Spike slid an arm around her waist and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. “Yeah, m’fine, pet.” It was obvious to him that she was waiting for him to elaborate, but he hoped she wouldn’t mind if he waited until they got back to his place. He really didn’t feel like having that particular discussion right here and now. Hopefully, Buffy would understand. And judging by the way she took his hand without a word, squeezing it softly, he had been correct about that.
Giles, who had followed Spike outside when the session was over, gave Buffy a warm smile. “I will see both of you again on Thursday, yes?” Buffy cast a brief glance at Spike before nodding. “Excellent.” The therapist paused. “I was wondering if I may have a word with you before you leave?” His words were directed at Buffy.
Frowning slightly, Buffy gave Spike a questioning look. He just shrugged. “I’ll just wait outside, then.” Itching for a smoke, he patted his pockets, eagerly.
Not missing the relieved look on her boyfriend’s face when he found what he was looking for, Buffy had to roll her eyes. But as soon as Spike was gone, she turned to Giles, a worried note in her voice. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s nothing wrong, Buffy. Just relax.” Giles clearly made an effort of sounding assuring, and she let out the breath she had been holding. “As a matter of fact, I believe things are going rather well. Although Spike still has a long way to go, he’s most likely heading in the right direction. The fact that he initiated this session today is a very important step in his recovery. You should be proud of him.”
“I am.” Buffy smiled in relief.
“Actually, I wanted to talk about you,” Giles went on, hesitating for a moment. “I would like to set up an appointment for you to come and see me by yourself, just like Spike did today. Would that be all right with you?”
“Um, I guess so. Sure.” Buffy shrugged. “If you think that’s necessary.”
“I do, indeed.” Giles nodded firmly before opening the small calendar he was carrying in the pocket of his tweed jacket. “Let’s see... Can you be here at Wednesday, two-thirty?”
Thinking for a moment, Buffy then nodded. “I’m off work at two, so that shouldn’t be any problem.”
“Very good.” Quickly scribbling something down in his book, Giles nodded in confirmation. “Two-thirty, then.”
Buffy nodded again. “Got it. See you then.” As she hurried out of the building in search for Spike, she couldn’t help but wonder what to expect from this. Sure, Giles had already mentioned separate therapy sessions the last time, but truth to be told, she hadn’t given it much thought since. It was probably a good thing for Spike, she pondered, but what was she supposed to talk to Giles about for a whole hour?
Then again, she probably didn’t have to worry about it too much. She already felt comfortable around Giles, and if he would have any suggestions for her how to further help Spike deal with his situation, then she was all for it. Besides, today was only Sunday, which meant that she had two whole days to get used to the idea.
It suddenly hit her that she and Spike hadn’t made any plans for the rest of the day, except for going back to his apartment and talk. And neither of them had to be at work until the next day. A happy smile spread on her face. Things were definitely looking up.
“You hungry?” Opening the the refrigerator, Spike frowned at the sight of the almost empty shelves inside. “Never mind. Looks like I’m gonna have to do some grocery shopping.” A pause. “Could always go out for lunch if you want?” He gave her a questioning look.
“Maybe later.” Buffy picked up a clean glass from the dish stand and poured herself some water from the kitchen sink, hesitating for a moment before she went on; “Well? You wanna tell me how things went with Giles?”
Shrugging, Spike walked over to the small kitchen table and sat down. “Wants me to write about what happened. Seems to think it’d be easier to deal with if I’d put it down on paper.” He grimaced.
“Really?” Buffy sat down as well, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Maybe he’s right.”
“I don’t know.” Spike rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t even know where to start.” The truth was, although he had told Giles he would think about it, he had mentally rejected the idea immediately. The thought of trying to express his worst fears and nightmares through writing made him feel uncomfortable, to say the very least. Talking about it was one thing, but writing it all down would somehow make it feel so much more real. Then again, he reluctantly admitted to himself, it might be just what he needed.
