“Have a seat.” Closing the door behind him, Doctor Giles gestured towards a brown, leather couch in the far end of the office. “Can I interest you in some coffee, or perhaps a nice cup of tea?”
Seeing how Spike’s eyes darted around the room, suspiciously, Buffy turned to the doctor and shook her head with a polite smile. “No thanks, we’re good. Um, Doctor Giles...”
He interrupted her. “Please, just call me Giles. There’s no need to be formal in this room.” Walking over to his desk, he sat down and leaned back in the chair, waiting for Buffy and Spike to sit down as well. Then he opened the top drawer in his desk and pulled out a small box. “Would either of you like a Jaffa cake? I tend to always keep some around.”
Shaking her head again, Buffy glanced at Spike – who had yet to say a word. She wasn’t fooled by his hostile appearance, knowing perfectly well how nervous he was, but she suspected that Giles would have a hard time earning his trust. Placing her hand gently on her boyfriend’s knee, hoping that her touch would soothe him, she silently prayed that the therapist would really be as good as Gunn said he was. Because she had a feeling that Spike wasn’t going to make this too easy for him.
“So...” Giles started, watching the young couple in front of him with interest. “If you don’t mind my asking – how long how you two been seeing each other?”
Spike raised a brow in surprise, having been quite certain that the doc’s first question wouldn’t be about his relationship with Buffy. Even more surprising was the fact that the older man apparently was british as well. Spike wasn’t sure how he felt about that. One thing was for sure; doctor or not, he wasn’t about to trust this bloke just like that. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Spike!” Buffy hissed, glaring at him in disapproval. He just looked at her before turning back to Giles, expectantly.
“Oh, I was just being curious.” Luckily, Giles didn’t seem offended at all. “I couldn’t help but notice that you seemed to be rather close. Care to tell me how you first met?”
Feeling Buffy’s eyes on him and knowing she wanted him to answer, Spike held back a sigh. He didn’t really see the point of talking about this, but he supposed it was a safe enough subject. “Met at a club.”
Giles opened his mouth, clearly intending to ask something more, but Buffy beat him to it; “You make it sound so simple. Are you forgetting what happened?” She turned to Giles. “There was this guy. He tried to... hurt me, but Spike showed up just in time to stop him.”
“I see.” Giles nodded, then looked at Spike. “Sounds like things could have gotten really bad. How very fortunate for Buffy that you were there.”
“I... I guess so.” Spike shrugged, not sure what else to say. Buffy smiled at him, softly squeezing his hand.
Turning to Buffy, Giles went on; “This... guy, you were referring to. May I ask you in what way he tried to hurt you?”
“Um...” Buffy glanced at Spike, a little taken aback by the doctor’s direct question. To tell the truth, she hadn’t expected this therapy session to be about her. She supposed Giles knew what he was doing, though. But she hadn’t been prepared for that particular conversation.
“Hold on...” Spike looked at Giles, clearly as confused as Buffy. “That’s hardly any of your business. Why are you...?” He stopped as Buffy slapped him gently on the arm and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like you’re not thinking the same thing,” he muttered.
“I apologize.” Giles glanced at Buffy before turning back to Spike, a patient expression on his face. “Spike, let me remind you that everything we talk about in this room stays here, between these four walls. That goes for both of you. Also, if neither of you are fully comfortable answering any of my questions, feel free to let me know. I will not be insulted in any way.”
Lowering his eyes, Spike tightened his grip on Buffy’s hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “S’not what I thought we’d be talking about, is all.”
“I understand.” Giles watched him, closely. “And what do you wish for us to talk about instead?”
“You asking me?” He gave Giles a doubtful look. The older man just nodded, and Spike let out a snort. “Nothing, really.” Giles opened his mouth, but Spike went on with a sigh; “Seriously, you’re the doctor, not me. Don’t even wanna be here.” He ignored the somewhat annoyed look Buffy gave him, thinking there was no point in lying.
“Yes, I am perfectly aware of that.” Giles gave him a sad smile. “I could tell the moment you stepped through the door. Now here is what I find interesting.” He paused. “Yet, here you are. Forgive me for asking, but what made you come here today?”
Spike just looked at him, clearly at a loss for what to say. Buffy spoke up instead; “We felt that it was the right thing to do. Because...”
“I’m sorry,” Giles interrupted. He hesitated for a moment before he went on, an apologetic look on his face. “Buffy, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to make a wild assumption here. You say ‘we’, but what you actually mean to say is ‘you’. Correct me if I’m wrong.”
Buffy’s face fell. “I... I don’t...” She swallowed. “Maybe.” Not daring to look at Spike, she kept her eyes on the floor.
Seeing her sudden discomfort, Spike quickly spoke up in Buffy’s defense; “Hey, she didn’t force me to come here.”
“Oh, I’m sure she didn’t.” Giles was quiet for a moment. “My point is; you obviously do not wish to be here. But you are, and that is a start. I can imagine it must have been a difficult decision to make. However, I truly believe Buffy was correct when she said this is the right thing. And more importantly – deep down, I think you feel the same way. Am I right?”
“I, uh...” Spike cast a helpless look at Buffy, not liking the way Giles seemed to be able to see right through him. It made him feel too exposed, and he wasn’t ready to admit it. He settled for a shrug, stubbornly avoiding the doctor’s eyes.
“It makes you feel uncomfortable,” Giles continued, clearly having not expected an answer. “For natural reasons, you’re afraid to look inside yourself and face your inner demons. It’s perfectly understandable. But...”
He paused, giving Spike a moment to let his words sink in. “Still, you are torn. Because somewhere, deep inside you, you can’t help but wonder if there could be even the slightest possibility that I can actually be able to help you. And that’s the reason why you came today, despite the fact that you’d rather be anywhere but here.” It wasn’t a question, simply a matter of fact.
Buffy held her breath. She realized that Gunn had known what he was doing when he recommended this man. He was good. But the question remained – would Spike be ready to accept this kind of insight from a stranger? She wasn’t totally convinced. Seeing how Spike took a deep breath, clearly trying not to let his temper get the best of him, she realized that she had been correct in her assumptions.
Of course, she knew by now that Spike only reacted with anger as a defense mechanism when he felt nervous or threatened in any way. But what he had yet to realize was that everything would be so much easier for everybody if he could just learn to control that kind of behavior. She was still trying to learn not to take his outbursts personally, knowing that once he snapped out of it, his thoughtless actions would hurt him just as much as her.
Spike didn’t know exactly what he had expected from this session, but it certainly wasn’t this. He had thought they would just talk about what Ethan had done to him, and while the idea of discussing such a humiliating subject with a stranger made him feel sick, he had still counted on being able to go through with it because it was just simple facts. But this was different. It was obvious that Giles wouldn’t settle for merely scraping the surface.
He swallowed, suddenly feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. “So what if that’s why I came? It’s your bloody job, isn’t it? You’re the almighty shrink, supposed to help those poor bastards who’re too fucked up to do it themselves.”
“Spike...” Buffy put her hand carefully on his arm, casting a worried look at Giles. “Sweetie, why don’t you...”
“I assure you, Buffy, it’s quite all right.” Giles cleared his throat before turning back to Spike; “Is that how you feel about yourself?”
Spike opened his mouth, then closed it again. For a moment, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. No matter what he said, the man just wouldn’t give up. It suddenly occurred to him that the doctor had a patience similar to Buffy’s. He just wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I can't believe it's been over a year since I started writing this story. It'll feel weird when it's finally over, gonna miss writing it.
Chapter End Notes:
Have to admit I've been a bit nervous about writing the whole therapy thing, feels kinda difficult to get it just right. Please let me know what you think.