Joyce nodded, tiredly. “Are you hungry? The dinner’s probably cold by now, but I could heat it up for you in the microwave. Or, there’s some cake in the fridge if you want.” Suddenly she looked sad.
In fact, having not eaten a thing since breakfast that morning, Buffy was famished, but she didn’t think she would be able to eat anything now, being too nervous about the inevitable conversation they were about to have. Reluctantly shaking her head, she forced a smile. “Maybe later.”
“All right.” Joyce hesitated. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” Buffy bit her lip. “Mom, we need to talk. There are some things you should know.”
“I assume these things has something to do with Spike?” Buffy nodded. Joyce watched her daughter, expectantly, waiting for her to continue. “Well?”
Taking a deep breath, Buffy slowly made her way over to the table and sat down next to her mother. “Okay, before I start, you have to promise not to tell anyone. I mean it.”
“What’s this about, Buffy?” Joyce demanded. Seeing the stubborn look on Buffy’s face, she sighed. “I promise. I’m not going to like this, am I?”
“Doubt it.” Buffy looked down at her hands, suddenly unable to meet her mom’s eyes. “All right, look, I know you’re upset about what happened here tonight. With Faith?” Her mother just nodded. “Well, the thing is...” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Might as well start at the beginning. This’ll probably take a while...”
Choosing to give her mother the short version of Spike’s story, Buffy deliberately left out some of the most gruesome details, knowing that Spike – despite his acceptance of her telling Joyce – for natural reasons wouldn’t want her to know everything. Once she was finished, she looked up at her mom, waiting for her reaction.
Joyce had remained quiet the whole time while Buffy was talking. Now she stared at her daughter, an expression of absolute horror on her face. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, and Buffy realized that she was close to tears. “Why would someone...? How can anyone be so cruel?”
Having asked herself the same question many times, Buffy swallowed, shaking her head. “I don’t know.” She cast a glance at her mother’s pale face, for a moment fearing that she would be sick. “Mom? Are you okay?”
“Am I...?” Closing her eyes for a moment, Joyce seemed to snap out of the shock. “I’m sorry, I just...” She shook her head, as if to clear her thoughts. “Oh, God. I can’t even... This is horrible, Buffy. I...” She let out a breath. “I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s okay. I don’t blame you.” Buffy slumped back on the chair. “It’s just important that you understand that Spike didn’t mean to hurt Faith. He just... reacted, you know?” She tried to blink away the tears threatening to fall.
Joyce nodded in understanding, looking like she was about to start crying as well. “It was wrong of me to tell him to leave, I realize that now. I didn’t know.”
“You couldn’t,” Buffy replied softly, realizing that she was trying to make her mother feel better. “Look, he said I could tell you. But he doesn’t want you to feel sorry for him. He just...” She hesitated, searching for the right words. “Spike’s not a bad person, Mom. He’s just been through a lot.”
“I can see that, sweetie.” Joyce had a thoughtful expression on her face. “Buffy, I’m sure you understand that this is going to take some time for me to take in.” She paused. “Do you want me to talk to him? Apologize?”
“I don’t know.” Buffy sighed. “I don’t want him to feel more uncomfortable than he already does.”
Looking slightly annoyed, Joyce crossed her arms over her chest. “Buffy, I can be discreet about this. I don’t intend to put Spike – or myself, for that matter – in an awkward position. But if he’s going to keep working with me, we’ll have to talk to one another eventually.”
Knowing that she had a point, Buffy nodded. In fact, she was beyond relieved that her mother had brought up that particular subject, knowing that Spike had to be worried about already losing his new job at the gallery. Thankfully, that didn’t seem to be a problem. It looked like she had made the right decision after all; telling her mother about Spike’s past. One less thing to worry about.
“I should have listened to you. If I had just respected your wishes, none of this would’ve happened.” Joyce suddenly looked ashamed.
Buffy gave her a startled look. “What do you mean?”
Her mom sighed. “I knew how you felt, but I wanted you to have a decent birthday for once. It didn’t turn out that way. I’m sorry.”
Waving her hand in dismissal, Buffy managed a small smile. “Nah, don’t worry about it. Decent birthdays are highly overrated.” She grimaced. “Or, so I’ve heard.”
“That may be so.” Joyce got a serious look on her face. “But I promise; next year, we’ll do it your way.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Buffy gave her a grateful smile. Then she suddenly remembered something, and her smile faded. “Hey, what about Dad?” Deep down, she already knew the answer, but had to ask, anyway. “He left again, didn’t he?”
Joyce’s shoulders slumped and she looked away for a moment. Then she nodded. “Yes, he did.” A pause. “Buffy, there’s something I have to tell you. The timing is really bad, I realize that, but there’s no point in dragging it out; it won’t be any less painful if I wait until morning.”
Having a sinking feeling she knew where her mom was going with this, Buffy nodded, grimly. “Go on.”
“There’s no easy way to tell you this, I suppose.” Joyce let out a sigh. “Sweetie, your father is going to move out.” Buffy remained silent, waiting for her to continue. “First of all, I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. Your dad loves you, deeply.” She ignored her daughter’s snort and went on; “I know I sound bitter sometimes, but the truth is, these things happen. People grow apart.”
Letting out a bitter laugh, Buffy shook her head in disbelief. “You’re the one who used to scold me for defending him. Dad doesn’t care about us, and you know it.” She rolled her eyes, a sarcastic note in her voice as she went on; “He’s probably out there celebrating as we speak. Finally, he’s free.”
“Buffy...” Joyce hesitated. “I know it may seem that way to you. And maybe you’re right. I used to tell him he was a bad father; that he didn’t try hard enough. Maybe he got fed up with me, I don’t know. I’m sorry it had to come to this, because your father and I truly loved each other once. But lately, I’ve come to realize there’s just not enough love left between us. Believe me, honey, this is for the best.”
“Right.” Buffy swallowed. “You know, Mom, I’ve had my share of sucky birthdays, so nothing should really surprise me anymore. Have to tell you, though, I didn’t see this coming. Good for you.” She realized she was being unfair, but she just couldn’t help herself. It all just seemed like a bad joke, and she suddenly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe she could do both. She really wished she had just stayed at Spike’s place.
Joyce looked at her for a moment, then got up. “I don’t expect you to be okay with this right away. I mean it, Buffy, I’m sorry. But it doesn’t change anything. I don’t mean to sound insensitive – I do wish things could be different, that we could all live happily ever after, but it doesn’t always work out that way. You know that.”
“Yeah.” Buffy got up as well. “Look, Mom, I’m really tired. I think I’ll just go to bed.” Of course, she was pretty certain that even if she tried, she wouldn’t be able to fall sleep for a while, but it didn’t matter. Suddenly, she just wanted to be alone. And more importantly, she desperately wished for this day to be over. Things just had to be better tomorrow. It couldn’t possibly get any worse.
“All right, but...” Joyce suddenly looked uncertain. “Are you sure you don’t want any cake? The whipped cream will get mushy over the night, I know you don’t like that.”
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry. She knew her mother didn’t mean to make her feel guilty, but she suddenly couldn’t help but feel like the most ungrateful daughter, ever. This wasn’t any easier for her mom, than it was for her. Her marriage was over, after more than twenty years. At least she still had Spike.
“You’re right.” Deciding to push her own misery to the back of her mind for now, she managed to give her mother a weak smile. “Actually, cake sounds great. I’m starving.”
TBC