lying there watching him all night, Buffy decided that enough was enough and jumped into action. Brushing her lips briefly against his, she then started peppering his chest with feather light, soft kisses. Pausing for a moment, she glanced at him to see his reaction. The blissful look on his face told her that he was more than okay with it, so she went on. Her hand slowly wandered over his perfectly sculptured body, only to pause when it reached the button of his jeans.
Feeling him tense up, ever so slightly, she immediately pulled back her hand. His eyes snapped open and he gave her a questioning look, his face a mixture of surprise and disappointment. Giving him an assuring smile, she leaned over and kissed him, letting her mouth do the talking without words. His lips parted, allowing their tongues to meet, and she could feel him relax again as his arms slipped around her waist.
Realizing that his body ached to experience what his mind was still not quite ready for, Buffy just wanted to weep for him. Struggling to get her emotions under control, she leaned into his embrace, her body melting against his. “Love you,” she breathed huskily, her fingers brushing over his cheek. “Love you so much.” He didn’t answer, just closed his eyes again and tightened his grip around her. Buffy could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath he took, and found herself wondering if he was able to hear how fast her heart was beating.
A moment later, he let go of her, letting his arms drop to the side – which she took as a sign that he was ready for her to go on. Hesitating briefly, Buffy then pulled back a little. “You can touch me, too, you know,” she whispered. “Any way you want.” Seeing the uncertain look on his face, she took a deep breath, her hand moving to her pink and white sweat pants. “I could take these off.”
Looking at her for a moment, Spike then shook his head. “No.”
“Oh.” Buffy’s face fell, and she desperately tried not to let her disappointment show. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”
Spike interrupted her, gently putting a strand of hair behind her ear. “Just meant that I’d rather be the one doing it for you, luv.” A pause. “If you want me to, that is.” Her eyes widened and she could only nod in response. Letting out the breath he had been holding, he easily pulled her pants down, moving quickly before he would lose his courage. Realizing how much his hands were shaking when he touched her, he almost laughed.
Then he noticed the white, silky thong she was wearing under her pants, and gulped. He knew Buffy was watching him, but suddenly couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. She was beautiful, perfect, effulgent. And she was all his; his to explore, love and cherish. But somehow, it all just seemed too good to be true. Could it be for real? A part of him still feared that it was all a dream, that he would wake up any minute now and find himself once again alone in a hard and cruel reality.
“Spike?”
He looked up, seeing the worried expression on Buffy’s face. “I’m fine, luv. Just give me a sec.”
Buffy was quiet for a moment. “If this is going too fast...”
“No!” Putting a trembling hand on her cheek, he desperately tried to force back the wave of panic, suddenly threatening to well up inside him. “Buffy, I just...” He hesitated, wanting to explain what he was feeling but not knowing how. A somewhat hysterical laugh escaped from his throat. “Think I’m losing it, here. Just tell me this is really happening.” Buffy opened her mouth, but he went on; “Seriously, I’m not just making it all up, am I? Cause in that case...”
Interrupting his ramblings, Buffy gently took his face between his hands and pulled him in for a deep kiss. When she finally pulled back, they were both gasping for air. “That seem real enough for you?”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Think so. Sorry, luv, I know I’m being a git about this.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “You’re not. Whatever that is. Look, Spike, if you’re not ready...”
“No, I am.” He let out a sigh, his eyes begging her to believe him. “I’m ready, Buffy, I really am. Guess I freaked out for a minute, but it won’t happen again. I wanna do this.”
“Spike, listen to me.” Buffy looked him right in the eyes, a serious look on her face. “If you’re not ready...” He opened his mouth to object, but she raised her hand to stop him. “Just hear me out. If you’re not ready – that’s okay. And if you are...” She realized that she had his full attention and went on; “If you are, and then when we’re in the middle of it, you’ll change your mind, that’s okay too. Just say the word, and we’ll stop. I won’t mind, I mean it.”
“Right.” He was silent for a moment. “Look, Buffy, I’m ready. Never been more sure ‘bout anything. And just so you know...” Spike paused. “You’re bloody gorgeous.” Her cheeks turned red and she lowered her eyes. “Don’t do that,” he pleaded. “Look at me.” He waited for her to raise her eyes again. “I’m ready,” he repeated, firmly. And he meant it. To prove his point, he slowly moved his hand to unbutton his jeans, his eyes never leaving hers.
Buffy didn’t say anything. Instead, she just reached out to help him pull his pants down, hesitating only for a moment to make sure he was okay with her doing it for him. But he just shifted a little on the bed, lifting his hips to make it easier for her, and a moment later, his black jeans dropped to the floor.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I was not going to update again so soon, seeing how it's only been 3 days since I posted the last chapter, but what can I say? My muse just really wanted this to happen, I guess. :)
Ok, seriously, this chapter is making me sweat and I'm extremely nervous about both this and the coming chapters, mostly because I personally think I suck at writing these specific things. What I'm trying to say is - right now, any supporting comments would mean more to me than ever.
Ok, seriously, this chapter is making me sweat and I'm extremely nervous about both this and the coming chapters, mostly because I personally think I suck at writing these specific things. What I'm trying to say is - right now, any supporting comments would mean more to me than ever.