After all, it was real, as Giles so firmly had pointed out. But he already had a hard time to put words on his feelings and emotions. This would be even more difficult. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure he could do it. But just in case Giles was right; that it might help him put it all behind him, maybe it was worth a shot. He glanced at Buffy, an uncertain look on his face. “What do you think?”
Buffy bit her lip, choosing her words carefully. “It’s really not up to me to decide whether or not you should do it.” He opened his mouth, but she went on; “But if you want my opinion, I’d say go for it. It’s not like you’ve got anything to lose if you’ll give it a try.”
“Right.” Spike didn’t appear to be totally convinced. “We’ll see.”
“Besides,” Buffy continued, “no one else has to read it, right? Just you. So you don’t have to worry about what others might think. Just think of it as a therapy session, without anyone asking any questions. It would be completely up to you what to write about.”
“Hm.” Spike tilted his head to the side, clearly taking her words under consideration. “Suppose you’re right.” He was quiet for a moment. “You’re saying you wouldn’t wanna read it?”
She gave him a surprised look. “Would you want me to?”
“Dunno.” He shrugged. “Not like you don’t know most of it already. I just...” He hesitated, not knowing how to explain. It wasn’t like he felt that he still had to hide anything from Buffy, but for some reason, he wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea of her reading his most inner thoughts and feelings, should he ever manage to sort it all out and write it down.
Buffy seemed to be able to read his mind. “I’m not gonna ask, if that’s what you’re worrying about. If you ever decide that you’d feel comfortable letting me read it, I’d be honored. But I would never push you about it. You know that, right?” She looked a little uncertain.
“Course I do.” Spike gave her an assuring smile, but she thought that he sounded a little relieved.
Suddenly she remembered something. “Oh, before I forget! My mom called. She asked me to remind you to be at the gallery at eight-thirty tomorrow morning.”
His smile faltered. “Sure she won’t fire me?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Buffy put her hand on top of his. “I told you; she understands. She’s not blaming you for what happened.”
“Rather she did, actually.” Spike slumped back on the chair. “I mean it, Buffy. If she’s keeping me out of pity...”
“It’s not like that.” She interrupted him. “Mom hired you before she knew about any of this, remember? She likes you. And she wants you to keep working for her because she knows you’ll be doing a good job. That’s all.”
Spike didn’t know whether Buffy actually meant it, or if she was just trying to make him feel better. But he decided that it didn’t matter. He had a feeling that it wouldn’t take too long for him to find out how Joyce really felt about him now. Besides, he really needed the job, and should it turn out that Joyce was keeping him around because she felt sorry for him, maybe he would just have to swallow his pride and accept it. Even though the mere thought made him cringe.
“So...” He decided to let the subject drop. “What do you wanna do tonight?”
Buffy’s eyes narrowed for a moment, and he started to think that she wasn’t going to let it go that easily. Then she let out a sigh of acceptance. “I don’t know. Any suggestions?”
“Maybe.” Spike tugged gently on her hand, still covering his, happy when she let him pull her up from the chair and down on his lap without objections. Wrapping his arms around her, he started tracing soft kisses down her collar bone.
“Mm.” She closed her eyes for a moment, then pulled back a little. “Spike? Are you sure...?”
“Don’t.” He forced back a sigh. “Buffy, I love you. And I’m not gonna break, so don’t treat me like I’m made of bloody glass. If you don’t want me to...”
She silenced him with a long, deep kiss and he relaxed again. Then he felt her smile against his cheek. “Bloody glass? Sounds kinda messy.”
He chuckled a little and tightened his grip around her, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. “Wanna move into the bedroom?”
“Just say the word, and I’ll move in permanently.” Buffy’s eyes widened when she realized what she had just said. She felt how Spike froze for a moment, and nearly panicked when he gently but firmly pushed her off his lap. But then he took her hand without a word and led her towards the bedroom, and she let out the breath she had been holding, knowing they were going to have a discussion about her not so innocent comment later. That was okay. After all, they had all night.
TBC